Tig realized her hair was a mess, so she ran a flat iron along the front and changed out of her sweats and XL T-shirt from youth group and into a decent tee and jeans. It occurred to her, as she was getting dressed, that she was fixing up to meet her friend’s boyfriend. The thought unsettled her, so she pushed it out of her mind and chalked up her interest in her appearance to mere common courtesy.
When she heard Will’s brother’s car pull into the gravel driveway, she took one last quick look in the mirror, smoothed her hair with her hand, and went outside.
“Hey,” she said as Will’s brother drove away.
“Hey,” Will said. “You look pretty.”
Tig made a face. “Oh, I just rolled out of bed a little while ago.”
“You want to sit?” Will asked, gesturing to the studio steps.
“Sure.”
They walked to the steps together and sat down. Tig thought she saw the blinds in the living room move. She wondered if her dad really was spying on them or if it was just a curious, giggly younger sib.
“So, what’s up?” Tig asked. “What’s this all about?”
“I think I’m going to have to break up with Olivia,” Will said.
“Will! You can’t!” Tig said. “She’ll be heartbroken!”
“I’ve thought of that,” Will said. “I feel like a real jerk about it. I like Olivia. Really, I do. She’s a sweet girl, and she’s been really nice to me. But I don’t like her like her. I’ve tried, Tig. I just don’t. I can’t.”
“Why can’t you?”
“You know why,” Will said. “Do you want me to say it?”
“No,” Tig said. “Don’t say it. Because if you say it, then I’ll know. And if I know, and I don’t tell Olivia, then I’m hiding something from her. And that’s not what friends do.”
“What do friends do, Tig?” Will asked. “Do they push aside their own feelings so their friends don’t get hurt?”
“I don’t know,” Tig said. “Maybe.”
“You ought to know.”
“What’s that supposed to mean?”
“It means that this whole thing is your fault in the first place.”
“My fault?!” Tig said.
“Yes, your fault,” said Will. “I was trying to tell you last year . . . the thing you don’t want me to tell you . . . and you stopped me and told me I should like Olivia. So I tried. And now I’m in this mess.”
Tig didn’t know which of her feelings to listen to first. It made her angry that Will was blaming her for his problems; then it made her feel bad because she knew he had a point. Plus, on the one hand, she felt both excited and relieved that Will still liked her, but on the other, she felt disloyal to Olivia. “Olivia is a great girl,” Tig said. “A lot of guys would like to be in your ‘mess,’ as you call it.”
“You know what I mean,” Will said. “Olivia is great. She’s perfect for some other guy. Any other guy who’s not already crazy about you!” He blurted it out so fast that his mouth fell open afterward, as though he might try to push the words back inside.
Tig silently sat there, stunned. Not only had Will said the words she’d told him not to say, he’d even used the phrase crazy about. She couldn’t help but think of all the times Olivia had used that exact phrase herself when talking about Will, wishing he were crazy about her. Tig thought of how betrayed Olivia would feel if she had heard Will say those words to her.
“I wasn’t supposed to say it out loud,” Will said. “I’m sorry.”
Tig buried her face in her hands. “This is terrible.”
“Which part?”
“All of it!”
“Even the part about how much I like you? How I can’t stop thinking about you, no matter how hard I try?”
Tig looked up at Will. Their eyes locked. She couldn’t speak.
“Tell me you don’t feel that way about me, and I’ll never bring it up again,” Will said.
Tig put her head back in her hands. “I can’t.”
“I knew it,” Will said. “I knew it.”
Tig looked back up at him. “But what good does any of it do? I can’t be your girlfriend. It would kill Olivia. And now we have this big thing out there between us, and we have to keep it a secret, which means we’re lying.”
“Keeping something to yourself isn’t necessarily lying,” Will said. “You don’t say every single thought you have out loud, do you?”
“No, that’s Robbie.”
Will smiled. “The point is, some things are private. They’re no one else’s business.”
“Let’s say you’re right,” Tig said. “What good does it do us if we like each other and we can’t let anyone know?”
“I don’t know,” Will said. “I guess I could feel happy inside just knowing you felt the same way.”
Will tried to take Tig’s hand, but she pulled it away. “I can’t,” Tig said. “I can’t be the reason you break up with Olivia.”
“I’m breaking up with Olivia regardless,” said Will. “It’s not fair to her to drag this out any longer.”
Tig nodded. “I guess you’re right. You’ll be nice about it, though? Let her down easy?”
“You’re saying I should ditch my original plan of screaming at her and calling her names?”
Tig smiled. Of course Will would be nice about it. He was nice about everything.
“Just, whatever you do, don’t tell her you like someone else,” Tig said. “She couldn’t handle it.”
“Of course I wouldn’t do that,” said Will. “I like Olivia as a person. I wouldn’t hurt her on purpose. Maybe after some time has passed, we can all be friends again, and maybe she won’t even mind if you and I like each other.”
“Sure,” Tig said. “And as long as you’re having this wonderful dream, can I also be the best drummer in the history of rock? And Led Zeppelin re-forms and asks me to take John Bonham’s place?”