CHAPTER 9

I took Stanley out of his grocery bag and held him up for all the audience to see.

“Ladies and gentlemen, boys and girls of all ages,” I said. “I would like you to meet my robot, the super-duper sock-picker-upper. He’s named Stanley, after my father.”

I looked at my parents, who were sitting in the audience. I was so glad that my mom could get away from work. And my dad had such a proud smile on his face. I saw him give my mom a nudge with his elbow. She gave him a pat on the shoulder.

“How many people here are told every day to pick up their socks and put them in the hamper?” I asked, raising my own hand. Lots of other kids raised their hands, too. Even a few of the parents chuckled and raised their hands.

“We all know that picking up socks is annoying,” I said, “but I, Hank Zipzer, have the solution.”

I reached in the bag and pulled out two socks. They didn’t match, even though I was positive I had put a matching pair in there. I placed the socks on the floor as if nothing was wrong. Then I put one of our wooden salad bowls nearby.

“Watch and be amazed,” I told the audience. “You will see Stanley pick up the socks and drop them in the salad bowl, which is playing the part of a hamper. Take a bow, Mr. Salad Bowl.”

The audience laughed. This is going well.

Taking the remote control, I pressed the forward button and waited for Stanley to roll across the stage to the socks. He did just the opposite. He rolled away from the socks, and when I say away, I mean far away.

Correction. This is not going so well.

“You can’t tell forward from backward, Zipper Teeth,” McKelty shouted. “Looks like your robot’s got the same problem.”

I looked down at the remote control. I had pressed the forward button. Why wasn’t Stanley listening?

“Seems like my little robot has a mind of his own,” I said to the audience. I was smiling on the outside, but shaking on the inside. “Let’s try again, okay, Stanley?”

I pushed the forward button all the way down with my thumb. Stanley lurched backward again, this time at full speed. He was going so fast, he rolled right up onto Principal Love’s sneakers and only stopped when his wheels got tangled up in Principal Love’s shoelaces. You could hear Stanley’s motor whirring, but he wasn’t going anywhere.

Everyone was laughing at me, especially Nick McKelty.

“Nice move, loser,” he called out.

I wasn’t going to let him get away with that, so I said the first thing that came to my mind.

“Stanley,” I said. “You’re supposed to pick socks up off the floor, not pull them off Principal Love’s feet!”

The audience laughed again, but this time they were laughing with me.

“Don’t move, Principal Love,” I said. “I’ve got this under control.”

I went over to him, knelt down, and lifted Stanley off his sneakers. Well, I pulled most of him off. My sister’s polka-dot spoon in the shape of a kitten stayed behind in the shoelaces. Poor Stanley was now officially missing an arm.

“Looks like your so-called robot is a total flop,” McKelty called out.

“Mr. McKelty, if I have to remind you one more time, I will have to ask you to leave this assembly,” Principal Love said. “We don’t make fun of others here.”

I just stood there holding Stanley. I was frozen. Stanley had worked so well on our dining-room table. I couldn’t figure out what was going wrong. I knew I had to do something with all those eyeballs staring at me. But what?

Suddenly, from the corner of my eye, I saw Jaden rush up to the stage. He came up right next to me, and without saying a word, pulled out his little screwdriver. Taking Stanley from my hands, he sat down right there on the stage floor and started to rewire Stanley’s motor.

Of course! That was the problem. When I rewired Stanley for my dad, I had gotten the wiring all wrong. No surprise there: My brain thinks it knows what it’s doing, but most of the time, it gets confused.

“Green wires go to the back wheels, white wires to the front wheels, yellow wires to the arms,” Jaden reminded me.

“This always happens to me,” I whispered to him. “I get everything mixed up.”

“You have to focus,” Jaden said. “I’m really good at that. Here, you attach the last wire.”

“Mr. Zipzer,” Principal Love said. “Can we expect you to continue anytime soon? Or should we move on?”

“Almost done, Principal Love,” I said.

When I turned back around, I saw Jaden stand up and start to walk off the stage.

“Jaden, wait,” I called out.

“You know what to do,” Jaden said. “I’ve left you my screwdriver.”

“Thanks a ton, Jaden,” I whispered.

Then he left the stage and returned to his mom.

My hands were a little shaky as I picked up Jaden’s screwdriver and attached the yellow wires to Stanley’s arm. When I was finished, I turned to the audience and forced myself to put on a big smile.

“Stanley will now pick up a sock, and this time, using only one arm,” I announced. “That’s how good he is.”

I held my breath and pushed the forward button on the remote control. This time, Stanley zipped forward, heading for the blue sock lying in the center of the stage. I stopped him right in front of the sock and pushed the yellow button that controlled his arms.

Stanley lowered his takeout-fork arm and scooped up the blue sock from the floor. I could hear the audience start to applaud.

“Now, Stanley,” I called out, “I want you to drop the sock in the salad-bowl hamper!”

I pressed hard on the remote control button to lower Stanley’s arm. I must have pressed it too hard, because suddenly, the remote control made a strange noise like popcorn popping. Then Stanley’s arm shot up and flipped the sock high into the air.

The sock continued flying through the air, and landed—I’m sorry to say—right on Principal Love’s nose. He looked like a puffin with an extra-long beak. Everyone in the whole room howled with laughter. Everyone but Principal Love. He just reached up with two fingers and carefully lifted my sock off his face like it was a wet noodle.

Standing there on the stage, I had three thoughts at the exact same time.

My first thought was that Jaden really came through for me, like a true friend does.

My second thought was how happy I was that I picked clean socks so that Principal Love didn’t have to smell my dirty ones.

My third thought was that I probably was not going to win this contest.