My dear Marianna, my sister … I thought I was inured to pain, but this has caught me unawares, rending me, crushing me, annihilating me! Here I am, weaker and more wretched than before! My God! And now this! Now this!
Do you know what I’ve heard, Marianna? Do you know what I’ve heard? Could you ever have imagined it! I’ve been extremely ill for more than two weeks. Now I’m up, writing to share my tears with you.
What is this wretched thing inside me that groans and suffers, that can’t tear itself away from all this misery and raise itself to God?
They shouldn’t have told me … They’ve no mercy! No, it’s just that I’m weak. It’s my fault, and God is punishing me.
Signor Nino is going to marry my sister … do you hear? They came to bring me the glad tidings! It’s a good marriage … they’re both rich … Giuditta is pleased and happy … I didn’t have the courage to ask them to spare me the ordeal of the usual visit … because he will come, too … I sense that I shan’t have the strength for this further sacrifice … it will kill me …
And will he have the strength for it?
Yet I’ll pray so hard to God … for me … and for him … I’ll flagellate myself and weep so much that God will give both of us the strength to get through this cruel ordeal.
I’ve cried until I’ve no tears left to shed.
My chest aches, my mind is wandering. I wish I could sleep. Most of all, I wish the Lord would spare me this pain …
God’s will be done!