I used to think I could handle anything, anytime, anywhere. Then I grew up.
CHRISTOPHER HART
In the field, Chris liked to think he was pretty adept at anticipating almost any altercation. He had quick reflexes and a keen sense of timing.
The only time he’d been at a disadvantage was when he was outnumbered. And even then, when he’d been held down and beaten, his mind had carefully been planning his next steps.
But right at this moment? He might as well have been a rookie kid on his first job. Or a high school freshman on his first date. Or . . . he didn’t even know.
He was at a complete loss.
Nothing in his experience had prepared him for this moment. Before Beth had called them, he hadn’t thought he’d talk to his family ever again.
Even after the phone call, he certainly hadn’t thought he’d be able to see them anytime soon. Yet here they were.
Kevin, his eldest brother, came over and shook Beth’s hand. “You’re going to have to tell us all about Chris,” he said gently. “The guy we used to know would never be caught dead at a place like this.”
As her eyes widened and she looked at him doubtfully, Chris attempted to laugh it off. “You don’t even know what kind of place this is, Kev.”
“It’s too nice for you.”
His father approached. “Beth, we’re indebted to you. Now tell us about the inn.”
“Hold on. What should we do about everything in the car?” Mike asked.
“What did you bring?”
“Food, gifts . . .”
“Food?” Beth asked with wide eyes. “I don’t understand.”
“It’s Christmas, dear. We want to have a Christmas dinner, just like we used to have. Since Chris wasn’t going to come to us, we decided to come to him.”
“It’s all in the car,” his father said. “Actually, the car is filled up. Come on, boys, let’s go unpack it.”
After taking two steps toward door, Kevin looked over his shoulder. “You coming, Chris?”
“What? Yeah.”
Beth still looked worried. “Chris, be careful about your injuries.”
“I’ll be fine.”
Kevin narrowed his eyes. “Your face looks bad, but what else is wrong?”
“He has stitches in his shoulder,” Beth said quickly.
Now Beth wanted to talk about those stitches? Chris felt his cheeks color as both of his older brothers eyed him. He shrugged off his pain. The last thing he wanted to do was appear weak in front of them. “I’m fine. Mom, stay in here with Beth, would you?”
“Of course, dear.” Just as he walked out the door, he saw his mother beam at Beth.
Feeling relieved, knowing his mother could make anyone feel at ease, he turned and followed his father and brothers down the walkway and to a pair of SUVs. “Are these Mom and Dad’s trucks?”
“One is Dad’s. One is mine,” Mike said.
“Ah.” Chris felt like he was in some weird daze. He knew these people, knew them well. But in other ways, they were strangers. They were like characters in a book or play that he’d read about.
Only when they were out of sight of the inn did his brothers stop and look him over. “Okay. Now you can be honest,” Mike said. “How are you really?”
“Fine.”
“You don’t look fine. You look pretty bad,” Kevin replied. “How tough has this job of yours been?”
“It’s been a tough couple of days,” Chris allowed.
“It’s been a tough couple of years,” his father corrected, then enfolded him into another bear hug. “You’ve got a lot of talking to do. A lot of catching up. We want to know everything.”
“Just go easy on Beth, will you?”
“What is she to you?” Mike asked.
At the moment, it felt like she was the most important thing in the world. She was his link to everything good. But after tomorrow?
She was going to be yet another something in his past he was going to have to force himself to forget as quickly as possible.
“She’s my friend,” he said finally.
“You two close?”
“Yeah. But nothing will ever come of it.”
“Because y’all are too different?”
Because of a lot of things. And because she was Amish. And because there was a very good possibility that he was going to be killed sooner rather than later. Or that he would become so tainted by what he did and saw that he wouldn’t ever want to expose her to that person. “Yeah. Because of that.”
“Well, she’s really pretty.”
“Yeah. She is really pretty.”
His father gazed at him for a long moment, then pulled out a key ring and pressed a button. A sharp, shrill beep sounded. “Car’s unlocked. Let’s get to it, boys. And Chris?”
“Yes, sir?”
“Watch your stitches. I don’t want your girl upset with us.”
“I don’t want her upset, either, especially since she’s the one who sewed me up.”
Mike’s eyebrows rose. “No way.”
“Way. It was pretty intense,” he said. Thinking that that was probably the most honest thing he’d said since his family had arrived.
As the men brought in things, Beth took Mrs. Hart—Meredith, she insisted—and Becca on a brief tour of Frannie’s inn.
“Are you sure it’s not going to put you out if we stay here with you?” Becca asked.
“Yes, we’d be happy to pay for the rooms,” Meredith added.
“I wouldn’t even know how to go about charging you. But I have a feeling Frannie would want you to stay here as her guests. Each of you will have to pick your rooms.”
“I think we’re all going to want to be as close to Chris as possible.” She rolled her eyes. “I suppose you think I’m being silly.”
After sharing a quick smile with Becca, Beth shook her head. “Not at all. I think your visit is wunderbaar.”
“Wunderbaar,” Meredith repeated. “Oh, I like that word. What does it mean?”
“Ah, something really, really gut.”
Meredith nodded. “That is exactly how this visit feels.”
Below them, the door opened with a shove and a bit of groaning. “Mom?” one of the men called out. “Mom, what do you want to do with everything?”
Becca groaned. “They can be so helpless. Meredith, you stay here. I’ll go deal with them.”
“No, I think I had better see if I can help.” Turning to Beth, she smiled. “Come on, dear, you’ll need to show us where the kitchen is.”
And so it began. In no time at all, a completely cooked turkey and ham were in the kitchen, covered casseroles littered the countertops, and three more of the guest rooms were occupied.
Chris’s family was a unique combination of gregariousness and good manners. They were loud and teased a bit, though Beth noticed that each of them kept taking quiet, searching looks at Chris.
For his part, Beth thought he seemed a little skittish and unsure. Seeing him this way was somewhat of a surprise to Beth. Even when he was lying on the floor and bleeding he’d emanated a kind of masculine confidence that made her feel like nothing fazed him.
Now, as his brothers teased him, he looked as if he was having to try extra hard to be the kind of man they wanted to see.
When he darted upstairs, supposedly to get something from his room, she took a chance and followed him.
Her heart went out to him when she saw him sitting on the side of his bed, his head resting in his hands. She was standing there, watching him, debating whether to keep him company or leave him in peace, when he spoke.
“I’m pretty pathetic, huh?”
“Not at all.”
“I feel pathetic. Here my whole family has come to see me and I hardly know what to say to them.” He raised his head, and the pain that was buried in his gaze almost took her breath away. “It’s like it’s become easier for me to talk to drug addicts and degenerates than my own flesh and blood.”
“Maybe it is,” she murmured.
He nodded, not disputing what she’d said. “Why is that?”
“It’s hard to meet expectations. I feel that way with my mamm sometimes. She sees me as the daughter who hasn’t married, who spends too much time watching other people’s kinner.” With a wry smile, she brushed a hand over her dress. “I haven’t even accepted my faith. I haven’t been baptized yet. I know I’m a disappointment to her in a lot of ways.”
“You could never be that. Beth, you’ve taken care of her for years. You take care of everyone.”
“That’s been easy. It’s easier to try to help other people and fix their needs than to focus on mine.” She took a breath, then dived in. “Maybe that is what you’ve been doing, too, Chris. You’ve been playing a part, sacrificing your soul and your body for the greater good. And though that’s commendable, it also makes it a little bit easier to ignore your own needs.”
Standing up, he walked to the mirror over the dresser, grabbed a towel he’d left on a chair and rubbed it over his face. When he dropped the towel, she was tempted to smooth back his hair, ease the lines that were tightening around his mouth.
But since that would be too personal, too tempting, she eased him with words. “They are good people, Chris. Give them a chance to know you again.”
“What if they don’t like the person I’ve become?”
“How could they not? You’ve become a mighty gut man, Christopher Hart.”
Little by little the stress eased from his face, only to be replaced by a look of sadness. “How am I going to leave you tomorrow?”
She didn’t know how she was going to survive watching him leave once again. Her mouth went dry as she ran out of optimistic platitudes. “I don’t know,” she said quietly.
When she heard footsteps, she turned quickly and opened the hall’s linen closet and clumsily pulled a trio of white towels into her arms. Just in the nick of time, too.
“Beth, I hope you aren’t going to any trouble for us,” Meredith said as she got closer.
“Not at all. I was just getting you some fresh towels.”
“Have you seen Chris?”
Beth pointed to the open room directly across from her. “He’s right here.”
Meredith smiled weakly at her, then walked into his room. “Christopher, are you okay?”
“I’m great, Mom.”
Beth quickly turned away and walked down the hall before she eavesdropped any more. She hoped the good Lord would shine on Chris and his family and help them connect in a way that would encourage them all.
Just as she hoped He would give her the comfort that she needed to let Chris leave.