Long tables lined the community center. Each one had a sign in front of it. They said things like HOMEMADE JELLIES & JAMS, CANNED PICKLES, QUILTS, and EMBROIDERY. I barely paid attention. All I could think about was the way Sam had buried her face against Penny. I remembered what she’d told me: Horses don’t judge. Penny doesn’t care that I dress like a boy, or about my report card, or if I miss the winning basket. Penny just loves me.
We munched on cookies from Phoebe’s grammy that had bananas and chocolate chips in them. Webb and Phoebe were on their second cookies already.
“I adore cookies,” Webb said. “These are stupendous!”
“Nobody likes cookies more than Webb,” Phoebe said. “When we were seven or eight, he dressed up as the Cookie Monster for Halloween.”
“And you were the Little Red-Haired Girl from Charlie Brown,” Webb added.
The whole conversation seemed stupid. Something was wrong with Sam. That was all that mattered.
A couple of women around my mom’s age stood admiring Phoebe’s crocheted afghan. “Phoebe,” one of them called. “I was just telling my friend about you.”
“Mrs. Owens’s shop might sell some of my work,” Phoebe said. “I should stay and talk to her. How about we meet back at the bleachers in time for Egg and Spoon?”
We agreed, and that left me where I least wanted to be—alone with Webb.
The two of us kept weaving our way among the displays. Wood carving was my favorite. An older gentleman with a long gray beard sat beside the table. Wood curls fell from his whittling knife. “What are you making there?” Webb asked.
“When I get ’er done, it’ll be a robin.”
While Webb chatted with the whittler, I pulled the ten dollars Mom had given me from my pocket. I bought a small carved horse and waited while a lady slipped it into a bag.
“Webb, I’ll be back in a few minutes. I want to give this to Sam for good luck.” He was so fascinated by the man’s wood carving that he only nodded in my direction.
I hurried away from him and toward the horse trailers. Sam sat on a bale of hay, picking at a ham-and-cheese sandwich. “Stale bread?”
She shook her head. “I’m not hungry.”
“What’s wrong?”
“Nothing.”
“That’s not true. Talk to me, Sam.”
“Okay, but not here.”
We walked the length of the field and stopped by the woods. I opened the brown bag I was carrying and handed her the horse. “I bought this for you in the community center. It’s for good luck.”
Sam ran her fingers over the horse’s mane. “Did you kiss Webb last night?”
I had only fainted once in my life—after Eric’s funeral—but I had the same sick feeling. “How do you know that?”
“Webb told me. He was worried when you were late this morning, and since we’re friends, he thought I might know how you felt about kissing him.”
“It was an experiment.”
“This is not science class, Allie. Webb likes you, and so do I.”
“I wanted to test whether being gay is a choice. Feeling this way is hard. Look at what happened to Coach and Miss Holt. My mom’s unhappy, and you’re too scared to even tell your parents.”
“Did you like kissing Webb?”
“No. It felt like a lie!”
Sam shook her head. “Then why are you here with him?”
“Because I promised, and he’s my friend.” Sam didn’t understand. I wasn’t sure I understood myself, except there was no easy way out.
“You have to tell Webb the truth, Allie.” Sam handed me back the horse. “I don’t want it. I’m sorry I made things hard for you.”
I closed my fist around the horse and squeezed. “I just want to be happy without hurting Mom, and without ever going through the kind of stuff that’s happening to Coach and Miss Holt.”
“But you probably would,” Sam said, “or something similar.” Her dark eyes flooded with tears. “I can’t change who I am, but maybe you can.”
My eyes filled with tears too. “I’m sorry. I wish I was brave enough to be your girlfriend, but I’m not.”
Sam’s hands trembled, and she balled them into fists. “I’m still glad you liked me back. At least for a little while.”
I remembered that day in the barn when the sky had been bluer than blue. “I’m glad too,” I whispered.
Sam turned and walked away from me, without once looking back.
“Wait!” I yelled. “Wait!”
But Sam was too far away to hear me.