On the ride home, I stared out the window into the darkness. Allie Drake—Star Reporter had become Allie Drake—Confused Girl.
“What are you thinking about?” Mom asked.
She kept her eyes on the road and her hands at ten and two on the steering wheel. Her counseling sessions with Reverend Walker were helping, but she still hated driving at night. “Nothing.”
Mom stayed quiet. She knew I’d eventually get around to telling her what was on my mind. “Do you remember the first time you really liked a boy?”
“Yes.”
Mom launched into a story about her first date. It happened a long, long time ago, just before the dinosaurs. “How’d you know if you liked him more than just a friend?”
Mom pulled into the driveway, but neither one of us got out of the car. “Well, I thought about him a lot. My heart beat faster every time I saw him, but mostly it was the way I felt when he held my hand. Sort of breathless.”
I didn’t feel any of those things about Webb. “Did you want him to kiss you?”
Mom rummaged in her pocketbook and divided a Snickers bar with me. “Yeah, kissing him was nice.”
I had zero interest in kissing Webb. Back when we were a normal family, Dad always used to ask, What’s your gut telling you? It was his way of reminding me that deep inside I already knew the answer.
“Honey, it’s okay if you like boys.”
“I know, but is it okay if I don’t like them? That’s what’s worrying me.”
Mom laughed. “That’s okay too. You’re young. There’s plenty of time left to fall in love.”
As soon as the light went out in Mom’s room, I called Sam. I stretched the long cord from the hall to my bed and plopped down. “Hi, Sam.”
“I was hoping it was you.”
I felt a goofy smile spread across my face.
“How did dinner at Webb’s house go?”
“It was … different.”
Sam laughed. “Hanging out with Webb always is. Did he teach you to play Diplomacy?”
“Not exactly.” I told her about Webb asking me to the Pioneer Days Celebration, and how I mostly said yes so that he’d play the tuba for me.
“Oh.”
“What’s wrong?”
“Nothing. Nothing’s wrong. I just thought we’d be going to Pioneer Days together, but it’s no big deal. I’ll ask Phoebe.”
Phoebe with the feathered red hair. I wished I hadn’t told Webb yes. I wished it all the way down to my toes. “Sam, have you ever kissed a boy?”
“A couple times during Spin the Bottle.”
“Did you like it?”
“Not really. I’d rather play basketball with boys than kiss them. Hey, I got a question. Are we still having lunch tomorrow?”
“Why wouldn’t we be?”
“I thought maybe you’d want to eat with Webb.”
Why did one date have to be such a big deal? “I’d rather have lunch with you.” My voice sounded froggy.
“Ribbit, ribbit,” Sam said. “Relax, Allie. I was just making sure.”
After she hung up, I sat cradling the phone for a long time.