29
Sorry, you can’t have it all
Carissa—Sunday, August 22—12:20 p.m.
I released the breath I didn’t know I was holding and jumped to my feet. “Yes! Woo-hoo!” I turned to high-five Mac and Taylor only to find them in yet another lip lock. “You two take the phrase ‘making up for lost time’ to all flavors of extreme.” I turned back to the field in time to see Malachi do some sort of dance before pointing the ball in my direction. Damned if my grin didn’t spread a little wider. I never got over the pride of seeing him excel out there.
We were at Mal’s preseason football game. It was early in the first quarter and Mal had just scored a touchdown, putting the Stars up by fourteen points. In addition to most of the cast and crew of Losing to Win, a large group of friends and family had come to Houston to watch. I was seated down in the players’ wives section in between my mom and Mal’s mom. Taylor and Mac were behind me. Everyone else was up in one of the booths.
“Smile, baby, you’re on the Jumbotron thingy.” Eloise elbowed me in the ribs.
I flashed my pageant smile and waved before blowing a kiss to the camera. Might as well give them what they wanted. The camera panned down to Mal watching me on the Jumbotron and he blew a kiss back and got immediately teased by his teammates. The game was being shown on the same network as Losing to Win, so I was positive that little exchange would be broadcast out hundreds of times.
I sat back with a smile.
“Girl, give in already,” Taylor said.
I twisted around in my seat. “Oh, look who came up for air.”
She and Mac stared back at me with zero chagrin. None. Those two. Once they decided to cross the line from friends to lovers, it was full steam ahead and no looking back. I didn’t think they’d spent a night apart since Girls’ Night In at the Idlewild. I rolled my eyes at the two of them.
“Whatevs. What are talking about?”
Taylor smirked. “Just go head on and admit that Mal is your man, you two are back in love...”
“If you ever fell out...” Mac added.
“And that your happily ever after is just around the corner.”
I shook my head in denial. “My life is in Belle Haven.”
“Your man is in Houston,” Eloise stated.
“He’s not my man!” I protested. “Or at least, he won’t be for long.”
At this Valentine stepped in. “Child, what are you talking about?”
“I’m sorry, Mrs. Knight, but this is how it starts. It’s all fun and football and freak—um, fondness and then it goes to hell.”
“What goes to hell?”
“Our relationship. Sooner or later, it’s not enough for Mal and he turns mean and I turn clingy and then it falls apart.”
Eloise said. “You make it sound like a pattern. It happened once. Years ago, when neither of you knew what you were doing.”
“Yeah, but—I want to teach, I want to finish renovating my house, I don’t want to be the trophy of a football player.” Uncomfortable silence fell since I was literally sitting in the middle of the football trophy club.
Valentine dropped her voice. “Girl, you are doing the most. Who says you can’t teach, who says you can’t finish the house. You have a car, airplane tickets, no chains trapping you in the attic. Do you? And you can’t be a trophy if you don’t let someone treat you like a trophy. You hear me?”
“Yes, ma’am.”
“Cari, you know all those times I told you that you could have it all?” my mom asked.
“Yeah.”
“That’s some bull. Sorry, you can’t have it all.”
“What?! Mom!”
“Sorry, baby, I wanted you to feel empowered, but you’re old enough to know the truth. The truth is that we are not Superwoman. We can only be great at a few things at a time. Now you have to decide what you want to be great at. You can pick two or three things but not everything.”
Taylor fell back in her seat with her mouth dropped open. “Why doesn’t anyone tell us these things?”
Valentine patted her on the thigh. “You girls only hear what you what anyway. Eloise is telling the truth. Now, I was a doctor’s wife, a teacher, a mother, and I sat on the city council. Some days I was a great wife. Some years I was a great mother. Most of the time I was good teacher and I had my moments on the city council. But I wasn’t going to give up the wife and mother part. Everything else could suffer but not those, understand.”
“I can’t have it all and I have to decide what I want.”
“Basically.” Eloise nodded.
“I just don’t know.” I shook my head. I guess it was time for me to take Dr. Julie up on her suggestion that I figure out what my happily ever after was supposed to look like.
“Whatever you decide, don’t be all year about it,” Valentine said. “My son deserves to have somebody by his side who will stick it out when it’s all lights and glitter like today and when it all comes to an end.”
Something in her tone made me frown. “I’m there for him.”
“You weren’t when he needed you. When he got hurt, he needed you. But you were hurt so you let him suffer alone. Now, you both were young and mistakes were made, but I expect more from you, Carissa. Don’t let me down.”
I noticed my mom nodding along. “Et tu, Mother?”
“Truth is the truth no matter who’s telling it.”
“Aw, girl, just give in. It’s easier in the long run,” Taylor said as Mac slipped an arm around her and kissed her forehead.
“You two make me sick,” I teased with a grin.
“Hater in the house,” Mac sang.
The crowd roared around us and I swung back around to see Malachi streaking down the sideline for a thirty-yard run. “He looks good out there today.”
“That’s my boy.” Valentine beamed proudly.
“That’s my man,” I corrected her with a smile. Now, what was I going to do with him?