BARLOW WALKED IN THE room to find her standing by the window, watching the wind blow up the snow. The door was heavy as it closed behind him, but she did not turn around. Not yet. Still, he saw her take a heavy breath as he set his keys on the nightstand.
“Are you all right?” he asked, taking a few steps closer to her before stopping.
Jacks nodded. Then she twisted her neck to look at him. “I’m fine. Sorry about the message . . . if I worried you.”
He smiled then, warmly, and she finally allowed herself to face him. “It’s okay. No trouble. I’m sorry I never called.”
He had promised last week in the parking lot, but Jacks had known then as she did now that the affair was over for him, that the promise had been a polite way of ending the conversation.
“Don’t be sorry,” Jacks said. If anyone needed to be sorry, it was she. And not only for drawing him into this sordid mess, but for what she was about to do. This was the moment that all of those stolen afternoons had been about. She’d gone over it with her sister, what she would say, how she would say it so he would understand what he had to do to save his marriage, his reputation. She would be as cold as she needed to be to make him believe she was serious, to make him feel the sting of her betrayal. He could not think for a moment that she would back down. It had to be all or nothing. The money for her silence.
She had the evidence—hotel receipts, text messages, and photos of him sleeping taken on her cell phone. It was textbook, cliché. But it was real. She had this all in her purse, which was next to her on the floor—the things that could destroy his life and that would surely destroy everything that remained of hers when she finished saving her husband.
Barlow walked closer to her, studied her face. “Eva called me just after you. Any idea what she wanted?” he asked.
Jacks shrugged, thankful he hadn’t spoken to her yet. “Probably something about the speaker tonight.”
Barlow nodded. “Of course.”
It was awkward now, with both of them knowing it was over, but Jacks having called the meeting, having said she was desperate to see him.
With his eyes on hers, he pulled off his shoes, then his jacket. He reached for the buttons on his shirt, but Jacks walked quickly to where he stood, closing her hands around his.
“What is it?” he asked. “I thought . . .”
“Stop. Just stop. We both know it’s over.”
Barlow kissed her on the cheek, then buttoned the shirt. “Then why? Why am I here?”
She turned away, unable to think with all the voices screaming in her head. She could hear her sister pleading with her to get the money and run like hell. Remember the past, nothing can change, not ever. But then she heard David weeping in his sleep, her children laughing in the yard. She let the voices scream until she heard her own voice rising above all of them, though it sounded strange to her. Still, it was hers, and she knew she had to listen.
She turned back toward the window and grabbed her purse. Then she looked at Barlow for a long time, as though she might not ever see him quite the same way again, soft and loving.
“I have to go. This was a mistake.” She walked past him quickly before she could change her mind. She had come so close, and that was something she would have to live with for the rest of her life. But that was all she could withstand. The degradation she almost inflicted upon her soul would have ripped out what was left of her humanity, leaving her with nothing but a shell. She could not do that to her children. Or to herself.
“Are you sure? You said you had something to tell me?” Barlow sounded confused.
“No. Please. Let me go.” This was over for her. David would be coming home and they had an entire life to re-create. It would be drastic, devastating, but nothing could be worse than what she had almost done in this room.
As she turned away, Barlow grabbed her, pulling her back to him. With his strong arms, he held her tightly, then began to whisper in her ear.
“You have a good heart, Jacks. No matter what happens, I know you have a good heart, and I love you for it.”
Taking in his words, Jacks pulled away and stood before him.
His face was serious now, serious and concerned.
“I’ve just made a call to my accountant. It seems there’s a great deal on a hotel in Vegas that I simply can’t pass up. The first owner lost it to a fire early on in the construction, and the insurance had lapsed.”
Jacks was breathless, unable to speak or move. All she could do was listen as Barlow told his story.
“It’s a shame because it has a lot of potential. Great piece of property. Just needs some cleaning up on the money end. Some debts and other things. But I’ve already gotten started on that.”
Jacks shook her head, her hands pressed to her face trying to hold back the tears, but it was futile. He had lied about speaking with Eva, who now knew everything. Eva had insisted on it—names, dates, amounts. She’d written all of it down, and Jacks hadn’t a clue what for, though her mind was reeling with possibilities of what might be done to them, and how having a witness might be useful. So she had complied with every request, then let Eva take Beth and the other girls to her house for the afternoon. Eva must have known she was coming right here, straight to this hotel room to ruin a man’s life.
“It’s going to be okay now” were the last words Barlow said before holding her, and she stayed there, crying for a long while, whispering over and over, “I’m sorry.” Barlow stroked her hair and cried with her, for her. What had this life done to this woman? He’d have given her the money months ago if only she had asked. But that wasn’t in the rulebook; there was no rule-book for what had happened to David Halstead.
“I have to go to him. He’ll be worried sick about us,” Jacks said. Then she kissed Barlow on his face and stared straight into his eyes.
“Will you ever forgive me?”
Barlow smiled in that disarming way of his. “What for? Some great sex?”
“Don’t joke, please. I need to know. When I see you again—if I see you again—will you be able to look at me?”
“Of course. Go home to your family.”
Jacks gathered her things, then faced Barlow one last time before leaving. He was a good man, generous and kind. For all his weaknesses and betrayals, he was still all of that. He’d told her she had a good heart, that he loved her. That all would be just as it was, but Jacks knew that would never be. She hadn’t gone through with the blackmail, but she had seduced him to that end, and that was something that might be forgiven, but never forgotten. This was the last time she would share an intimate moment with this man, this man she’d known for fifteen years and who had become her dear friend. He was a casualty in all of this, along with the piece of her she would never, ever be able to get back.