“SHE’S A BEAUTY,” Nellie said, staring out at the Honeymoon as it rocked on anchor. “It’s been fun working on her. And fun working with you at the base.”
He held out his hand and Gabe grabbed it, giving it a firm shake before pulling his friend into a hug. “Thanks for all your help,” Gabe said. “We couldn’t have got it done without you.”
“How long is the shakedown cruise?”
“I think we’ll be out at least three or four days. I’ve only got a week off. Then I’ve got that meeting with you and your team out in San Diego. I’ll fly out early Friday morning.”
“Now that I’m a civilian, I have to fly commercial,” Nellie said. “I used to have my own jet to fly.”
“If you get in with an airline, you’re going to get to fly anywhere in the world. And I’m not doing the flying this time. I’m catching a ride with a Navy transport.”
“So, I’ll see you then. Have a good time on the shakedown. And remember to let Annie do all the navigating. Make her prove herself.”
“You got it,” Gabe said.
“Oh, and one more thing. That little problem we discussed regarding a missing Rolex. It’s been solved. Lisa told me that she found it and now has it in her possession. Annie never needs to know.”
Gabe breathed a deep sigh of relief. “Thank God,” he muttered. “The last thing I wanted to do was tell her the truth about Erik.”
“Well, you’re in the clear now,” Nellie said. “Take care.”
Gabe watched as his buddy strode across the lawn to where his car was parked. The school was closed for the week, and tonight was the local Fourth of July celebration. The counselors were sleeping late, and Lisa had left a few hours earlier, the sleeping kids tucked into their seats in the van.
Annie came out onto the porch in time to wish Nellie a good trip back to the base, waving as he drove away. Then she started toward the water’s edge, a mug of coffee clutched in her hand. She handed it to Gabe as he pulled her into a quick hug and pressed a kiss to the top of her head.
“Alone at last,” he said. He took a sip of his coffee, then turned his gaze to the boat. “I was thinking we might want to install roller furling on the foresail and the mainsail. It will be much easier for you to handle, and you can raise and lower sails from the cockpit. The risk will be less in heavy weather.”
Annie shook her head. “Do you know how much a system like that costs?”
“As a matter of fact I do. I ordered one from the outfitter over in Calvert Beach. We can sail over there today and pick it up on our way out.”
He thought she’d be pleased, but her expression said otherwise. “No. Absolutely not. I can raise and lower the sails on this boat on my own. And it’s just one more thing that could break. What if it goes down? Then I’m stuck trying to disassemble it so I can use the sails the proper way. I don’t want it. You can tell them you want your money back.”
“All right, all right,” Gabe said.
Though they’d both had a good night’s sleep, Annie had obviously got up on the wrong side of the bed. He’d never seen her quite so edgy, and he wondered if it had anything to do with the shakedown.
“Everything is going to be fine,” he said. “We have most of the electronics installed and—”
“I’m not worried about the boat,” she said.
“Then what’s the problem? You can talk to me. You can tell me anything.”
She gave him a dismissive look, then shook her head. “I need to get some stuff packed. I’ve made a list of groceries we’re going to need. If you want to go into town and get them, that would help. Then I need you to check the charts and make sure they’re in the proper order. And you’ll need to get ice. I don’t want to run down the batteries using the fridge.”
“Anything else?” Gabe asked.
“Not that I can think of,” Annie replied.
“You’re sure? Because, I can think of something you forgot.”
“What is that?”
He tossed his coffee mug over his shoulder and reached out to scoop her in his arms. “You forgot to kiss me good morning.”
Annie gasped, then wriggled in his arms. “Let me go.”
“Not until you kiss me properly,” he said. He strode up the steps of the back porch and flung open the screen door, then walked through the kitchen to the table. Spanning her waist with his hands, Gabe set her on the table and parted her legs.
“That’s better,” he murmured, stepping between them.
She wore a loose cotton dress, and he could tell she wasn’t wearing a bra. He smoothed his hands up her thighs, brushing aside the faded fabric, and discovered she’d left her panties behind, as well.
“Oh, dear. Someone forgot their underwear,” he teased.
“It was hot this morning.”
“Yes, it was. And it’s still hot. Some places more than others.” He leaned into her, then slipped his hands around her backside and pulled her against him, wrapping her legs around his waist.
Annie leaned back, bracing her arms behind her. “I think you’re looking for more than a kiss, sailor.”
“Oh, don’t call me that,” he warned. “I’m a Marine. We don’t take kindly to being lumped in with those Navy types.”
“But you are going to be a sailor,” she said. “You’re going to be my first mate. And as first mate, you’re going to have to do everything I tell you to.”
Gabe chuckled and gave her a brisk salute. “What’s your first order, Captain?”
“Go lock the door,” she said. “And make it quick.”
When he returned to the table, she was watching him with a wicked smile curling her lips. Her pale hair was tousled, as if she’d combed it with her fingers. “I see your mood has improved,” he murmured.
Annie reached for the button at the waist of his cargo shorts. “Where did you sleep last night?” she asked.
“In the hammock on the porch. We worked on programming the navigation system until after midnight. By that time, you were asleep on the sofa. I didn’t want to wake you.”
She flipped open the button, then slowly drew the zipper down. He held his breath as she reached inside his shorts and pulled out his cock, already hot and swollen. “What are you going to do with that?” he murmured, his gaze fixed on the way her fingers wrapped around him and gently stroked.
With her free hand, she dragged her skirt up along her thigh, exposing herself. “I think we better put it away.”
Gabe chuckled softly, grabbing hold of her legs and pulling her close. He didn’t bother with foreplay. There would be plenty of time for that later. Right now, he wanted to feel the warmth of her body surround him, a sensation that he’d found tantalizingly addictive as of late. That moment, when they became one, and then the moments that followed as he lost himself inside her, inch by inch.
He began to move, very slowly at first, plunging deep and then withdrawing until they barely touched. His hands smoothed along the length of her bare legs, her skin silken and warm.
Gabe grabbed her foot and pressed his lips to the arch below her ankle. The shift in her position created an interesting friction, and he slowly brought her leg up to rest on his shoulder.
A moan slipped from her lips and Gabe smiled, his own pleasure increasing with hers. There might come a time when this would be nothing but a fantasy, a hazy memory of a stolen summer. He wanted to remember every sensation, every image of her beautiful face and lovely body as he brought her closer to the edge.
He reached out and pulled the front of her dress down, exposing a perfect breast. Cupping the warm flesh with his hand, he ran his thumb over her nipple, drawing it to a peak before he moved on.
He’d explored every inch of her body, from her nape to the arch of her foot. He knew every mole and freckle and could recall them at will. But it was the woman inside who would always fascinate him. He’d never fully know her, or understand her, but that was part of the mystery that kept him coming back.
She arched against the table, her hand clutching his forearm. Gabe reached between them and touched her, knowing the exact spot that brought her the most pleasure. He saw the change in her expression almost immediately, a smile playing at her lips as she murmured his name.
He made it last as long as he could. There were times when he couldn’t hold back, when the first contact brought him right to the edge. And there were other times when he could bring her to multiple orgasms before he succumbed himself. This time he’d been on edge from the start.
When she finally tensed beneath his touch, Gabe knew that it was nearly over. And then, a few seconds later, he felt the waves of spasms course through her body. Annie cried out as he increased his pace.
And then Gabe was there, erupting inside her, each sensation timed with a thrust until there was nothing left for him to do but collapse on top of her, breathless and satisfied.
How many more times would they enjoy these pleasures? They had six weeks by the calendar. Would it be enough?
Living without her was something he’d learn to accept, but there was no way he could stop loving her. From that very first kiss, he’d known that there was no other woman for him. Hell, that feeling went back to the first time he set eyes on her. He’d been carrying a torch for almost a third of his life.
Now he finally had a chance to build a life with this woman, to show her what their life together could be. It didn’t matter that she’d be gone for months, or maybe even a year. He was used to waiting. But as certain as he was about his feelings, Gabe had no idea how she felt about him.
“I sure like this more than swabbing the decks, Captain Annie.”
“Arrrgghh,” she said.
It was enough to set him off. He began to laugh and he couldn’t stop. Bracing his hands on either side of her body, he pushed up. Her eyes were closed, but she was still smiling. “Is there anything else I can do for you?”
“Take me back to bed,” she said.
“We need to get ready to leave,” he said.
“That can wait. I just need a few more hours of sleep. Then, I promise, we’ll go.”
“You can rest,” he said. “I’ll get things set up for us.”
“Are you disobeying your captain, swabbie?”
“You sound just like a pirate,” he said, laughing at the silly accent she’d adopted.
“Take me to bed or I’ll make you walk the plank,” she shouted. “Where’s my parrot? I’m supposed to have a parrot.”
Gabe picked her up, wrapping her legs around his waist and carrying her through the kitchen. He struggled with the stairs, and by the time they reached her bed, he fell into the tangle of pillows and blankets.
Her edgy mood had dissolved, replaced by the sweet and funny Annie he’d come to know so well. She snuggled up beside him, his chin resting on her shoulder, his leg thrown across her thighs. “I’m not sure I’m the right boy for this job.”
“Oh, don’t worry,” Annie said, her voice soft. “You’re perfect.”
* * *
ANNIE SLOWLY OPENED her eyes and squinted at the clock on the bedside table. At first, she thought it read 8:00 a.m. She’d been sleeping for less than an hour. She groaned softly, then rolled over, pulling the pillow over her face.
Gabe must have waited until she fell asleep before he made his escape and went back to work. She reached out and felt his side of the bed. It was cold and empty. She looked at the clock again, then sat up and rubbed her eyes. It wasn’t 8:00 a.m., it was 3:00 p.m.
She threw the sheet off her body. She was still in the dress she’d put on that morning, the skirt twisted around her waist and the buttons down the front undone. Annie raked her hands through her tangled hair, then buttoned her dress as she raced downstairs.
“Gabe?” she called, her voice echoing through the house.
The screen door slammed behind her, and she squinted against the afternoon sun. She caught sight of him down along the water and hurried to the spot, her feet bare in the cool grass. “Gabe!”
He turned away from the dinghy and waved as she approached. “Hey. You’re up!”
“Why did you let me sleep? It’s past three. We should have left hours ago.”
“You were obviously tired. I thought it would be best for you to get some sleep while I got us ready to go.” He braced his hands on his hips. “And you’re angry again.”
“Again?”
“You were mad at me this morning for something. Never did figure that out. And now you’re pissed again.”
“I don’t like it when you make decisions for me. I wanted to help get things ready. It’s my boat. My trip. And my responsibility.”
“I was doing you a favor.”
“No, you weren’t. You were taking care of me, just like you’ve been doing ever since you started coming out here. You bought all this stuff for the boat, stuff I didn’t need. And you’re buying groceries and bringing dinner home. And mowing the lawn and fixing my car.”
He cursed, then shook his head. “And what the hell is wrong with that? I thought you’d appreciate the help.”
He’d never once raised his voice to her, but this time, she’d pushed him too far. Annie knew she was being ungrateful. But she couldn’t let him continue to dominate her life like this. He was making all the decisions and cloaking them behind the guise of just helping her out.
She wasn’t even going to bring up the issue of Erik’s infidelities. He’d let her go on and on about what a wonderful husband he’d been, how hard it was for her to move on and begin a new life. And all the while he knew that Erik had been making a fool of her.
Even now, nearly two years later, she still felt humiliated. “This is my trip,” she said. “I planned it. I’ve been thinking about it for a long time. I want to set the boat up my way. I want to stow the provisions and get the sails ready. I want to take care of all the details.”
“You’re right,” he said. “I overstepped. I’ll leave you to take care of this.” He turned and dragged the dinghy to the edge of the water, then stepped in.
“Where are you going?”
“I’m going to unload everything I loaded earlier. So you can do it your way. It’s going to take me a while, but the way I figure, you should be able to shove off sometime after midnight. I’ll set my alarm, and I’ll come down and wave goodbye.”
“What? You’re not coming with anymore?”
He shook his head. “Naw, I can’t. I’d just have to sit around and try not to help you out. It wouldn’t be much fun now, would it?”
“Fine!” Annie shouted. “I’d rather do it myself anyway.” She watched him as he crawled out of the dinghy.
“On second thought, you can unload all the stuff I loaded. I’m going to take the rest of the afternoon off.” He strode back to the house. But when he stopped halfway, Annie held her breath.
He started back toward her and stopped twice before crossing the distance. “You know, all I’ve ever wanted to do was love you. Even when you were in love with my best friend, you were the only woman I thought about. And I knew, if I just had a chance, I could make this work. But I have to say...” He shook his head, as if he couldn’t go on. “I have to say that I was wrong. I can’t make you love me. No matter how hard I try to show you that I care, you just can’t see it. Yes, you had a perfect marriage, and those don’t come along every day. And you don’t want to fall in love with someone in the military. I can understand that, too. But you’re never going to find anyone else who loves you the way I do. And that’s a fact.”
“Are you finished?” she asked.
“No, I’m not. There’s something else.” He walked over to the pile of supplies that sat next to the dinghy. He rummaged through a canvas bag until he came up with a small gift, wrapped in shiny paper and festooned with a bow.
“This is for you,” he said. “It’s a present. People who like each other give each other presents. Not all presents are sexual by the way.”
“Very funny,” she said, turning the package over in her hands.
“Open it,” he said.
She fumbled with the ribbon, letting it drop to the grass, then tore the paper away from a beautiful leather journal. He’d had her name embossed on the front, with the name of her boat just below that. Tucked inside the front was a package of her favorite pens.
Annie looked up at him, and he gave her a rueful smile. “I thought that you could write about your adventure, and then I could read about it when you got home.” He shoved his hand in his pocket and pulled out a wrinkled envelope. “And there’s this. It’s probably going to make you really angry, but I’ll give it to you anyway. If you don’t want to do it, you can just throw it out.”
Annie stared down at the envelope. The logo of a popular sailing magazine was printed on the outside. She withdrew a letter and scanned the contents.
We would be delighted to discuss a freelance assignment with Ms. Jennings to appear regularly in our Wanderings section of the magazine. Please have her contact us at her earliest convenience.
She glanced up at Gabe. “You did this?”
“They’re going to pay you,” he said, pointing to the last paragraph. “Ten cents a word. It’s not a lot, but it will help pay for the trip.”
Annie felt tears push at the corners of her eyes. Why was it so hard for her to accept his help? Was it because she’d have to accept his love at the same time? She’d already decided that she was falling in love with him, so why wasn’t he allowed to reciprocate?
Annie had tried to work it out in her head, but she couldn’t seem to find an explanation. They slept next to each other every night, they made love until the early-morning hours. She’d never been closer to a man. But to allow him to love her would...would—What would it do?
Annie brushed a tear from her cheek. “Thank you,” she said. “I...I’m sorry about what I—”
He reached out and pressed his finger to her lips. “Don’t worry. I understand.”
Annie shook her head. How could he understand when she didn’t? “Do you?”
“Not really. I’m not sure I’ll ever understand you completely. But maybe that’s the fascination. There’ll always be something new to learn.” Gabe took a step back. “I have to get back to the base. Good luck with the shakedown cruise.”
“What? You’re just going to walk away?” Annie bit back a sob, refusing to let her tears take hold.
Gabe turned to face her and held his arms up in mock surrender. “Yeah, I am. You don’t need me, Annie. I don’t need you. We’re just wasting time here.”
Annie watched him go, defiantly holding her tears back. It was no use. It was bound to end sooner or later. Friends with benefits only worked if both parties remained friends, and Gabe had never been satisfied with being just her friend.
She turned and looked at the provisions scattered around the dinghy. There was nothing there that she really needed. She could find food along the way. Drawing a deep breath, she walked to the water’s edge and waded in. With strong strokes, she swam to the Honeymoon. Crawling up the swim ladder on the stern, she looked back at the house.
He was gone. She’d driven him away. And now she was alone again. Annie smoothed the water out of her hair, then began to prepare to set sail. The steps were second nature to her—anchor line, foresail up, adjust the rudder, winch the lines.
She worked efficiently, falling into a rhythm that soothed her nerves. Within minutes, the boat was skimming over the surface of the water, headed out into the bay, the wind at her back. With a litany of tasks ahead of her, she could clear her mind.
Annie didn’t have to think about Gabe and the argument they’d just had. She didn’t have to wonder how he felt about her or whether what she felt for him was really love. She could just turn her face into the sun and let the breeze blow through her hair.
There were all sorts of possibilities just waiting over the horizon. Gabe had helped her feel alive again, and she was grateful for that. But from now on, Annie was going to steer her own course.
* * *
“I THINK IF you switch the control to this panel, it makes more sense. It’s more intuitive to the pilot, and it follows the same pattern as the other systems in the cockpit. Little things like that save reaction time in a combat situation.”
Jim Bowlin, the lead engineer on the project, nodded. “All right, Captain. I’ll write up the change and send it in.”
“Great.” Gabe glanced at his watch. It was three thirty on a Friday afternoon. On any normal week, he’d be planning to sneak out early and head up the western shore to Annie’s place. But since last weekend, they hadn’t spoken.
She’d taken off on the boat, leaving behind half of the provisions that they’d bought. Gabe had waited around until the next morning, hoping that she’d just taken the boat down the coast and dropped anchor a few miles away. He’d called one of the counselors every day in the late afternoon, but she hadn’t returned.
“You have plans for the weekend?”
Gabe looked up at Bowlin, who was going through a sheaf of papers on a clipboard. “No. Nothing important.”
This was what it would be like when Annie was on her trip. Day after day of wondering where she was and what she was doing. She was still in American waters, so at least he knew she was relatively safe. But he’d checked the weather last night and there were some heavy storms due to move through Chesapeake Bay and the counties surrounding it.
“Captain Pennington?” A young woman dressed in a naval uniform strode through the hangar. Her nameplate designated her as Ensign Sheffer. “Are you Captain Pennington?”
“I am,” Gabe said.
She handed him a box. “This was delivered to you an hour ago.”
Gabe opened the box and pulled aside tissue paper, then withdrew a stuffed parrot. He glanced up to find Bowlin and Sheffer watching him, bemused expressions on their faces. “It’s a stuffed parrot,” Gabe said. “It’s an inside joke. At least I think it is.”
Gabe searched the box for a note and found it beneath the tissue paper, along with a black eye patch. He withdrew the note. “Slip 64, Back Creek Marina in Johnstown. Dinner at 6. Wear the eye patch.”
He chuckled softly and held up the eye patch. “I guess I do have dinner plans after all,” he said.
Gabe spent the next half hour finishing up paperwork, then headed to the barracks to take a quick shower and change out of his uniform into civvies. He left the base and stopped to get a bottle of wine in Johnstown before making his way to the marina.
It was only 5:00 p.m., an hour before the time he was supposed to arrive, but Gabe didn’t care. He’d been away from Annie for five days, and he wasn’t sure when she’d be leaving. He was going to take all the time he could get.
As he slowly made his way through the marina, his eyes scanned the boats, looking for the Honeymoon. He found her mast, and the distinctive flag of the sailing school fluttering in the wind.
She was exactly where she said she’d be, and as he approached, he slowed his step to watch her. Annie, dressed in shorts and a bikini top, was scrubbing the deck with a long-handled brush and a hose. In just a week, her pale hair had lightened a few shades, and her skin had tanned more deeply.
In just a week, she looked so different. Would she feel different in his arms? She’d had five days to think about everything that had happened between them. Had anything changed? Gabe was almost afraid to approach. He’d been the one to drive her away, and he’d had to suffer the consequences.
“Ahoy!” he shouted.
Annie straightened, her eyes hidden behind her sunglasses. He couldn’t read her expression. Was she smiling? She waved at him, then dropped the brush and jumped off the deck onto the pier.
They met where the main pier intersected with the finger pier. He stood on the step above her, the parrot dangling from his hand. Gabe held it up. “Is this your bird?”
She nodded. “He’s been keeping me company.”
Annie grabbed the parrot and pulled a small ring near his neck. “Awk, walk the plank, matey,” the bird said.
“He’s not quite the conversationalist that you are, but he doesn’t boss me around.”
“Yeah, well, I’m not going to apologize for caring about you. Besides, I can do a lot of things that parrot can’t do, if you know what I mean.”
“You underestimate the parrot,” she said with a smile.
“I can unstuff that bird in a matter of seconds,” Gabe warned. He bent down and cupped her cheek in his hand, then brushed a quick kiss across her lips. She didn’t draw away or look as if the kiss was unwanted, and Gabe took some solace in that fact. “I didn’t expect to see you this soon.”
“I had a lot of time to think and I just didn’t like leaving that way. We’ve shared a lot this summer and you deserved a much nicer farewell. So, here I am, parrot in hand, hoping you’ll accept my apology. It would be bad karma to start a voyage with such negative feelings, don’t you think?”
“I do. And I accept your apology.” He bent close and kissed her again, a sweet, simple kiss that telegraphed nothing of his need for her. “How’s it been going? Is everything working?”
Annie nodded. “I had some trouble with the autopilot, but I think I got it fixed. And I’m reconsidering the roller furling. It would be good for heavy weather.”
“I think that would be a good idea,” Gabe said.
He wanted to pull her into his arms and kiss her until they were both aching for more. But there seemed to be an invisible wall between them now, holding them at a polite distance.
“Is that a bottle of wine in that bag?” Annie asked.
“It is. What do you say we open it and have a glass.”
“Come on,” she said, turning to head to the boat. “I don’t have any wineglasses, but I do have some nice plastic cups.”
He sat in the cockpit while Annie went below to grab a corkscrew and the cups. She returned with a plate of cheese and crackers, setting it down on the bench between them. Gabe opened the wine and poured them both a cup.
“To fair winds and calm seas,” he said, touching his cup to hers.
“Actually, I’ve been hoping for some rough weather,” Annie said. “You really can’t test the boat unless you get it out in high winds and rough water.”
He wasn’t about to tell her that a storm would roll in later that evening. If she wanted to know that, then she could damn well check the weather service on her own.
“I thought you were going to head into port if there was rough weather,” Gabe said.
“Yeah, but that’s not for some squall or thunderstorm,” she said. “I was talking about a hurricane. I can handle a storm that lasts an hour or two.”
“As much as I want to believe in your sailing abilities, I think you need to remember that you’ll be alone. It’s a lot harder.”
“I know. But I’ve sailed in bad weather before. I know what I’m doing.”
He held his tongue. It didn’t matter what he thought. She was determined to do what she wanted to do. From now on, it was apparent that he’d be along for the ride. She was the one in the driver’s seat.
Still, he had a few aces up his sleeve, and Gabe decided to use a few of them now, hoping to see if his potential plans might have an effect on her. “I know Nellie told you that I’ve been accepted into test pilot’s school.”
She nodded. “He did. And that’s wonderful. That should help if you want to be an astronaut,” Annie said.
“Or a teacher,” he said.
“A teacher?”
“I’ve also been approached to teach at the naval academy. I’d have to go back to school and get a doctorate. But I’ve already applied to a few universities and I’ve sent them my master’s thesis.”
“So, what are you going to do?” Annie asked.
“I don’t know. I guess I’m going to have to decide whether I want to give up flying or not. As a test pilot, I’ll keep flying, but it won’t be in combat situations. I guess both of us have a lot of decisions to make.”
“I did make one decision while I was sailing around on the Chesapeake,” Annie said.
He wasn’t sure he wanted to hear what she had to say. In truth, he knew from the way she was behaving that it wasn’t anything good. With the exception of the brief kiss they’d shared, she hadn’t touched him since he’d stepped on the boat. A week ago, they couldn’t keep their hands off each other.
Gabe took a long gulp of his wine and pasted a smile on his face. “And what did you decide?”
“I think that maybe it was a mistake for me to ask you to do the whole friends with benefits thing.”
“Why is that?” Gabe asked.
“Because we’ve never really had a chance to be friends,” she said. “We didn’t have a chance to get to know each other before we became intimate. And I think that some of the problems we’re having now are because of that. Maybe if we’d been friends first, we wouldn’t have decided to become lovers.”
“What are you saying?”
“I’m saying that maybe we should begin again—as friends.”
“Well, that might work for you,” Gabe said, an edge of anger in his voice. “But it won’t for me. I can’t just throw my feelings into reverse because you want something different.”
“Please, don’t be mad. I know—”
“You don’t know,” he said. “And that’s because I never had the courage to tell you. I love you, Annie. It’s as simple as that. I love you.”
She drew her feet up and wrapped her arms around her legs, resting her chin on her knees. “How can I believe that? How can I ever trust those words again?”
“You can trust them because they’re coming from me.”
“Can I?” she asked.
“Why not? What have I ever done to make you doubt my feelings?”
“I know that Erik cheated on me. I know that you knew, along with a few hundred other friends and associates. I know about the major’s wife and the Rolex.”
Gabe drew in a deep breath. He hadn’t expected this. He wasn’t prepared to explain himself on that particular subject. “How did you find out?”
“Lisa told me. The question is, why didn’t you tell me? If you loved me, like you say you do, then how could you keep a secret like that?”
“Are you kidding? It was a lose-lose situation. I didn’t want to hurt you. I know how much you loved and trusted him, and I didn’t want to destroy your memory of him. I didn’t want you to hate me. I can list another twenty reasons if you’d like. What difference does it make now? It’s in the past.”
“It doesn’t feel like it’s in the past,” Annie said, her voice soft. “It hurts right now.”
Gabe reached out and took her hand in his, drawing her fingers to his lips. “What do you want me to do?” he murmured.
“I want us to forget the whole friends with benefits deal and be just friends. No benefits.”
Though it was exactly what he expected, her request felt like a punch to the gut. After all they’d shared, she was willing to just toss it aside as if it didn’t mean anything. As if he didn’t mean anything.
Maybe this wasn’t what he wanted, Gabe mused. But it was what he deserved. This was punishment for breaking the bro code. He’d pursued the wife of his best friend. And though Erik was gone, and had given Gabe permission to watch over Annie, it still wasn’t right. It had felt like a betrayal from the start. Gabe had just refused to recognize it.
“I think you’re right,” he finally said. “This was doomed to fail from the start.”
“I...I wouldn’t say that,” Annie countered.
Gabe set his cup on the bench and got to his feet. “I’m glad we had this chance to talk,” he said. “I know this will be better for you. And better for me.”
“Gabe, don’t go. Let’s have dinner. We can talk,” Annie said.
“There’s nothing to talk about. I understand how you feel, Annie. And you’re aware of how I feel. You need to find your own way before you can commit to any kind of relationship. And I have a lot of choices to make, too. I think I’m going to need more than a nice dinner and some friendly conversation to get adjusted to this new dynamic.”
He jumped up onto the dock, then turned to take one last look at her. No matter what women came into his life in the future, she would remain the most beautiful woman he’d ever known. “I can’t just stop loving you, Annie. The truth is, I don’t want to. I need you in my life. I want the whole thing, the happily-ever-after, and I’m not willing to settle for less. You may think that’s selfish, and maybe it is. But I knew I’d probably only have one chance to convince you that we’d be good together. And somehow, I managed to blow it. I can live with that because at least I gave it my best.”
Satisfied that he’d said everything that needed saying, Gabe turned and strode down the dock. She called his name twice, but she didn’t come after him. When he got to his car, he sat behind the wheel for a full minute before he could start the engine.
It was better this way, he said to himself. She was never going to love him, no matter what he did. Any chance they might have at a future was impossible. The sooner he moved on, the better.