THE FOLLOWING Tuesday Susannah went with Ryan to the community center to begin assembling the mosaic. Joe came to help and brought a digital video camera.
“Nice equipment,” Susannah said, admiring it. Very high-end. Expensive. She looked through the viewfinder and tinkered with all the controls. “Brand-new?”
“Yep.”
“Hooks into a TV or computer?”
“Right.”
“I’m so jealous. Must’ve cost you a fortune.”
“Hey, not me. Ryan paid for it.”
Ryan jumped in and said he wanted to have a video record of the mural.
“What a great idea,” Susannah told him. “You should do that with all your commissions, start to finish. Video the work while it’s in progress and the final product and make a compact disc. You’d have a terrific sales tool, much better than the still photographs we’ve been mailing out.”
“Pretty much what I had in mind if I can learn to work the stupid thing.”
Joe had used a friend’s before, so he spent five minutes showing them both what to do.
“Simple,” he said, finishing. “Not too different from Susannah’s camera.”
“Looks pretty simple,” Ryan agreed, “even for me.”
They began installing the panels, putting in both a water-resistant and a soundproof membrane and then attaching the cement backerboard to the wall studs. At intervals, Joe took video of Ryan at work with Susannah helping.
Because this room would be used primarily for a day care center and the walls would take a lot of abuse, Ryan had used vitreous tile fired for thirty-plus hours at twenty-two hundred degrees.
Joints cleverly hidden in the design would allow the materials to expand and contract without damage.
Vitreous, impervious…Susannah had picked up the terminology and actually understood what it meant. She knew the difference between an edging and a margin trowel. The array of adhesives still confused her, but she was pleased with what she’d learned.
Ryan looked around and said they were making excellent progress. Completing the work wouldn’t take many more days.
He’d finished tiling every panel, with the exception of the one that held the caricatures of his own family. That one he’d been working on after hours and hadn’t brought down from the workshop.
“When are you going to let me have a peek?” Susannah asked.
“I’m not.”
“How come?”
“Because the only reward I get from a donated project like this is people’s reaction. If you or Joe or anybody else knows what it all looks like, you won’t be surprised. That spoils it for me. So I’m holding something back. You’ll have to wait for the dedication.”
“Makes sense,” Joe said.
She pinched him on the arm.
“Ouch!”
“You’re supposed to side with me, you traitor.”
“Joe’s going to help me install the panel because it’s too heavy to do alone. Once it’s up, I’ll lay in the tile on the missing part. Then we’ll be ready for the unveiling.”
“How have you portrayed your mother and grandmother?”
“You’ll have to wait and see.”
“No hints even?”
“All I’ll tell you is that your birds are going in there.”
She smiled delightedly. One day he’d supervised as she’d created a pair of snowbirds out of the tiniest tiles, but she’d assumed the piece was only for practice and not of any importance.
“Oh, Ryan, seriously? You’re going to use my birds?”
When he nodded, she was so excited, she kissed both him and Joe, then danced around.
Joe grabbed the video camera and recorded her craziness.
She didn’t care. She had created something artistic and beautiful! Her! Susannah Pelton. And for years and years people would enjoy her work.
This was so much better than just assisting with the background pieces. She’d only been following Ryan’s design and pattern then. The birds were her idea, her creation. Even Ryan had said she’d done a great job.
“Where are they going exactly?” she asked.
“I’m not telling.”
She begged for details, but he wouldn’t give in. If Joe hadn’t been there, she probably could have convinced him to tell, but she had to behave. Joe was already suspicious of them. He’d been sending them sly grins all afternoon.
Ryan had gently patted her bottom when she kissed him and the intimacy of that hadn’t escaped Joe’s notice. He’d winked at her over Ryan’s shoulder.
She had a hard time settling down. Twice Ryan told her to stop singing because it was driving him crazy.
“Okay, Mr. Grinch.”
Late in the afternoon, Ryan looked at his watch and commented that it was nearly time for Nia’s bus to arrive.
“How about picking her up and staying through her ballet lesson?” he asked Susannah. “You can watch the kids practice for their recital. Joe and I can handle things here.”
“Yeah, get lost,” Joe suggested. “We need some peace and quiet.”
“I get the impression you don’t like my singing.”
“That’s putting it mildly,” Ryan said, making Joe snicker.
She said she’d go. She needed to talk to Nia’s teacher, anyway, about her costume for the dance.
On her way out, she launched into a loud chorus of “Respect.” Joe got it all on video, including Ryan covering his ears.
RYAN WAITED until he was certain Susannah had left the room, then asked Joe if he thought she’d suspected.
“Didn’t seem to.”
“I appreciate your helping me pull this off. You sure you can find someone to put together what I want?”
“Positive. All we have to do is get enough video of her to have a good selection. I know a guy who can do the editing.”
“Perfect. What about the other? Did you have any problems getting Sandy to agree?”
“No, she’s glad to do it.”
“More likely glad to do you a favor.”
“Things aren’t like that between us.”
“You’ve never dated her? I thought you had. She’s had a crush on you since first grade.”
“Nah, she’s a good kid. I like her too much. I don’t date women I like.”
“Run that by me again.”
“I date for fun and for, you know…”
“To get laid.”
“Yeah, but once I’ve been in a woman’s bed a few times, she starts getting clingy and I have to break it off. If it’s someone I like or I’ve grown up with, it wrecks the friendship.”
“You have a strange way of handling women.”
“Look who’s talking! You say you care about Susannah and want her to stay, yet you’re helping her fulfill her fantasies and go off without you. I don’t get it.”
“Do you remember the story about eagle and mouse? One of the elders told it last summer at the powwow.”
“No, I sneaked off to swap body fluids with Willow Silverfox.”
“I should’ve guessed. Anyway…the point of the story was that sometimes the best way to hold on is to let go.”
“Damn, Ryan, I swear half the time I don’t understand you. You’re sounding more like Nana Sipsey every day.”
“I’ll take that as a great compliment, brother.”
SHE LOVED WATCHING the girls dance. A couple of times Susannah had picked Nia up on Tuesday and come early enough to sit through class.
The dance performance was about the mother spirit of earth who gives presents to good children. Afterward, small boxes of sugar cookies would be handed out by the girls to each family.
In a way, it was the Santa Claus legend, but the young teacher had wisely incorporated the beliefs of the Cherokee. Both whites and Indians should enjoy the performance.
Nia and her friends Iva and Mary were elves, or rather Little People. The other five girls would be sacred deer or reindeer, however you wanted to look at it.
Nia seemed to love her class. Susannah suspected it was because this was one of the few times she saw her friends outside of school.
She’d only go to Mary’s or Iva’s if Ryan stayed with her, and that had become a problem. The girls had noticed Nia’s reluctance to be separated from her father. They’d begun to tease her.
“My shoes, please,” she said from the metal chair beside her. She stuck her tiny feet in Susannah’s lap for help in putting on her ballet slippers.
“How did things go today?” Susannah asked.
Nia obviously knew what she meant: had the girls said anything hurtful?
“Mary called me a name.”
“What did she say?”
“She’s not gonna invite me to her house anymore. She said I don’t come ’cause I’m a baby.”
“And what did you tell her?”
“That I didn’t want to go to her stupid house, anyway.”
Nia glanced over at the girls, sitting on the floor putting on their ballet shoes. Mary looked at Nia and whispered something to Iva. They both giggled.
“They don’t like me anymore,” Nia said, crestfallen.
“Oh, I’m sure that’s not true. Go over there and talk to them. Act like nothing’s happened.”
“Can I wear your magic ring? Please, please? I promise I’ll give it back after class.”
“You understand, don’t you, that this ring isn’t really magic? What makes it special is that it was given to me by someone who loved me very much.
Her love—not the ring—is what gave me the courage not to be afraid.”
“Okay, but can I please wear it?”
Susannah wasn’t sure her lecture had made an impact. Nia was six and scared. Like every child, she craved belief in a protector, even if it came in the form of a magic ring.
“All right, this one time, but be very careful. My mother gave it to me when I was six or seven, I’ve kept it all these years.” Susannah took the ring from the chain. “Don’t lose it.”
“I won’t.” Nia slipped it on her finger.
She hopped down and kissed her, then scurried off to face her friends.
The sweet gesture touched Susannah. Tears formed, but she quickly got herself under control. Crying here in public would be embarrassing. Several of the mothers had stayed to watch their daughters rehearse.
Sandy Cummings, the young teacher, waved at her from across the room and walked over.
“I’m glad to see you here today. I wanted to ask a favor.”
“Sure.”
“I was wondering if you’d consider being our mother spirit for the recital. I’m doing the narration, so I’d planned to ask one of the parents to play the role.”
“Sandy, I’m not Nia’s parent, only a friend of the family.”
“I know, but that doesn’t matter. You’ve shown an interest in the class, and you’re about my size so we could easily make you a costume from one of my old leotards.”
She leaned over and whispered that some of the mothers were a bit too hefty to consider putting into stretch fabric.
“I’m not sure about this,” Susannah said.
“The dance you’d do isn’t hard. A few twirls. Some basic movements. I could teach you in thirty minutes if you could stay after class.”
“You mean I’d actually dance? I thought you wanted me to pass out gift boxes to the elves or something.”
“Well, of course you’d dance. Please, Susannah. You’d be perfect.”
Imagining the mothers and fathers staring at her made gooseflesh appear on her arms. How silly she’d look out there on the floor, flitting around with the kids.
But so what? Dancing in a ballet was on her list.
“I’ll do it.”
“AND RIGHT HERE I jump and make a turn.” Susannah demonstrated for them in the living room of his mother’s house. “And then I bow gracefully.”
“Yay!” Nia cheered.
“Lovely, Susannah!” his mother said.
Nana clapped and said it was wonderful. “Do yu yo go os da!”
Ryan put down the video camera and clapped, too. “You’ll do a great job.”
“I hope so. I wouldn’t want to mess up and ruin the performance.”
“I doubt you could do that. Sa Sa, your turn. Dance for Gran and Nana and I’ll record it.”
Like Susannah, she got up and went through her part.
“Now you and Susannah together.”
They dipped and glided, a couple of times nearly bumping into each other, making everyone laugh.
“We’re good, aren’t we, Daddy?” Nia asked.
“You sure are. I’ve never seen anything prettier.”
“Of course we don’t have our music,” Susannah pointed out. “We’d be much better, wouldn’t we, Nia?”
“Uh-huh. A hundred times better.”
“I’m not sure I could stand you being any better,” Ryan told them.
They wanted to show him a second time. After both had gone through their routines, Susannah hooked the camera to the TV and they watched the replay.
“Show it again,” Nia said.
“No, that’s enough for one night. Time for us to head home.”
“Not yet. Please?”
“‘Dexter’s Laboratory’ comes on in twenty minutes. You don’t want to miss that.”
“Can’t I watch it here?”
“No, we need to go. Daddy wants to work later tonight.”
Susannah said she could bring her home after the TV show was over, that she wanted to stay a little longer, too, and visit with his mother and grandmother.
“Why don’t you let Nia spend the night with me at the cabin?” she said. “I can take her to school in the morning, since I’ve got to go to town anyway and have my cast removed. Nia, would you like to come home with me? We could make popcorn and play Go Fish.”
“Our own sleep-over?” she asked. Ryan could tell by her voice she was interested but hesitant.
“That’s right. Except that your daddy would be close by, just across the driveway.”
Nia bit her lip and thought about it.
Ryan pulled Susannah aside. He wasn’t sure this was a good idea and he told her so. “I’ve explained what can happen.”
“Ryan, this is a perfect chance for her to be away from you, but not so far that she gets upset. She does okay when she stays here with your mother, doesn’t she?”
“Most of the time. Sometimes she cries and wants to come home, but not very often. She’s used to Mom and Nana. But that doesn’t mean she won’t have an anxiety attack and they’re scary as hell.”
“Give me your cell phone. That way I can reach you, and she’ll be able to call if she feels homesick or afraid.”
“She’d probably end up not staying the night.”
“If she doesn’t, that’s okay. Let her try.”
“I worry she’ll get sick.”
“Ryan, her friends are starting to make fun of her. Do you realize that?”
“She told you they have?”
“I’ve seen them. And she’s miserable because of it. They don’t want to invite her over anymore and they’ve stopped coming here. Do you want her to become even more isolated than she already is?”
“No.”
“Then let her spend the night with me.”
He had reservations, but hell, she was right. Nia had to learn that she could be separated from him and nothing bad would happen. Susannah was trust worthy. And he’d be two minutes away if they needed him.
“She has to want to go,” he stipulated.
“Help me convince her.”
THE WOMEN had moved to the kitchen for a cup of tea, but they could see Nia through the doorway watching her program. Ryan had left to work for a few hours.
“Do you think she’ll come?” Susannah asked Ryan’s mother.
“If not this night, then another.”
“I don’t have too many more nights left here. I hate to leave Sitting Dog not knowing if she’s going to be okay.”
“Then stay,” Annie suggested. “You’re welcome to live in the cabin as long as you’d like.”
“I appreciate that, but I’ve already made plans to drive to New York around Christmas.”
“Plans can be changed. Is what’s in New York so important?”
“Yes. Well, no. It’s hard to explain.”
Granted, the event itself wasn’t that important. They’d been dropping the ball on New Year’s Eve for years and would probably continue to do it for many more. But being able to see it represented the freedom Susannah had gained upon her mother’s death, the freedom she wanted to protect.
Maybe that was being shallow and self-serving, but she feared the outcome if she changed her plans. That one concession might lead to another, then an other, and pretty soon she’d be right back where she’d been originally, catering to the needs and desires of someone else.
“My leaving doesn’t mean I don’t care about Nia’s welfare,” she told Annie. “Please understand that.”
“I do. Don’t fret about it. Ryan explained about your mother and your role in looking after her.”
“Nia means a great deal to me, and I’m worried about her.”
Nana Sipsey nodded and said something in Cherokee mixed with English. Susannah only understood a little bit. Heart was one of the words. And something about many children.
“I didn’t get all of that. What about children?”
“She says you worry because the child is already in your heart,” Ryan’s mother said. “But there’s no need for concern. Nia will be happy again. Nana has burned the sacred tobacco. In the smoke she’s seen the child surrounded by many others she’ll call brother and sister, including two little ones with identical faces.”
“She has visions?”
“Glimpses of what will come. I’ve never known her to be wrong.”
Susannah swallowed hard. She wanted Nia to be well, but she hated imagining Ryan married and creating lots of babies with some other woman.
“No disrespect to Nana, but I’m not sure I believe in such things.”
“You’re young. In time, the truth will find you.”
NIA DECIDED she would spend the night. They stopped by the barn, packed a suitcase with clothes and everything else she thought she’d need, which turned out to be enough that Ryan had to drive them over in the truck.
Dolls, toys, books… She even insisted on taking the cat, which meant they also had to make sure they brought her food and rigged up a temporary litter box.
Ryan found a discarded plant tray that would do if he taped over the drainage holes in the bottom.
They got everything inside the cabin and an area for Abigail squared away. Susannah warned him not to linger or make a fuss.
“Act like this is no big deal and Nia will, too.”
“I’ll try.”
“’Night, you two,” he called out. “Have fun.”
“We will,” Susannah said cheerily.
Nia was busy unpacking the ten million games she’d brought. She stopped and turned. “Daddy?”
Susannah held her breath. Beside her, Ryan had stiffened.
“Yes, goosey?”
“You forgot my kiss.”
They both exhaled.
“You’re right, I did. Come here.”
She ran to him and he kissed her on the forehead. “Now give one to Susannah.”
Ryan gave Susannah a kiss on the forehead, too. His look said he’d like to give her a much better one and on the mouth.
“Rain check,” she murmured.
He left quickly as promised. Susannah, determined to make this work, suggested she and Nia first take their baths and get into their pajamas.
“Then we won’t have to worry about doing that when we’re sleepy and ready to go to bed.”
Nia took her bath, then Susannah. They had a tea party with apple juice and popcorn and played some of the child’s favorite games.
As her bedtime approached, Nia got more restless. Twice she went to the window and looked across to the barn.
“Will Daddy be unhappy without me?” she asked.
“He’ll be fine. He’s not far. See his light? If he’s feeling sad, he can walk over.”
“And I can walk over there?”
“You could, but it would be such a nice present if we left him alone to work. He very much wants to finish the mosaic he’s doing for the center.”
“But if I get scared I can call him?”
“Of course you can. We’ll put the phone right here—” she set it on the corner of the table “—where you can see it from the bed. And we’ll leave a light on. Okay?”
“Are you gonna sleep with me?”
“I sure am. I’m really tired.” She wasn’t, but if her lying down made Nia feel better, she would.
They brushed their teeth and used the bathroom. Nia said her prayers; noticeably absent was any mention of her mother, which Susannah thought strange.
They climbed into bed. Abigail immediately jumped up and settled at Susannah’s feet. Cooper the bear lay tucked between them.
“Was Mary nicer to you at ballet? I saw all you girls giggling over something.”
“She called me a baby. I told her she was an old poop head.”
“That’s one way to handle it.”
“Iva laughed and then I did and then Mary did.”
“Sounds like you’re friends again. Sometimes kids say mean things to each other, but it’s best to make up and not let it bother you.”
“Did kids call you names when you was little?”
“Sometimes. One little boy used to call me ‘carrot head’ all the time.”
“Did you get mad?”
“A little bit, but he was silly and I told him so.”
She thought Nia would close her eyes then and go to sleep, but she wanted to talk a while. She told her about the other kids at school, the ones she liked and didn’t and about one named Woody who put a snail on her milk carton.
“Boys are weird.”
Susannah had to agree.
Nia yawned and rolled in her direction, resting her head on Susannah’s shoulder. Once during the night she cried out, but didn’t wake. Susannah held her close and rubbed her back.
Nana was right. This child was in her heart. And she would miss her terribly.