Transport • Gatwick Airport

General Information

Address: Gatwick Airport, West Sussex, RH6 0NP

Airport Code: LGW

General Information: 0844 892 0322

Lost Property: 01293 503162 or gatwick.lostproperty@excess-baggage.com

Website: www.gatwickairport.com or @Gatwick_Airport

Overview

The UK’s second-largest airport (behind Heathrow) and “the most efficient single-runway airport in the world” (seems to repeat the negative, that), Gatwick is not terribly flashy, but not so bad to deal with, and getting better and better. Located 28 miles south of London, Gatwick is not linked by the Tube, but the airport is served by a mostly painless 30-minute train ride from Victoria Station. Gatwick is a much nicer place than it once was (“high-summer sweat-filled free-for-all check-in zones for budget flights to Spain” sounds about right) but after BAA sold the airport to Global Infrastructure Partners (of London City Airport fame), GIP undertook an initial £1.2 billion overhaul of the airport and its services to better position itself as a go-to European hub. And there is even talk of a second runway—good news for Gatwick and especially whichever single-runway airport is the second-most efficient in the world.

Gatwick has two terminals: the South Terminal and the North Terminal. Trains arrive at the South Terminal, and there are more shops there, but if your flight is out of the North Terminal, a free automated train will take you on the five-minute transfer.

As far as amenities go, the usual suspects are all present, with convivial times available at Britain’s premier diluting station, J.D. Wetherspoons, and the glamour of Knightsbridge miraculously squeezed into one of those little airport branches of Harrods—just in case you feel the need to inflict one of their god-awful teddy bears on another country. As far as eating’s concerned, there are several Jamie Oliver outlets, a Comptoir Libanais and other spots catering to varied tastes and dietary restrictions, including vegetarian and gluten-free options. For shopping there are the usual wide range of shops befitting an airport as destination: Boots but also outlets like Zara, Ray-Ban, and BOSS.

Getting There

The Gatwick Express (www.gatwickexpress.com) runs from Victoria Station in London to the South Terminal at Gatwick in 30 minutes. First trains run at 3:30, 4:30 and then every fifteen minutes thereafter with the last trains at 00:01 and 00:32. If you’re near the rail hubs it is by far the most pleasant way to get there—though a single journey is going to set you back around £20. Thameslink (www.thameslinkrailway.com) run trains to Gatwick from Blackfriars, City Thameslink, Farringdon and St Pancras International stations for £19. Easybus (www.easybus.co.uk) coaches offer service to London with prices starting from £2 each way; travel takes about an hour.

To drive to Gatwick from the M25 you need to leave at Junction 7 and carry on southwards along the M23, following the signs. Leave the M23 at Junction 9 and again, follow those handy signs to get to the appropriate terminal.

Parking

Short stay car park rates start at £3 for the first half hour, £6 up to one hour, £10 up to two hours, £12 up to three hours, and climb steadily toward £35 for a 24-hour period. For long stays there are several parks located 5-15 minutes away (via bus transfers) from the airport. These are best booked in advance. For the official Gatwick car park, charges are £20 for the first day and £15 per day thereafter, and may be booked in advance online at www.gatwickparking.com.

Car Hire

The Gatwick on-airport car rental partners are Hertz, Avis, Europcar, Sixt, National, Alamo, Enterprise and Budget. The Gatwick Airport website also offers its own online car rental feature, with special rates.

Hotels

Gatwick has several hotels on site with varying levels of service. Keep in mind that the North and South Terminals are connected via a free five-minute transfer. In the South Terminal there is the 245-room BLOC hotel, the Hilton London Gatwick, and the economical YOTEL, which offers 46 cabins (available for four hour blocks or overnight) in a choice of premium (full-size double bed) or standard (large single). In the North Terminal, there is a Hampton by Hilton close to the airport check-in desks, the Premier Inn directly opposite the main entrance, and a four-star Sofitel. The full-service hotels feature amenities such as salons, restaurants, business facilities, and 24-hour gyms.

Airline/Terminal

Aegean Airlines: South

Aer Lingus: South

Afriqiyah Airways: South

Air Arabia Maroc: South

Air Baltic: South

Air Dolomiti: South

Air Europa: South

Air Malta: South

Air Transat: South

Aurigny: South

Belavia Belarusian: South

British Airways: North

Caribbean Airlines: North

easyJet: North/South

Emirates: North

Flybe: South

Freebird: South

Gambia Bird: South

Garuda Indonesia: North

Germania: South

Icelandair: North

Iraqi Airways: South

Meridiana Airlines: North

Monarch: South

Norwegian: South

Royal Air Maroc: North

Ryanair: South

Swiss International Air Lines: South

TAP Air Portugal: South

Thomas Cook: South

Thomson Airways: North

Titan Airways: South

Tunis Air: South

Turkish Airlines: North

Ukraine International Airlines: South

Vietnam Airlines: North

Virgin Atlantic: South

Vueling: North

WOW Air: South

 

Transport • Heathrow Airport

General Information

Address: Hounslow, Middlesex, TW6

Airport Code: LHR

General Information: 0844 335 1801

Lost Property: 0844 824 3115 or missingx.com

Website: www.heathrowairport.com or @HeathrowAirport

Overview

Ah, Heathrow—London’s main link to the outside world, resplendent in all the main airport offenders: infinite queues, bad food, draconian security and the acrid scent of ‘the British on holiday.’ Or as PM Hugh Grant once noticed, “Whenever I get gloomy with the state of the world, I think about the arrivals gate at Heathrow Airport.” Or something like that.

Indeed, ex-London mayor Ken Livingstone once accused Heathrow of keeping people “prisoner” in its “ghastly shopping mall” but there does seem to be slow, gradual improvement. Heathrow has undergone years of seeming perpetual change, resulting in vastly improved transport services and upgraded motorway access. Terminal 1 is a thing of the past and the new Terminal 2 has eclipsed the old Terminal 2 in people’s memory. Terminal 5 picked up the baton following a chaotic opening in 2008, taking the annual passenger count to upward of 70 million, and placing the airport in contention for busiest in the world. For years Heathrow has been stretched beyond its capacity, which has resulted in a campaign for a controversial third runway. The local residents might not like it but at least they don’t have to suffer an hour on the tube to catch a flight.

Terminals

The terminals are organised around airline networks: Star Alliance, Oneworld, SkyTeam, with the non-aligned airlines wedged in where possible. Terminal 5 is the domain of British Airways.

Departures

Busy and security conscious, Heathrow demands travelers get there early—they suggest three hours before departure for long-haul and El Al flights, two hours for European flights, and a full 90 minutes for flights to the UK and Ireland. Makes you appreciate coach travel. Check-in is on the first floor of Terminal 4, the ground floor in Terminal 3, and the top floor of Terminals 2 and 5. When you arrive look for your check-in zone on the information screens near the entrance; check-in zones are marked by illuminated yellow cubes. If you are travelling through Heathrow, transfers are available between Heathrow Airport’s four terminals. Terminals 2 and 3 are a short walk from each other (10–20 minutes) while Terminals 4 and 5 are served by free trains and buses.

Arrivals

As for the romance of the arrivals gate at Heathrow, arrivals areas are located on Level 1 at Terminal 2, the ground level of the Arrivals building at Terminal 3, and the ground levels of both Terminals 4 and 5. Official airport meeting points are marked. There are information screens in the arrivals area with flight status information and status codes: ‘Expected’ means the flight hasn’t landed yet and Heathrow Airport Holdings Limited encourages you to indulge in a spot of shopping, ‘Landed’ means that you should expect 30–40 minutes for passengers to clear passport control, baggage reclaim and customs (longer at busy periods), and ‘Baggage in hall’ means that passengers should be in the arrivals area shortly. The Heathrow website also has live flight status information.

Hotels

In addition to the handful of area hotels that cater to Heathrow travellers, there are several hotels at the terminal, accessible by foot. The 605-room luxury Sofitel London Heathrow is located at Terminal 5 and the four-star Hilton London Heathrow Airport is located at Terminal 4. Both hotels offer requisite hotel amenities such as restaurants and business and fitness centres. Terminal 4 also has a YOTEL, the Japanese-style low-budget mini pod chain that offers sleeping cabins for several hours. The No.1 Traveller Lounge after the security lines in Terminal 3 offers day rooms, both twin bunks and singles.

Getting There

The cheapest option is London Underground’s Piccadilly Line, which gets you to central London in less than an hour for £5.70. The wait time for a train is generally no more than 10 minutes. Heathrow has three underground stations; one serving both Terminals 2 and 3, and one each for Terminals 4 and 5.

The fastest option is Heathrow Express (www.heathrowexpress.com), a non-stop train between the airport and Paddington station—”in 15 minutes, every 15 minutes.” It stops at Heathrow Central Station near Terminals 2 and 3, and also at Terminal 5. On-board fares are £26.50 one way and £40 for a return (£5 less if bought online, from ticket offices or ticket machines). Heathrow Connect follows the same route into west London, but serves intermediate stations making its journey time 25 minutes. At half the price of the Express though, it’s probably worth the added minutes. Heathrow Connect trains depart Paddington every 30 minutes from Terminals 2 and 3 (travellers from Terminal 4 and 5 should use the free transfer). Fare is £10.10 one way to Paddington Station, less to intermediate stations. Both these trains run between approx 5 am–12 am.

National Express (www.nationalexpress.com) offers coach service from points around London to Heathrow. Tickets start at £12.

Driving from Central London takes about 45-60 minutes depending on traffic. To Terminals 2 and 3, exit the M4 (Junction 4) or M25 (Junction 15) and follow signs. When leaving Terminals 2 and 3, follow exit signs to the access/exit tunnel. Then follow signs to the M4 motorway, which will eventually bring you into London. Terminals 4 and 5 have separate entrances. If driving, exit M25 at Junction 14 and follow signs (if coming from the M4, leave at Junction 4B and follow the M25 south to Junction 14). A taxi to central London takes 45-60 minutes and costs £35-plus; note that there is no set fare from the airport.

Car Parking

There are short-term and long-term car parks, and both are expensive. Up to 30 minutes at the short stay is £3.50 (£4 for Terminal 4). An hour at the short stay is £6.50 (£7 at Terminal 4), two hours is £10.50 (£11 at Terminal 4), then rising steadily to £56 for 24 hours. The long stay car park is about 10 minutes away by courtesy bus and the standard drive-up price is £26 for the first day, then £20.50 each day thereafter. A peak surcharge is in effect for Easter, Christmas and some summer weeks.

Airline/Terminal

Aegean Airlines: 2

Aer Lingus: 2

Aeroflot: 4

Aeromexico: 4

Air Algerie: 4

Air Astana: 4

Air Canada: 2

Air China: 2

Air France: 4

Air India: 4

Air Malta: 4

Air Mauritius: 4

Air New Zealand: 2

Air Serbia: 4

Alitalia: 4

American Airlines: 3

ANA: 2

Arik Air: 4

Asiana Airlines: 2

Austrian: 2

Avianca: 2

Azerbaijan Airlines: 4

Biman Bangladesh Airlines: 4

British Airways: 5 (some 3)

Brussels Airlines: 2

Bulgaria Air: 4

Cathay Pacific Airways: 3

China Eastern: 4

China Southern: 4

Croatia Airlines: 2

Delta Air Lines: 3 & 4

Egypt Air: 2

El Al: 4

Emirates: 3

Ethiopian Airlines: 2

Etihad Airways: 4

EVA Air: 2

Finnair: 3

Germanwings: 2

Gulf Air: 4

Iberia: 5

Icelandair: 2

Iran Air: 3

Japan Airlines: 3

Jet Airways (India): 4

Kenya Airways: 4

KLM-Royal Dutch Airlines: 4

Korean Air: 4

Kuwait Airways: 4

Libyan Airlines: 4

LOT Polish Airlines: 2

Lufthansa: 2

Malaysia Airlines: 4

MEA: 3

Oman Air: 3

Pakistan International Airlines: 3

Philippine Airlines: 4

Qantas: 3

Qatar Airways: 4

Royal Air Maroc: 4

Royal Brunei Airlines: 4

Royal Jordanian: 3

SAS-Scandinavian Airlines: 2

Saudia: 4

Singapore Airlines: 2

South African Airways: 2

Sri Lankan Airlines: 3

Swiss International Airlines: 2

TAM: 3

TAP Portugal: 2

Tarom: 4

Thai Airways: 2

Transaero: 4

Tunisair: 4

Turkish Airlines: 2

Turkmenistan Airlines: 3

United Airlines: 2

US Airways: 3

Uzbekistan Airways: 4

Vietnam Airlines: 4

Virgin Atlantic: 3

Virgin Atlantic Little Red: 2

Vueling: 3

 

Transport • London City Airport

General Information

Address: Hartmann Road, London, E16 2PX

Airport Code: LCY

General Enquiries: 020 7646 0088/0000

Website: www.londoncityairport.com or @LondonCityAir

Overview

With its one wee runway squeezed over the water between the old George V and Royal Albert Docks, City is London’s smallest and most central airport (six miles from the City of London, 22 minutes from Bank station). Where once stevedores ate pie and mash, stockbrokers are now whisked off to lunchtime meetings on dinky short takeoff jets. Primarily used by business types, its small size and short runway means city serves mainly European destinations, with BA’s New York service (including a stop off) being the one exception. Still, this means much faster check-in times and fewer delays than at the comparative behemoths of Heathrow and Gatwick.

Amenities at London City Airport include some above-average food options and complimentary WiFi. LCY also has a “silent airport policy,” meaning no announcements are made, which also means you definitely shouldn’t zone out too far away from your gate (you’ve been warned).

Getting There

In 2005 someone, somewhere, saw the light and extended the DLR (Docklands Light Railway) to City. The airport now couldn’t be simpler to get to by public transport: get on the DLR at Bank; make sure you take a train destined for the King George V branch (these are marked “via City Airport”); and you’ll arrive at the airport’s station in under 25 minutes. A slightly quicker route is to take the Jubilee Underground line to Canning Town and take the DLR a mere three stops westbound from there. There is a taxi rank directly outside the terminal exit, expect to pay at least £40 for a black cab to go to or from the West End. Don’t expect the journey to be much faster than on the DLR/Underground. Pre-booked cabs should be a little cheaper; bookings are available via www.minicabit.com.

If you’re driving, given its central location there’s no obvious route to City. A useful general rule is to point your wheels at the eastern end of Central London and then keep going that way from Tower Hill on the A1203 (East Smithfield/The Highway). The airport is signposted from this road. If you’re getting there from the South East, head through the Blackwall tunnel and follow signs once you emerge into the daylight. If you’re near the M25 and like traffic jams, crawl your way to junction 30 and take the Thames Gateway to the airport from there.

Parking

Short stay is directly next to the terminal and rates start at £6 for the first 30 minutes, £11 for one hour, £15 for two hours, and steadily increasing up to £55 for 24 hours. The long stay carpark is a short walk from the terminal and costs £45 per day. Pre-booking long stay parking results in drastically reduced rates; check online for more. All of which is to say, parking is expensive. If you still feel the need to park and can book in advance, get in touch with BCP airport parking for a (slightly) cheaper option at www.parkbcp.co.uk.

Car Hire

On-site car hire desks for Avis, Europcar and Hertz are located next to the terminal. Travellers can book cars through the London City Airport website.

Airlines

Air France

Alitalia

British Airways

Blue Islands

CityJet

Flybe

KLM Royal Dutch Airlines

Lufthansa

Luxair

Sky Work

Sun-Air

Swiss International Airlines (SWISS)

 

Transport • Luton Airport

General Information

Address: Navigation House, Airport Way, Luton, Bedfordshire LU2 9LY

Airport Code: LTN

General Enquiries: 01582 405100

Lost Property: 01582 395219 or lostproperty@ltn.aero

Website: www.london-luton.co.uk or @LDNLutonAirport

Overview

You have to admire branding at work: appending “London” to “London Luton Airport” is perhaps slightly wishful thinking, seeing as the facility is located 35 miles north of Central London. That said, it’s not impossible to get to the airport and parking is reasonable, but everyone knows why they’re flying out of Luton: those ridiculously cheap budget tickets to the Spanish coast.

Luton debuted in 1938, was put to good use during WWII and quickly became a top airport for package holiday travel. Charter trips comprised the majority of flights in and out of Luton until the 1980s, when Ryanair began using Luton for short-haul flights. In the 1990s Luton was reborn as the go-to for no-frills budget air carriers flying in and out of the London area. Thus, the £2.99 flight to the Canary Islands with every other stag or hen party travelling that weekend.

Luton features the requisite airport amenities: Boots, Dixons, et al. plus light meals. For assistance in leaving the airport to wherever it is you’re headed, the Onward Travel Centre is located on the main concourse in the terminal building and is open 24 hours a day, seven days a week.

Getting There

Unless you live in North London, getting to and from Luton by public transport isn’t quite seamless. It consists of taking a half-hour train service from St Pancras or London Bridge to Luton Parkway. After your train journey you’ll be met at Luton Parkway by a shuttle bus. Be sure to purchase your rail tickets with London Luton Airport as your final destination.

Luton is served by rail via the Luton Airport Parkway Station. From there a ten-minute shuttle bus takes you to the terminal. Keep in mind that while rail service from Luton Airport Parkway Station to central London is frequent (and through the night via Thameslink service), the shuttle only operates between 5 a.m. and midnight. Which is to say, if your plane is delayed past midnight—not out of the question with budget carriers—consider coach alternatives.

Coach services, such as the 757 Greenline, easyBus and National Express are good alternatives that will at least get you home if your flight comes in late. Greenline (www.greenline.co.uk/757 or 0844 801 7261) is probably your best bet, and it offers pick-up and drop-off points on Buckingham Palace Road, Marble Arch and Baker Street, as well as free WiFi. Fares to London Victoria are £10 and it takes about an hour, but it runs pretty regularly through the night. The National Express service A1 operates 60 departures a day between Luton and London Victoria, with free WiFi as well.

London Luton Airport is somewhat accessible from both the M1 and M25. If you have a choice, go for the M1, as the airport is only about five minutes from Junction 10. Without traffic, it can take about 45 minutes from central London. This can sometimes be longer when there are extensive road works, which tends to be always. When using Sat Nav systems, use the postcode LU2 9QT.

How to Get There—Really

Seriously. You’ve paid next to nothing for your airfare, splash out on a private cab. If you book a licensed mini-cab ahead of time, the service is often cheaper than the equivalent black cab fare and definitely easier, as they’ll meet you at the arrivals hall. A consistently cheap company is Simply Airports (www.simplyairports.co.uk or 020 7701 4321) which is usually under £55, but you may want to get a quote from your own local company. If you leave it to the last minute, and must take a black cab, get ready to shell out at least £85 (with their meters, this can increase with traffic) plus a meeting fee if you want them to wait for you. Cab rides from central London usually take about an hour.

Parking

Short Term Parking is pricier but situated closest to the terminal, with prices ranging from £4 for 30 minutes or £37 per day drive-up. Mid-term parking is ideal for stays of around five days and is about a five-minute transfer by bus. Mid term is £21 per day drive-up with significant savings if booked well in advance. Long-term parking is about 10 minutes from the terminal by bus, and costs £19 per day, with hefty discounts for booking in advance.

Rental Cars

Car hire desks are located at the Onward Travel Centre on the main concourse in the terminal building. Lots are connected to the airport via free shuttle service. On-site companies are Avis, Europcar/National/Alamo, Hertz and Enterprise.

Hotels

There is no hotel at Luton but there are four hotels near the airport: Ibis Hotel (01582 424488), Holiday Inn Express (01582 589100), Ramada Encore Hotel (01582 218132) and Hampton by Hilton (01582 798477).

Airlines

Air Nostrum

AtlasGlobal

Blue Air

easyJet

El Al

La Compagnie

Monarch

Ryanair

SunExpress

TAROM

Thomson

Wizz Air

 

Transport • Stansted Airport

General Information

Address: Stansted Airport, Essex CM24 1QW

Airport Code: STN

General Enquiries: 0844 335 1803

Lost Property: 0844 824 3109 or stn.lostproperty@bagport.co.uk

Website: www.stanstedairport.com or @STN_Airport

Overview

It might be tucked away on a former Roman burial site in the middle of the dull Essex countryside, but Stansted Airport has one thing going for it—it’s amazingly simple. One terminal (and quite a nice one too, Norman Foster saluted), one check-in area, one security gate. Take that, Heathrow. Nearly 20 airlines, most of them budget, fly nearly 18 million passengers per year from here to a growing list of mainly domestic and short-haul destinations.

Stansted dates to WWII, and was a base for the RAF and the US Air Force during the war. Post-war Stansted was used for charter flights, then eventually scheduled flights. The Norman Foster-designed main terminal opened in 1991, considered one of the most modern airports at the time. During the 2000s annual passenger traffic doubled from about 12 million to nearly 24 million by 2007 before leveling off to about 17-18 million per year.

A word about amenities. As far as shopping is concerned, Stansted offers Boots and Dixon outlets plus the usual selection of ‘small airport shops’ more aimed at passing the time than serious purchases. Stansted, like the other area airports, has made efforts to provide nicer dining options (then there’s the Burger King); feel free to settle in for a few pints and then grab a sandwich on the run once you hear your name being called for the third time; gingerly avoid screaming children and/or singing hen-night crowds on the way. You could also try the Escape Lounge where, for about the price of an easyJet fare, one can enjoy an open bar, complimentary dishes and free WiFi. Speaking of WiFi, travellers get 60 free minutes per device throughout the airport.

Getting There

Stansted might seem a long way from London, but getting there by public transport is surprisingly easy. All you have to do is choose between the train (fast) and the bus (cheap). Several train operators serve the airport from Liverpool Street Station. But before you start struggling with too many timetables for trains that stop at too many stops, opt for the dedicated Stansted Express (www.stanstedexpress.com). The service runs every 15 minutes and takes you to the airport in just over 45 minutes. Tickets start at £19 for a standard single ride between Stansted and London Liverpool Street. Buses will take an hour to take you to the airport, and longer if there’s a lot of traffic, but single tickets go for between £8 and £10.50 (potentially even less for easyBus). A number of operators fight for your custom, the main ones are: Terravision (www.terravision.eu), which leaves from Liverpool Street Station and Victoria Station; the slightly more expensive National Express (www.nationalexpress.com) connects to the same stations but some buses also stop in Stratford and Golders Green; and easyBus (www.easybus.co.uk) gives you the intimacy of a small mini-van, stopping in Baker Street and Old Street in the City. If you’re traveling during the rush hour, take a book. Whitechapel Road is one of London’s most bustling streets, but it will get boring at some point.

Driving

If you’re fortunate enough to have a car, or managed to convince your dad-in-law to lend you his, find your way out of the city via Stratford and hit the M11. It’s a straight drive from here and amid Essex’ greenery, the airport is hard to miss. Cab drivers will know how to get you to the airport, but will probably charge you a small fortune for it.

Parking

Short-term parking rates start at £3 for the first 30 minutes and rise in steps to £39 for 24 hours. Long-stay will cost you £19 a day. If you’re in for a weekend trip, opt for the mid-stay car park, which is closer to the terminal than the long-stay option and charges £21/day drive-up. Valet parking is available and can be pre-booked. Once there, drop your car at the end of Set Down Lane; the pickup point is next to the Fast Track car park. Book online before you head off for discounts on all Stansted parking options.

Car Rental

Hertz, Avis, Europcar, Budget, National, Alamo, Enterprise and Sixt all have desks at Stansted.

Hotels

There are three hotels either next to or within the perimeter of the airport. The four-star Radisson Blu (01279 661 012) is connected to the airport via a covered walkway. The Premier Inn (0871 527 9352) and Hilton London Stansted Airport (01279 680 800) are both located within the perimeter of the airport and connected by a short shuttle bus ride.

Airlines

Aegean Airlines

Air Berlin

Air Moldova

Atlantic Airways

Atlasjet

Aurigny

Belle Air

Cyprus Airways

easyJet

FlyBe

Freebird Airlines

Germanwings

Pegasus Airlines

Ryanair

Tangney-Tours

Thomas Cook

Thomson Airways

 

Transport • Underground

General Information

TfL Customer Services: 4th Floor, 14 Pier Walk, London SE10 0ES

Phone: 0343 222 1234

Website: www.tfl.gov.uk/modes/tube or @TfLTravelAlerts

Overview

If the Underground had a motto it wouldn’t be “Mind the gap” but “Sorry for any inconvenience caused.” But as we grumble and ponder if anyone is ever actually sorry for squeezing you 30m below the surface, in a sweat-box held together by dust, rust and expensive fares, the magnificence of the ‘Tube’ network should really be appreciated. Across its 250-odd miles of track the Underground will take you to 270 stations spread the length and breadth of London (although with disproportionately few lines reaching into south London). The system is well integrated with the bus and overground train networks which share a common ticketing system with the Oyster card.

When fully functioning, the Underground will get you across town quicker than the bus and without the complicated timetables and schedules of overground trains. When it is struck by signal failures and breakdowns, which is very often, it can be excruciatingly slow and get very overcrowded, very quickly. In conclusion: the Underground won’t necessarily get you anywhere on time, in style or in comfort, but it will (eventually) get you pretty much anywhere.

Fares

The vast majority of the network is divided into concentric fare rings or zones (1-6). Zone 1 covers central London, zone 6 covers the outskirts of London. Fares are dependent on how many zones your journey includes and there’s a premium for travelling in zone 1. Peak fares (Monday to Friday from 6.30-9.30 am and 4-7 pm) are from 50p to a few pounds more than off-peak, although journeys limited to zone 1 do not benefit from the off-peak discount. Your best bet is to get an Oyster Card—lowest zone 1 single fare is £2.30 instead of £4.80 if you pay by cash. Oyster cards are available for just £5 from vending machines. It’s a total no-brainer: the total amount that can be deducted from your Oyster card is also capped over a 24-hour period to match the equivalent cost of a one day travel card. So the fare system is complicated, but if you take £2.30 (which will get you a single journey within zone 1 with an Oyster card) as a base rate, and add to this the further out of zone 1 you travel, things become clearer. If you feel the need to marvel at the full intricacy of the fares and ticketing system, give yourself eye-strain at Transport for London’s website.

Frequency and Quality of Service

The vast majority of centrally located stations will have a train at least every three minutes most of the day. At the very beginning and end of the day service frequency tails-off and can get as low as eight minutes between trains. Trains are also much less frequent at the farther reaches of some lines—the Metropolitan line has trains only every 20 minutes from its most north-western stations, even during peak times. Almost all lines have a reduced frequency on Sundays. First trains are 05:00-05:30, last trains are between midnight and 12.30. Last trains are generally safe; expect a slightly raucous mix of pickled after-workers and overly obsequious rough-sleepers rather than any real troublemakers, especially after booze was banned in 2008. The whole network had £5bn thrown at it for the 2012 Olympics, but the only noticeable improvement was increased cleanliness in many of the stations.

Lines

Bakerloo: (Brown coloured on maps) Runs from Harrow & Wealdstone in the north west to Elephant & Castle in the south east.

Central: (Red) Runs from West Ruislip in the west to Epping in the far north east. The central section is buried under Oxford Street and has four stops on the street, the quietest usually being Bond Street.

Circle: (Yellow) Notoriously slow, unreliable, and not strictly a circle—even more so now that a tail reaches down to Hammersmith. For this reason Edgware Road is now the end of the line. Shares almost all of its track and stations with other lines so don’t necessarily bother waiting specifically for a dedicated Circle Line train. Look out for the ‘Platform for Art’ as you pass Gloucester Road station.

District: (Green) One of the few lines to serve deepest south London, branches run into Richmond and Wimbledon in the southwest and also to Ealing. The line continues up to Upminster in the northeast. Almost all of the branches of this fragmented line come together at Earls Court station into an infuriating mess, so plan ahead if changing there.

Hammersmith & City: (Pink) Starts at Hammersmith in the west of the city before heading north to Paddington and continuing east to Barking. Take it to Ladbroke Grove if heading to the Portobello market.

Jubilee: (Silver) Silver coloured as it opened in the year of the Queen’s Silver Jubilee in 1977, the line serves northwest, central and east London, including the Canary Wharf business district. The section east of Green Park is the most recent addition to the network (it opened in 1999) and has a number of architecturally exemplary stations.

Metropolitan: (Dark Purple) The oldest of all the lines, this granddaddy of metropolitan underground railways strikes far out in the suburbs and countryside northwest of the city from its central root at Aldgate.

Northern: (Black) Presumably given black as its colour to reflect the dark mood of anyone unlucky enough to have to commute on it, the Northern line is the overcrowded spine of London, covering vast swathes of the city centre, the north and the south.

Piccadilly: (Dark Blue) From Cockfosters in the far northeast this line trundles all the way to Heathrow airport, with some of the most popular tourist spots in between. It’s a very cheap way to the airport but is also the slowest. Southgate and Arnos Grove stations are both 1930s modernist brilliance.

Victoria: (Light Blue) Runs from Walthamstow in the north to Brixton in the south. This musty line is currently undergoing refurbishment and will feature new trains and track by 2011. In the meantime, check for early closing and shutdowns, particularly during weekends.

Waterloo & City: (Turquoise) No-one has ever met anyone who has been on this line. Erm, it has two stations, Waterloo and Bank, and is designed for suited and booted commuters coming in by train from Waterloo. No trains on Sundays.

London Overground: (Orange) TfL took over part of the overground rail network, notably the somewhat shabby and North London Line which runs from Richmond to Stratford This has now been merged with what was the East London Line, which connects East, Southeast and Northeast London. Just think of it as an extension to the tube network.

Bicycles

Bicycles are generally only allowed on the tube outside peak hours and only from stations outside central London. They are not permitted on the Victoria or Waterloo and City lines at all. Folding bicycles can be taken on all sections of the Tube free of charge.

 

Transport • The DLR

General Info

TfL Customer Services: 4th Floor, 14 Pier Walk, London SE10 0ES

Phone: 0343 222 1234

Website: www.tfl.gov.uk/modes/dlr/ or @LondonDLR

Overview

Not quite a tram, tube or train, it’s simply the Docklands Light Railway, a nifty little thing that makes getting to places like Greenwich Village and City Airport easy and cheap. Launched in 1987 with a modest 11 trains and only 15 stations, the regeneration of the Docklands area has seen it grow to seven lines covering 45 stations and counting, serving over 100 million passengers a year. Serving the east and Southeast of the city, it is pretty much as pleasant as London public transport gets. It’s reliable, less noisy than the tube, generally less crowded and it’s pretty well air-conditioned. The DLR is also fully automated and most of the time there is no driver, meaning that you can take the front seat and pretend that you’re actually driving the thing.

The DLR provides a key service for London’s suits, with the Bank to Canary Wharf journey taking just over ten minutes. For normal people, Canary Wharf also makes an interesting/unusual weekend destination. Almost completely deserted, a stroll amongst the abandoned skyscrapers is a strangely satisfying way to spend a Sunday afternoon.

Fares

As on the rest of London’s public transport you’re best off with an Oyster card. One thing to remember is that there are no barriers at DLR stations and instead Oyster readers are located at station exits and entrances. To avoid getting slapped with a fine and to ensure you’re charged the right amount, remember to touch in and out correctly. The prices are similar to the tube, so cash works out more expensive (though not as expensive as the tube’s cash single).

Hours

The DLR runs 5.30 am–12.30 am (Sundays 7.00 am–11.30 pm), with train frequencies depending on the time of day. On weekdays, trains run as often as every three-and-a-half minutes during peak times, and every five to ten minutes during off-peak times and weekends. The DLR is closed Christmas.

 

Transport • Overground Trains

General Information

National Rail: www.nationalrail.co.uk or @nationalrailenq

Eurostar: www.eurostar.com or @Eurostar

TfL London Overground: www.tfl.gov.uk/modes/london-overground/

Overview

The railways are one of the great British inventions but, unfortunately, the Victorians who built the network in this country did slightly too good a job. Every generation since has taken one look at the massively expensive task of modernising them and scuttled back into their Ford Fiestas. So, while France, Germany and Japan got on with building super-speed bullet trains Britain was stuck with an uneasy compromise between the technologies of 1950 and 1850. This doesn’t mean that you shouldn’t use trains. It just means that it’s probably best to avoid them at peak times. That’s when London plays a cruel trick on people who choose to live in places with names like ‘Gravesend’ and ‘Slough’ by making them lurch home slowly with less personal space than the legal minimum for cattle. During off-peak times train travel can, in contrast, be positively pleasant. It’s a great way to see the countryside, every city and major town in the country is connected, and, if you book far enough in advance and shop around on sites like www.megatrain.com or www.thetrainline.com it can be less expensive than you’d think. In London itself, Transport for London manages four suburban rail routes that use the pay as you go Oyster system.

Stations

Broadly speaking, Euston and King’s Cross stations serve the north of the country, Liverpool Street the east, Victoria the south, Paddington and Marylebone the west.

Eurostar

The King’s Cross area is also home to the splendid St Pancras—the terminal for the Eurostar train service which connects Britain with the rest of Europe. Since November 2007 it’s been possible to get from here to Paris or Brussels in around two hours—with connecting trains to Siberia and beyond.

 

Transport • Train Stations

Charing Cross Station

NFT Map: 24

Address: The Strand, London, WC2N 5HF

Station Code: CHX

General Station Enquiries: 03457 11 41 41

Lost Property: 020 7930 5444

Southeastern: www.southeasternrailway.co.uk or @Se_Railway

Overview

Perched at the top of the Strand amidst popular tourist attractions such as Trafalgar Square and with the majestic 1865 Charing Cross Hotel being part of the station, you may presume that a cornucopia of ornate delights lies within. Well, it’s a dump; the chances of Brief Encounter being remade here are pretty slim. But your chances of being barged by a curmudgeonly office worker are very good, what with it being one of the busiest rail terminals in London. Still, can you blame them for wanting to get out of the place so quickly?

Tickets

There is a small ticket office open some 20 hours per day, and three banks of ticket machines on or around the concourse.

Services

If you’re in need of a quick bite, there’s a decent variety of food outlets to cater for all tastes, from Burger King to a M &S Simply Food outlet. Indulge your Schadenfreude by watching the beleaguered information guy having to dispense a plethora of poor excuses as to why the 17.34 to Margate was cancelled. There is both a Boots and a WHSmith and cash machines can be found on the concourse and in the front entrance.

Public Transport

The station is easily accessible by Charing Cross station (Northern & Bakerloo lines) and also the adjoining Embankment station (Circle & District lines). The nearby Trafalgar Square is a major hub for buses—especially night buses for post-West End madness—which inch their way out to places as far apart as Harrow and Crystal Palace.

Euston Station

NFT Map: 78

Address: Euston Road, London, NW1 2RT

Station Code: EUS

General Station Enquiries: 03457 11 41 41

Lost property: 0207 387 8699

Website: www.networkrail.co.uk/EUS or @NetworkRailEUS

Overview

Easily the ugliest station in London, Euston creeps up as you nervously edge along Euston Road. The first inter-city terminal built in London, it was originally constructed in 1837, but the lovely original was demolished to make way for the monstrous concrete-and-glass coffin which now squats next to the mail depot. Since privatisation the interior has become an identi-kit British rail station with more chain businesses per head than is morally decent.

It’s not all doom and gloom, however. Within this architectural eyesore you’ll find a scarily concise summation of human nature. Like most busy stations, there’s plenty of eccentricity and electricity here: abandoned Tube tunnels; stressed-out coffee-guzzling power-commuters; fresh-faced backpackers sprawled out on the floor; and the infamous beggar who—to the delight of football lovers everywhere except in Manchester—was arrested for punching Manchester Utd manager Sir Alex Ferguson.

The station is London’s gateway to the north west of England and Scotland, and also North Wales. As such it is the point of entry for Scousers, Mancunians, Glaswegians and more. Virgin trains (www.virgintrains.co.uk) to Glasgow can take as little as 4 hrs 10 mins.

Tickets

The ticket cashiers may have the glazed look of Kafka-esque zombies but the cleaning staff are often more helpful. Just use the Fasttrack machines!

Services

There’s plenty of eating and drinking options, all of the ‘chain’ variety. If you’re an aficionado and determined to hang around, check out the Doric Arch (1 Eversholt St; 020 7383 3359), a little boozer with train memorabilia lining the walls. The left luggage office is at the top of the ramp to platforms 16–18 and is open between 7 am–11 pm.

Public Transport

As an actual railway station it is adequate. Served by two Tube lines and nine bus routes, it’s nothing if not convenient.

King’s Cross Station

NFT Map: 78

Address: Euston Rd & Pancras Rd, London, N1 9AL

Station Code: KGX

General Station Enquiries: 03457 11 41 41

Lost property: 020 7278 3310

Website: www.networkrail.co.uk/kingscross

Overview

Previously a dingy playground for prostitutes, drug dealers, and all sorts of similarly bad kids, King’s Cross Station scrubbed up a bit, thanks to lots of chin scratching and typically panicked spending on the government’s part. Built in 1852 on the site of a former smallpox hospital, it is one of the busiest and most well-connected stations in the country: running trains to Edinburgh; Newcastle; the East coast; as well as six Tube lines. Zany trivia about the station includes the fact that it is supposedly built on top of legendary Fembot-Queen Boudicea’s grave (most probably a total lie) and that it has a tacky little shrine to Harry Potter at what has been designated ‘Platform 9 3/4’ (oh God).

Nearly all long distance train services leave from the overground platforms under the arches straight ahead of you as you enter from Euston Road. The Tube is also accessible from steps at this entrance and at what used to be the Thameslink station next to the Scala on Pentonville Road. From the main Tube entrance there is a pedestrian subway that comes up on the other side of Euston Road just outside Macdonald’s. This is handy for crossing the road at busy times, and of course for getting chips.

Tickets

Tube tickets, including Oyster top ups and season tickets, can be purchased from the machines in front of the Tube entry gates, located just at the bottom of both sets of stairs at the station. For railcard discounts and more specific enquiries you’ll have to queue at the manned ticket desks next to the machines. For all other tickets go to the upstairs ticket hall which is to the left of the main Euston Road entrance.

Services

With the renovations, the quality of services has significantly improved. But with the excellent Eat St literally round the corner, ditch the station completely and sample the wares of London’s best street food traders. And for the basics, the trusty newspaper kiosk underneath the awning is still going strong.

Public Transport

King’s Cross crosses more Tube lines (six) than any other station, and is serviced by at least twice as many buses, many of which run all night.

Liverpool Street Station

NFT Map: 8

Address: Liverpool St, London, EC2M 7PY

Station Code: LST

General Station Enquiries: 03457 11 41 41

Lost property: 020 7247 4297

Website: www.networkrail.co.uk/liverpoolstreet

Overview

It’s not that Liverpool Street is particularly ugly, but if it’s architectural beauty you’re after, you’re much better off heading to Paddington or the new, improved St. Pancras International. In comparison to these two icons of British station design, Liverpool Street is extremely modest, boring even. Clean, modern and easy to navigate around, it is simply a good train station. With the markets, bars and restaurants of Spitalfields and Brick Lane just around the corner, the station is the perfect starting point to explore east London. First opened to the public in 1874, it is one of the busiest stations in London. With 18 platforms, the station mainly serves destinations in the east of England, including daytrip favourites such as Cambridge and Southend on Sea.

It is also the home of the Stansted Express, providing easy airport access with departures every 15 minutes. If you’re travelling with a group of people a taxi might work out slightly cheaper, but the train is much quicker and more reliable. The Tube station, with its main entrance centrally located on the main concourse, makes all of London easily accessible with the Central, Hammersmith & City, Circle and Metropolitan lines all passing through. Being one of the busiest stations on the underground network, rush hour can get nasty and is best avoided.

Tickets

The ticket office is located on the main concourse, on your left hand side if entering from Bishopsgate. Ticket windows are open during station opening hours. There are also several express ticket machines scattered throughout the station. Tickets for the Stansted Express can be purchased from designated ticket machines opposite platforms 5-6. A cluster of cash machines can be found by the stairs leading up to the Old Broad Street exit. There are payphones on both levels and most are located on the Bishopsgate side of the station.

Services

With Brick Lane just around the corner, eating, drinking and shopping here should really be a last resort. The regular big-chain fast food joints are scattered (some of them repeatedly) throughout the station with the usual selection of coffee, burgers, sandwiches and sweets. The main shopping area is on the lower level around the Broadgate and Exchange Square exits, offering everything from toiletries and birthday cards to Italian silk ties and double-glazed windows.

Passengers are invited to wait for their trains in the so-called “food court,” which really isn’t much more than a few cramped tables near the Burger King. There’s a small but nicer waiting lounge located adjacent to platform 10. Here you also find the left luggage, a bureau de change, a less busy cash machine and access to the main taxi rank. Smoking is prohibited at all times throughout the station.

Public Transport

The main bus station is located on the upper level of the station (Broadgate end), and provides a large number of services to destinations throughout London. Plenty of buses also stop on the street just outside the Bishopsgate exit.

London Bridge Station

NFT Map: 106

Address: Station Approach Road, London, SE1 9SP

Station Code: LBG

General Station Enquiries: 03457 11 41 41

Lost property: 03451 27 29 20 (Southern Railway)

Website: www.networkrail.co.uk/londonbridge

Overview

Around in one form or other since 1836, when steam trains filled the air with smoke, London Bridge is the city’s oldest station. It’s a good starting point for weekend trips to Kent’s countryside or days on Brighton’s beach. Operators Southeastern and Southern cover the south east, while Thameslink operates (little-known) connections to the airports Gatwick and Luton. The station couldn’t be better connected to public transport, with two Tube lines and a plethora of buses at the doorstep. The catacombs underneath the station—said to be haunted—have been turned into the museum-cum-gore-fest London Bridge Experience, adding to the spooky entertainment already provided by the London Dungeon next door—just in case a cancelled or delayed train leaves you with too much time on your hands. Does happen, we’re told.

Tickets

The main office is located next to the main entrance (London Bridge Street) or there are machines situated throughout the station.

Services

The main concourse is lined with eating and shopping options. Grab Cornish pasties, sandwiches, donuts; and the usual burgers from the usual chains, with Borough Market just over the road though, you’d be mad to waste your money on these. M &S and WH Smith lead the list of practical, but terribly unexciting shop names. The caverns connecting the Underground station with the national trains is teeming with better food options however—some even non-chain.

Public Transport

Connections are excellent. London Bridge Station is served by the Jubilee Line and the Bank branch of the Northern Line. Escalators take you down from the main concourse. Step outside the main entrance for the massive bus station, where buses leave in all directions of the city, except its far western reaches.

Marylebone Train Station

NFT Map: 76

Address: Great Central House, Melcombe Place, London, NW1 6JJ

Station Code: MYB

Lost Property: 08456 005 165

Overview

Despite Monopoly-board notoriety, Marylebone railway station fell into neglect in the mid – to late-twentieth century, spurned as a rundown piggy-in-the-middle wedged haplessly between neighbours Paddington and Euston. But it’s an aimless drifter no more. A refurb’ in the 90s and again in 2006 saw Marylebone reinvigorated, with a thorough sprucing up and two new platforms. Servicing the Midlands, it now threads as far as Birmingham, Shakespeare’s Stratford-Upon-Avon, Leamington Spa, Aylesbury, and High Wycombe, amongst others. It remains the runt of the London train station litter, but is a popular location for television filming (Doctor Who; Magnum PI; Green Wing; Peep Show) at a fraction of the price of King’s Cross. In its bowels, Bakerloo Line trains rumble through an underground station of the same name.

Tickets

Rail ticket windows are to the north of Marylebone’s relatively petite concourse and open Monday-Saturday 06.30–22:10 or Sunday 07.30–21.40. As with all mainline train stations, self-service ticket machines are in abundance should ticket offices be closed or queues too long. Sturdy padded-barriers ensure buying tickets on board the train, or getting away without them, is not an option. Underground tickets can be purchased from windows or machines alike within the Tube station itself.

Services

The usual plethora of railway station chains are on hand: newsagent WH Smith, baguette bakers Upper Crust, supermarket Marks & Spencer, and pasty purveyors the West Cornwall Company among them. More individually, Marylebone also hosts AMT Coffee, a cafe with a seating area at the centre of the concourse, the nifty flower stand on the south wall, and The V &A free house in the west passageway—an old man’s boozer in the classic, wood panelled style. Cash points and payphones are in this same walkway, and toilets are situated on the south wall.

Public Transport

Marylebone underground station lies directly beneath Marylebone overground, and is serviced (Matron!) by the Bakerloo Line, while buses 2 and 205 stop directly outside the main entrance. A taxi stand is also situated out front. Baker Street and Edgware tube stations are a short walk away.

Paddington Station

NFT Map: 31

Address: Praed Street, London, W2 1HQ

Station Code: PAD

General Station Enquiries: 03457 11 41 41

Lost property: 020 7262 0344

Website: www.networkrail.co.uk/paddington or @NetworkRailPAD

Overview

If you’re in that small minority of people who love stations, then Paddington’s paradise. Designed by engineering legend Isambard Kingdom Brunel—his middle name is Kingdom for God’s sake, of course his work’s going to be magnificent—this barn-like structure harks back to an era when train travel retained a little glamour. If it wasn’t for the on-site Burger King you could easily imagine tearful ladies waving silk handkerchiefs at dapper gents.

The station also occupies a unique place in literary heritage. Every British child in the last half-century knows the tales of Paddington Bear. From “deepest darkest Peru”, he was left unattended at the station; but a kind family picked him up, took him in, and named him after it. No other station name can inspire such genuine warmth. It certainly wouldn’t have worked if he’d been found at Clapham Junction.

Heathrow Express

The super-fast link to Heathrow from Paddington takes just 15 minutes to Terminals 1, 2 and 3. Be warned, though; it’s far from cheap (www.heathrowexpress.com).

Tickets

A ticket office and machines are located near platforms 9-10, and there are other machines and an information point near the Eastbourne Terrace entrance and also underneath the mezzanine.

Services

If you have any money left from your ticket—unlikely at today’s prices—there are plenty of sharks who can take it off you. Burger King and Upper Crust will overcharge you for burgers or baguettes and there’s an ‘offie’ (off-license) for expensive booze. There are also other ways of staying amused; as it’s the main portal for commuters entering London from the west and Wales) there’s WiFi, a supermarket, a bookshop and curiously, a lingerie shop. Just what sort of a job do you have if you get to the station and realise: “Bollocks! No suspenders!”? Certainly not one compatible with Paddington’s place in children’s lit, that’s for sure.

Public Transport

The Bakerloo, Circle, District, and Hammersmith & City Tube lines all stop at Paddington. Buses serve west and north west London.

St Pancras International

NFT Map: 78

Address: Euston Road, London, N1C 4QP

Station Reception: 020 7843 7688

Lost Property: 020 7837 4334

Website: stpancras.com or @StPancrasInt

Overview

St Pancras station has been generating waves of breathless excitement ever since its opening ceremony in 2007, which was by all accounts a pretty histrionic affair. This “Cathedral of Transport” situated next door to King’s Cross station is now home to the Eurostar international train service and has domestic connections (via Thameslink trains) to Luton Airport, Bedford and Brighton; as well as Midland Mainline connections to places like Leicester and Sheffield. As the first major project of a huge scheme to redevelop the area, St Pancras has been marketed as so-much-more-than-a-station. Alongside its rail platforms it features Europe’s longest Champagne bar, a farmers market, and an arcade of pointedly classy shops. All this is housed within beautiful listed buildings dating from 1868, with an extension for the long Eurostar trains designed by British starchitect Norman Foster.

Tickets

The Eurostar ticket office and travel centre is located at the Euston Road end of the long arcade, while self-service machines (for collecting pre-booked tickets) can be found outside the Eurostar departure lounge further along the arcade and to the right. For National Rail services, you will need to buy tickets from machines, or a manned ticket desk at the designated area at the far end of the Arcade, next to that horrific kissing statue.

Services

At St Pancras International there are dozens of places to eat, drink and shop, with a fair number of chain stores as well as some exclusives. Best of all is the Booking Office bar, which serves some of the best cocktails in the city. The station has its own dedicated shopping arcade with branches of classic London stores like Hamleys, as well as a market area and another brace of shops at the north end of the station (‘The Circle’). Everything is shiny, new and upmarket, so expect your money to vanish pretty damn quickly. The Betjeman Arms pub—named after the famous poet whose petition saved the listed buildings from the same fate as Euston’s arch—hosts beer festivals and music/literature events.

Public Transport

St Pancras can be reached by Tube (via adjacent King’s Cross station) on the Victoria, Hammersmith & City, Circle, Piccadilly, Northern and Metropolitan Lines. A large number of buses also stop along Euston Road day and night.

Victoria Station

NFT Map: 20

Address: Buckingham Palace Road, London, SW1E 5ND

Station Code: VIC

General Station Enquiries: 03457 11 41 41

Lost property: 020 7963 0957

Website: www.networkrail.co.uk/victoria or @NetworkRailVIC

Overview

80 million people use London Victoria per year, making it one of the UK’s busiest stations. Hit it at rush hour and it will feel like those 80 million are all there with you. Built a century ago for a less populous, less rushed and less demanding city, it struggles with crowds of commuters who jostle for platform space. Now it enforces crowd-control measures at peak times: prepare to be patient. Nevertheless, it is well laid-out with services clearly sign-posted, and a major upgrade is planned to improve its capacity.

Victoria’s main train operators are Southeastern, Southern and Gatwick Express, who between them will whisk you to Brighton, Portsmouth, Hastings and Gatwick, among other Southeastern towns. Or if you’re looking for a romantic break and the Victoria route to Bognor Regis is just a little too obvious for you, you can earn yourself brownie points and a hefty overdraft by taking the Orient Express from this station.

The building itself is impressive: look above the modern shop fascias to enjoy century-old architecture. But if that is all a little too high-brow, look up anyway, as the entrance to the South East building sports four caryatids: columns shaped like women, whose tunics saucily hang open so a gratuitous nipple can pop out to cheer the commuters. Rule Britannia!

Tickets

If you haven’t booked in advance (why? Why?!), then head for the 24 hour ticket office in the central concourse, where you will queue for anything up to a year to buy your journey for much more money than you’d have paid online a week earlier. If you don’t require assistance from a ticket officer, use the automated machines dotted round the concourse: their queues always move faster (unless the person in front of you is a newbie who can’t figure out the buttons, which is guaranteed if you have less than five minutes to catch your train). Keep your ticket handy as all platforms are guarded by ticket barriers, and add a few extra minutes to reach platforms 15–19.

Services

All the predictable station fare is available in the main concourse for your journey’s usual sandwich, loofah and tie needs. Food options have mercifully diversified so in addition to the obligatory artery-cloggers you can now grab sushi from the Wasabi stand or maintain your body’s temple-status at the Camden Food Co. If it’s a meal you’re after and you must remain at the station, head up to the food court via Victoria Place for a choice of what could charitably be described as restaurants. Victoria Place itself boasts the ubiquitous high street shops to help you kill time or for any last minute gifts (as long as you don’t really like the person you’re buying for). Station loos are 30p—even up in the food court you can’t pee for free—and showers are available if you’re getting a bit ripe. Victoria also has a left luggage service, WiFi (charged) and photo booths.

Public Transport

Victoria is on the Victoria, Circle and District lines: entrance to the underground is opposite platform 7. The bus terminus is just outside the main entrance. It is also next door to London’s national bus depot for cheapo travel to/from other parts of the UK. The main taxi rank is outside the main entrance, but if it has a heart-sinking queue then head up to the Plaza exit for an alternative rank.

Waterloo Station

NFT Map: 104

Address: Station Approach Road, London, SE1 8SW

Station Code: WAT

General Station Enquiries: 03457 11 41 41

Lost property: 020 7401 7861

Website: www.networkrail.co.uk/waterloo

Overview

Until 2007, Waterloo was the first port of call for ‘Europeans’ arriving by train. Thousands of chic foreigners, clutching manbags and sporting huge sunglasses, would arrive at the station every week. But not any more. Nearly 200 years after the British triumphed in the first battle of Waterloo—a town in Belgium—the French got their revenge. Last November Eurostar gave the two fingers to the British Waterloo and promiscuously buggered off to St Pancras. Rumour has it that ex-PM Margaret Thatcher had specifically ordered that Eurostar terminate at a station named after a famous French defeat; but things have moved on a little since the “Iron Lady” left office. We’re all Europeans now…

In truth, perhaps it’s not that bad a thing. Even though no other British station covers as much space, Waterloo feels like it’s at its bursting point. Even without the Eurostar it has a whopping 19 platforms—in almost constant use—and four Tube lines; it’s the busiest station in Britain. It’s calmed down slightly since the international terminal was put out to stud, but it’s still pretty manic.

The station services London’s south western suburbs (as can be seen by the swathes of well-dressed commuters) and, farther afield, the towns south west of the capital.

Waterloo East

NFT Map: 104

Address: Sandell St, SE8 8H

General Station Enquiries: 0 800 405 040

Overview

If the south west isn’t your bag, you can disappear to England’s south east—Kent, Sussex and SE London—from Waterloo East (station code: WAE). There’s an escalator next to Burger King, opposite platform 12, that makes a trip to the south east look far more alluring than it really is; an elevated walkway over Waterloo Road connects Waterloo East with its larger cousin. The facility, considered its own terminal, is operated by Southeastern. The main entrance is on Sandell St.

Tickets

The main office is opposite platforms 16–17. And it’s open 24 hours—so why not charm them into giving you a free ticket after a few drinks? They can’t have heard it before, right?

Services

A delay is just unplanned “me time”, so make the most of it by buying a newspaper, eating your own weight in overpriced pasties and cookies; then wash it down with a few pints of generic football-sponsorlager in the pub before buying your loved-one a novelty tie/’cute’ socks to make for up being late. And drunk. And flatulent. And tasteless. There’s a left luggage office between platforms 11-12.

Public Transport

Waterloo is served by four underground lines: Bakerloo, Jubilee, Northern, Waterloo & City; and numerous bus routes.

 

Transport • Buses

Overview

If there’s one thing that screams London, it’s big red buses—loads of ‘em—preferably passing beneath Big Ben for maximum iconic impact. There was an almighty roar from Londoners when the Routemaster was scrapped: panoramas viewed from the Oxo tower were dotted with fists clutching rolled-up Time Outs shaking at the mayoral offices. The accordion buses which replaced them were met with similar anger but they’ve now been phased out: one can only guess at the amount of revenue lost by fare dodgers.

Whatever you think of the death of the bendy bus and Boris’ reinvention of the Routemaster (also known as the “New Routemaster”) one thing is certain: you’re going to spend a lot of time on buses, around them, dodging them or moaning about them. Let’s have a quick rundown of things to drop in a London bus convo: ‘Drivers take pleasure in driving off just as you get to the stop,’ ‘Why do they always drive so fast/slow?’ ‘They’re earning up to £500 a week? Why are they so grumpy all the time?’ ad infinitum. As a Londoner, your list of hobbies and interests now includes transport: deal with it.

There are a variety of different operating companies, but to us they’re all the same, all the way out to the frontiers of Zone 6. Get on at the front, get off at the middle. After the old double-decker buses were retired in 2005, Thomas Heatherwick’s all-new Routemaster launched in Spring 2012. Just like the classic version there is an open rear platform for hopping on and hopping off. If you do want to live out your 1940s film fantasies, you can still catch the quaint old Routemasters doddering along the Heritage Route 15 during the day, a shorter version of the full route.

Fares

In a further move towards the cashless society, cash is not accepted on buses. A single fare costs £1.50 with an Oyster card, contactless card or one-day paper Travelcard. A bus and tram pass costs £21 per week. The Oyster (“The world’s your…”—geddit?) is an electronic swipe card that can be bought at all Tube stations and thousands of other outlets such as newsagents and corner shops. The card can carry a mixture of travel passes (travelcards) and pay-as-you-go cash value. Note that if you choose pay-as-you-go, and you end up making more journeys than you anticipated; once it reaches the equivalent cost of a one-day travelcard, it will cap itself so you don’t spend more. When you get on, don’t forget to push your card against the scanner by the drivers’ window. Sure, you’re on camera 300 times per day, and every journey you make is recorded. But if you’re paranoid, try another city, because they are watching you here.

24-Hour Services

You’ll not hear London referred to as “the other city which never sleeps”. Partly because it’s unwieldy, but mostly because it’s not true. After a hard night’s binge-drinking and fighting in taxi ranks, we like our kip. But for those of you that are hardcore no-sleep-till-Brockley types, there is a network of 24-hour services. There are also a large number of night buses. They’re just like day buses, except the route number is prefixed by a large ‘N’ and the view is less interesting.

Information

TfL’s website (tfl.gov.uk) is an essential reference. Fare information and travel updates are available, plus PDFs of routes and timetables. As you get closer to central London, many routes operate on a frequency-basis rather than at fixed times. The main reason to visit TfL’s site is the useful Journey Planner: enter your start and end points and it will (usually) calculate the best options. A word of warning though, computers are fallible and some route maps are schematics—so do check your own map and use common sense. Like those idiots that follow their GPS even when it tells them to drive into a river, it’s frustrating to take three buses in a big circuit then realise you could have walked it in five minutes…

Safety

Like all big cities, London has its fair share of oddballs and criminals. And then a few institution-loads more in case things ever get boring. But CCTV in every bus and the creation of Safer Transport teams is having an effect—and not just on the share price of video camera manufacturers. Also, bus crime is concentrated in particular areas on particular routes. And you’ll soon get to know the ‘usual suspects’ so don’t worry. Night buses can get a bit lairy, so follow a few tips to make sure the only stress you suffer is traffic-related. Gangsters may wish to laugh at the following; Mother Theresas may wish to tattoo it on the inside of their eyelids: Avoid top decks where necessary. Sit on the left so the driver can see you (he has a radio link to base). Don’t fall asleep. Use the same stop at night and know your surroundings so you can be confident. Keep your belongings close to you and be switched on. Get to know the ‘hot spots’ so you can be aware.

 

Transport • Coaches

Overview

Although convenient and cost effective, coaches are traditionally associated with the grimier side of travel. But when it comes to budget travel, grime is in the eye of the beholder. So if your impression of coaches includes cold turkey junkies showering sick on unsuspecting passengers or if you maintain a general aversion to getting within three coach lengths of the portal of hell that is the coach toilet, then perhaps this mode of travel is not for you. That said, coach travel enjoys a long tradition across the UK, and it’s much, much better here than many other places.

For years, National Express (www.nationalexpress.com), the UK’s biggest coach company, has been trying to shake its image as a purveyor of seedy transport. Having rebranded itself as quick, comfortable and green, their fleet of coaches are shiny and the drivers slightly less grumpy than they used to be. National Express’ nemesis is Megabus (www.megabus.co.uk), the £1 people (of course they release only a handful of these tickets for each journey and then the fare rises the closer you get to your preferred date). It hasn’t always been this way, but Megabus coaches are now pretty much as good as National Express. Megabus Plus (www.megabusplus.com) combines bus and rail travel for selected destinations. At the same time, National Express started its own super cheap ticket campaign. Eurolines (www.eurolines.co.uk) is National Express’ low-cost option to Europe.

Victoria Coach Station (Buckingham Palace Road, London, SW1W 9TP) is the main coach hub is near Victoria train station. You can buy tickets for both Megabus and National Express—the two main operators who run from Victoria Coach Station—from the same booths just inside the station. But, like plane tickets, (only without that last shred of glamour that air travel still has) if you buy in advance, you can get some super-cheap prices. National Express has an office on the road between the train and bus stations. Victoria Coach Station is also a hub for other bus companies serving the continent, some of which can be very cheap.

London’s other main hub is Golder’s Green. This is the last stop for services heading north (or the first stop for buses coming down into London). If you live in north London, it’s worth jumping off here, as it’s on the Northern Line and can shave an hour off the trip.

There’s also a healthy trade in coaches to Oxford. The Oxford Tube (www.oxfordtube.com) competes with National Express on the route from Victoria; travelling via Marble Arch, Notting Hill and Shepherd’s Bush. Tickets normally cost about £15 and you can buy on board. They also run through the night—so if you get drunk and have the urge to go on an impromptu holiday—well, Oxford it is.

Beyond Tooting, Croydon’s trams will take you from places like Wimbledon to shop—lemming-like with the locals—at the Ampere Way IKEA. The trams accept Oyster and use a similar charging scale to buses. Once you get back on the map, your flatpacked sideboard will win admiring glances but few friends as you trail home on busy tubes.

 

Transport • Biking in London

General Information

Transport for London: www.tfl.gov.uk

London Cycling Campaign: lcc.org.uk or @london_cycling

Overview

There’s a war going on out there, one with real casualties and collateral damage. When David Cameron was spotted going through a red light on his bicycle, it threw into sharp relief a low-level conflict which has been going on for decades. Bikes v. Cars: with hapless pedestrians caught in the middle.

Cycling around London is not for the faint-hearted, but municipal improvements (especially during Boris Johnson’s tenure) and the hard work of the London Cycling Campaign, are encouraging people to drop their Oyster cards and jump on their bikes. London continues to implement its system of Cycle Superhighways providing safer routes (and some dedicated lanes) into Central London and across the city. The city’s cyclehire program, Santander Cycles (formerly sponsored by Barclays and also known as ‘Boris Bikes’), is a brilliant system based on European models in which users pick up a bike and then drop it off when finished at a suitable point in the city. If you want to explore London this way, note that Transport for London has some fun leisure routes detailed on its website. Transport for London offers great free cycling maps (order via the TfL website); some of the 14 routes have become so popular, cycling along them is like taking part in the Tour de France (albeit slower and with slightly fewer drugs). The maps give colour-coded help; look for the brown routes (separate from the traffic) or even better the green routes (separate from the traffic and passing through parks, beside canals or rivers.)

But cycling does hold some risks. As well as the nightmare of walking around all day with ‘helmet hair’ you’ve got accidents and theft. LCC’s website has details of road-confidence training and lists local cycling groups who run social events and cycle maintenance classes. They will sometimes cycle your new route to work with you to help you negotiate the difficult bits. Aren’t they nice?

For those new to cycling on London’s roads, basic rules include: stay a door length (or stride) away from the pavement or parked cars; watch out for distracted office drones leaping into the road and into black cabs; don’t undertake bendy-buses or HGVs; don’t use your phone while moving; and if in doubt on a tricky junction, transform yourself into a pedestrian—get off and push your bike wherever you need to go.

Bolt-cutting ‘tea-leaves’ steal thousands of bikes every year. You have three options to reduce this particular risk. One, buy a rubbish bike that no-one would want to steal and lock it with one lock. Two, get a decent bike, carry around a D-lock and two other locks and spend 20 mins each time you stop. Three, get a shit-hot bike and never take it out.

Where to Ride Bikes

There are plenty of great rides around town and a happy cyclist is one who has been able to incorporate one into their commute. Good options are the short but scenic Parkland Walk Nature Reserve, which links Finsbury Park to Highgate via an abandoned railway line; a Saturday morning cycle takes you to one of Highgate’s wonderful pubs for lunch and a lazy pint. The City, normally snarled with cabs, buses and kamikaze pedestrians, is a dream on a Sunday morning.

Though not continuous, the path along the Regent’s Canal linking Paddington with Canary Wharf takes cyclists away from traffic and along some surprisingly gorgeous stretches of canal (which also sport some top-notch graffiti)—as well as some godawful, festering dumps. A useful section of the canal links the west side of Regent’s Park with Paddington via Lisson Grove and Warwick Avenue. Watch out for super-fast cyclists determined to slice a second off their PB, especially where the path narrows under bridges or around ramps.

A jaunt through any of the capital’s great parks seems an obvious choice, but beware, some parks (notably Hampstead Heath) ban bikes on almost all paths, thanks to selfish cyclists of the past who went too fast and frightened the jumpy pedestrians.

RideLondon (www.prudentialridelondon.co.uk) is a fun two-day riding festival built on the success of the earlier FreeWheel. Events include a family ride along closed central London roads, a 100-mile ride, and a Grand Prix for pros.

Bike Shops	Address	Phone
Apex Cycles	40-42 Clapham High St, SW4 7UR	020 7622 1334
Archway Cycles	183 Archway Rd	020 8340 9696
Bikefix	48 Lamb’s Conduit St, WC1N 3LJ	020 7405 1218
Brick Lane Bikes	118 Bethnal Green Rd, E2 6DG	020 7033 9053
Bobbin Bicycles	397 St John St	020 7837 3370
Brixton Cycles	145 Stockwell Rd, SW9 9TN	020 7733 6055
Cheech Miller	227 Victoria Park Rd	020 8985 9900
Condor Cycles	51 Gray’s Inn Rd, WC1X 8PP	020 7269 6820
Decathlon	Surrey Quays Rd	020 7394 2000
Evans (Spitalfields)	The Cavern, 1 Market St, E1 6AA	020 7426 0391
Holloway Cycles	290 Holloway Rd, N7 6NJ	020 7700 6611
London Fields Cycles	281 Mare St, E8 1PJ	020 8525 0077
London Recumbents	Battersea Park	020 7498 6543
Mosquito	123 Essex Rd, N1 2SN	020 7226 8765
ReCycling	110 Elephant Rd, SE17 1LB	020 7703 7001

 

Transport • Taxis

To consider taking a taxi in London you either need (a) a trust fund, or (b) to be drunk. If you are both, congratulations: prepare to be taken for a ride in more ways than one.

Dating back to the mid-17th Century (kind of), London’s ‘black cabs’, or ‘Hackneys’, are the world’s oldest taxi service and are as representative of London as Routemasters, Big Ben and robbery. They are the most visible, the most iconic and probably the most expensive taxi service in London. While this flag-down option is great (they are the only company licensed to pick up on the street) budgeting for a black cab is tricky. Their prices are designed to confuse passengers into parting with huge wads for what often feels like a round-the-block trip. A whole range of metaphysical problems contribute to that huge sum waiting to be paid at journey’s end; all fares start at £2.40 and are based on three types of tariffs—higher tariffs apply on evenings, weekends and late nights. Fares are also affected by traffic. In general, as a very broad guideline, expect to pay around £9 for up to one mile, £14 for up to two miles, and £22 for up to four miles. Fares between Heathrow and Central London are anywhere between £45–£85. A £4 surcharge applies during the days around Christmas and New Year. There’s also a ‘puke charge’ of £40 if you soil the cab and the driver has to take it out of service to clean it; keep it in!

Black cabs are operated by many different companies who are all regulated and licensed by the Public Carriage Office (PCO). Generally speaking, the service you receive doesn’t vary much from company to company, though some boast little add-ons to capture your fare. Big, well organized companies like Dial-A-Cab (www.dialacab.co.uk; 020 7253 5000) and Radio Taxis (www.radiotaxis.co.uk; 020 7272 0272) offer online booking, carbon neutral trips, and friendly service. All black cab drivers must pass ‘The Knowledge’ test to get their license, so every driver will have a labyrinthine understanding of London and most will not be shy in sharing this with you.

Though a cheaper option, going private can be a minefield. Since 2001 all taxi services in London are required by law to be licensed by the PCO: this includes the city’s thousands of private-hire minicabs. Private hire companies are everywhere you look and often take the form of nicotine-stained, shoddily built little offices with lots of bored men milling about. Every neighbourhood has plenty of local services and it’s really trial and error to find one that doesn’t rip you off or drive barely roadworthy chariots of rust. The drivers of these little companies can be pretty eccentric—you can be regaled by tales of times past, given essential life advice or simply receive the disdainful silent treatment. The ‘private taxi sector’ does do upmarket, however. By far the most efficient and elegant service is that offered by Addison Lee, (www.addisonlee.com; 020 7407 9000) who text you twice, have huge gleaming six-seaters, and perfectly-manicured drivers. Fares are pretty cheap over longer distances but the minimum is around £10. Transport for London (tfl.gov.uk) has a useful online tool for locating licensed black cabs and minicabs, as well as an app (Cabwise). Another option is Uber (www.uber.com/cities/london), with its handy app and account-based system.

A word of warning: London is awash with rogue taxi-drivers who are not licensed and who will attempt to pick you up from outside a club or theatre. These guys will either charge you more than you agreed upon, not know where they are going, or they will be driving beat-up death-traps. If a ride hasn’t been booked with a licensed minicab company, then there is no record of your journey, meaning also that if there is a problem, your driver cannot be traced. There are also many stories of attacks on women, so if in doubt, don’t get in!

 

Transport • Helicopters

London Heliport
020 7228 0181
www.londonheliport.co.uk or @LondonHeliport

SW11’s very own heliport! Includes aerial tours of London and airport transfers (Heathrow in ten minutes). The nearest tube is Clapham Junction.

EBG Helicopters
01737 823 282
www.ebghelicopters.co.uk or @ebgheli

Running helicopter tours of London and charter flights from Redhill Airport in Surrey, 10 minutes by car from Gatwick Airport. £140 will get you 35 minutes over London, the only downside is getting to Surrey. Also offers charters for weddings and corporate events and air taxi service starting from £650 for up to three passengers.

Helicopter Days
0844 815 0952
www.helicopterdays.co.uk or @Helicopterdays

London sightseeing trips starting from £900.

Elstree Aerodrome
www.londonelstreeaerodrome.com

A variety of charters operate out of Elstree offering sky tours, as well as flight academies for those who want to take the wheel. On site is a restaurant, plus it’s close to the M1.

 

Transport • River Services

Ferries/Boat Tours, Rentals & Charters

London River Services (LRS)
020 7941 2400
www.tfl.gov.uk/gettingaround

Provides commuter river transportation on the Thames. This runs in the East from Masthouse Terrace Pier to Savoy Pier at Embankment. In peak hours services run to Woolwich Arsenal with a further service from Blackfriars Millenium Pier in the City to Putney Pier in the west costing £15 return. WiFi is available on boats serving Woolwich. Services run every 20 minutes. All are wheelchair friendly.

Thames Clippers
0870 7815049
www.thamesclippers.com

London’s answer to the NYC water taxis, primarily serving the O2 stadium from Waterloo, Embankment and Tower Bridge. Conveniently runs later than the Tube meaning you can actually stay right to the end of a show without the worry of being stranded on the south side of the river. Single tickets cost between £3-5 with Oyster Card holders getting 1/3 off. Boats leave every 15 minutes.

Bateux London
020 7695 1800
www.bateuxlondon.com.

Dinner, lunch and charter cruises from Embankment Pier. Yes, there’s even a jazz cruise.

Westminster Passenger Services Association
020 7930 2062
www.wpsa.co.uk

One of the only popular charters to offer services upriver to Kew, Richmond and Hampton Court.

City Cruises
020 7488 0344
www.citycruises.com.

Hop on hop off services primarily aimed at tourists and with tourist prices. Tickets start from £11 return for adults from Greenwich to Westminster/Waterloo Pier.

Heritage Boat Charters
01932 224 800
www.heritageboatcharters.com

For something different, try messing about on the river in one of these historic wooden numbers. On offer are skippered cruises down the Thames starting at £825. Formal dinner on board is available.

Silver Fleet Woods River Cruises
020 7759 1900
www.silverfleet.co.uk

Luxury chartered boats. Particularly good at putting on top-notch corporate events.

Thames Cruises
020 7928 9009
www.thamescruises.com

Two words—disco cruise. Hot pants are not required for dinner cruises.

Marinas/Passenger Ship Terminal

Chelsea Marina
07770 542 783
www.chelseaharbourmarina.com

Despite being in upmarket Chelsea, the prices for mooring your boat here are incredibly generous—£2 per metre a night or £300 a year with space for 60 boats. Secure subterranean parking also available.

Chiswick Quay Marina
020 8994 8743
www.chiswickquay.com/marina

Great, secluded spot for West Londoners near Chiswick Bridge. A little far from a tube station, yet Chiswick overland station is within walking distance with services to Waterloo. Prices are on an annual basis at £162 per metre including a resident harbourmaster, shower block, mains water and electricity.

Gallions Point Marina
020 7476 7054
www.gallionspointmarina.co.uk

In London’s Docklands and therefore perfect for those working in the city.

St Katharine Haven
020 7264 5312
skdocks.co.uk

One of London’s best marinas. Great location by Tower Bridge, close to the quayside bars and restaurants and reasonable London prices—£3.60 per metre, per day.

Welcome Floating Terminal in Greenwich
01474 562 200
www.portoflondon.co.uk

Built in 2004 and believed to be the world’s first floating terminal. Welcome has on-site immigration and custom services for cruise ship passengers entering or leaving London.

London Cruise Terminal at Tilbury
01375 852 360
www.londoncruiseterminal.com

The most popular regional departure point for passenger liners is 25 miles from Central London in Essex. Its close proximity to the M25 makes it easy for Londoners to get to. Current destinations from here include Scandinavia and continental Europe.

 

Transport • Driving

General Information

TfL Traffic News: tfl.gov.uk/trafficnews or @TfLTrafficNews

Parking Information for Cars: www.park-up.com

Parking Information for Motorbikes and Scooters: www.parkingforbikes.com

AA Route Planner: www.theaa.com/route-planner

Overview

With London’s Congestion Charge, Low Emission Zone, pricey parking, kamikaze bus drivers, dreaded speed bumps, 20 mph limits, speed cameras and a road layout that would give Spock the night terrors—”it’s so illogical Captain”—driving around town is something to be avoided. Combine this with over 7.5 million people who just want to get from A to B without anyone getting in their frickin’ way, and you can see where problems arise.

That said, there are times when a four-wheeler is the only option, in which case the more you know… To start, pedestrians can become an infuriating lot, at least those who love striding purposefully into the road with nary a thought for their safety; keep a weather eye out, one foot over the brake and one hand over the horn. Then there are the cyclists, an ever-increasing number—give them plenty of space and remember for the one speedhound jumping the lights there are hundreds of law abiders that you just don’t notice; for your own sanity, try to focus on them. As for the mechanized obstacles, remember that motorbikes and scooters are not all ridden by leather-clad Hells Angels or Jamie Oliver clones—most just want to get about and avoid the Congestion Charge; as with cyclists, give plenty of space and check your blind spots. A special danger are the black cabs, those roving London landmarks that have been known, on occasion, to pull up to the curb, do a ‘U-ie’ and even advertise the FT without sufficient warning. And finally, a word about traffic wardens, which are also known as ‘council revenue generating units’: make sure you avoid illegal parking—unless you are an ambassador. Fines are not cheap.

Indeed, most of the stress caused by driving in London, apart from the sheer volume of traffic, is caused by lack of consideration for others—usually as drivers are running late. So make sure you leave PLENTY of time for your journey, try not to block junctions, and let people out if you have a chance. And try to avoid rush hour: remember that morning rush lasts from 7 am to 10.30 am, lunch rush from 11 am to 2.30 pm, school run rush from 2.45 pm to 4.15 pm and afternoon rush from 4.30 pm to 8.45 pm. Bonne chance…

Driving in the Congestion Charge Zone and the Low Emission Zone

The Congestion Charge Zone, introduced in 2003, is a surcharge for driving in Central London between 7 am and 6 pm Monday through Friday (except Bank Holidays). Huge red Cs in circles alert drivers to the start of the zone, if you miss them you should consider a swift visit to your optician. There is ongoing debate over the actual impact of the charge, although it has raised money for public transport.

The charge is £11.50 and there is no extra charge for driving in and out of the zone. Drivers who use the Congestion Charge Auto Pay (CCAP) system receive a £1 discount; Auto Pay keeps a tally of how many days a car was driven and charges your card at the end of the month. Drivers can pay in advance or by midnight on the day of travel. For £14 you have until midnight the following day to pay the charge. Payments are accepted by phone, online, by regular mail, and by text. Exemptions and discounts exist for motorbikes and residents living in or near the charge zone. Penalty charges are steep: £130 penalty charge (reduced to £65 if paid within 14 days).

The Low Emission Zone (LEZ) was introduced in February 2008 to deter everything from pickup trucks and van to buses, coaches and large lorries from dragging their belching exhausts through town. It covers a much larger area than the Congestion Charge: almost all of London within the M25 and applies 24/7. The charge varies between £100 and £200 a day. Best leave your concrete mixer at home.

Red Routes

The red double lines along a roadway indicate a “red route,” part of the Transport for London Road Network (TLRN), and amounting to a special enforcement zone patrolled by Transport for London agents. No stopping rules are strictly enforced, as are yellow box junction infractions, banned turns, and unauthorized use of bus lanes. Although only five percent of London’s roadways, the TLRN carries 30 percent of the city’s traffic. As such the point of the oversight is to keep traffic moving. The rest of the roads are managed by local councils.

Key Roads

A1

Running straight north from St Paul’s Cathedral in the City through Islington, Archway, Highgate and beyond, this old Roman Road has some freer stretches allowing the frustrated drive to accelerate to 43 mph for 3 seconds, get a speeding ticket and then slam on the brakes. Ends (eventually) in Princes Street, Edinburgh, Scotland.

North Circular/South Circular (A406)

This is the M25’s angrier and twisted little brother. Circling Outer London it has some of the busiest stretches of road in London and even includes a ferry across the river at Woolwich. The way dwindles to one exhausted lane in certain sections, causing great clots of traffic every day in rush hour. See left for rush hour times.

Euston Rd/Marylebone Road (A501)

Running east-west past King’s Cross and Euston, this wide road skirts the northern edge of the congestion zone. It gets very crowded, because it’s a feeder road to the relatively breezy start of the A40 heading out of London.

Embankment

The view as you drive along the Embankment along the north bank of the Thames is breathtaking. It needs to be to keep you occupied as you inch forward for hours. Runs from Chelsea (A4) to Tower Bridge.

Vauxhall Bridge Rd/Grovesnor Place/Park Lane/Edgware Rd (A5)

Running roughly north-west from Vauxhall Bridge Rd, around Victoria, past Hyde Park Corner and Marble Arch and out to join the A40, this route is a free corridor through the Congestion zone—free from charge rather than free from traffic. Be prepared—it’s rammed.

Old Kent Rd/New Cross Rd/Lewisham Way/etc. (A2/A20)

Running south-west from The Bricklayers Arms roundabout and eventually down to Dover, where you catch the ferry to France; the Old Kent Rd, despite being the cheapest Monopoly property, is totally free from traffic at all times. No wait—that can’t be right.

A3

Starting at London Bridge, this road eventually ends up in Portsmouth, but you have to struggle past Elephant and Castle, Clapham Common and Wimbledon Common along with everyone else trying to get to Guildford.

Traffic Hot Spots

Angel, Elephant and Castle, Hanger Lane Gyratory, Vauxhall Gyratory, Trafalgar Square, Parliament Square, Hammersmith Gyratory, everywhere else.

Car Share

The great thing about being a Londoner is there’s really no need to have a car. Except on those few occasions where you’re cursing yourself for hauling a flat-packed Ikea coffee table on the shitty Croydon tram service. This is where joining a membership-based carsharing company, such as such as Zipcar (www.zipcar.co.uk or @ZipcarUK), Enterprise CarShare (www.enterprisecarshare.com or @carshare) or Hertz 24/7 (www.hertz247.com or @Hertz247). When you need to move the band, there’s also Zipvan (www.zipvan.com).

The membership services are convenient and easy: self-service cars and vans billable by the hour, day, week or month. The vehicles are parked in town, which means you don’t have to hike to a car rental centre, stand in a queue or deal with annoying upselling at a counter. Plus, if you get thrown out of your girlfriend’s flat at 2 am and need a ride, you’re in luck. After signing up for a modest membership fee (less than £100 a year), all you have to do is unlock the car with an entry card or fob, grab the keys from the glovebox and away you go. Cars have hourly rates (in general between £5–10 depending on the plan and type of vehicle) on top of the membership fee. Fuel and insurance are included.