Losing to Win

“Just follow us and we’ll get you out of here,” I screamed over the wind to Jordy and Niecy in the flatbottom swamp boat behind ours. This challenge is what the hell happened when folks who didn’t know a damn thing about the swamp tried to do something fun in the swamp. It was supposed to be a ride up a pretty fork in the bayou to an obstacle course and then a race back down the swamp in the boats.

The day started off poorly. I had some business to attend to and then my drills ran late. I had to race over to catch up with everybody. Then we had to give out a few lessons on how to pilot a swamp boat. And then came the weather. No one checked the forecast before sending people out on a body of water? Suzette got violently sick less than a mile out, so she and XJ had turned back. How sad was it that people were actually wishing for seasickness to get out of this challenge?

After arriving at the site, the skies unloaded and there was no way we’d be doing anything on that soggy ground. Standing in a windy tent on swampland waiting for the rain to stop was another on a long list of things from this summer I had no desire to repeat.

The next issue kicked up when the motor went out on Jordy and Niecy’s flatboat. We tied it to the back of ours and were trying to get back to the dock before the sun went down. If the bayou was a bad idea in the daytime, it was worse at night.

Carissa was standing beside me; we had two of the crew seated behind us. The rest of the crew took the powerboats and were probably somewhere discussing what a bad idea this turned out to be. As if reading my thoughts, Carissa spoke up. “Someone did not do their research. Whoever dreamed up this challenge needs a severe beat down.”

“At the very least,” I agreed, maneuvering the craft closer to the shoreline.

“You’re different,” she said, watching me steer.

“What?” We had to scream at each other to be heard.

She cupped her hands around her mouth and yelled into my ear. “I said you’ve changed!”

I glanced over at her briefly. “Hold that thought a second.” I pulled the boat up and motioned for her and the crew to hop off. They looked overwhelmingly relieved to be back on solid, dry land. I navigated forward so Niecy and Jordy could exit their disabled craft as well. Cutting the engine, I grabbed the rope, jumped to the dock, and secured both vessels. “That will have to do.”

“That was some quick thinking and fancy navigating. Good looking out, Captain.” Niecy smiled at me and I gave her a half-assed salute.

“We’re going to ride back with the crew. Carissa, you coming?” Jordan asked.

She shook her head. “You two go on ahead. We’ll catch up.”

The four of us looked at each other for a moment before Niecy linked her arm through Jordan’s and turned toward the van. “Later, you two.”

By mutual accord, Carissa and I climbed into my car and rode to my rental house in silence. Weird as it sounds, I enjoyed these moments of silent comfort with Carissa as much as I did our more energetic activities. There was something about being able to just chill with someone who really knew you that made all the stresses of the day ebb away.

Probably because of the earlier storm and drama, for once there was no one following us with cameras and we pulled into the garage without incident. We walked through the living room and I paused. “Bath or dinner?”

“Bath, please.”

Those Bisset boys could build the hell out of a bathroom. This one featured a deep and long soaking tub set into a glass-tiled platform wide enough to sit on. I sat on the edge of the tub testing the temperature of the water. Tossing in a few muscle-relaxing salts, I turned toward her.

“I’m not like your father.”

“I know that!” she protested.

Where’s that coming from?

“I hope so. I would hate for you to think the men in your life just use you for their convenience. I’m not like that.”

She sent me a soft smile. “Believe me, I know that.”

“Earlier you said that I’ve changed. What did you mean?”

“I mean, you’ve changed. We’ve basically blown a whole day in really uncomfortable conditions and you’ve been a trooper, a leader even. There was a time when you would’ve let everyone know how important your time was and how we were all wasting it and how someone was going to have to make it up to you.”

I winced. “I wasn’t that bad.”

“Mal, you made our last housekeeper cry because she vacuumed on your day off.”

“I was tired.” A football player usually had only one true day off during the season. Those hours were precious.

“It was two in the afternoon,” she returned wryly, toeing off her socks and shoes before setting them to the side.

“Oh. Well, I could’ve been more sensitive about a lot of things, I guess.” I kicked my shoes off and watched as she retrieved them and placed them by the bathroom door.

“That’s what I’m saying. I think you’ve matured.” She pulled her shirt off over her head and set it on the counter before wriggling out of her pants.

I tugged my shirt over my head and dropped in on the floor. Interpreting her look, I reached down to pick it up and set it on the counter. Carissa liked things in their place. “When you say matured, that sounds like aging. Maybe I’ve mellowed.”

“Fine. Mellowed.” She smirked and put her hand on my shoulder. “It’s nice to see.”

“Did you think I’d stay the same selfish asshole I always was?” I pulled the drawstring on my shorts and pushed them down with my boxers. I pitched them toward the hamper.

“Who called you that?”

“Just because you didn’t use those exact words doesn’t mean I didn’t take your point, Ms. Wayne. I was selfish, I was thoughtless, I was shallow, I was arrogant, I was greedy, I was shortsighted . . .” I stopped talking when her underwear came off and she slid into the water.

“Keep going, you’re on a roll.” She smiled and scooted forward to make room for me.

“Feel free to cut me off and correct me.” I slid in behind her and pulled her up against me. We both leaned back with a sigh.

“I’m too mellow right now. I can see where you’ve made some improvements. I didn’t love you because you were perfect. People always thought I hero-worshipped you, but that wasn’t it.”

“What was it?” I handed her a washcloth and a bar of soap.

She started sudsing the cloth. “I saw through all of the other stuff and I liked what I saw. Plus you’re easy on the eyes.”

“Ma’am.”

“And you adored me. God, I loved being adored like that.”

I was glad she couldn’t see the stunned expression on my face. “You think I quit adoring you?”

“You quit showing me how much you did.”

“I took you for granted. But I’m better now.”

“Are you?” She ran the washcloth along my arm before picking up my hand and toying with my fingers. She rested her palm against mine. Her small hand with pink-tipped nails sat in contrast to my larger one that had a scar across the back and nails that needed trimming.

“I’m starting to get to you, Carissa. You say you see the real me? You tell me. I’m not that guy, right? I’m not still the guy who let you down. You’re not still the girl who let me hurt you and then walked away without trying to fix it.”

She caught her bottom lip between her teeth and frowned. “This isn’t us. We don’t talk like this.”

“No, this wasn’t us. We didn’t talk like this. But we’re here now.”

“I don’t know what you want from me. Besides the obvious.”

“Sure you do, you just don’t want to talk about it because you’re scared.”

She turned to look at me. “Oh yeah? What am I scared of?”

“You’re scared you want the exact same thing. You’re scared I’m going to hurt you. You’re scared of history repeating itself. And you’re scared of what comes next.”

She kept her eyes cast downward and maneuvered us until she was straddling my lap. Out of habit, my arms went around her as the water sloshed around us. “You know what I’m scared of right this very minute?”

“What might that be?”

“I’m scared the water will turn cold before I’ve had my way with you.”

I recognized her stall tactic for what it was. But neither of us were going anywhere for weeks yet; I still had time. “Well, that won’t happen,” I reassured her.

“And why’s that?” she murmured, draping her arms over my shoulders.

“Built-in heater. The water stays hot as long as it’s full.” I licked along the side of her throat before biting down lightly on the pulse beating strongly at the base.

“Remind me to thank the Bissets.”

“I will and I’ll also pick this conversation back up where you abandoned it.”

She tilted her head back and met my eyes. “You’ve definitely changed.”

“For the better, I hope.”

“Time will tell.”

“Indeed.” I covered her lips with mine and soon all conversation became unnecessary.