Cbow: Hi TF. You there?
Caitlin waited for a reply. It was a long shot on Christmas, but the day had come and gone for most people. Santa bullshit in the morning, the big meal at dusk. All that quality family time really wore people out. It was now half past eleven, and the rest of her house was asleep—except her mother, who would putter around until Cait finally turned out her light. As if she would do it again, take the car and slaughter two deer. The blood was gone, but her mother would never stop seeing it in the giant holes the bulldozer had removed from her perfect winter wonderland.
Totallyfkd: Hey Cbow. Merry Merry and all that crap.
Caitlin felt the smile stretch from ear to ear. For the past three days, TF was the only one who had kept her going. Her brother had steered clear. Apparently guilt could be added to the long list of things men couldn’t deal with. Every time he saw her black-and-blue face, he turned on his heels and headed for the Wii. Then there was Daddy, with his constant tear-shedding, and Mother Dearest with that bitchy silence. No one seemed to know what to do with her. Except TF, who did the one thing she really needed. She listened.
Totallyfkd: How’s the face? Still look like Darth Vader?
Cbow: Not as much. More like Hilary Swank in Million Dollar Baby.
Totallyfkd: Nice.
Cbow: Yeah. It’s good for freaking out my little brothers. How was xmas?
Totallyfkd: Sucked.
Cbow: Mine too. Get any decent loot?
Totallyfkd: Lots of clothes. All too small. My mother can’t admit to herself that I’m a size 10.
Cbow: Sucks. Can you return for cash?
Totallyfkd: I’m gonna try. What up with DH?
Cbow: Ugh. Finally got the text. Came at like eleven. He wanted to meet me after the party.
Totallyfkd: That would have been fun. Losing it in the hospital. Get any good drugs?
Cbow: I was high for two days. Still have five pills.
Totallyfkd: Nice. So what did he say?
Cbow: Didn’t tell him.
Totallyfkd: No way.
Cbow: What was I gonna say? I was so desperate to see you I got stoned and crashed a car into a herd of innocent bambies? I told him I was sick. Totallyfkd: So what’s the new plan?
Cbow: I’m gonna lay low til my face heals. Then we’re good to go. He keeps texting me. I think the playing hard to get thing is working. Not that I planned it. Still.
Totallyfkd: It’s cool. Lay low and work it baby! What does he say?
Cbow: Just stuff about music, bitching about life.
Totallyfkd: Does he talk about the night in the car?
Cbow: Sometimes. He sounds embarrassed. Sounds like he wants to get it right next time.
Totallyfkd: I know I’m a drag, but are you sure you wanna go through with it? Seems like DH makes you a little loco.
Cbow: Ha. Funny. He’s been really cool. And it was all in my head cause he did text me that night. I just didn’t wait long enough.
Totallyfkd: I hate waiting for guys. Why don’t they ever have to wait for us?
Cbow: My Dad says it all evens out after you get married.
Totallyfkd: Lovely. Can’t wait.
Cbow: I gotta go cause ice queen’s lurking. I can see the light from the kitchen. But thanks for everything. You saved me the last few days. Totallyfkd: No prob. What are friends for?
Cbow: Are you OK?
Totallyfkd: Yeah fine. Got a bitch of a paper for this English teacher. We call him the bear cause he’s really hairy and big. And cause he’s a bear in general. Talk soon?
Cait paused for a second, staring at the screen. Wasn’t that the nickname of the English teacher at the Academy? Kyle had told her that in the car. The Bear. She was certain of it.
Totallyfkd: You there cbow?
Cbow: Yeah, sorry. Talk soon. Luv ya.
Totallyfkd: You too babe. Hang in there. XO.
Cbow: XO.
Cait logged off the IM, but her eyes still could not leave the screen. What were the chances that there was another upper-school English teacher called the Bear? She started to think about everything she knew from TF. It was a private school. Had to be because they had the same vacation schedule. All the public schools went back right after New Year’s Day. At least around here. Maybe she was from the Midwest, or Canada? Still, too many pieces were beginning to fit. She lived in a place where the seasons changed. She’d mentioned once that it was cold. She drove a car, so she probably didn’t live in the city. Her family had gone to Smith, a traditional Northeastern school, and now she was going there as well. Had she mentioned playing squash, or was that just Cait? Damn it! She had to remember everything.
Her mind was racing now. Could TF live in Wilshire? Could she be a student at the Academy? She’d described herself as a nobody senior. Cait didn’t know many seniors. She logged in to Google and searched for teachers nicknamed the Bear. All the relevant hits were from kids with My-Space pages, all from Wilshire. An hour went by, searching, thinking, scanning last year’s yearbook. It could be any of these girls, living this secret life on the Internet, being her friend. The boundaries of cyberfriends had never bothered her before, but now she felt like she had to know this girl, had to find out who she was. There was a chance to make it real, and she was suddenly overcome with a new obsession. Finding the girl named Totallyfkd.