My family was still asleep in the town house when I returned to retrieve my ledger.
Except Lizzy.
She sat in the parlor with her feet curled on the sofa. “Is it done?”
“Not yet.”
She ducked her face onto her knees. She looked dainty in Charlotte’s lacy nightgown.
I moved to the desk and grabbed my book, tucking it under my arm. I didn’t need to turn to know she stared at me. Didn’t need to search very far to know her questions. “It was a matter of life and death. That’s the only reason I didn’t take you with me or come back.”
“You chose my aunt over me. And all these years, was it still life and death?”
Her words were muffled in the lace, but I heard the ache in them.
The years away.
We’d never have them back. I had nothing to soothe her, nothing but the truth. “I had to earn the money to free us.”
“My pa said you were wild. You didn’t like being told what to do.”
“Why would my father say that? He knows I was a good daughter.”
“I said my pa.”
My gut clenched tight, twisting. She meant Nicholas. “Your pa’s the reason I left. Whatever he said is a lie. My brother is a liar.”
Lizzy didn’t say anything, but she didn’t look at me either.
“I have to go do what I set out to do, free us today. Then we’ll talk.”
She didn’t respond, not till I was at the door.
“If you come back, I’d love to hear.”
Her voice had bitterness, but she had fifteen years of Nicholas’s poison to sour her.
I didn’t slam the door but closed it with a soft click of the lock. I understood Lizzy’s feelings, even if they meant she hated me.
More people were out in Roseau. My joy of seeing brown women in hats, freewomen, walking alongside the others, leaped in my heart. Lizzy would take her place with them. Then she’d forgive me. She’d have to.
All my daughters would forgive me, one day.
My steps picked up as I passed the government building. Soldiers were everywhere. These men ate and drank and danced through the night.
Better that than starting up a war.
The Holy Father needed to keep them calm and stir no rebellions. This place was special, more liberal than Demerara. Last week, I attended my first service in a church, Notre Dame du Bon Port.
Indoor worship with a priest.
I went at eleven for the enslaved, next week I’ll go at nine with the free people.
God was closer to me here than anywhere. This had to be the place to start over, start over my business, start over my heart without Cells.
Turning down one path then another, I stumbled near a well in the middle of the cobbled market. A stone wall supported a thatched roof and a bucket. The water looked cool, but on this hot day, no one drank.
That had to be an omen, a bad one.
I backed away, the heated air whipping my face. I made my boots follow the wind. It led me down an alley to a small building with blue shutters.
The hand-painted sign looked like squiggles, but the number on the door was twenty-four. With a quick knock, I went inside. A young man at a close desk sprung up. “Can I help you?”
“I’m here to see Mr. Bates. Mr. Charles Bates.”
“You’re Dorothy Kirwan?”
“Yes.”
The man looked stunned.
“Is something wrong?”
“Miss Kirwan is mulatto. You’re not—”
“Tell that to my pa, Andrew Kirwan. I suspect he’ll be here to finish the paperwork for my ransom.”
The man kept staring. I suppose I was used to it, how aware folks were of my skin, but my black was beautiful, supple with coconut oil, and now adorned in fine linen and silk. Respect. Today, going forward, I’d remember I’d earned it. “Go tell Mr.—”
Pa came through the door. “Dolly, you’re on time. Of course you would be today.”
The young clerk backed up; he may have even bowed. “Sorry, miss. I’ll go tell Mr. Bates.”
The fellow ducked into a room and closed the door behind him.
“Dolly, is there a problem?”
“No, Pa. They just don’t know me here. I’ll have to fix that.”
“You plan on staying in Roseau?”
The wind, the church, Foden’s influence said this was for me. “Yes.”
The clerk stepped out of the room and said to us, “They’ll see you now.”
I started down the hall, but Pa stepped in front. “I want you to convince your mother and Lizzy to come back to Montserrat.”
“Kitty and Charlotte and Edward haven’t had enough time with them. Me neither.”
“Then all of you should come back.”
Did I shrug, did my face fall off and shatter? Not sure. I’d watched Cells hold his tongue with his politicking, but I wasn’t him. “Can we talk of this later?”
“Fine.” His heavier footfalls passed mine. We headed into the room.
Then my world ended, shattering like it had years ago.
Nicholas sat at the table, waiting for me, smiling like he’d won.