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I’ve spent a total of 3 weeks trying to gain access to the Grenville family history, with absolutely no success. I’ve guessed that he’d be a step or two ahead of me, but to close the section entirely and to have it patrolled? Either he’s paranoid or my hunch was right, there must be something damning hidden in those archives.
After week two, instead of simply trying to walk in, I make myself at home at one of the desks near it to watch and see if the guard takes any breaks. To my disappointment, he takes none. No matter how long I stay there, he never leaves his post. On the plus side, this also gives me nothing else to do in there but study.
I am way ahead of where I should be thanks to my ability to retain information quickly, which has me bouncing down to the lecture hall to hand the politics professor my essay. But when I walk in, my stomach drops as I look at the familiar face standing in his place. Zach Grenville.
He’s dressed to the nines and flirting with some blonde bimbo that I recognise as the girl from Oxford that Bella and Cora had seen off at the rugby game. Why the fuck are they both here?
“What are you doing here?” I ask and they both turn to me.
Zach’s expression is cold, like I’ve never met him before, like I didn’t see him murder someone for insulting me.
“Ah yes, my brother's girlfriend. I wondered if I’d get you in my class. I’m told you’re extraordinarily intelligent, despite your background. Do you have your essay for me to look at?”
I’m dumbfounded, why is he acting like this? I hand him my essay and try to remain professional despite my nervous system telling me to punch his smug face.
“Thank you, lectures aren’t happening today so you can see yourself out.”
He doesn’t take his eyes off Grenville's ex and my blood boils even more. How dare he dismiss me like this, for her too nonetheless. Wait, why do I care? I’ve known the bloke for all of about 5 minutes. Fine, if that’s how he wants to play it, I’ll pretend he doesn’t exist right back.
I turn on my heels and leave them to their pretty whispers and smiles. Once the door closes behind me, I stand in the empty corridor for a moment, wondering why nobody else came to the lecture. I hadn’t received an email or anything, I wonder if anyone else did. Zach probably didn’t send it to me on purpose. I start texting the group chat to see if the girls know why that bimbo has been transferred here, my feet moving towards the library before I know what I was doing. I guess that’s where I’m going, to stare at the Grenville section for four fucking hours.
When I get to the library, I dump my stuff on the table I’ve come to call mine, then go through my normal routine of getting myself set up with my work. I lay out my two notebooks, one for thoughts, one for facts and I space them on either side of me. Then I lay out my highlighters in the form of a perfectly pastel rainbow. Some may say this is sad, but I call it a happy workspace. Setting my laptop down in between the notebooks, I open it up and finally glance up to see the security guard's chair empty. What are the chances? My heart leaps and I get up slowly from the table.
My footsteps are lighter than a feather but my breathing sounds like a rabid animal. I focus on it as I edge forward towards the place that hopefully holds all of the answers. I pop my head around and down the aisle to confirm it’s empty. I don’t know how long I have so I step over the chain without hesitation and start to scour the titles of the books. My mind laps up the titles, processing the dates, reeling at what I might find here.
How far back could these secrets be? I remember his dad saying something about “this is the price of being a Grenville,” but I’m certain that was to do with the marriage he was so opposed to. Deciding that I probably have about two more minutes at the most, I grab the oldest and newest book I can see. Now I know the time the guard is away, I can always come back. Will he notice two books missing? Shit, probably. I mean he has nothing better to do than stare at them all day. Climbing back over the chain, I tiptoe to my seat, shoving the heavy books in my bag. I quickly walk down the aisles looking for books similar in length and colour. I grab a thick old looking brown book which is about the Cold War and an even older one about Henry the eighth's secret love child. Hurrying back to the forbidden aisle, relieved to see the guard still gone, I place the decoy books in the gaps on the shelves and step back and admire my handy work. I’ll have to stay up all night to get them back in time tomorrow but that’s not an issue.
I smugly walk back to my desk and sit down, looking around to make sure I’m the only person in this section. Pulling up a webpage with some bullshit about “Power vs Corruption,” I try my hardest to study it like my life depends on it. I am usually here for 3-4 hours, it has become my new routine and the woman at the front desk might notice if I left now.
I stare at the screen, willing to put Grenville and the books to the back of my mind until later, but the curiosity is burning me from the inside out. I start making notes on the topic anyway, “Power VS Corruption by Louisa Garrick,” but my hand stills as I hear footsteps approaching. I turn around expecting to see the security guard but nobody is there. I definitely heard someone. I furrow my brows and say a stupid, “Hello?” which comes out pathetically faint.
I turn back to the laptop, trying to concentrate, but a prickling on the back of my neck makes me grow uneasy. I glance over my shoulder again and see nothing. I stand up and start gathering my stuff into a neat pile when a familiar voice makes me jump out of my skin, “Going somewhere, Garrick?” he asks. I jolt forward from the shock, my legs knocking against the table.
“Jesus Christ, Grenville. What’s wrong with you?” I say, putting a hand over my heart as if that will still it. I survey his all black suit and freshly cut hair, he looks like he did the first day here.
“The librarian tells me you’re here every day for hours, I want to know why.” His tone is sharp and his eyes are like steel, and from that alone I know that my hunch is right. Something is buried here, something he doesn’t want me to know.
“It’s quiet here, away from the other students and it lets me focus better.” I swallow and I know it’s given away my lie by how his eyes dart down to my throat and watch it bob.
“More lies,” he hisses.
“Now tell me why you’re here next to the section of my family's history.”
He closes the space between us within a few strides, his silver eyes staring into mine searching for the truth. I know if I tell a lie he’ll have my head for it, I don’t know how but he always seems to know when I’m lying.
“I... wanted to see you again,” I splutter, looking down at my feet.
“I thought you might come back here one day and I was hoping if I studied here I’d bump into you.”
My cheeks heat and I chew my lip. It is the truth, partially anyway. I haven’t seen him since leaving him outside of the university the day we got back. He’s been in no lectures, I’ve not seen him at any dinners; that love sick teenager inside of me still holds onto the fact that perhaps one day he’ll care for me.
He grabs my chin roughly and lifts my head up to meet his eyes. His expression is softer, now that I’ve betrayed my biggest vulnerability- he now knows that I care.
“You know what this is, it can never be anything more. No matter how much you, or I want it to be.”
My brows furrow, what did he just say?
“What is it about you that gets under my skin so much? No matter how hard I try to keep you at a distance, I can’t seem to stay away from you.”
My heart explodes, filling me with something warm and comforting, something I haven’t felt in a very long time.
“Then don’t.” I say, taking a bold step towards him and placing a hand on his chest.
“Why can’t we just be two people, who aren’t in different social standings. Why can it not be that simple? I’m not asking for a marriage. I’m not asking for money. I just want you.” He smiles as his hand threads through my hair.
“Because that is the curse of it, don’t you see? I can never give you what you want. With me things will never be simple.”
I stare into the tormented eyes of Benjamin Grenville, and I wonder what it would be like; to be with him fully, to give him control of everything and let myself fall into his world of silk and silver.
“You’re afraid,” I say matter-of-factly, “you’re afraid of what will happen if you blur those lines between us.” I watch as the softness in his face disappears, replaced by the sneering marble exterior that haunts the halls of this place.
“You coward,” I spit at him and try to back away but his grip on my hair tightens and he pulls my face towards his. I gasp at the force of it, at the sudden closeness of his breath.
“The only thing I’m afraid of is losing you,” he snarls.
“Then prove it,” I say, my lips grazing his. His eyes flicker to my lips and I watch them darken.
“You are an infuriating woman,” he whispers and then his lips are on mine, hot and brutal as his tongue slips into my mouth.
My hands wrap themselves around the back of his head as I kiss him back, matching his tongue stroke for stroke. There is nothing soft and sensual about this, this is brutal and unyielding. A claiming.
There’s no going back now. His lips leave mine bruised and swollen as he starts making his way down my neck. His hands release my head and travel down my body to my waist, leaving a scorching trail of heat in its wake. He takes off my knitted jumper, revealing my emerald green lacy bra before he pushes me backwards until my thighs hit the desk. The next thing I know I’m being hauled on top of it.
My perfectly arranged stationary scatters as I wrap my legs around his waist locking him in place as I kiss him hungrily, the taste of him intoxicating- laced with a sweet poison I’d happily die from. I feel how hard he is as he presses up against me, and I can’t get enough. I love that I get this reaction from him. I need more and I need it now. The months of hatred, of frustration and secrets have built up inside of me so much that it feels like I’m about to explode.
He explores every inch of my torso as he unclips my bra with expertise, and rips it away. I gasp for air as he engulfs my breast into his mouth, biting and licking, the pain and pleasure building a euphoric feeling in my stomach.
He wraps his hand around my throat and pushes me down hard onto the desk, as he pulls down my leggings and sends them to the floor. The cold bites at my heavy breasts and I watch his eyes devour me,
“Perfection,” he says as he releases my neck and I realise I'd been holding my breath.
His finger hooks onto my knickers and he slides them down, leaving me painfully exposed in front of him. His eyes travel further down and I blush from his gaze, knowing he can see just what he does to me, how much hold he has on me. He undoes his jeans and sets himself free and I marvel at the sheer size of him. He looks into my eyes as if asking for my permission and I manage a nod.
His fingers slide down me and my back arches off the desk with the touch.
“Dripping for me Garrick?” he questions in that delicious way he does.
I moan as his thumb pushes down on my clit and he pushes two fingers inside of me, pumping in and out painfully slow. I grind on his hand as he circles me hard with his thumb.
“Eyes on me,” he says and I do as I’m told, I stare into those painfully beautiful eyes of his.
I moan and gasp as my pleasure edges forward, driving me to the brink of insanity, no longer caring who or what I am, or that I’m giving myself to my tormentor.
His fingers still and he pulls them out of me, I let out a whimper as he brings them to his mouth and licks them clean. Then, without warning, he plunges into me in one very hard and brutal thrust causing me to almost buck off the desk from the force of it, my shocked gasp dangling in the air of the silent library.
I moan loudly as he slides in and out slowly, waiting for me to adjust to him, his eyes never leaving mine. His hands grip my thighs tightly as his thrusts become faster and harder. I arch my back and angle my hips in response, pulling him closer with my legs, holding onto him tightly with every fibre of my being.
He hits that sweet spot with every thrust and after a few moments I’m already seeing stars, my moans loud and breathy as I watch him fuck me into oblivion. I clench around him and his moan is a sound that I will do anything to hear again. My world explodes and the relief is overwhelming, he fucks me harder and my leg begin to shake. Bracing a hand on the desk, he spills himself inside of me, collapsing on top of me drenched in sweat.
We lie there for a moment, our breaths ragged and the only sound echoing through the vast room. I run my hands through his hair which he seems to like judging by the small shiver his body makes and I know then that I am his in every way.
Our bubble is soon burst by an old croaky voice that I recognise as the lady from the front desk.
“Mr. Grenville, I’m sorry to disturb you but your father is waiting for you.”
But the horror isn’t over yet.
“At last we meet, Miss Garrick. I’ve heard so much about you.”