Kim was in and out of consciousness that evening. Sometimes, she felt herself being moved from room to room, the wheels under her hospital bed squeaking. Other times, she awoke long enough to have a brief conversation with the doctor or a nurse. Around seven-thirty, a platter of very disgusting hospital food was brought to her, along with the news that she had visitors.
Jennifer shot into the room first, like the bullet of a loaded gun. She looked stricken with her hair wild around her face. “Mom!” She rushed to Kim’s side and hugged her, shaking slightly with surprise and sorrow. “How are you feeling?”
Kim wanted to laugh off the seizure. She really did. But in truth, the entire thing had terrified her. She’d felt somewhere outside of her body, knowing it was out of her control. The pain had throttled along her jawline and her shoulders. It had seemed to last hours, days. And then, she’d come-to with her head against Robbie’s shoulders as Robbie had sobbed.
But instead of telling Jennifer how frightened she was, Kim lied and said, “I feel right as rain, honey. Really.”
Jennifer pulled her head back and looked Kim in the eye. So often, it frightened Kim how much her daughter looked like her. Life came in cycles.
“You promise you feel okay?” Jennifer asked.
Kim nodded. “The doctor wants to put me on another silly medication. I’ll find a way to choke it down.”
Jennifer rolled her eyes, accustomed to her mother’s playfulness. She then collapsed in a plastic chair beside the bed and eyed her mother’s plate of food. “I see the food here hasn’t gotten much better since last time.”
Kim laughed and prodded what looked like a sirloin steak with her plastic fork. “Can we order burgers?”
Jennifer rubbed her eyes and smeared her makeup. “Kristine and Heather are waiting to see you. And the neighbor, Robbie.”
Kim’s heart lifted. Sheepishly, she said, “I can’t believe he waited around all that time.”
Jennifer raised an eyebrow. “Mom. What is going on with Robbie?”
Since Robbie’s return to Bar Harbor, he’d kept tabs on the schedule at Kim’s place and more-or-less aligned his visits with Kristine and Heather’s time there. Both Heather and Kristine were easier, eager to sit back, laugh, and listen to Robbie and Kim’s stories. Jennifer, on the other hand, liked to nag Kim, demanding that she focus on her health and wellness more often. Jennifer made very little small talk with Robbie, who often felt like a fish out of water while Jennifer was around. This made Kim very sad, as she felt it meant her daughter didn’t want her to have real, everlasting happiness.
Before Kim could answer, Kristine, Heather, and Robbie entered the hospital room. Robbie held another bouquet of flowers, completely different from the ones he’d brought her only that afternoon. These were red roses.
“There she is! Our drama queen!” Kristine joked as she walked around the side of the bed and kissed Kim on the cheek.
“You know me. I need the world to revolve around me.” Kim laughed.
Heather kissed Kim on the cheek and stepped aside so that Robbie could take Kim’s hand in his and say, “You gave me quite a scare today, missy.”
Kim’s cheeks were hot. “You didn’t have to buy me more flowers, you know.” Not for the first time, she imagined what it would be like to kiss Robbie on the lips. Was she too old for something as frivolous as a first kiss? Did she believe that you could ever be too old for anything?
“This wasn’t some dramatic ruse to get me to buy you more flowers?” Robbie teased.
Kim laughed again, her eyes closing. Around her, Heather, Kristine, Jennifer, and Robbie sat, as though she was a big show they’d paid to see. Still, her heart went out to each of them. How had she gotten so lucky to have so much love in her life?
The next afternoon, the doctor cleared Kim to go home. Kim was surprised, as she’d assumed she’d be trapped in the hospital for another month, maybe two. That was just the course of things, she’d thought.
Jennifer bustled around the room, preparing for Kim’s departure. She spoke about the healthy meal she planned to cook that evening, about the early bedtime she wanted Kim to take on, and about all the other changes she wanted to implement, if only to make Kim’s life “ultimately healthy” and, to Kim, very boring. What was the point of living, anyway?
“Did you just say ‘kale salad’ to my face?” Kim asked, half-joking.
Jennifer paused, her bag hanging from the crook of her arm. “What do you mean?”
“I’ve never purposefully eaten a kale salad for dinner in my life,” Kim said.
Jennifer’s face was stony. “I think we need to focus on your nutrition. Make sure you’re getting all the vitamins you need.”
“And I think I’m doing just fine,” Kim returned. “I eat a balanced diet. To me, that includes a bit of sugar here and there. A bit of butter, too.”
Jennifer sighed. She sat on the edge of the plastic chair, depleted. “I just want you to be well.”
Suddenly, Robbie, Kristine, and Heather arrived for visiting hours. Jennifer eyed them angrily, not wanting anyone else to get in the way of her plans.
“Good news. I’m busting out of here,” Kim announced.
Robbie punched the air. “That’s fantastic!”
“I’m so happy for you,” Heather said, her eyes welling up.
Kristine did a happy jig. “I guess it’s about time for that Gerard Butler romantic comedy. Oh, and the chocolate sundae.”
“What are you talking about?” Kim asked, laughing.
Kristine waved a hand. “Oh. Nothing.”
“I do think Gerard Butler is fantastic. That accent is to die for!” Kim said.
Kristine’s eyes twinkled knowingly. Robbie blushed, embarrassed. Kim reached for his hand, which he took gently into his. She imagined a beautiful future where she and Robbie could hold hands like this every day, no matter the circumstances. A walk down the beach. A sunset. Dinner at an Italian restaurant.
“Take me home, Robbie,” Kim heard herself say.
Jennifer’s jaw dropped with surprise. Her eyes cut from Kim to Robbie and back again. “Oh, it’s okay, Rob. I can take her.”
But Robbie shook his head. “The lady has spoken. I’ll make sure she gets home safe.”
“I have a plan for tonight,” Jennifer insisted. “And there’s so much to worry about, between the wheelchair and the medication and all that. I can take her.”
Robbie eyed Jennifer, looking fearful.
“Robbie knows all about the wheelchair and the medication,” Kristine said, stepping forward. “You’ve been a great help at Kim’s place. Not that Kim ever needs any help. Not really.”
Kim laughed and stuck out her tongue. “Don’t tease me.”
Jennifer bristled. “If you really think you can handle it.”
“He’s a grown man, Jen. I think he can handle this little old lady just fine,” Kim said.
Finally, Jennifer acquiesced. She collected her things and watched helplessly as Robbie helped Kim into her wheelchair, where she settled easily. “It fits like an old glove,” she tried to joke, although she did hate that wheelchair more than anything in her life.
Robbie wheeled her out of the hospital, through the white-washed hallways and past other patients who weren’t as lucky as Kim. Kim knew she shouldn’t have walked away from such a severe brain injury. Good luck had never followed her, not like this.
At Robbie’s truck, he lifted her swiftly into the front passenger seat, broke down the wheelchair, and put it safely in the back. Kim waved down at Jennifer, Kristine, and Heather, feeling like a teenage girl headed off to prom. Kristine passed up the flowers from her hospital room, which Kim placed on her lap. The scents were intoxicating.
“You’ll call us if you need anything?” Kristine called through the window.
“You’ll be the first to know when I need that chocolate sundae and Gerard Butler!”
Robbie laughed and buckled his seatbelt in the driver’s seat. Kim was suddenly flushed, aware that this was one of the first times she’d ever been really and truly alone with this handsome man. As Robbie’s truck was older, it had gears, and he shifted the stick from PARK with a trained hand. The way he drove reminded Kim of her father, so long ago, taking her and Melanie off to gymnastics. Her heart ached with missing him.
For a little while, Kim and Robbie drove without speaking. The silence was pleasant, especially after the heinous beeping and cries at the hospital. Kim had thought several times that she never wanted to die in a hospital if she could help it. After these recent stints, she felt even more sure of herself.
“Thank you for coming up to the hospital when it happened.” Kim heard herself speak.
The truck was stopped at a red light. Robbie raised his hand and wrapped it over hers so that her heart rammed against her ribcage. Why did his touch feel so intoxicating?
“I genuinely don’t know where else I could have been. Last night, I stayed up late just thinking about you. About how much I don’t want to lose you.”
Kim sighed. This was what she’d been afraid of.
“I know you’ve lost so many people,” she breathed. “Maybe, with my declining health, we shouldn’t…” She trailed off, unsure if she wanted to say this. “I just don’t want you to get hurt again.”
Robbie flashed her a look of warning. After a long pause, the light turned green, and he had to take his hand back to change gears. He drove quietly, his eyes focused, until he suddenly turned right toward the Acadia Mountains. This was the opposite direction from Kim’s place.
“Where are you taking us?” Kim asked softly.
“Let’s go for a drive,” he said. “Unless you don’t feel up for it?”
Kim’s eyes widened. “After being cooped up in the hospital, it’s everything I want in the world.”
Both Kim and Robbie had been born in Bar Harbor, beneath the Acadia Mountains and alongside the churning blue of Frenchman Bay. To them, it was the most heavenly place in the world, lined with huge, stoic pine trees, ancient rocks, and miles and miles of hiking trails. Kim’s heart ached with the memory of hundreds of hikes, many of which she’d taken with her ex-husband. She prayed for a future of hiking with Robbie by her side. She prayed for Christmases, Thanksgivings, and Fourth of Julys.
Slowly, Robbie snaked the truck through the mountains, weaving through the rocks to find better views of Frenchman Bay and the mighty horizon of the Atlantic Ocean. Kim felt breathless and finally said, “I can’t believe it’s real.”
Robbie’s smile was crooked and endearing. He stopped the truck at an overlook, cut the engine, and dropped his head back. Together, they took in the splendor of the middle of the afternoon. A sharp wind rushed against the windshield and shook the bed of the truck.
“You scared me yesterday,” Robbie finally said, his voice low. “Terrified me, in fact.”
Kim tried to speak, to tell him again that was why she thought they should cut their romance short, but Robbie interrupted her.
“It made me understand how much I care for you,” Robbie said. “And how I can’t just cut those feelings out. Why would I?” He turned to lock Kim’s eyes with his. “Why would we stop feeling this? To avoid pain? Kim, haven’t we both been through enough pain to know that pain is inevitable? I’d rather choose life, beauty, and love, rather than safety. Wouldn’t you? Wait. Don’t answer that.” He shook his head, resolute. “I know you. I know the way the Kim I know would answer.”
Overwhelmed, Kim leaned toward him, needing his lips upon hers, his hands on her body. When he kissed her, she no longer felt like the broken hospital patient she’d been only hours before. She felt young, free, and alive— making the choice to keep her heart open to the possibility of a possibility.
When their kiss broke, Kim was surprised to learn she’d been crying. She dropped back on the seat, mopping herself up. “Look at me. I’m such a schmuck.”
Robbie laughed and handed her a clean handkerchief. People didn’t keep handkerchiefs on them like they used to. The fact that Robbie did, pleased her to no end.
That night, Robbie set Kim up in front of the television, poured her a glass of non-alcoholic wine, cracked open a beer, and put on a film. The movie was called On Golden Pond, and it featured Katharine Hepburn and Henry Fonda, who lived on a beautiful pond but had multiple family dramas and difficulties. The reflection of real life was palpable.
After the film, Kim sipped the non-alcoholic wine and said, “How strangely difficult it is to be a person. Huh?”
Robbie laughed kindly and kissed her hand. “It’s the hardest thing I know.”
That night, Robbie helped Kim prepare for bed. When she was too exhausted, he took over the toothbrushing, helped her wash her face, and even helped her change into pajamas. He slipped her easily beneath the covers, then teased her and said, “Want me to read you a bedtime story?”
Kim shooed him away, her heart in her throat. It was too early for a real sleepover; she’d told him that herself earlier that evening. Still, she was grateful that he would be just next door, in the guest bedroom.
She had a hunch that he wouldn’t be in the guest bedroom for long. Perhaps in a month, maybe two, she’d invite him over. Perhaps then, she’d allow herself to acknowledge the true depths of her feelings. If she didn’t allow herself to fall in love again, then what was the point of life?