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JENNA
By the time we get back to the dorm, the last thing I want is a beer.
“Now that was straight out of a horror movie script,” Johnny announces as soon as we are inside. “We need to steer wide of those guys.”
“What guys?” Reed sits up on the couch. His eyes are no longer bloodshot.
“I can’t believe you guys left so close to dusk,” Lila says. “That was stupid.”
“What happened?” Kate asks. “Are you guys okay?”
I deposit the keg handle on the table and leave the others to relate the tale. All I want to do is shower and go to bed. Since there’s no hot water, and heating up water on the barbecue is tedious, bed is the only option left for me.
“Jenna?”
My hand freezes on the door handle. I turn as Carter enters the hallway after me.
My heart swells at the sight of him. I want so badly to bury myself in his arms, but I force myself to stand tall. His blue eyes pin me in place as he approaches.
“What?” I ask, voice raspy with fatigue.
He stops a foot away, so close I could reach out and touch him. I don’t.
“I just wanted to say ...” He pauses to swallow, dropping his eyes. “I just wanted to say you did a good thing at the Depot today. Killing those maimed students.”
His words warm me, but it hurts seeing him hold back from me. “It was the right thing to do. Those College Creek guys are sickos.”
“Yeah.” He stands there, hands shoved in the pockets of his jeans, not quite meeting my eye.
Out in the sitting room, Johnny gives a loud, dramatic blow-by-blow of the encounter with the College Creek students.
“Carter ...” I struggle to form words.
He doesn’t respond, but he doesn’t leave, either. His blue eyes are guarded as he looks at me.
There are so many things I want to say. I’ve worked on at least half a dozen long-winded speeches in my head the last few days. Now that I’m finally face-to-face with him—now that he isn’t giving me the cold shoulder, or telling me to go away, or straight up being a jerk—they all fly out of my head.
“Carter, I ... I wanted to say you look great. With your new look, I mean. I like it.”
“Do you think your mom would like it?”
I flinch, but I don’t back down from the challenge. “I deserve that.” I swallow, searching for more words. “Do you remember the night when we met? At the Creekside dorm party?”
“Of course.”
“I never told you this, but I’d had a crush on you for a while. I wanted to meet you. I made it a point to bump into you at that party.”
“What do you mean?” he asks with a frown.
“I saw you the first day we all moved into the dorms at the beginning of the year. Do you remember when that girl dropped her mirror and cut open her hand?”
“Mary. Yeah, I remember.”
“You took off your T-shirt and wrapped her hand to stop the bleeding.”
He shifts, frown deepening. “I had on an undershirt. I wasn’t trying to show off or anything.”
“You don’t get it. It wasn’t about you taking off your shirt. It was about you taking off your shirt to help a girl with a cut hand. All I could think was that I wanted a guy who would give me his clothing if I was hurt and bleeding.” I chew my bottom lip. “It wasn’t about how you looked. It wasn’t about getting back at my mom. It was about you. Beard or no beard. Short hair or long. You’re still the guy who gave away his shirt to help a bleeding stranger. I-I ...”
I love you, I want to say, but the words won’t come out. They seem all wrong. They’re not the sort of thing you say to someone you’ve hurt.
“You never told me that.” Carter’s eyes are wide in the darkness.
“I know.” I give him a sad smile. “I’m sorry. I should have.”
He hesitates, then reaches out and draws me close. I fall into his arms. Burying my nose in the crook of his neck, I inhale deeply. I pull his scent into my lungs, drawing comfort from it.
He kisses the top of my head and releases me. I watch him, desperate for more, but all he says is, “Goodnight, Jenna.”
The smile he gives me is the first one I’ve had since our fight. And even though he turns and walks away, I’m left feeling lighthearted.