Brom stayed home from New York for a few weeks after the birth, and to my surprise it was not unpleasant to have him there. He would sit and hold Anneke for what seemed like hours on end, though as soon as she needed to be fed or changed he was quick to pass her off to me. Yet as he grew more confident in his role as father, he would take to walking her up and down the hall when she cried and would not sleep, attempting to soothe her.
We had Anneke baptized in the church while Brom was home, with Charlotte standing as her godmother and Brom’s friend—and second from the duel—Pieter Van Horn as godfather. Pieter eyed Charlotte warily throughout the service, as though he expected her to suddenly begin shouting curses at him. Anneke cried loudly as she was dunked in the water, which all the village women proclaimed was a good sign.
I was surprised—and somewhat uneasy—to notice Ichabod’s cousin Giles Carpenter was present for the ceremony. I cornered Charlotte briefly after the service.
“Oh—I invited him,” she said, looking guiltily away from my eyes. “He is in town, and I thought it might be nice for him to see me made godmother.”
“Charlotte, he does not know, does he?” I demanded. I did not believe my dearest friend would confide my secrets to her suitor, but …
“Oh, no!” she exclaimed. “No, of course not! I would never tell him such a thing, never! Though…” She lowered her voice. “He is her blood kin.”
“I know,” I murmured. I did not enjoy living this lie, but it was necessary for my daughter’s safety. I would endure it and more.
I longed to inquire further about her relationship with Giles, but as I had other guests to see, I was forced to defer to another time.
Charlotte naturally made herself scarce when Brom was home, so the next day I went to see her. I had left Brom fondly watching Anneke sleep and Nox standing guard. Already it felt strange to go on a visit without her. Indeed it reminded me of what I already thought of as old times as Charlotte and I settled into her parlor with some tea.
“So, how are things with Giles?” I asked, raising my eyebrows.
Charlotte smiled, but it was tinged with sadness. “Well enough, I suppose. Only…”
“Only what?” I pressed.
“He … he has not proposed, but we have talked of marriage,” she said.
“Oh!” I exclaimed. “How wonderful! Why should that not make you happy?”
She sighed. “I do not know,” she said. “He assumes I would come to live in White Plains with him—as a husband has every right to expect that. But in truth, I do not wish to leave Sleepy Hollow. My mother is here, and our patients and clients.” She looked at me. “And you and baby Anneke, of course.”
“Can he not come here?”
She frowned. “I do not know that he would consider it. He owns a small but successful tavern there. He would likely not leave it.”
“He could always open a tavern here.”
“Perhaps. That seems like a great deal to ask of him.”
“Why not? If he truly loves you?”
“Katrina, you of all people should know these things are not that easy.”
I flinched at this reminder of my own thwarted romance, but pressed on nonetheless. “I want you to be happy, Charlotte. And if it would make you happy to be his wife…”
“It would make me happy,” she said. “But would it make me happy enough to make up for everything that is making me happy now, here, that I would need to give up?”
Her question gave me pause. If she had a chance for a happy, loving marriage, she should take it—it was a bit selfish of her, in a way, to think of squandering such a chance. Yet I understood her predicament. Had Ichabod and I been allowed to wed, it was a foregone conclusion that we would stay in Sleepy Hollow—or if we left, it would only be temporarily—and then eventually inherit the Van Tassel farm. So I had never been faced with such a choice.
And, of course, I did not want her to leave, but I couldn’t wish for her to stay only for my sake, and I told her so.
She sighed. “It is not solely for you that I wish to stay, though I would miss you the most.” She looked off into space. “I do not know. I must think on it more. After what Brom did, I did not think such an opportunity would come my way. And so I have never had to consider all the benefits and drawbacks of marriage.”
“Have you and Giles…” I trailed off meaningfully, and she laughed.
“No, though God knows I have wanted to, many times,” she said. “I love him and desire him. I know that. But it feels wrong to lie with him when I am so undecided about marrying him.”
“I understand,” I said. “And have you…” I hesitated. “Consulted the cards, perhaps?”
She met my gaze. “No,” she said. “Not yet. Though I may soon.” She studied my face. “In truth, I have been expecting you to ask me to read them for you again.”
I looked away uncomfortably. “Perhaps soon,” I said vaguely.
She did not look away. “Whenever you are ready, Katrina. No sooner.”
* * *
I kept turning her words over in my head the rest of that day. I needed to be ready soon, I knew. The late days of my pregnancy, and the birth, had sufficiently distracted me from my quest to learn Ichabod’s fate. But now it was back and beginning to gnaw at me. Perhaps the time had come to find some real answers.
That night I stood beside Anneke’s cradle, watching her sleep; she was bathed in the silvery moonlight that came in through the window.
Oh, Ichabod, I thought. You have a beautiful daughter. How could you have left her? How could you have left us? She is the most perfect daughter who ever was, and you are not here. Why are you not here? How could you?
His words came back to me: I shall pray day and night to be so blessed as to have you bear my daughter.
Were they prayers or lies, you bastard? I wanted to scream at him. For I have borne your daughter, and where are you?
I shook with silent sobs for a long, long time.