THE ANNUAL Annapolis Yacht Club Youth Sailing Regatta was already in full swing when they arrived at the waterfront. Gabe helped the campers get the four boats into the water and rigged while Annie set off in search of the racing schedule.
He hadn’t realized it until now, but this was the regatta that had brought Annie and Erik together. He remembered that he and Erik had just finished their third year at the academy, and they were hanging around to take a summer course when they spent the weekend wandering the waterfront in search of excitement.
And excitement they’d found. Lots of food and drink. Pretty girls with long legs and suntanned skin. Guys who were distracted by their race preparations. And sunshine and fresh air. It had been a perfect day, just like today.
“Are they all unloaded?”
He turned to find Annie standing behind him, her eyes hidden behind a pair of horn-rimmed Ray-Bans. She wore a T-shirt emblazoned with the name of her sailing school, and Gabe fought the urge to pull her into his arms and run his hands over that incredible body. Instead, he forced a smile. “All set. Rigging has been checked and double-checked. They’re just waiting for the race schedule.”
Gabe watched as Annie waded into the crowd of campers and passed out copies of the schedule. She quieted them before going through a list of instructions, and when she was finished, they did a quick camp cheer before scattering.
When she returned to his side, she gave him a bright smile. “Let’s go find some breakfast,” she said.
“Don’t you have to stay here and watch?”
Annie shook her head. “The counselors are in charge. And they have my cell phone number if they have any emergencies.”
“The coffee shop with the almond croissants isn’t too far from here.”
“I ate that whole bag of croissants last night. I don’t think I could eat one more.”
“There were four in the bag,” Gabe said.
“I was having trouble sleeping.”
“I didn’t sleep very well either,” he said. “I had a lot of things on my mind.”
She glanced over at him. “Like what?”
There were moments when he knew he ought to play it cool. And then there were other times when he just wanted to be honest with Annie and lay his feelings out on the table. “I was thinking about you...dressed in that robe with your hair all wet. What was keeping you awake?”
“Guilt,” she said.
It wasn’t the answer he’d hoped for. “You feel guilty? About what?”
She shook her head. “I don’t want to talk about that right now.”
They walked along the waterfront in silence for a while, then found a coffee shop with tables overlooking the water. A waitress took their order and Annie chatted about the wind and the race conditions until the woman returned with lattes and cinnamon rolls.
“Do you think you’ll get married again?” Gabe asked.
Annie drew a deep breath and considered the question for a long moment. “I don’t know. I try to imagine my future, but I can’t. That’s why I want to sail the boat to California. I’m hoping if I make the trip we always talked about that I can finally figure it out.”
“I don’t understand you,” Gabe said. “It’s like you’re carrying around this guilt. Where does that come from? You have nothing to be guilty about.”
“I know,” Annie said. “Maybe it’s not guilt anymore. It’s... Oh, I don’t know. Confusion. I’m at loose ends.” She swallowed hard. “I kissed you just after the funeral. I know he was gone, but he really wasn’t. In my mind, I was still a married woman, and you were still his best friend.”
“So you’re going to risk death and drowning in a sailboat just to pay for some betrayal you feel over a simple kiss. What about all the kisses we’ve shared since then? How about that one you laid on me the other day?”
“That was curiosity,” she said. “It’s coming on two years. People keep telling me that it’s time to move on. You’re the only man who wants to kiss me, so I thought I’d take advantage.”
“So I’m just an experiment?” Gabe asked.
“No,” she said. “Maybe, a little. I don’t really know what I’m doing. Don’t expect me to explain myself.”
“I’m beginning to realize that,” Gabe said with a soft chuckle. He took a slow sip of his coffee, then set the cup down in front of him. “Do you ever wonder what would have happened if I’d pulled you out of the water that day after the regatta? Would it have been me?”
She gave him an odd look. “Did you want it to be you?”
“Yeah,” Gabe admitted. “At the time, I did.”
“I...I didn’t know that. Why didn’t you ever say anything?”
“I figured you ended up with the right guy.”
She nodded. “I did,” she said.
“Yeah, you did,” Gabe lied. “But he’s gone now. And I have a chance to pull you out all over again.” He held out his hand across the table. “It’s up to you whether you grab it or not.”
She rested her fingertips in his palm and stared at their joined hands. “This is what I miss. Late at night when I can’t sleep. The warmth of a touch. Sometimes, I just get so lonely.” She drew her hand away and he noticed a tremble. “Is...is that something you could help me with?”
For a long moment, Gabe wasn’t sure that he heard her correctly. She wanted something from him, but what it was couldn’t be more unclear. Annie was lonely, and she needed him to touch her. But was that where it stopped or did she expect them to move on to other, more intimate acts? “I’m not sure I understand what you want,” he said.
Annie groaned softly and covered her eyes with her hands. “Don’t make me ask again. It was hard enough the first time.”
“All right,” Gabe said. “Why don’t I just stumble around here until I figure it out? You can raise your hand when I get it right.” He paused as he put his thoughts together, knowing that the conversation was full of land mines. “Can I assume that you want to change the terms of our relationship?”
Annie nodded. “Yes, that would be correct.”
“You’d like me to be more...physical?”
She nodded again.
“More romantic?”
This time Annie shook her head. “Romantic wouldn’t be bad,” she explained. “But I can’t fall in love with you. We need to make that very clear from the start.”
“So sex is good, but romance is bad.”
“Not bad,” Annie said, “just unnecessary.”
“Is there some reason you couldn’t fall in love with me? I mean, besides the fact that I’m in the military.”
She toyed with her napkin, avoiding his gaze. Impatiently, Gabe reached out and hooked his thumb beneath her chin, forcing her eyes up to his. “If you really want to do this, then we have to be honest with each other. No games. No lies.”
“All right,” she said. “If I fall in love again, I want it to be with a man who will be there for me. I want to see my husband every day, and I want to sleep with him every night. And if we have children, I want to raise them together. I fell in love with Erik so quickly, and I was so young, that I didn’t really think it through. What it would be like for me. Our whole marriage revolved around his career—where he’d be stationed, when he’d be deployed, how long it would be before we saw each other again. I was a good military wife. I never complained. But if there is going to be a next time, then I deserve more.”
Gabe had never once considered that Annie had been unhappy in her marriage. But listening to her words, he could tell that the time apart had taken a toll.
“I know that might sound selfish,” Annie said, “but I need to start thinking about what’s right for me. I’m going to finish up this season at the sailing school, and then I’m going to sail to California on the Honeymoon. After that, I’m not sure what I’ll do. But I know that I’m not going to sit at home waiting for my life to begin while the man I love is out there living his.”
There it was, Gabe mused. She couldn’t have made it any clearer. The future that he imagined with Annie wasn’t anything that she would ever want. So where did that leave him? Was he willing to live by her terms? Would it be enough? And if it wasn’t enough, would he have the strength to walk away?
“It’s an interesting proposition,” he said. “And I understand your...dilemma. But I promised Erik that I would watch out for you. I’m not sure he would approve.”
“He doesn’t have to approve,” Annie said, an edge of anger in her voice. “This is my decision. It’s my life. And it’s what I want.”
“Why me?” he asked. “Why not find some other random guy? Some guy who doesn’t love you.”
Annie cursed softly. “Stop saying that! You don’t love me. You barely know me. And I chose you because I trust you. You’re here for the summer and then I’ll be gone and then you’ll be gone and it won’t be complicated.”
“You have this all figured out, don’t you?”
She laughed softly and shook her head. “Not really. This could all blow up in my face.” She reached out for her coffee and took another sip, her hand still trembling. “You don’t have to give me an answer now. Think about it and let me know.”
He didn’t need time to think about it. And he didn’t care what she had to say. He’d take the relationship on her terms and then do everything he could to change it to his terms. She might not want to fall in love now, but given time, he could persuade her to change her mind. And he’d start right now.
“There’s just one thing,” he murmured.
“And what’s that?”
He stood and circled the table, then picked up her chair with her in it and turned it to face him. Then he bent down, bracing his hands on the edge of the table, trapping her until she was forced to turn her face up to his. His gaze lingered on her lips for a long moment before he moved in to kiss her.
He didn’t think much about what he was doing, just letting desire and need take over. He drew his tongue along the crease of her lips, and when she opened them, he took advantage, deepening the kiss until she moaned softly. His hand found her cheek, and when he drew away, Gabe ran his thumb over her damp lips.
“No holding back. We go at this full throttle or we don’t do it at all.”
Annie couldn’t seem to manage a proper answer. Instead, she just nodded. It was enough for Gabe to see that even with all her rules and requirements, she wasn’t immune to his touch. She might not want romance, but he sure as hell wasn’t going to settle for anything less.
She would fall in love with him. He’d make sure of that.
* * *
“YOU HAVE TO watch them every minute,” Annie said, holding the screen door open for Gabe. “They are teenagers, and teenagers go looking for trouble.”
“They’re just having fun,” Gabe said. “Besides, where would they get booze? The counselors wouldn’t buy it for them.”
“Not if they wanted their jobs back next year,” Annie said. She set the empty bags of snacks on the counter and then gathered the empty soda cans and began to crush them. “I understand they’re celebrating. We won big today. I just think a few of them seem a bit more...jovial than normal.”
Annie had been on edge since they’d returned from the race two hours ago. She’d spent the long ride back thinking about the conversation she’d had with Gabe and trying to convince herself that it was a completely rational move. But the more she thought about it, the more she realized how crazy it must have sounded. All the rules she’d laid out and for something that should’ve come naturally between them. She knew Gabe was attracted to her. So why not let it unfold on its own? Why did she have to be the one in control?
The more Annie thought about it, the more she wanted to rescind her offer. Or had it been a command? Whatever it was and however it came across, it was hanging between them now, like a big, dark rain cloud. He hadn’t touched her since the kiss at the café, even though he had plenty of opportunities. Maybe her blunt proposal had turned him off. Like Erik, Gabe was a pretty traditional guy. A woman calling the shots was probably something rare in his world.
“If it will make you feel better, I’ll go line them up and pat them down. If I find any suspects, I’m trained in advanced interrogation techniques. I’ll be able to get the truth out of them, but I’m not sure where I’ll find the bamboo to put beneath their fingernails.”
“Ha-ha. Very funny,” Annie said. “I don’t think you’re taking this very seriously. These kids are my responsibility. And while they’re here, I have to keep them safe.”
Annie watched as Gabe strolled over to the refrigerator and grabbed a cold beer. He twisted off the cap and took a long drink. “Maybe you should have a beer. You need to relax.”
Shaking her head, Annie tossed the dish towel aside and walked to the door. She pushed it open and stepped out onto the back porch, letting the door slam behind her. Fighting the impulse to scream out loud. There were moments when Gabe acted so much like Erik, they might have been twins.
Erik had never taken her concerns seriously, no matter what they were. Whenever she was upset, he’d tease and joke until she either laughed along with him or stormed out of the room. Obviously, Gabe had no idea what it was like to be responsible for other people’s children.
Annie clenched her fists and headed toward the group of kids gathered around the bonfire.
She didn’t say a word as she walked through the crowd, grabbing Zach and Jeremy by the arm as she passed and dragging them toward their cabin. “Give it to me,” she said. “You know it’s against the rules, but if you hand the alcohol over right now, I won’t send you home.”
The boys glanced at each other, and Zach shook his head. She glared at Jeremy, and he finally shrugged and reached in his back pocket to produce a small bottle of vodka.
“Is this it?”
“Yes,” Zach said.
“No,” Jeremy said. “Give her the pot.”
With a muttered curse, Zach reached in his back pocket and produced a small plastic bag.
“Where did you get this?” Annie asked. “Did you get it in Annapolis?”
Zach shook his head. “Naw, David brought it from home. He gave it to us before he left last week.”
“And that’s the end of it? There’s no more?”
This time they both shook their heads. Annie pointed to the cabin. “Get to bed. I want you both up at 6:00 a.m. I’ve got some chores for you to do. And you make sure to let the other kids know if they have any contraband that they better turn it over to a couselor or risk my wrath.”
When she got back to the kitchen, Gabe was sitting at the table, reading a sailing magazine and finishing his beer. She set the vodka down and put the plastic bag in front of it. “I told you so,” she said.
“Booze and pot? That’s a big score. So did you throw them in the brig or tie them to the keel? Keelhauling is such an underrated punishment.”
“You think this is so funny, but it’s not. They know the rules. I could send them home.” Annie grabbed a glass from the dish rack and poured herself a glass of lemonade. “They need to follow the rules. That’s all I ask.”
“They’re teenage boys. And once in a while, they like to bend the rules, or maybe even break them. You could let it pass.”
“That’s funny coming from you. You live your life by rules.”
He shrugged and took another sip of his beer. “And when there aren’t any rules to follow, I just fly by the seat of my pants.”
Annie groaned, pressing the cold glass of lemonade to her forehead. “Why are we arguing?”
“I think you’re frustrated,” Gabe said. “Not with the kids, but with me. You’re wondering when I’m going to kiss you again or if I’m going to kiss you again, and you’re tired of waiting.”
Annie shot up from her chair, sending it screeching back over the linoleum floor. “I should have never said those things to you. I thought I could trust you, but you’ve turned it into some kind of game.”
Gabe slowly stood and stepped toward her. “Isn’t that what it is, Annie? There are so many rules. If you want me to seduce you, then we need to throw away all the rules.” He took another step toward her and then another, and when he was close enough, he slipped his arm around her waist and pulled her body against his. “Too many rules requires too much thinking. And I don’t want to think. I just want to feel.” He smoothed his hand along her hip, then ran his palm upward to cup her breast. Gabe flicked his thumb over her nipple, quickly bringing it to a peak through the soft fabric of her dress. He bent closer, as if to kiss her, but then drew back, just as their lips were about to touch.
He continued to tease, with his touch, with his lips, with the soft sound of his voice in her ear. Annie felt her knees go weak. She’d forgotten how powerful his touch was. How had she ever thought that she could be the one in control? The minute he pulled her into his arms, her whole body betrayed her.
When he slipped his hands around her waist again, she thought he was finally going to kiss her. But instead, he picked her up and set her on the edge of the kitchen table, drawing her knees up along his hips and pushing her back until she was lying flat on the surface.
Slowly, he worked on the buttons down the front of her sundress, opening them one by one and exposing her from collar to waist. When they were all undone, he pushed the cotton bodice aside and pressed his lips to the skin along her collarbone. Annie felt her pulse quicken as he moved lower, his fingers tugging at the lace of her bra.
It had been such a long time since she felt the sensations pulsing through her body. Annie reached out for the hem of his T-shirt and tugged it over his head. She’d seen him without a shirt before and had only imagined what the muscle and bone would feel like beneath her fingertips. Now, as she ran her hands over his torso, she felt the muscles ripple beneath her touch, his skin alive with warmth.
“Is this what you wanted?” he whispered.
“Yes,” Annie replied. It was exactly what she wanted and yet so much more than she expected. Erik had always treated sex like sport. Good exercise and great fun. But Gabe was different. He was focused and intense, as if his only goal was to please her.
He grinned, then kissed her again. “Good. Then we’re on the same page.” Gabe straightened, then grabbed his T-shirt from the floor. He tugged it over his head and raked his hand through his hair. “I had a nice time today,” he said.
Annie pushed up on her elbows, frowning. “Where are you going?”
“To bed. I’m beat. I’ll see you in the morning.”
“Wait. I...I thought that you’d—”
“Sleep here?” His grin widened. “I’m not that kind of guy.”
She watched as he walked out of the kitchen. The screen door creaked, then slammed, and Annie cursed out loud. She crawled off the table, then walked to the door and locked it. If he decided to change his mind in the middle of night, he wasn’t getting inside. She wouldn’t give him the satisfaction.
As she trudged up the stairs to her bedroom, she thought this all seemed like such a good idea twenty-four hours ago. She was finally taking control of her life and making her own choices. She was demanding what she needed and determined to get it. But instead, she felt as if her life were careening out of control, and Gabe Pennington was the cause.
He was just a man, a man she barely knew. But since the moment he’d kissed her, she hadn’t been the same. Annie walked into the bathroom and turned on the water for the tub, sitting on the edge as she tested the temperature.
When it was as cold as she could stand, she stripped off her clothes and slipped into the water, the chill shocking her nerves. She felt overheated, as if every nerve in her body were on fire, generating an unbearable heat.
Annie closed her eyes and let her head drop back on the edge of the old tub. An image of him flashed in her mind, and she groaned softly. Locking the doors might have been an overreaction. Maybe she ought to leave them unlocked—just in case.
* * *
“CAPTAIN GABE PENNINGTON. I was hoping I’d run into you today.”
Gabe twisted in the pilot’s seat and saw his buddy Nellie Maranello standing on the tarmac. “What the hell are you doing here? I thought they only let real pilots on the base.”
“Aw, you know me. The smartest pilot in the Navy. They weren’t going to let me get far before dragging me back in.”
Realization slowly dawned and Gabe shook his head. “I was wondering how I got this assignment. Did you put me up for it?”
“I wanted the best,” Nellie said. “For fixed wing, that’s me. For rotary, it’s you. To be honest, it was that report you wrote on the problems with the T-scan software. I heard the higher-ups were pretty damn impressed. I had very little to do with it.”
Gabe had thought it was just pure luck that had brought him to Pax River. Now he knew there were other factors at work. But he’d never expected his report to be read by anyone beyond a few quality-control geeks in the aerospace industry. These kind of things could drag a military career to a dead halt if they weren’t welcome by his superiors.
Gabe switched off the electronics, then crawled out of the pilot’s seat and jumped out of the chopper. “So you are just interested in my technical expertise?”
“Nah, I just wanted to look at a pretty face every day. When I take you out for a beer after work, I know all the prettiest girls will be hanging with us.”
Gabe felt his jaw tighten and his temper flare. “Goddammit, Nellie, you’re a married man. Why would you risk that just for a little tail?”
“Hey, I was kidding. You know I don’t mess around. It took me ten years to get Lisa to marry me. I’m not going to screw that up now.”
Gabe drew a sharp breath and nodded. “All right, then. We’re not going to have any problems.” He grabbed a clipboard from the rack and made a few notes, then glanced up at Nellie, who was watching him with a curious gaze.
“Do you want to tell me what that was all about?” Nellie asked.
“Not really.”
Nellie glanced at his wrist. “It’s almost four o’clock. What do you say we knock off and get ourselves a drink? We can start the real work tomorrow. Once you have a few beers, I’m sure you’ll explain yourself.”
“There’s nothing to explain.”
“I’m sure we’ll find something to talk about,” Nellie teased, clapping Gabe on the shoulder. “Did I tell you that Lisa is pregnant again? Number four. I’m thinking we’ll just keep going until I have a baseball team.”
As they strolled out of the hangar into the late-afternoon heat, Gabe glanced over at his friend. “How do you make it work? You two spent so much time apart. Lisa had to raise the kids on her own, and yet here you are, perfectly happy. How is that possible?”
Nellie shrugged. “I don’t know. I guess I just picked the right girl. She does her thing and I do mine. And we do the family thing together.” He glanced over at Gabe. “I heard you’ve been spending weekends with Annie. Is that what caused your outburst?”
“Where did you hear that?”
“My wife tells me everything I need to know. And she insisted that this was something that I needed to know.”
They hopped in Nellie’s car and made their way to the officers’ club on base. It was only a short drive to the sprawling brick building that sat on the water’s edge. They grabbed a couple of beers at the pub, then headed out to the patio to enjoy a late-afternoon breeze.
Though Gabe wasn’t one to broadcast the details of his personal life, he was glad to have Nellie to talk to. The situation with Annie had him confused and on edge, and he wasn’t sure about his next move. A guy like Nellie might have some insight.
“So I guess you decided to break the bro code.”
Gabe looked up from his beer to find his friend studying him intently. “The way I see it, he’s the one who broke the code first. I saw her first. I pointed her out, and we went over to meet her. Then he just stepped in front of me.”
Nellie chuckled. “Yeah, that’s Breaker all right. He never did follow the rules.”
“I think he managed to break almost every rule when it came to women.” Gabe glanced over at Nellie. “You know what I mean?”
“You’re talking about his...extracurricular activities? I think most guys were aware of what was going on.”
Gabe winced and shook his head. “That guy never appreciated what he had. Does Lisa know?”
“She’s the one who told me. For a while he didn’t take much care to hide it.”
“But she’s never mentioned it to Annie?”
“Maybe you should,” Nellie said.
“How would that even go? I mean, how does one bring up the subject? Oh, by the way, your husband cheated on you through most of your marriage. She’d hate me forever. Hell, she’ll probably hate me if she finds out I’ve known all along. Either way, I can’t win.”
“You really are hung up on her. What’s the problem?”
“Besides the fact that she thinks her late husband was perfect? Or that she doesn’t want to marry another guy in the military? Or that she only wants to use me for sex? Take your pick.”
Nellie held his hands out. “Whoa, whoa, whoa. Go back to that third one.”
“Yeah, that’s the one that’s got me confused, too. She doesn’t want to get romantically involved, but I guess the physical relationship is just fine. I thought I understood women, but this makes no sense. And then there’s this whole thing about sailing to California. In a few months, she’s going to hop on an old boat, sail to Panama during hurricane season and end up in San Diego.”
Gabe tried to rub the knot of tension from his neck. He had less than forty-eight hours before he saw her again, and all these questions still needed answering.
“Listen,” Nellie said. “You face life-and-death situations every day when you’re deployed. This isn’t going to kill you. Just make a decision and move forward. Military tactics.”
“How am I supposed to explain what—”
“No!” Nellie said. “No explanations. You don’t have to say a word. Show her what you want. You’re a man of action, not words. Just keep your mouth shut and do what needs to be done.”
Gabe glanced at his watch. If he left now, he could be back to Annie’s place before supper. They’d have the whole night together, and he could drive back to the base in the morning. “What time are you and I meeting tomorrow morning?”
Nellie grinned. “Make it nine. That will give you plenty of time to drive back.”
Gabe drained the rest of his beer and then stood. “Thanks, Nellie. I appreciate the insight.”
“Don’t put too much trust in my advice,” he said. “Remember, it took me ten years to get Lisa to marry me.”
Gabe left Nellie nursing his beer on the patio. He grabbed a passing shuttle, which took him back to the barracks. This assignment was a nice break from an overseas deployment. His schedule was flexible, and though he reported to superiors, he had a lot more freedom to come and go as he pleased. But he’d always felt more at home in a battle zone. He liked the tension, never knowing what was going to happen in the next minute or hour. He was protecting lives, and nothing was more important.
Here, back in the United States, he felt like a fish out of water. He needed a whole different skill set to survive. It wasn’t about nerves and focus. Here, he had to maneuver in unfamiliar territory.
Romance was much more complicated than war, Gabe mused. There were land mines everywhere, and bombs falling out of the sky. But it was way too early to surrender.
Gabe pulled his cell phone out of his pocket and considered his next move. He could text Annie and let her know that he was coming, maybe suggest that he pick up something for dinner along with a good bottle of wine. Or he could surprise her and catch her off guard.
He wasn’t sure exactly where he stood with her, but by the end of the night he’d know.