THE HOBBIT TEST

Are you a Hobbit? Or are you still on your way to Hobbiton? Perhaps, dear reader, you are actually just an Orc. Let the Hobbit Test begin. Mark an X in the box next to each statement that suits you and then tally up your points.

20 points each

You’re still hungry after second breakfast.

You’ve called somebody an “Orc” in anger.

You have more hair on your feet than your head.

You feel that Dwarves are looked down upon.

You’ve referred to a very boring person as being “Ent-like.”

40 points each

You think Neiman Marcus might carry mithril.

You think drinking beer is a decent way to hydrate.

You believe velvet waistcoats will make a comeback.

You wonder if Halflings might really live in New Zealand.

You don’t like seeing Elijah Wood with facial hair.

60 points each

You think iPhone’s face-time should be called “palantir-time.”

You like plump Peter Jackson better than skinny Peter Jackson.

You’ve named one of your cars after a Tolkien character.

You know how many farthings there are in the Shire.

You’ve walked barefoot in the snow for fun.

80 points each

You’ve smoked a pipe and pretended you were a Hobbit.

You admire Gandalf, but when Legolas draws an arrow, you quiver.

You have hidden rare cheeses from your roommates in your fridge.

You would like a bumper sticker that says, I BRAKE FOR OLIPHAUNTS.

You’ve named one of your pets after a Tolkien character.

100 points each

You’ve fought somebody over a mushroom appetizer.

You are obsessed with Orlando Bloom GIF sets on Tumblr.

You know what J.R.R. stands for.

You sometimes look at your gold wedding ring and whisper, “The precious.”

You’ve suggested Elladan and Elrohir as names for twins.

200 points each

You think in Sindarin, but you dream in Quenya.

You would consider a tattoo of Viggo as Strider on your posterior.

You think you have the answer to the enigma that is Tom Bombadil.

You own a Shadowfax CD.

You’ve named one of your children after a Tolkien character.

You think you could beat Stephen Colbert in a Tolkien trivia contest.

Total _________

Scores

300 points or above: Super Hobbit

200 points or above: A hard Hobbit to break

100 points or above: A genuine Hobbit

  70 points or above: Definitely Hobbittish

  50 points or above: On your way to Hobbiton

    0 points: You are an Orc