Chapter Thirty-Four

Robbie

I ran. I ran out to the beaches and circled the coast until my lungs burned and exhaustion encompassed me. My knees hit the sands, my entire body on fire and soul crumbling. My world was shattered.

I sat, dumbly watching the water roll in until the light of the sun began to illuminate the sky. The pink, orange, and yellow hues behind me giving way to the darkness over the water ahead of me was ominous. At some point I had stopped crying. A sense of hollowness was all that remained.

It was probably close to seven in the morning when I hauled myself up and went back to where I had left Abi’s car parked. We were meeting up at three in the afternoon, and I couldn’t let her know. I didn’t want to ruin her bachelorette party. I couldn’t let anyone know what had actually happened. After the wedding, I would explain that Theo and I had just decided to go our separate ways.

The thought of facing Maggie and Abi left me even weaker, so I drove the car across the street and checked in at a neighboring hotel. It was the first time I had gotten a hotel room on my own, as Theo always had reservations set in his name and there was always a key card waiting for me if I arrived while he was still deejaying somewhere. It surprised me how effortless it was to just walk in and get a room. Though they did ask for my credit card. I guess that trust fund Mother had set up for me would come in handy after all.

Maggie had established an attorney who also paid bills for me including my tuition, phone, and gas cards. As I showered, I tried to muddle through a plan for life without Theo. But first thing was first, I had to try to sleep some since I was meeting up with Abi and needed to pretend. A lot.

Shocked by the unfamiliar place, it took a moment for me to realize that my alarm was going off. Light peeked in around the edges of the heavy hotel blackout curtain. The sleep that had crept over me was so deep I had woken up in the same position I had passed out in. The events from the night before slammed into me full force, and I heard the strangled whimper that sounded like it had come from someone else. A wounded animal in the room with me? But I knew it was just me and I had to get going.

“I heart San Diego? Really living your truth there, Robbie.” Abi razzed me about the T-shirt I had picked up from the hotel gift shop along with some toiletries.

I forced a smile. “You know it! San Diego is gorgeous. Besides, my favorite cousin lives here.” I shut up before I began babbling and gave myself away. “Starbucks?” I deflected. There was one sure fire way to distract Abi, and that was with mention of her Cinnamon Dolce Caramel Macchiato, with whip.

She bounced up and down in the seat and clapped, repeating the order that I already knew by heart. I knew she would start asking about Theo, and if she did I would break down and it would ruin the day, so I asked, “Abs, what’s the plan?” We had gone over “the plan” the night before. As much as Abi loved spontaneity, she also enjoyed having a purpose.

She let out a laugh and clapped her hands once to focus, her face exaggeratingly scrunching up with seriousness. “So, the plan!” she started happily, and I nodded. It was easy to let her take over. “We’re gonna go check out this woman Kat found who wants to do hair. You said that I’m not obligated to anything but getting a free hairdo today, but if I like it, then Kat is springing for all of us to have this hairdresser for the wedding? I mean, come on, Robbie…”

Oh goodness, she’s figured it out. I opened my mouth to say something when she grasped me up in a hug. “How am I going to say no? It doesn’t matter if she gives us all Grecian goddess hair; it’ll be someone else playing with our hair!” Her laughter relaxed me, and I responded with the same. “Thanks for setting this whole thing up this afternoon,” Abi said, savoring happily once drinks were procured. “And thanks for being the best man of honor ever.”

I scoffed. “You know, I haven’t really done much.”

“That’s silly. You’ve picked up the phone almost every time that I called and listened to me freak out, you kept me totally distracted for like a month so I didn’t drive my fiancé crazy and have him leave me, and you’re here a week early to help with plans!” I know I flinched when she mentioned Jason leaving her, but she didn’t seem to pick up on it.

“Of course. Abi, you’re my only family aside from your mom. And family is for life, right?” I swallowed. The question was supposed to be rhetorical, but for some reason when she answered in the affirmative, I wanted to cry.

“Gotta use the bathroom.” I mussed her hair like I had when we were kids, again to deflect attention to the fact that I was rushing off to get ahold of myself. It earned a swat as I passed.

After taking several deep breaths, I splashed water on my face and gawked at myself in the mirror. I certainly didn’t look like the hell that I felt. I studied my dark hair, which curled up, brushing back over my collar; my week’s growth which was threatening to turn into a full-on beard if left untamed; my deep green eyes with crazy-long eyelashes… I had never spent any real time looking at myself in the mirror. Theo said I was attractive. He’d said it a lot. Growing up I hadn’t had a source of comparison. There were no men in my life, and I wasn’t allowed movies or television. Since last year, I had seen many men both in daily life and media. And all I wanted was Theo.

I closed my eyes, dunking my hands under the cold stream and burying my face in them. Abi, Abi, Abi, I chanted to myself, forcing thoughts of the night before out of my mind. When I had picked her up, I had nipped talk of Theo in the bud by saying that he was indeed sick, had been puking all night, and I had left him to sleep it off. Abi could deal with all manner of dissection, bodily fluids, heck, even pulling the head from a vampire. But when it came to vomit, it was all over. As I had planned, she did not ask anything else about Theo.

Renewed with purpose, I came out of the bathroom and snagged my latte. “And we’re off to meet the hair fairy?”

Abi bounced up and slipped her arm through mine. “Fairy, huh? I mean you do like Disney.”

“There’s an inspiration for your wedding,” I retorted as we got into the car. The drive to La Jolla was filled with music and laughter, and I was almost able to forget why I wasn’t truly happy. Almost.

We both gawked at the beautiful homes with manicured lawns, as GPS led us up a windy path. The large black security gate was open, and we drove in. Abi commented on how gorgeous the grounds were, adding, “Are you sure a hairdresser lives here? I mean, this is crazy!”

“I don’t know much about her. Guess we’ll learn more. The home may be her partner’s?”

★

When we got to the door and rang the bell, I took a step back and pulled out my phone. I had done it to feign checking in with Theo so that Abi could be surprised but had a rush of excitement which quickly dissolved to a second heartbreak when I saw his text that read Dropped off your stuff at your hotel. Of course he knew I had checked into a different hotel. That kind of thing used to make me feel safe and cared for. Now it just felt like salt being poured into an open wound.

“Robbie, what’s wrong?” Abi was asking as a chorus of women giggling and cheering Surprise! came billowing from the hallway.

I quickly tucked the phone away, trying to hide the numbing shock that had formed a knot in my chest. “Surprise, cuz,” I said, hugging her around her shoulders.

“What the—?” Abi stared at the thirty or so women in all manner of dress who came to swallow her up and usher her in, decking her out with a sash, boa, crown, scepter, and glass of champagne. Her astonished smile back over her shoulder at me had me genuinely grinning and bowing slightly, gesturing for her to go on.

“Looks like she didn’t suspect a thing,” I heard to my left and had to bite my lip when I saw Theo’s grandmother standing, smiling, and offering me a glass of champagne.

I gratefully accepted and downed one of my favorite drinks, nodding. “She was definitely surprised,” I offered, looking around for the source of more bubbles.

Kat laced her arm around mine, leading me to a champagne fountain where I filled up my glass and proceeded to drink. “I think it’s going to be a pretty great party. I did get a chance to speak with Maggie, but she declined and said she’s not one for large parties like this. There’s the base plan for the mixture of bridal shower and bachelorette party to start and then some of the more reserved girls are going to bow out. The wilder ones are coming a little later when the strippers show up.”

Coughing, I stared wide-eyed. “I thought you were kidding about that.”

“Honey, one does not kid about men dancing naked,” she playfully scolded, with a twinkle in her eye.

“I may be one of those more reserved girls who needs to bow out,” I smirked.

Cupping me on the shoulder, Kat said, “Ah, you think my grandson will be jealous?”

I choked and her smile faltered. Quickly trying to hide the anguish that washed over me, I said, “I’ve got to go to the bathroom.” I looked around stupidly, expecting to see a sign of some kind. “Please, go back to the party. I’ll find it.”

I hurried down a hallway, not responding to Kat calling after me. It took several tries before I found a restroom that I could barricade myself in, groaning to myself that I would need a lot more alcohol if I was going to keep this going all night. I kept Abi’s name at the forefront of my mind, and it only took one splash of water before I was collected enough to finish champagne glass number two and find my way back to the blessed fountain for a refill. Thankful that Kat was not hovering, I followed the roar of women to a huge and beautiful living room decorated in southwestern flare. There were wagon wheels to either side of the rather large fireplace, above which perched an unfinished log of wood that acted as a mantel. The furniture was in orange and pink, with turquoise accents, and the place was peppered with potted cacti and aloe plants. Two particularly lazy, though admittedly cute dogs were being passed around by the group of women who cuddled and baby-talked to them.

In the center of the fray was an enormous mound of presents. Everyone seemed to be talking at once, though Abi also appeared to be following it. She was laughing and talking and caught my eye, waving me over to a space she had apparently saved right next to her. I realized my third glass was empty and raised it, waggling it to show that it was tragically devoid of liquid and shrugging with mock sadness as I turned away to go and refill.

I wandered off down a hall instead of returning to the room that was louder than most nightclubs and found myself heading out onto a back deck that overlooked a pool. The weather was warm, and my slowly drunken self was curious about said blue depths, though I opted to sit back on one of the lounges and bask for a bit. It would be nice to shed my clothes and take on serpent form, but I pictured the loud women and ear-splitting ewws that might accompany finding a huge snake sunning himself on a lounge chair and opted against it. The image did make me laugh though as I quickly drained glass four and leaned back, enjoying the sun’s rays.

It was some time later that the foot of a glass tapped against my arm. “Want to talk about it?”

I looked up into Kat’s concerned smile, accepted the flute, and said, “No thank you.” I sipped the sweet bubbly liquid, sighing. “Nectar of the gods.”

Kat sat on the lounge next to me. “I wasn’t always a fan. But I guess with many things, it grows on you.”

“I actually like most things carbonated, but I think champagne must be my favorite.” I tried to remember when I had first tried champagne, was hit by the memory, and then frowned and stared at the glass. It had been the first day I had met Theo.

“The gifts are going to last for a bit, followed by a buffet, then some games,” Kat explained. I wasn’t sure why since she had sent me the agenda to see if there was anything I had wanted to add or objected to. Guess I should have taken Strippers? as an area that needed my attention, especially when the finalized agenda read Stripper!

“Cool,” I responded, but didn’t want to be obtuse or ungrateful. “Hey, Kat, thanks again for making sure all of this went off so well. I really appreciate it.” I couldn’t look at her. I knew if I did, I would start crying.

She was quiet for a while, but said as she stood up, “My grandson does some stupid stuff sometimes. I don’t know what he did this time, but if you want to talk, I’m here for you.”

I nodded quickly, even as I ground my teeth. But I couldn’t keep the tears back despite squeezing my eyes tight to fruitlessly quell the tide that escaped.

I could feel her quietly sit back down and after a time sneaked a peek at her. She was leaning back, quietly enjoying the valley that extended out. Her presence was comforting, and we sat in silence for a while until she drained the last of her glass. I kept my face down as she kissed the top of my head, patted my shoulder, and went back inside.

Wiping my face off on my sleeve, I accepted at some point that the spinning was in my head and very welcome and followed my feet to the ever-flowing fountain of champagne. I thought of it as a magical thing and downed one glass before filling it up again and going to stand and watch the party rage on. Abi was buried under three tiaras and was laughing loudly as women told off-color jokes about a flimsy piece of silk she was holding up to herself.

I decided that hiding out in the backyard was probably rude, and so I helped out around the party by refilling drinks, showing the caterers in when they arrived, helping them set up the taco bar in the kitchen, refilling more drinks including my own, and helping to clean up wrapping paper. I kept myself so occupied I didn’t even recognize the time go by.

Soon, the sun had set and the doorbell chimed. I was up, staggering to open it as I had done all day. Confusion washed over me when instead of another female friend of Abi’s, there was a gorgeous man.

“Hey, I’m Chance. Is this the Koch party?”

“Whoa,” I said, taking a couple of steps back. “Yeah.”

“I thought I was the only dancer,” he said in a collegial way. He was almost as tall as I was with dark-brown hair that had been sun-bleached, sparkling blue eyes, and an easy smile. It was obvious that Chance enjoyed the gym as his arms were almost twice the size mine were. I also couldn’t help but notice the mounds of his pecs with pert nipples that poked through the thin material of his cut-off T-shirt that displayed the tight rolls of his six-pack. His jeans could have been painted on.

“What?” I looked around for another dancer.

“I normally work alone, but it’s cool. You’re dancing too?”

“No, I’m the maid of honor…bridesmaid, man, bride’s man? Man of honor,” I finally worked out, before realizing that I had been talking to his bulge the whole time. I snapped my eyes back to his face to see that he had fixed me with a smirk and found myself grow very hot. “Come in, sorry, yeah, my cousin. She’s the bride. Abi. She’s playing pin the dick on the—” My mouth fell open at what I had just said.

Chance laughed loudly, stepping in and past me, his chest brushing mine.

His proximity made me take a quick step back. Gravity and alcohol immediately showed me why they never should be mixed, and I found myself being held by unfamiliar arms. “Whoa, love. Seems you’ve been having quite the time without me.”

My heart hammered wildly, and I murmured something about liking champagne.

He whispered, “I normally don’t mix business with pleasure, but if you’re not busy after the party and want to have some real fun, let me know.”

Then he was moving away, glancing toward the sound of the women. He handed me a portable speaker and clicked something on his phone. Dance music exploded out, causing me to jump and almost drop the speaker. His arms went up to the ladies whose attention he had captured immediately, and with a wink he said to me over his shoulder, “Let the real games begin.”