Renniston Hall School for Girls,
1959
Oh cripes. This is awful. Where is she?
Julia shivers in the darkness and wishes she’d thought to put her dressing gown on. She’s only wearing pyjamas, thin ones, and a pair of felt slippers her mother sent from Egypt. They’re not designed to keep out the cold in an English boarding school, and the chill of the stone floor bites through them with ease. She hears a noise close by and jumps violently, but it’s only the wind-driven swish of the canvas sheeting the builders have put up to cover the building site that will one day be the new swimming pool. Every day, they arrive and start digging away at the hole in the ground, scooping out more mud to be carried away.
Come on, Alice. Where are you?
Behind her, the school is in silence, and Julia is alert to any noise that might be Miss Allen coming down from the boarding house at the top of the school. Perhaps she has done one of her late-night patrols armed with the little torch that she shines over the bed of every boarder, making sure each is present and correct. Julia has lain still often enough, pretending to sleep, as that ray of light shines orange against her shut lids, wondering where on earth Miss Allen thinks they might escape to. The school is in the middle of sixty acres of parkland, and the way to the road is down a long, winding drive over a bridge and several cattle grids. But Miss Allen has no thought that anyone might be crazy enough to attempt a getaway; she’s taking precautions against midnight feasts or high jinks or nocturnal bullying. They’ve all heard the stories of booby-trapped beds, or girls dunked in icy baths, though no one in Julia’s dorm has ever been brave enough to do any such thing. Not with Miss Allen in charge. Her strictness and severity are legendary.
That’s why Julia is so afraid. She doesn’t know what punishments Miss Allen hands out, she only knows she doesn’t want one. She isn’t a rebel, like Alice. The rules might be restrictive and boring, but she sees no point in challenging them for the sake of it. Life is steadier in the safe confines of obedience. She likes to be good, whereas Alice gets her kicks from being as naughty as possible.
Why did I let Alice talk me into this?
She imagines being expelled and feels sick at the thought of her mother’s disappointment and her father’s anger. Far away in the heat of Cairo, they think she’s behaving herself, doing them credit, taking advantage of this opportunity. She’s an army brat, her fees paid for by the government. Her parents couldn’t afford boarding school if it wasn’t for that. They were so happy when she got her place at Renniston, and when they left her at school that very first term it was with smiles and kisses and the evident hope that she would make a success of her time here. So far, it has gone well. She’s been sensible and hardworking, and was even made form captain for a term. But then Alice, with her glamour and vitality, took a shine to her and decided that Julia would be her special friend.
Why can’t I resist her? She’s going to get me into trouble, I just know it.
But there’s no denying life has been more exciting since she and Alice became best friends.
The canvas sheeting swishes again, and Julia gasps with fright. That’s it. She can’t stand it any longer. She’s going back upstairs, no matter what Alice said. She’s obviously not coming. Just as she turns to make her escape, the canvas moves again and Alice slips in from behind it, her stout school shoes looking incongruous with her pink dressing gown, the belt of which is tied tightly round her middle. Her eyes are bright in the darkness and Julia can tell she’s smiling.
‘Where were you?’ hisses Julia, relieved and cross in equal measure. ‘You’ve been ages!’
‘Sorry,’ Alice replies a little too loud for comfort. ‘I forgot the time. I’m only ten minutes late, what are you fussing about?’
‘You’ll get us both into awful hot water. Why did you need me here anyway?’ Julia is eager to get away.
‘Just in case,’ Alice says enigmatically.
‘Come on, let’s get back upstairs.’
‘All right, Miss Fussy, we’ll go back. Don’t worry, Allen is bound to be asleep by now. She never goes on the prowl after ten thirty, don’t you think I’ve watched to make sure?’
Julia doesn’t want to argue. She just knows that Miss Allen’s predictability isn’t a safe bet. Miss Allen likes to shake things up and surprise people, and not in a good way.
Alice sighs happily. ‘Oh, I’ve had a lovely time! You can’t think how nice.’
She’s still speaking too loudly.
‘You’ve got to shut up now,’ Julia says as they head back up the corridor. She peers at Alice in the gloom. There’s a little illumination from the glow of the emergency exit sign above the doors. Alice’s cheeks look suspiciously flushed. ‘Have you been drinking?’
Alice giggles. ‘Only a little bit of whiskey. Roy gave it to me to keep the cold out. I didn’t like it at first so he had to mix it with lemonade. It was lovely like that.’
Julia is more afraid than ever. ‘For goodness’ sake, keep quiet and let’s get back to bed.’ She leads the way as they patter up the corridor, over the stone floor of the great entrance hall with the minstrel’s gallery lowering over them from the darkness, and to the staircase that takes them upwards to the dorms at the top of the house. The way to Miss Allen’s house is usually via the White Staircase, but they’re using a different one, one that takes them to the door furthest from the housemistress’s quarters. It’s a tightly wound stone staircase, curling upwards inside a tower. The little arched door into the dormitory isn’t the end of it; the staircase goes on and up to the roof.
They reach the doorway; it’s very slightly ajar, just as Julia left it when she descended. Now is the truly dangerous bit. Her heart pounds and her breath comes short and quivery. She bites her lip to keep herself calm as she pushes the door further open, fearful that Miss Allen is standing behind it, waiting for them. But there’s no one there. They slip through, and close the door behind them, the sound of the latch dropping making them both flinch. They freeze, alert, staring at each other. Alice’s insouciance has worn off with the cold climb up the stone stairs, and Julia can see her own fear reflected back in Alice’s wide eyes. There’s nothing. They’re still undiscovered. Now they can tiptoe quickly into the dorm and make their way to their own beds and safety.
Never again, Julia thinks as she slides into the coolness of her sheets and pulls her blanket tightly round her. She’s kept the slippers on, to warm her feet more quickly. She closes her eyes and wills sleep to come. I’m never helping her again.
But she always thinks that.
The last notes of the hymn die away and the girls shut their books. It’s a competition to see who can shut them with the loudest snap, and the hall is full of the sound of it, like a lot of biting jaws. Julia doesn’t care about winning but feels she has to take part, so she always shuts hers with a half-hearted effort, while Alice puts everything into her snap. The Headmistress frowns from the stage where she is leading the assembly, evidently disapproving, but she seems to have more important things than hymn books on her mind.
‘Now, girls,’ she says in her very proper voice, sounding like someone on the wireless. ‘I want to take this opportunity to remind you that the building site is completely out of bounds to all pupils. Anyone caught going in the vicinity of the site will be subject to severe penalties. I hope that is understood.’
There’s a shuffle through the room as though the girls are expressing their comprehension through their feet.
‘And furthermore,’ continues the Headmistress, raking the girls with a gimlet glare, as she does when she wants to make a particular point, ‘it is utterly forbidden to communicate in any way with the builders who are working here.’
A rustle moves over the girls. She’s talking about men. The thought seems to pass from head to head, and with it, pictures of strange indecencies and forbidden thrills.
‘They are not to have any dealings with you. It is more than the reputation of the school is worth if it were known that our girls were consorting with Irish workmen. There will be the harshest consequences if there are any infractions of this rule.’ She frowns down at the two hundred girls, from the wide-eyed, uncomprehending first form to the sniggering sixth at the back. ‘And now, our bible reading. The purification of the Blessed Virgin Mary. Mabel Standish, please come forward and read.’
Alice turns to Julia and gives her a giant wink. Julia nudges her back crossly. It only takes one teacher to see, and they’ll be hauled up and interrogated.
‘And who, oh who,’ whispers Alice, leaning in towards Julia, ‘is ever going to purify me?’
Julia stares straight ahead, concentrating on Mabel Standish, and trying to shut Alice’s throaty laugh out of her ears.
I’ll be good, she promises in her head. Even if Alice won’t. Maybe I can be good enough for both of us.