Jesus was born in a manger because there was no room at the inn, you see.
BETH BYLER
Beth had acted like a coward and had stayed on the sidelines.
Oh, she’d smiled and chatted to his brothers and parents. But Beth didn’t need to be older or wiser to know that it was far more important for them all to get to spend time with Chris.
More than once he’d looked at her, almost said her name. But then he would get pulled into yet another conversation and that moment would be forgotten.
After a lovely supper and many laughs in the kitchen while everyone insisted on helping clean up, Beth said she was tired and went to her room.
She didn’t get ready for bed, though. Instead, she wrapped a quilt around herself, sat in the big, cushy chair near the window, and looked out at the moonlight glistening on the snow.
When she heard the light tapping at her door, she almost didn’t answer it. But then her wish for the day to last a little longer outlasted any desire to observe propriety.
As she’d feared and expected, Chris was at the door.
She opened it a crack. “Chris, do you need something?”
“Yeah, I wanted to talk to you.”
“Now?”
“Yes, now.”
She shouldn’t let him in, but where he was concerned, she had no choice. Not really. “What will your parents say?”
“Nothing, because I don’t intend for them to see me visiting you in the middle of the night.”
“Come in, then.”
Chris came in, closed the door behind him, and then leaned against it. “What a day, huh?”
“Yes. It’s been a wonderful-gut day.”
“The best.”
It hadn’t been one of the best for her. She’d been too aware of his impending departure to be completely happy. But she did know that it was one of his best days. “Yes.”
“I owe all of it to you.”
“You owe it to yourself, Chris. You are a gut man. You are a very good man. Your family loves you, as they should.”
“I don’t want tomorrow to come. I don’t want to leave them, or leave you. I don’t want to leave this life.”
She sat on the side of the bed and tried to imagine what it must be like to leave one’s identity behind. Especially to leave one’s identity behind in order to adopt such a bad one. “Is it hard, becoming a criminal?”
He smiled. “Yeah. I used to kind of like it. It was an adrenaline rush. Constantly being on edge, living in fear. Plus, I knew I was good at it. Not everyone can be so good at pretending to be bad.”
“I imagine not.” She couldn’t help but smile at the thought of trying to assume someone else’s personality.
“But Beth, now? I’m dreading it. I don’t want to continue to be someone I’ve grown to hate, not even if it’s to the benefit of the greater good.”
“I’m dreading your leaving, too. And hating the thought of you having to give yourself up again.”
“You are?”
“Chris, I meant what I said this morning. I’ve fallen in love with you. Even though we’re not meant to be together, there’s a part of me that’s always hoped that we could.”
“If I had you, I couldn’t live this way. I couldn’t live in hiding. I’d be too worried about you. I’d want to always be with you.”
“Truly?”
“Definitely.”
“I’d want to always be with you, too.”
“Beth, tell me, why haven’t you joined the church yet? Have you ever thought about not being Amish?”
“I love my faith. I love my way of life. But these past few days made me realize that I haven’t completely embraced it. I’ve enjoyed my English babies and families. And with everything with my mother, I’ve needed to be a part of that world, too. I guess I’ve always had one foot in another world.”
“Do you think we’d have a chance together?”
Hope filled her, but she forced herself to tamp it down. “How would we even know if we did have a chance? You’re leaving.”
“You’re right.” He cleared his throat. “I guess I just wanted to take a second and tell you thank you. For taking me in. And calling my family. For making this a Christmas that I’ll always remember.”
“You’re welcome.”
“Well, I guess . . .” His voice caught but he stumbled on. “I guess I’ll head off to bed. Good night.”
As he quietly opened and shut the door behind him, she lay down on the bed and cried.
The knock on the door came before eight in the morning.
Still feeling protective over Beth, Chris opened the door with a jerk, then felt his stomach drop when he realized it was Taylor. “You’re here already?”
“Yep.” In typical Taylor fashion, she walked right in, her manner as no-nonsense as ever. When her phone beeped, she lowered her head to read the message, talking at the same time. “How long are you going to take? I’ve got to get you out to St. Louis, dump you in a halfway house, and try to get back to watch my sister’s kid’s wrestling match.”
“St. Louis, huh?”
Taylor was busy texting on her phone. “Yep. I’ll fill you in on the drive.” Glancing up, she looked at Chris critically. Then her eyes widened a bit. “Chris, look at you. I haven’t seen you look this good in months.”
He knew she wasn’t joking. “Thanks,” he said as he fingered the still fading bruise on his cheek.
“Listen, don’t take a shower. You’re supposed to be down on your luck.”
“Sorry; all my clothes are clean.”
“Don’t worry. I’ve got the clothes you’ll be wearing in the car.” She wrinkled her nose. “They’re pretty ripe.”
Slowly, Chris became aware of the crowd of people behind him. All in sweats or jeans or robes and pajamas, everyone looking at his partner with somber expressions.
Taking in the crowd, Taylor looked slightly chagrined, like she suddenly remembered that she was supposed to have better manners. “Hey.”
Out of the crowd walked Beth. As usual, she looked perfect. Neat as a pin. And completely welcoming.
“Won’t you come in for a little while? May I make you some breakfast? Or pour you a cup of coffee at least?”
Taylor’s eyes widened as she shoved her phone into a pocket of her wool coat. “Oh. You know what, thanks. Who are you?”
Taylor had always had the manners of a guinea pig. “This is Beth,” Chris answered. “She’s . . .” His voice drifted off as he realized that there was only one answer. “She’s my girlfriend.”
Beth froze.
As did his family.
But Taylor? She just looked amused. “Yeah, right. You don’t date, Hart.”
“I do now.”
“Besides, she’s Amish. I’ve seen them on TV.”
Chris knew his partner well enough to know that she wasn’t trying to be rude or dismissive. That was just how she was. She thought about work, that was it.
But as he watched her check her messages once again, he knew he couldn’t go with her. He didn’t want to go put on smelly clothes, live in a halfway house and assume yet another fake identity.
He couldn’t walk away from everyone in the room who meant so much to him.
Turning to Beth, he said, “I wanted to ask you this last night but I didn’t know how. Would you start over with me?”
Her gaze met his with utter confusion. “I don’t understand.”
“I don’t want to become another person. I don’t want to do things I’m embarrassed about, say things I don’t mean. Be a person my family is afraid of. But most of all, I don’t want to be alone. I want to be with you, Beth.”
Not giving her a chance to argue or protest, he reached for her shaking hands, then wrapped his hands around her waist. “I’m better with you,” he murmured. “Please, let me be with you.”
As she stood there stunned, obviously shaken, he started talking faster. Eager to say or promise whatever it took to make her his. “Beth, I’ll live here with you and your mom. Or I can get a job somewhere and she can live with us. I don’t care what we do, or where we’ll be. As long as I get to be me, and that I’ll get to call you mine.”
Her facial expressions had gone from stunned to amazed to joyous to teary. “Chris—”
“Chris? What is going on?” Taylor blurted.
“Looks like you’ll be leaving on your own, ma’am,” Kevin rasped from his spot next to the stairwell.
Ignoring everyone else, Chris looked directly into her eyes. “Beth? What do you say?”
To his surprise, she pulled out of his embrace and slowly looked at his family behind him. Glanced at Taylor. Then finally reached up to him and rested one hand on his cheek. Right in the spot that was still swollen and black and blue.
“Yes,” she whispered. “Oh yes.”
Chris smiled. He ached to kiss her. He ached to pull her into his arms and tell her in a thousand ways how much she meant to him.
But all he did was raise his hand and place it over Beth’s on his cheek. Keeping it in place. “Taylor, I won’t be going with you.”
Though her phone was buzzing again, she ignored it. “You can’t just quit the DEA,” she said, her voice incredulous.
“Sure he can,” his father boomed. “Now come and get some breakfast.”
Taylor kept looking around at the lot of them, just like she’d entered a crazy house. “I don’t want to interrupt—”
“We insist,” Kevin said, ushering Mike, Becca, and their parents into the kitchen. “Haven’t you heard? It’s Christmas. Join us.”
And Taylor, his tough, heroic, somewhat reserved partner, melted a bit and smiled. “You know what? Thanks. I . . . I’d love to join y’all.”
When they were finally alone, Chris gathered Beth close and held her tight. “You, Beth Byler, are a miracle worker. You’ve changed my life in ways that I didn’t think possible.”
“It wasn’t so hard. All I had to do was say yes.”
He laughed. She was right. All it really took was a will to change, and change did occur.
Right there in Amish Country. In a tiny, bright yellow inn. On a beautiful, very special, very blessed Christmas.