JENNY DIDN’T WAIT FOR JP to answer the door; she busted in while one of her trembling hands was still knocking.
The boy was sitting on the couch, just sitting, waiting for her. He jumped to his feet in sync with the front door. His eyes widened at the sight of her, cuts on her face, her hair chopped beyond recognition. “Jenny?”
She took four steps toward him, tears in her eyes, and let him wrap his arms around her.
“Did he do this? Is he here?” JP looked around as if Gil were somehow in the room.
“No, my mom,” she said, swaying, eyes darting around.
JP moved his hands to her face to focus her. He held her cheeks in his palms while he wiped her tears away with his thumbs. “Does it hurt?” he asked, brushing his right thumb just below the most obvious of the cuts.
“Not really. Look at my hair,” she pouted, allowing herself some teenage vanity in the moment. “What am I going to do? Gil is going to hate this.”
JP released her face. “Jenny, you’re beautiful, so beautiful.”
She didn’t believe him. How could she? “I have to go to the bathroom.”
JP backed away.
She sniffled in an attempt to compose herself, then brushed past him. She closed the bathroom door and set her backpack down on top of the toilet. There wasn’t much room to maneuver inside. The bathroom was gross—mold, tiny hairs, brown buildup under everything balancing on the sink.
Atop the small radiator was a folded cotton nightgown. JP had lifted it from a clothing donation box in town. It was white with pink cuffs and a pattern of pink bows. It was for a much younger girl, but Jenny was skinny and would have no problem getting into it. It would have gone well with her pigtails.
She turned from the radiator and caught herself in the mirror. She looked like a public service ad for something horrible. She unrolled a handful of toilet paper squares and ripped them from the roll. She ran the water and didn’t wait for it to warm up before dipping the thin paper underneath. Once wet, it compacted to the size of a cotton ball, and she brought it to her face, dabbing the cuts. The blood was dry, and after attempting to be gentle, she gritted her teeth and scrubbed at the red crust. Eventually, only the actual cuts remained. They weren’t particularly deep or menacing, but a glaring and obvious disruption to her otherwise smooth skin.
Jenny pressed her palms against her hairline in an attempt to flatten the chunks of various lengths that stood at attention. When she removed her hands, the hairs bounced right back. She slid her hands under the water and used it to slick back and finally tame the hair. She unzipped the front pocket of her backpack and pulled out a handful of barrettes. She had such little hair left, but it took seven barrettes to leave her confident that it would stay put once dry.
Jenny grabbed the nightgown from the radiator, held it by the shoulders, and let it unfold to the ground. She had worn so many things like this as a child. The perversion of what she was doing finally set in. In that moment, she wasn’t thinking about the courageous plan she had unfurled to seize control of her life; she was thinking about putting on that nightgown to turn on an older man who was sexually attracted to children. She swallowed hard, then laid the nightgown over her backpack and lifted her sweatshirt above her head.
The nightgown was comfortable, a thought she couldn’t believe she was having. Her purple-striped cotton underwear was slightly visible if she pulled the gown tight across her backside, and she debated changing, but it seemed futile. She had only a few other pairs with her, and they all had patterns too.
She slipped her hand into the front pocket of her backpack for the final touch, crawling her fingers around the passport until she felt the thin gold chain in the crevice of the pocket. Jenny reached around her neck and hooked the small clasp. The heart charm rested just above her nightgown, on prominent display now that there were no long pigtails to crowd the frame.
She stuffed her clothes into her backpack. It was completely full now. These were the worldly possessions she was taking with her to Mexico. Nothing else would fit.
JP WAS STILL STANDING when she came out of the bathroom. He seemed nervous, but it made her feel more comfortable. He should be nervous. What they were doing was scary.
He turned to look at her. His expression was searching for a way to make her feel better. “You look … young,” he said, neither one of them knowing if that was a compliment.
Jenny set her backpack down on the chair and used her free hands to fan out the nightgown in front of her. “Kind of creepy, isn’t it?”
JP smiled. “I like what you did with your hair. I don’t know what the pervert will say, but I think it’s hot,” he joked, and Jenny relaxed a bit. In the grand scheme of things, she cared much more about what JP thought.
“How long do we have?”
JP looked down at his watch. “About a half hour if he’s on time … if he even shows.”
Jenny moved to the couch and took a seat. He stayed stationary, unsure how to act around her now that she was in uniform.
“Sit with me.” She didn’t bother to ask. She had all the power now. She was making the sacrifice. She was going into the line of fire. For the next half hour, he would have to do whatever she said.
He tried to leave space as he sat, but the weak cushions had too much give and he came to a rest directly next to her, their thighs pressing against each other.
“Do you have the gun?” he asked.
“Oh my God,” she said, and cringed. “I forgot, I’m so sorry, but my mom—”
“It’s OK,” he said. “I’m better with my knives anyway.”
Jenny lifted his arm and put it around her shoulders. She leaned against his chest and he didn’t fight her. “Tell me more about Mexico,” she said, wanting to put her thoughts anywhere else.
“It’s really warm there. We can swim all year if we want. The water is blue; it’s not polluted or anything.”
Jenny reached her head up and kissed him on the cheek. She pulled her lips back, but left her head close. He turned to face her, and she kissed him on the lips, a closed-mouth kiss that lasted enough time to be more than a peck. She pulled her face back again. He stayed. He stared into her eyes. He said nothing. He did nothing. She was the boss.
Jenny placed her hand on the back of his neck and bent her finger just enough to create pressure and move his head toward hers. They kissed again, intensely this time. The back-and-forth was enough to sit Jenny up and off of his chest. Their bodies seesawed back and forth before she finally pulled him on top of her.
JP pushed his chest up off of her and their lips separated. “Jenny …”
“Please, I want to.” She guided his hand down her thigh to the bottom of the nightgown, wrapping his fingers around the pink ruffled edge.