Because this story was birthed out of such a personal and spiritual journey, I thought it would be helpful to share why I wrote Painted Dresses.
I grew up in a household guided by a mother who felt that covering up the past was the best gift she could give her two daughters. But I lived my life under the cloud that something was wrong. The questions I asked my mother caused such a reaction in her that it made me suspicious I wasn’t hearing the whole truth. She used to say, “You ought to be an attorney when you grow up.” She felt cross-examined by me, I guess.
How I knew as a very young girl that something was off-center is a mystery that defies explanation. Then later, as an adult, night terrors and regressive memories became a terrifying reality and left me asking questions. Does the human soul possess its own memory, a kind of invisible truth, or does it know things beyond our present consciousness? And if the invisible truth about each one of us is beating its way to the surface, would that explain the compelling power of human yearning? It is certainly that yearning that becomes the story we writers tell again and again as we pick through our desires, looking for the realities that shaped us.
The yearning that caused me to leave behind my hometown eventually dragged me back, prompting more questions, and causing me to wonder if the people living around me were privately asking the same things. Who am I really? Do I have to be in the shape designed for me by human hands or is there some great mystery at work reshaping me, re-parenting me, offering me a respite from a pain-stained life? Of course, I came to know that great Mystery as the Savior, who I discovered was as much in hot pursuit of me as I was to uncover my covered-over life. It took years for me to reach the place where I could live with some of the conclusions drawn from my past, while realizing that most of us live much of our lives with our questions unanswered. Instead of answering them here in this novel, I wanted to encourage us all to ask out loud the questions inside of us that seem to have been planted in our hearts on purpose, as Gaylen begins to.
But I wanted to take this moment to tell you that one question has been answered for me beyond any doubt. Jesus Christ, my Rescuer, never abandoned me, even when I accused him of abandonment. He sees every detail of what happened to me, what has happened to you, and he will not fail to take those things—no matter how awful or scandalous—and give you the strength to rise above them, as well as the purpose to understand why you should.
If this story or my story has caused some questions to stir inside you, that’s a good starting point. Don’t stop looking until you find the answers you’re seeking.
Love and hugs,
Patricia Hickman