SLOWLY, ADAM WALKED THROUGH the spacious, but empty rooms of the stately old house as the late afternoon sun shone brightly through the large windows. It was a pretty home, sturdy, with a versatile floor plan. The kind of house in which a young couple could and should raise a family. It was a shame, really, that it’d been left vacant all these years.
“Mr. Harding?” the Realtor called from the foyer. “The new owners are all set to take possession, if you’re ready.”
“Give me another minute alone, would you?”
She nodded, went outside and closed the front door.
The sound of the latch brought back the memory of the first time he and Beth had walked through this place. All he’d been able to think about had been all the work that needed to be done, but Beth had been enamored with this place from the moment she’d stepped through the front door and saw the decorative banister leading up to the second floor.
She’d then proceeded to dash through the house, calling out something unique to love in every room. He smiled as he remembered. Oh, Adam, you have to see the built-in burled oak china cabinet in the dining room. This pantry is every cook’s dream. A claw-footed tub! Baby, that thing just might be big enough for two.
As he glanced upstairs, his smile faded. He didn’t want to go up there. He didn’t want to face it, but it was why he’d come today. Resolutely, he went up the stairs, turned to the left and went into the bedroom he’d shared with Beth. It wasn’t as hard as he thought it might be, looking at the window seat and imagining her there curled up and reading. The bathroom, on the other hand, would never be easy. He forced himself to turn and cross the threshold. There was the antique enameled tub she’d so loved. The tub in which she’d died.
“Dammit, Beth, you shouldn’t have done it,” he whispered, needing to speak the words out loud. “You should’ve told me what you were feeling. You should’ve talked to me. Given me a chance to help.” His voice cracked and he wasn’t sure he could get it all out.
“I was mad at you for a long time,” he started again. “And I didn’t even know it. Angry as hell at you for leaving…Julia and Wyatt. For leaving me. How could you do that? How?”
There were no miraculous answers awaiting him, but it was out of him. All these years, he’d held that inside. Maybe now he could let go of all the rest.
“I think I finally forgive you, though,” he said softly as he looked around the room and did what he’d never been able to do. Imagine her final moments. “You were in pain. I know that now. More pain than I could ever comprehend. I forgive myself for not understanding…then and for not understanding now.” There was nothing—nothing—he could’ve done differently.
“Mr. Harding?” the Realtor called again from downstairs. “You ready?”
He took a deep breath. There was nothing for him in this house anymore. It was time to let it go. “Yes, ma’am.”
Pulling off his wedding ring, he set it on the vanity and walked down the hall, thinking it should be hard to let go. But it wasn’t. It was time to close this chapter in his life and let another family make their memories—hopefully much happier memories than his—in this house.
Running his hand along the banister for one last time, he went down the stairs. “Tell the new family that I wish them the best. It was a good house.”
He dropped the key into the Realtor’s hand and went outside into the bright midafternoon sunshine. As he climbed into his SUV, pulled out of the driveway and left the house behind, a sense of intense relief passed through him. He felt unburdened, as if the weight of that place had been hanging over him all these years. Another brick in his life slid into place.
But he still didn’t feel complete.
Resigned that maybe he’d never feel whole again, he stopped at his office to drop off a few things and then took the long drive across town to his parents’ house on Lake St. Louis. By the time he arrived, it was dark. He went inside and hung up his jacket. His parents’ house was decked out with all the traditional Christmas trimmings, lights, garland, a tree. You name it. His mother had pulled out all the stops for Adam’s kids.
Quiet voices sounded from upstairs. Bedtime. Since his parents were out for the evening with friends, his kids were with Carla. She’d returned to them, a small consolation for the kids after Marin’s departure. Carla’s mother had lost her battle with cancer long before the holidays, and having settled her family’s affairs Carla had asked to come back to care for Julia and Wyatt.
Adam climbed the stairs and paused at the bedroom door. The kids were snuggled in bed and Carla was reading.
“Daddy!” Julia said, looking up from the book. “You’re home.”
Smiling, he went into the room. “I’ll take it from here, Carla. Thank you.”
“Are you sure, Mr. Harding?” she said. “You look tired. I’m more than happy—”
“I’ve got it.” Gently, but resolutely, he took the book out of Carla’s hands. Not long ago, he would’ve either let Carla finish getting the kids off to sleep or, more likely, gone directly into his office to work, but those days were gone. Forever. Carla was just now understanding there’d been some changes these past few months. “Sleep well, niños.” She kissed each of the kids on the forehead and then smiled her approval at Adam. “Good night, Mr. Harding.”
“Night, Carla, and thank you.”
Pushing aside the chair, Adam climbed in bed between his two kids and snuggled them close. He put an arm around each of them and they took turns flipping the pages as he read. Toward the end of the third book, he could feel them getting heavier against his sides.
“Daddy?” Julia whispered sleepily. “How long do we get to stay here with Grandpa and Grandma Harding?”
“Yeah,” Wyatt said. “How long?”
“About two weeks.”
“And then where are we going?”
“Mississippi.”
“We’ve never been there, have we?”
“No.” But they had lived in at least six other states in three short years. Suddenly, Jesse’s words that last night on Mirabelle came back to him.
There are some things you can’t put a price tag on, and one of them is finding the right home for your children.
Adam imagined packing up and moving again, and he knew right then and there that he wasn’t going to be able to do that to Julia and Wyatt. Not this time. Not ever again.
“What would you think if we stayed in St. Louis?”
“You mean like forever?”
“Yeah. Like forever.”
Julia sat up and smiled brightly. “Can we live at the lake with Grandpa and Grandma Harding?”
“Well, no. We’ll find our own house. A neighborhood with kids and good schools. Someplace you both like.”
“Would we ever move again?”
“No.”
“Good,” Wyatt said, yawning.
That was it. They were staying in St. Louis. From now on, he’d be running his company from his home base and hiring on-site operations managers to run every new job.
He’d sold one home today, but there was another one out there for Julia and Wyatt and him. Someplace for the three of them to let their roots grow and new memories to be made. It was here in Missouri somewhere and he’d find it. The decision felt good, felt more right than any decision he’d made in the past three years. Finally, they were home.
Still, there was something missing.
“Daddy?” Julia whispered. “Are we ever going to see Marin again?”
“We miss her,” Wyatt added softly.
“I don’t know,” Adam answered as truthfully as he could. “I just don’t know.”
“Do you think she misses us?”
“I’m sure she does.” He squeezed them both tightly as a knot formed in his throat. “I know she does.”
“Then why doesn’t she come visit us?”
“Did we do something wrong?”
“Oh, no.” He shook his head and kissed their foreheads. “Neither one of you did anything wrong. I swear.”
“Maybe if we have a house, she’ll come?”
“Maybe.”
“You like her,” Julia said. “I know you do. I saw you kissing. And she stayed over that one night. That means she likes you, too.”
“Yeah, she likes me,” he murmured, his heart breaking all over again.
“Then why don’t you marry her?” Wyatt asked.
There was a time he would’ve lied to them and told them everything would be okay, but they’d been through enough in their short lives to know that wasn’t true. Sometimes life just didn’t work out the way we wanted it to.
“I did ask her to marry me,” he said. “But I screwed it up. I asked her to marry me in the wrong way, and she—quite rightly—said no.”
“Then ask her again,” Julia said.
“The right way this time,” Wyatt added.
“It isn’t that easy.”
“Why not?”
“It just…isn’t.”
“I’ll ask her,” Wyatt said. “I will.”
Was it that easy? Is that all he had to do was ask her again, the right way this time?
That’s when it hit him like a sledgehammer to the chest. All the pain, emptiness and uncertainty he’d been feeling these past several weeks hadn’t been because of Beth. It didn’t have anything to do with selling their old house. It didn’t have to do with heading off to Mississippi. All of that was resolved, and he was still left with a yawning emptiness. Because he was missing Marin.
He’d turned away from the best thing that had ever happened to him other than Julia and Wyatt. He’d let Marin walk out of his life without lifting a finger to stop her. Apparently, he was the man, not any of his crew, in need of a swift kick in the ass.
“You guys up for a trip tomorrow?” he asked.
“Where?” Wyatt asked.
“New York City.”
“But it’s Christmas Eve, Daddy,” Julia said.
“I know. With any luck, there’ll be the most important present ever waiting there for us.”