‘That was wonderful.’
Violet spread her arms wide and twirled along the upstairs corridor, humming softly to herself as they made their way slowly to bed.
‘I’m glad you enjoyed it.’ Lance followed behind, watching in amusement.
‘Didn’t you?’
‘Yes, surprisingly enough. It was a triumph, thanks to you.’
‘And you.’ She tipped her head back and gave him an upside-down smile. ‘Both of us.’
‘Because I managed not to lose my temper with anyone and spoil the evening like five years ago?’
She clucked her tongue reprovingly. ‘You were the perfect gentleman. Never mind all my disappointed suitors, I believe a fair number of ladies were quite devastated to find you off the marriage market as well.’
‘I could have been standing in a sea full of women this evening and still noticed only one.’
‘Mrs Gargrave?’
‘Is it so obvious?’
He chuckled and bent down suddenly, ignoring the pain in his leg as he scooped her up off her feet and into his arms.
‘Lance!’ She squealed in surprise as he spun her round in a circle. ‘Your leg!’
‘Has it fallen off?’ He adopted a look of mock horror. ‘We’re in a tricky situation if it has. I may be forced to drop you.’
‘Don’t be silly.’
‘Then let me worry about my leg.’
‘All right.’ She smiled and rested her head against his shoulder, snuggling into the space beneath his chin. ‘Will you tell me what happened to it—your leg, I mean?’
He froze mid-step. ‘I told you, I was injured in a duel.’
‘You never said what the duel was about.’
‘No.’ He lowered her gently to her feet again, though he kept his hands clasped tight around her waist. ‘Although I did say you wouldn’t like me very much if I did.’
‘It’s a risk I’m willing to take.’ She looked up at him pleadingly. ‘Won’t you tell me now, Lance, please?’
He sighed and rested his chin on the top of her head, gathering her closer towards him. ‘I think I’d prefer it if my leg really had fallen off.’
‘It might make you feel better to tell someone.’
‘I doubt it.’
She pressed her face into his chest, though her muffled voice sounded distinctly guilty. ‘I asked Martin when we were in Scotland.’
‘And?’ He found himself holding his breath.
‘He wouldn’t tell me.’
‘Good.’
‘He did tell me that you were a good commander, though. He said that your men would have followed you into battle without question.’
‘Lucky we were in Canada then. There weren’t many battles.’
‘And that you saved his life. He said he fell down a rock face and you carried him ten miles to safety rather than abandon him in the wilderness.’
‘It was easy terrain.’
‘He said it was a forest full of wolves and bears.’
‘You know he’s always exaggerating.’
‘Stop joking.’ She gave him a small shake. ‘You still saved his life. And whatever your duel was about, Martin didn’t abandon you afterwards. He must not think what you did was so bad.’
‘Only because he thinks he owes me a debt. He doesn’t. He was my batman. It was my duty to get him back to safety.’
‘That’s not what he says. He says there were half a dozen of you in the scouting party and the rest told you to leave him behind.’
‘All that proves is that I’m stubborn. It doesn’t make me a hero, Violet.’
She curled her arms around his neck, pulling herself up towards him. ‘Then tell me why you’re a villain. I won’t let go until you do.’
He gritted his teeth. Her face was just a few inches from his. He was half tempted to kiss her just to stop her from talking, except that he had a feeling she wouldn’t let the matter drop even then. But perhaps he owed her the whole truth after all.
‘All right, but not here. Come inside.’
He drew her arms from around his neck and opened his bedroom door, standing back to let her precede him inside. He couldn’t touch her any longer, not until after he’d told her—though he doubted she’d want him to hold her then...
‘This isn’t easy to do without a drink.’ He closed the door behind them with an ominous thud. ‘You might need one, too.’
‘No, thank you.’ She took a seat on the edge of the bed, looking up at him expectantly.
‘All right.’ He strode across to the fireplace, feeling chilled all of a sudden. ‘You might recall that I have—I had—a certain reputation. With women, that is.’
‘Yes.’ He could almost feel her eyes boring into the back of his head.
‘It was a fair one. In all honesty, it might have been a lot worse. I’ve no excuse for my behaviour. It was reprehensible. I’d like to say that being in the army changed me, made me more of a gentleman, but it didn’t. I was a good officer, my men liked me, but I still behaved badly.’
He threw a quick look over his shoulder, but her expression was unreadable. ‘The major of our unit was about twenty years older than me. He was a good man, someone I liked and respected, but he had a younger wife... Pamela. He adored her, but suffice to say she wasn’t quite so enamoured. She was pretty and bored and easily distracted. You can probably guess the rest.’
‘I don’t want to guess.’
‘Very well.’ He gripped the edge of the mantel. ‘We had an affair. It was only a handful of times, but one evening he found us together in bed. I suppose I ought to be glad he didn’t shoot me there and then, but unlike me, he was a man of honour. He challenged me to a duel instead.’ He ground his teeth at the memory. ‘I slept with his wife and he gave me a chance to shoot him.’
He sensed rather than heard her come to stand behind him. ‘Only a chance? Didn’t you take it?’
‘I stood and faced him with a loaded pistol, if that’s what you mean, but when I saw the look of pain on his face I realised that it didn’t make any difference who shot whom. No matter what happened, I’d already destroyed something inside of him that couldn’t be repaired. I’d broken his heart over a woman I didn’t even care about. It was the first time in my life I knew what guilt felt like. The first time I realised my actions had real consequences. So I shot into the air and waited. I thought it was the least I could do under the circumstances.’
‘Then he shot you?’
‘Only in the leg. At ten paces on a perfectly still day with a clear target. He was too good a man to punish me the way I deserved.’
‘Did you want him to kill you?’
‘No. I didn’t want to die, even though I thought I probably deserved it. When I woke up in the infirmary, I didn’t mind the pain either because I knew I deserved that, too. But after that, everything seemed to unravel. I got the news about Arthur and Father, I was discharged from the army, I had to face everything I’d done, all those mistakes...’ He bent his head over his hands. ‘So now you know. I’m not a war hero, Violet, not even close.’
‘No...’ Her voice sounded flat, without any inflection at all. ‘You’re not.’
They lapsed into silence for a few moments, with only the sound of the fire crackling between them. He couldn’t even hear her breathing, but he could still sense her there at his shoulder, as if all his nerve endings were straining towards her.
‘So what now?’ At last he couldn’t bear the tension any longer.
‘What do you mean?’ Her voice was the same flat monotone as before.
‘I mean, how soon will you be leaving now that I’ve told you the truth?’ He gave a bitter smile and then grimaced. ‘Forgive me, Violet. I shouldn’t have said it like that. You’ve every right to leave if you want to. I’ll even take you to the station if you wish.’
‘I don’t wish it. I don’t want to go anywhere. I’m tired.’
‘Tired?’ He felt a stab of disappointment. Was that it? Wasn’t she going to say anything about what he’d just told her? He’d expected condemnation, disgust, tears even, but not tiredness. He’d have rather she railed at him than said nothing at all, though maybe silence was a more fitting punishment. Maybe there was nothing to say. He limped stiffly towards the interconnecting door that led to her bedroom and held it open, but she didn’t follow.
‘Violet?’
‘Will you help me undress?’ Slowly she peeled her gloves off and then turned around, gesturing at the clasps that ran down the back of her gown. ‘I told Eliza not to wait up.’
He made a noise intended to be agreement, though it sounded more like a growl as he moved back towards her again, lifting his fingers to the nape of her neck and slowly unfastening each clasp. To his surprise, his hands were shaking slightly.
‘There’s a bow, too, at my waist.’ She half twisted her head. ‘Could you untie it?’
He didn’t even try to answer this time, half wondering if he’d somehow fallen asleep and was dreaming. Surely only that could explain her asking him to undress her? If it was a dream, however, he didn’t want to wake up.
He did as she asked, untying the bow and easing the silken fabric away from her skin. Her skirts came loose with a swooshing sound, falling to the floor like a silvery pool around her feet.
‘Thank you for telling me the truth.’ She turned to face him at last, dressed in only her corset and undergarments. ‘I’m glad that you did.’
He kept his eyes fixed on her face, not daring to look any lower. ‘You deserve the truth, Violet. No matter what I’ve done in the past, I intend to act honourably from now on. That means towards you, too. I won’t break my promise.’
‘You mean seven years...’ She put a hand on his chest, spreading her palm flat over his heart. ‘What if I don’t want to wait that long?’
His mind seemed to go blank for a moment. ‘What?’
‘What if I don’t want to go away again either?’ Her fingers flexed against his chest as her gaze flickered up to his. ‘Unless you want me to go?’
‘I never wanted you to go the first time.’ His voice sounded hoarse, hardly like his own any more. ‘But I promised you your freedom.’
‘Can’t I have freedom and you, too?’
‘Violet.’ Somehow he managed to keep his hands at his sides. ‘Weren’t you listening to what I just told you?’
She looked straight into his eyes, her own bigger and bluer and more mesmerising than any he’d ever seen before. ‘Yes. You wanted to be punished. That shows you were sorry.’
‘That’s not the point.’ He shook his head obstinately. ‘I still deserve to be punished, Violet. Not just for that, but for Arthur and my father, too. I’m not worthy of someone like you. I don’t deserve to be happy.’
Her eyes flashed with anger before she raised her other hand to his chest and shoved hard. ‘Well, I do! And don’t you dare call yourself unworthy! You’re worth something to me. You gave me back a piece of me that was missing. You gave me my mother. Even if it doesn’t mean much to you, it does to me!’
She started to whirl away, but he reached up and clutched her wrists.
‘Wait!’
‘No!’ She glared at him. ‘I won’t live with someone who says he can’t be happy. I can’t bear it again! If you won’t let go of the past, then you really are like my father!’
‘Violet!’ He caught at her waist this time, hauling her back towards him so that her chest heaved against his. ‘Forgive me.’
‘Not if you won’t forgive yourself. You’re not that man any more! You don’t have to let who you were in the past define you now. You don’t have to let it destroy our marriage either!’
He leaned forward, lowering his forehead to hers. ‘I don’t want to destroy our marriage. I want it—I want you—more than I’ve ever wanted anything before.’
‘Then you have to let go of the past. Be my husband—my real husband.’
She lifted her hands and placed one on either side of his head, slowly drawing his mouth down to hers. He didn’t resist, hardly dared to move as her lips touched his with a sweetness that took his breath away. She tasted like lemonade, he thought inconsequentially, before he stopped thinking altogether and let feeling take over. Her hands slid up into his hair and he gathered her into his arms, claiming her mouth again with a need that caught him by surprise. She felt warm and yielding and irresistible. He wanted her. And she wanted him. Despite everything that she knew about him now, she still wanted him.
‘Violet?’ He moaned her name against her lips. ‘Are you certain?’
‘Yes.’ She murmured the word and he didn’t hold back any longer, his lips never leaving hers as he half lifted, half staggered with her across the room. She tugged at the arms of his jacket while he pulled at the lacings of her corset, tearing it away before they reached the bed and tumbled down on to it together.
Gently, he slid his hands beneath the rounded curve of her bottom, revelling in the softness of her skin as he pulled the full length of her body against him, tearing at the rest of her undergarments. It would make more sense, a small part of his mind argued, to move away and undress her, but he didn’t want to move away. He couldn’t bear to be parted from her, not for a moment. He wanted there to be as little space between them as possible. Somehow he freed himself from the remainder of his clothes, too, and then they were naked, side by side, arms and legs entangled as they explored each other’s bodies with a hunger that made his whole being ache with need.
He rolled on top of her and she tipped her head back, arching her back beneath him as he drew a hand across her thighs and then between her legs, caressing her gently until she moaned aloud. Then he nudged her legs apart, pushing himself against the apex of her thighs. She felt wet already and he had to stop himself from rushing, from taking her before she was ready. He wanted her to be ready. He wanted her to enjoy the experience, even if waiting felt like an unbearable torture.
Slowly, he trailed his lips over her throat, kissing and sucking and tasting her skin all the way down to her breasts, before gently suckling each nipple. Almost. He moaned as she ran her hands over his back, raking her nails over his skin as she squirmed and panted beneath him. Almost. She lifted her head to meet his, sliding her tongue inside his mouth, and he couldn’t wait any longer. He came inside her with one hard powerful thrust, holding her hips steady as he met some inner resistance and then pushed deeper.
‘Violet?’ He stilled as she cried out and stiffened beneath him. He’d heard that it was painful the first time, although he’d never slept with a virgin before. And she was so small, so delicate... Had he hurt her? He hardly dared ask.
‘Are you all right?’
‘Yes.’ She sounded breathless.
‘Should I stop?’
‘No.’ She shook her head determinedly and he almost panted with relief. Even now, lying vulnerable and exposed beneath him, there was something indefatigable about her. Something that made him want to push even deeper, to possess every part of her. So he did, burying himself in her body as deeply as he could, as if he could truly lose himself in her.
Then they were moving together. She matched his rhythm at once, wrapping her legs around his as he gripped the bedsheets, trying to hold himself back. Of all the women he’d ever slept with, he couldn’t remember any ever affecting him so powerfully, so completely, as if she were trying to drive him to the very limits of self-control. He gritted his teeth as she writhed against him, gasping until her muscles all seemed to tighten at once and she cried out, clutching at him a second before he found his own release. For a few moments, her body continued to tremble and pulsate beneath his and he rolled quickly on to his back, pulling her with him so that she was cradled on top of his chest, her head resting on his shoulder.
He didn’t know how long they lay there, nor how long it took for him to come back to himself, but when he did, it seemed as if some blinders that had been over his eyes had been lifted. The past was the past. He felt genuinely, absurdly happy, and it was all thanks to Violet. The fact that she still wanted him, despite everything he’d done, everything he had been, was enough.
She was asleep in his arms and he drew her closer, tucking her into the crook of his arm. She was his wife and he loved her. He should have told her so, he realised, before they’d made love, though perhaps it could wait until the morning. Maybe he’d find a way to make it special somehow. Maybe he’d take her to the centre of the maze and tell her there. Maybe he’d make love to her there again, too. Now he knew that she wanted him too, his mind was suddenly alive to a whole range of possibilities. The very thought made him wish it were morning already.
He’d tell her he loved her, just as soon as they woke up.