“Devon.”
Joey’s piping voice startled Ashley. She hit the footrest handle and lowered her legs as the doorbell rang. She eyed the door, waiting for it to open.
Instead, she heard his knock.
Joey flattened his face against the front window, cupping his eyes from the sun, and let out a yell. “Hi, Kaylee.”
The excitement in his voice had to penetrate the window, but Devon seemed determined that she answer the door. Though she understood, it broke her heart. Why did they get themselves tangled in all the foolishness? She knew the answer before it left her mouth.
Ashley opened the door. Kaylee entered first, and she greeted her with a hug. Then she opened the door wider. “Devon.” Regret she’d been unable to hide sounded in her voice. “It’s nice to see you.”
Joey reached toward him, his arms as wide as his grin.
Devon scooped him into the air and nuzzled his face into his neck and blew.
Joey squirmed and giggled, and when he stopped, Joey didn’t. “More tickle.”
But Devon’s gaze shifted to Kaylee. Instead of more tickles for Joey, he ruffled the boy’s hair and swung him to the floor, then drew Kaylee closer and tickled her neck with his fingers.
That seemed all she needed. She giggled, too, and darted away from him as she grabbed Joey’s hand. Together, they bounded across the room to the toy box and Devon stood facing her. “Kaylee kept asking to come over and—”
“I meant what I said.” Her stomach constricted as she motioned toward the easy chair. “It’s nice to see you.” Her eyes sought his. “I miss you.”
He stood as if transfixed. “I miss you, too.”
As if the words were an anchor, their eyes locked, and wholeness buoyed her spirit, a wholeness she’d lost with Adam’s death, and though the sensation warmed her, an uneasy feeling remained.
She managed to step aside without leaping into his arms, and Devon followed her invitation, settling into the easy chair. Returning to the recliner, she sank into the cushion and lifted the footrest.
“How’s the leg?” The question came casually though it seemed mundane when compared with the many issues that often made the air seem heavy.
“I’m doing okay except for the stairs, especially when I have to carry something, but I’m becoming a pro.” She managed a grin and he smiled back, although she still noted the strain in his face.
“I have so much to tell you, but...”
She waited, her attention hanging on his unfinished sentence. “But?”
He shook his head. “I don’t know where to begin.”
She froze in place, icy thoughts slipping into her mind. Was this goodbye? Though she’d seen it as an answer to her fears, the possibility sank her into an abyss. “Start anywhere, Devon. Just tell me.”
“Two things.”
His abrupt response unsettled her. Two things? She swallowed. “The first?”
His head eased upward and his eyes captured hers. “I’ll go with the easiest one.” His gaze shot to Kaylee.
She followed his lead and saw Kaylee and Joey seemingly preoccupied with a jigsaw puzzle. Her focus returned to Devon.
“Kaylee asked to live with me today.”
Her heart stopped as the idea reveled in her mind. “Really? She asked?”
He nodded. “Seems her mother’s back in the hospital, and she said she wasn’t sure when she’ll get out.” He lifted his shoulders and let them drop. “I have to get to the bottom of this with Renee. I’ll call her tonight when she’s home from work.”
Ashley let the vision weave through her mind. Kaylee would add a complication to his work schedule, and her first reaction was to volunteer to help him. Kaylee could stay with her on the nights Devon worked. The guest room was perfect. But they had something else to discuss, according to Devon, and where would that leave them? Goodbye? Hello? Confusion thumped in her brain. No response was possible until she heard what he had to say.
“You’ll have a clearer picture once you talk to her, but I wonder what caused Gina to go back so soon? I suppose that’s the question.”
“She’s ill. We talked about it the other day. Gina’s struggled with depression even before I realized it. I’ve come to face that, but now I realize how the pattern has continued. Her illness seems to be more severe. It’s heartbreaking for Kaylee to live through it day in and out at Renee’s. It’s not a life for a child.”
“It’s not.” Words seemed empty. Nothing she could say now could help since their relationship was up in the air. She studied his face, wanting to encourage him to tell her the second thing on his mind.
A stream of air left his lungs and he leaned back against the chair cushion. “That’s number one.” He closed his eyes and sat in silence.
Her nerves grew taut in the stillness. She wanted to scream. Instead, she released her own pent-up breath and prayed.
When he opened his eyes, his face had relaxed. “The next thing is so confusing for both of us. We’re struggling with...”
She held her breath.
“With us. I guess that’s how to put it. With our relationship.” He lifted his eyes to hers. “You know what I’m talking about.”
She nodded. “We both have issues, I guess.”
Devon leaned forward, resting his elbows on his knees, his hands folded. Before he spoke, his gaze shifted to Kaylee again and then back to her. “Mine have become less now that I realized maybe I’m not the rotten husband I feared I was. The thing I can’t change is my work schedule. It’s part of the job I do.”
“I don’t see that as a problem for anyone except Kaylee’s care.” She only mouthed the child’s name not to draw the little girl’s attention to their conversation on the other side of the room.
He gave his head a bounce as if accepting her comment. “But we still have things to talk about.” He pulled his back straight. “I need to understand what bothers you, Ashley. I need the truth. Could we have a cola or coffee? Anything.” He used his head to direct her toward the dining room.
She understood and lowered the footrest, then used the chair arm to hoist herself upward on her one unencumbered leg. She turned and hobbled through the archway.
Devon followed and moved past her to pull out a chair. “Sit. I’ll get us something. What do you want?”
“Water with ice is fine for me.”
He didn’t respond but scooted past her and vanished into the kitchen.
She maneuvered her leg beneath the table and shifted around, her gaze on Devon in the kitchen making himself at home. She loved seeing him comfortable there.
In a moment, he returned and set the water in front of her. She took a sip, not realizing how worry had dried her throat. When she set down the glass, she turned her attention to Devon. “Tell me what you want to know.”
He stared at her a moment, a look of surprise softening to concern. “Just tell me if I’m right, okay?”
His suggestion seemed more convoluted, but she nodded in agreement.
“You care about me.” He lifted his gaze to hers. “More than care.”
His questioning eyes filled her heart. She couldn’t lie to him, though she wished she could. “Yes, I care very much.”
“You’re worried about whether I can stick with a relationship long term. Afraid I’ll walk away from you in bad times.”
“Absolutely not, Devon. You were faithful to Gina, and I think you’d still be married to her if she’d stuck with you. It was her failure not yours.”
His eyes glazed as if trying to comprehend what she’d said. “Then it’s not me.”
“It’s not you, Devon. It’s...”
“Adam. You’re still in love with him and can’t let go.”
A rattled sigh fluttered from her chest. “No. It’s not Adam. Yes, I love him, but I have let him go not only for my sake but for Joey’s.” She shook her head. “It’s my head, Devon. It’s all in my head and my weak faith.”
He drew back, a look of surprise bursting on his face. “You don’t have weak faith. How can you say that? I’ve watched you—”
Her cell phone jangled, and Devon halted, his gaze on the phone.
“Devon, I—”
“Answer it.” He waved his hand toward it. “We’ve waited this long.”
She eyed Neely’s name on the caller ID. The interruption gave them a short detour. She’d been ready to talk if only to quiet Devon’s fears, but their talk needed time.
The cell rang a third time. She pulled her gaze away from Devon and answered.
“Paula just called to tell us Aunt Florence died.”
Ashley closed her eyes. “We should have gone to visit and not listened to Paula. Now I feel guilty.”
“Don’t feel guilty, Ash. We offered and she discouraged us, but now it’s different. Paula needs our support. I was surprised at how broken up she was.”
“I suppose it’s regret.” Ashley’s memory took her back to the difficult years with her mother. “She’s like us, Neely, wishing she and her mother had gotten along better. I wonder if she knows why her mother and Mom were both so closed up, so unwilling to say something nice.”
“She’s probably in the same situation we are. Mom’s gone and now Aunt Florence. We may never know.”
Ashley rubbed her temple, her question still niggling her thoughts until Neely’s question broke her musing.
“We should go now, don’t you think?”
Ashley eyed her cast. “We need to. With no siblings, we’re about as close to a sister as Paula will ever have.” Joey’s voice drifted in from the living room. “I wonder if Dad could watch Joey for me.”
“Take him with us. I’m sure Dad will come up for the funeral anyway.”
“I hate to drag him along, but I suppose I will.”
“Should we leave tonight? We can get there in time to help with the details. It’s about a three-hour drive. Maybe a little longer.”
Ashley’s gaze shifted toward Devon. The call had interrupted their talk, and now... “I’ll get ready. Give me an hour, okay?”
Neely agreed, and when Ashley ended the call, a hollow feeling crept through her. She lifted her gaze to Devon. “My aunt died, and we’re going to leave tonight. Paula has no one, and I know she needs support. She lives near Roscommon.”
“Kaylee and I were talking about ordering pizza for dinner. I’ll take Joey for you tonight and tomorrow, but I’ll be back to work the following day so maybe you could work something else out for that.”
“Are you sure, Devon? I hate dumping on you again.”
“Dumping? I love time with Joey, and Kaylee’s great with him now.” He gave her a silly look. “How about your dad for Saturday?”
“That will probably be the funeral. Dad could bring Joey with him. That won’t be a problem.” A knot formed in her chest. “You’re sure?”
“Positive.” He rose and slid his chair back. “What can I do to get Joey ready to go?”
“You’re a lifesaver, Devon.” As the words left her mouth, she realized he really was, and that was their major problem. As she made her way off the chair, the irony caught in her throat. “I owe you one, Devon.” She slipped her arm around his waist. “I owe you two.”
He lifted his index finger and touched her lower lip, and her heart sang.
Devon grinned. “Maybe three or four.”
She understood, and despite her resistance, she loved his affection.
* * *
The children tucked into their beds, Devon poured a glass of cola and sat beside the phone. He had to call Renee before the reasonable time to make a call passed him by. Eight-thirty wasn’t too late. He grasped the receiver and hit the phone number. He hoped Renee would answer and not her husband. Dwight had a tendency to block calls to Renee and wanted to deal with the issue himself. This problem needed Renee’s cooperation.
His palm grew sweaty as he waited for someone to answer, and when he heard Renee’s voice, a flash of relief spurred him forward. “We need to discuss Kaylee’s well-being.”
“Well-being? What are you talking about?”
“Gina’s in the hospital again, and Kaylee is disturbed. She asked to live with me, and I think that’s the best solution we have, Renee. She needs to have at least one parent.”
“Do you think I don’t care about her well-being, Devon. I’ve nearly raised your daughter.”
“I’m not doubting your ability.” He sucked in air. “But you just said the key word. Kaylee is my daughter.”
“I don’t believe she asked to live with you, Devon. I think you’ve put words—”
“Stop right there, Renee. I did not coach or even suggest that possibility to her. We were looking at books and I suggested she read one to me. I know you’ve been working with her on sounding out words. That’s when she told me about her mother’s hospitalization.”
Renee’s sigh rattled from the phone. “I asked her to avoid that subject, and I—”
“And I asked you to stop telling her to lie. She—”
“Devon, I said ‘avoid’ not ‘lie.’ I’ve never asked her to lie.”
The conversation would go nowhere if they got hung up on that issue. He tried to refocus. “I’ve never asked Gina to give up custody. Kaylee has always lived with her since my work has always been a scheduling problem. I appreciate that you’ve worked with me on this, but since Gina is in the hospital more than she’s home, the arrangement is senseless. I want to spend quality time with my daughter, and I think it’s time she moved here with me.”
“I think not. Anyway, the decision is her mother’s, and until you get that, you’ll have to accept the present arrangements.”
A chill rolled down his arms as icy thoughts coursed through his brain. Dealing with Renee seemed useless, and his only hope was to get a lawyer behind him, but he didn’t want to drag Kaylee into court to state her decision. He couldn’t hurt her like that. His mind spun as it thawed, and a new argument slipped inside. “Let’s not argue over this, Renee. We both want what’s best for Kaylee. She asked to stay here, and I’m willing to make it temporary until Gina is home again. When that happens I’ll discuss the situation with her.”
“But you still have your work schedule. What’s your plan?”
He closed his eyes, hoping to hide the anger growing in his voice. “You work, Renee. What’s your plan? I don’t question Kaylee’s care while you’re working. I trust you love her enough to find good people to watch her. I don’t expect you to question me. I’ll make arrangements for good care for her just as I assume you do. Do you understand?”
The line fell silent. He dragged in a breath wondering what new argument she would come up with, and then he heard her clear her throat.
“Can I call you tomorrow, Devon? After I give this some thought.”
“What is there to think about? I’m asking for temporary custody of my daughter. That’s all. She can visit you when she wants, and you’re welcome to visit here. I know she’s been part of your life for the past three years.”
“Closer to four years now.”
He ignored her comment. “What do you say?”
Silence pulsed over the line. “Can I talk with her?”
“She’s in bed sleeping. It’s going on nine.” A stream of air whispered in his ear.
“When do you want to make the change?”
The question startled him. He’d anticipated a bigger battle. Grateful, he considered the situation with Ashley gone and made his decision. “I’ll bring her home on Saturday and you can have the weekend together. Monday I’ll come by my usual time, and I can pack up her things—what she’ll need here—or if you and Kaylee want to do that over the weekend that’s fine.”
“We’ll pack her things. No need for you to get involved with that. She’ll be ready on Monday.”
“Thanks, Renee.” Another issue struck him. “Will you tell Gina or should I?”
“Gina’s in no condition right now to deal with anything. I’ll talk to her when the time is right. Then the situation is up to you.”
Her admission startled him. “What’s wrong with her this time?”
The silence stretched.
“Renee, what is it?”
Another blast of air, then he heard her voice. “She tried to kill herself, Devon. Kaylee doesn’t know this, so be careful what you say.”
Gina? He pictured her years earlier when he’d fallen in love. She always had a side of her he couldn’t understand—those quiet moods of withdrawal. Later he recognized it as depression. She took medication sometimes, but to be so desperate to want to kill herself? He couldn’t grasp the concept. “I’m startled, Renee, as you can guess.”
“I’m sorry, Devon. I’ve tried to protect you from that.”
Something hedged in her words. “You mean, she’s done this before?”
“Yes. It’s not the first.”
Terror rankled him. Could she hurt Kaylee? Perhaps Gina had feared what she might do, and that was why she wanted to be around people. Could that have been why she’d left their marriage? And if so, did the fear remain? He couldn’t take the chance. He needed to obtain full custody of his beautiful daughter before something happened, something he would regret forever.
“Thanks for being honest. I’ll bring her to you Saturday and pick her up on Monday as we planned. You do what you think’s right with Gina. I’ll leave that in your hands.”
She said goodbye and he hung up, his mind tangled in knots of concern and grief. How could a lovely woman like Gina want to destroy her life, destroy her daughter’s opportunity to grow up with a mother’s love? He closed his eyes, unable to imagine Gina’s plight.
* * *
Ashley slipped off her shoes and curled her good leg beneath her on the sofa. Her gaze shifted past the sterile decor to her cousin seated in a wingback chair closest to the telephone. Paula had aged since they’d seen each other, but then so had she. But age didn’t diminish Paula’s good looks. Her long wavy hair matched the color of her caramel eyes. If she smiled, she would be striking.
Ashley scanned the walls, lacking paintings or wall hangings—beige walls with windows the only item to break the muted scene, but even then the shades had been pulled, beige shades beside beige draperies. Sterile seemed the perfect word.
Paula leaned back her slippered feet resting on an ottoman that matched the chair. “Thanks for coming so fast and helping with the decisions. I dreaded handling it all alone.”
Neely pulled her shoulder from the edge of the archway, a coffee mug in her hand. “We were glad to come. I remember too well what it was like when Mother died.”
Paula averted her gaze. “I’m sorry I didn’t come for the visitation or the funeral. I’m not even sure Mother let me know.”
Ashley jumped at the opportunity to address their mother’s past. “Our mothers had a lot in common. I don’t know if you realize that.”
“It makes sense.” Paula lifted her gaze, but didn’t say more.
“They were sisters.” Neely’s injection hung with question.
Paula wiggled deeper into the cushion. “Sisters and so much more from what Mother told me before she died. I suppose that’s why I’m sorry for the way I reacted to her coldness.”
“We don’t know what happened.” Ashley leaned closer, her arms crossed, resting on her knees. “Is this something you just learned?”
Paula nodded. “You mean, your mother never talked about their uncle?”
Ashley dashed a look toward Neely, who shrugged. “We didn’t know she had an uncle.”
“It would have been better if they hadn’t.” She lowered her head and stared at the carpet. “It cleared up the questions I had for so long, but it opened other doors I’ll never have answers for.”
Gooseflesh rose on Ashley’s arms. “What happened? Can you tell us about it?”
“Maybe we’ll understand our mom better, that is, if you feel like talking.” Neely plopped into a matching chair across from Paula.
Tension grew on Paula’s face. “Our mothers’ uncle—their dad’s brother—lived with them, and when their dad died, he tried to come on to their mother but she put him in his place. At least this is what my mother noticed happening.” She shook her head. “I don’t know why she didn’t ask him to move, but I think it had to do with money. He paid room and board, and Dad’s illness ate up a lot of their savings.”
Trying to understand how this affected her mother, Ashley caught Neely’s eyes and gave a subtle shrug.
Neely shrugged back. “But what does that have to do with our mothers?”
Paula bit her lip. “My mother didn’t say much about your mom, but what she said about herself led me to believe it affected yours, too.”
“What affected them?” Ashley wished she’d stop hemming and tell them.
“I think their uncle didn’t give up. When your mother ran off and married your dad, the uncle began to bother my mother. I suspect he went right down the line—their mother first, then your mother, and then mine, trying to satiate his lust.”
Ashley heard Neely gasp. She’d swallowed her reaction, wishing Paula was wrong.
Paula gave a nod, acknowledging Neely’s startled reaction. “It’s even worse. He’d grab at my mother, and when she rejected him, as your mother must have done, he started telling her she was ugly and not worth a nickle. He’d tell her if she wanted to know a man, he was her only bet.”
The hairs prickled on Ashley’s arms. “You think he did the same to our mother?”
“I’m quite sure. Mom said that Aunt Marion got more and more withdrawn, and at night she’d barricade her door. Mother knew it because one time she wanted to talk with her, and she had a chair propped under the doorknob and had to move it. All she said was she felt safer.”
“That’s horrible.” Ashley didn’t want to believe what she was hearing. “Did he hurt Aunt Florence?” What she wanted to know was did he hurt her mother?
“Mom didn’t go into details, but it’s possible. She always seemed a little cold to my dad, and she was very critical of everyone. Very suspicious. When I wanted to date, she forbade it. She told me men were no good, except they worked and paid the bills. I looked at my kind father, and it made me sick. I moved away as soon as I had a job and a place to stay.”
Ashley glanced at Neely, recalling how she’d moved to Chicago right after college, and marriage hadn’t been on her mind until she came back home and Jon stepped into her life. “Thanks for telling us, Paula.”
Neely added her thanks. “I think we can better understand Mom’s hard exterior. We wanted our mother to be like our friends’ moms were. She didn’t have it in her, but if I grew up dodging a demeaning relative whose only thought was to use me for his purposes, I might have been like Mom.”
Ashley rose and settled on the arm of Paula’s chair, slipping her arm around her shoulders. “You’ve cleared up so much. Our dad knows this, I think, but he’d never explained what was wrong. He just accepted it.”
Paula rested her head on Ashley’s shoulder. “Maybe he didn’t know the details, but if he did, he wouldn’t say anything because he’s a good man. I always liked your dad.”
“Then you have to come and visit us, Paula. Once you get things settled here, please come. Neely’s getting married in a few weeks and Dad will have a free room and I have a guest room at my house. We’d love you to come. We’re as close as you’ll ever get to sisters.”
“We’d love it.” Neely rose and walked to her side.
Tears filled Paula’s eyes. “Thanks so much for the invitation. I’ve never had a brother or a sister. Two sisters sound amazing.”
“You can stay as long as you want, Paula. I know you’ve had a difficult life, and we don’t expect you to spill it out for us.” Ashley knew from her mother that Paula had had a rough past. Her mother let them know that. “Having you nearby would be special.”
“I don’t deserve this, but I thank you so much.” Paula looked from one to the other. “Maybe one day I can talk about my rotten life, but for now, it’s wonderful having you here to help me get through the funeral.”
“Sisters.” Ashley and Neely gave her a high five.
Paula flexed her hand and leaned in to meet theirs. It was the first time they’d seen her smile since they’d arrived.