One Night until New Year’s Eve
Nicky dropped a purple stone into an empty divot in the Mancala board and reached over to grab my pile of ten stones.
“Now wait a minute. What are you doing?”
“That’s the way the game’s played, Mom. If the cubby opposite is empty, and I drop the last stone in, I get all your pieces.”
“Well, that’s not fair.” I smiled, knowing she was right. I’d been playing Mancala since I was her age. The distraction mulling through my brain had become overwhelming though. Playing games was the least of my worries at the moment.
“Are you ever going to tell me what happened with Uncle Jack?”
I picked up a pile of four stones and began counting them out. “It’s grown up stuff, sweetie. You wouldn’t understand.”
She made a fist with her hands and leaned on it. “Try me.”
“You’re twelve. I’m not discussing this with you.”
“Then who are you going to discuss this with? Uncle Jack’s your best friend. You tell him everything. Now that he’s gone, I’m all you got left.”
“I’m all you have left,” I corrected.
“No changing the subject.” She grabbed two stones and dropped them in their respective slots. “I really like Uncle Jack. I want to help.”
I rubbed my forehead. “Sometimes grown-ups have to make decisions that are hard to live with.”
“Don’t you guys still like each other?”
“Yes we do. Very much.”
“So what’s the problem?”
Me. I’m the problem. Me and my stupid, archaic… I steadied myself with a relieving breath. “It’s complicated, honey.”
She stared at me. Her eyes widened. “He tried to have sex with you, didn’t he?”
My hand dropped to the table. My jaw fell wide. “What did you just say?”
“Is that it? Did you say no? Why?”
I placed my hands over my ears. “I am not having this conversation with my twelve year old daughter. And where did you learn this? You know… never mind. We are not having this conversation. Period.”
“Sounds like I guessed right. Why didn’t you do it, Mom? Don’t you like him?”
“I like him, sweetie.” I rubbed my face. “I’m just not ready to talk about this stuff with you.”
“Mom, I’m in seventh grade. I already know about this stuff. Kids at school are…”
I stood. “No, they are not!”
“Kissing, Mom. I was gonna say kissing… and not me, anyway. I don’t even have a boyfriend.”
I tried to settle my elevated heart rate and returned to my chair.
“I just don’t get what the big deal is.” Her eyes betrayed her concern. “As long as you both care about each other.”
“That’s it! I’m pulling you from public school and sending you to Saint Rose.”
Nicky rolled her eyes. “Mom, seriously. Think about this. It’s not like it’s your first time. Would it really be all that bad?”
No. It wouldn’t be. I cringed, despite myself. “Sweetheart, you need to understand that sometimes you need to follow what you believe is right — not just what you want to do. I believe that you should only — ummm, do that with the man you marry.”
She frowned. “Really?”
I nodded. “Really.”
“Even if it means losing Uncle Jack?”
I dropped my head to my hands. “I don’t know, baby. I really don’t know.”