A few days later, Mom and Dad picked me up from school early. The counselor’s office was in Winston-Salem in a two-story brick building. We perched on chairs in the waiting room, nervous, like birds ready to take flight. Dad had already explained that Dr. Nichols wanted to talk to me alone.

“Allison Drake,” the receptionist called.

Dr. Nichols’s office had a desk, but she didn’t sit behind it. Instead she sat in a chair facing me. She was about Mom’s age with black hair pulled back into a bun.

“Allie, I’ve spoken with your dad on the phone, but I’d like to hear directly from you. Why are you here?”

“I think … no, I know, well, at least I’m pretty sure, I’m gay.”

Dr. Nichols focused her dark brown eyes on me. “How does that make you feel?”

I rolled that question around in my mind like pizza dough. “Happy when it’s just Sam and me, but sad the rest of the time, especially around my mom.”

“Tell me more about your mom.”

I spent the next twenty minutes talking about Mom, about Eric’s death, Dad leaving, the day I met Sam, and everything leading up to right then. “I was scared the night Sam ran away. Worried Sam was hurt and that I’d hurt Mom.”

“And since that night?”

“I’ve been lonely. I miss Sam.”

“How do Sam’s parents feel about all of this?”

“They don’t know, at least not for sure.” And then I explained about One True Way.

“I always advise patients that safety comes first. Sam needs a place to live and to finish her education. If she feels coming out would jeopardize those things, then perhaps she should wait.” Dr. Nichols rested her chin on her fist. “Exploring sexuality is a confusing time for most adolescents, but I am not overly concerned about you, Allie. You are doing just fine.”

“Really? I mean, that’s a huge relief, but if I’m doing fine, why is Mom so upset?”

“Because parents have hopes and dreams for their children, and sometimes those hopes and dreams don’t match the ones kids have for themselves. Do you understand what I’m saying?”

“That Mom is disappointed.”

“Yes, but what about you, Allie? Aren’t you disappointed in her too?”

I shook my head no, but tears leaked from my eyes. Deep down I knew the answer was yes.

Dr. Nichols looked down at her notes. “We made good progress today, Allie. What I’d like to do next is have you sit in the waiting room while I talk to your parents. Would that be okay?”

I nodded. “They need to talk about Eric too.”

“I’ll keep that in mind,” she said.

My parents were mostly quiet on the car ride back home. Mom’s eyes were red so I knew she’d been crying in Dr. Nichols’s office.

Dad weaved through expressway traffic with ease. After riding with Mom for so long, it was nice. “Can you turn on the radio?” As I stared out the window, Simon & Garfunkel’s “My Little Town” played. The song had a melancholy sound to match my mood. It reminded me nothing had changed in our town. It was about twenty years behind New Jersey.

“Do you think we should consult another therapist?” Mom asked.

“I like this one,” Dad said. “What do you think, Allie?”

“I like her too.”

As Dad drove west away from the city, there wasn’t nearly as much traffic. It seemed like a good time to talk. “What did Dr. Nichols have to say about me?”

“She was mainly trying to get to know us,” Dad said. “She did more listening than talking.”

“It was the same with me.”

Mom caught my eye in the rearview mirror. “Dr. Nichols said with enough love and communication, we can be closer than ever.”

That’s what I wanted too, but right then it seemed as impossible as being with Sam.

By the time we got home, I was tired of being analyzed and ready to be a normal kid again. “Can I walk to Phoebe’s house?”

Dad raised his eyebrows at Mom. “Is that okay with you?”

Mom tucked a strand of hair behind her ear. It was graying at the roots. I’d never noticed that before. “That’s fine, but be home in time for dinner,” she said.

I ran toward Phoebe’s, filling my lungs with gulps of fresh fall air. I didn’t think she’d mind that I was showing up uninvited. Her grammy always had plenty of cookies. I climbed the steps to the front porch, knocked, and waited.

When Sam opened the door, I had a surprise even better than fresh-baked cookies. A big smile spread across her face to match the one on mine. We couldn’t help it; just being in the same place made us happy.

“Come on in,” Sam said. “Phoebe is pouring the milk and Grammy’s taking cookies out of the oven.”

“What kind?”

“Macadamia nut.”

We took our milk and cookies to Phoebe’s room. She cleared away yarn and crocheted caps so we’d have a place to sit. “I’m still trying to convince Sam to ride in the Pioneer Days horse show,” she said.

“Has Penny’s leg healed enough?” I asked.

Sam nodded.

“Then you should do it.”

“Will you be there to watch me?”

“Yes.” Ribbit, ribbit.

“Ribbit, ribbit,” Sam answered.

“You’re both weird,” Phoebe said.

“And you’re our friend,” Sam said. “That makes you weird too.”

Phoebe laughed. “I guess it does. You’re going with Webb, right?”

The smile slid from my face. “Yeah.”

“You don’t seem too happy about it,” Phoebe said.

“I’m not, but I don’t want to hurt his feelings.”

“He’s a great dancer,” Phoebe said. “I danced with him a couple times last year.”

From the way Phoebe looked when she talked about Webb, I knew she would’ve loved going with him. It was too bad he’d asked me instead of her. I munched on one last cookie. “I have to go. I promised Mom I’d be home in time for dinner.”

“I’ll walk you part of the way,” Sam said.

My mood ring turned violet.