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The joy of reunion
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March 1900
“Johnno’s sent word. He’ll be back tomorrow,” Gwenna shrieked, grinning.
Most of the time, Johnno and his father were away for around seven to ten days, but this last time, Johnno said they’d be away for over three weeks.
Refusing to stay on her own for that length of time, Gwenna had gone to stay with Tillie, both for her own sanity, but also to help Tillie as she awaited the birth of their baby.
“I’ll be sorry to see you go,” said Tillie. “It’s been wonderful having you with me for these past weeks. You’ve been such a help.” Tillie gazed in awe at the little bundle lying in her arms. Only a matter of days old, her daughter slept peacefully, wrapped in the fine lace shawl Bethan had crocheted.
The radiance on Tillie’s face melted Gwenna’s heart. “I’ve loved being here. And I’m glad I’ve been of use, given I move like a blob of blubber. You’ve no idea how far I’ve let my stays out already.”
Tillie and Bethan assured her she wasn’t large at all. In fact, they were worried she had lost weight and appeared to be all baby.
“You do look better, Gwenna, bach,” said Bethan. “I was so worried about you back in January and the tonic and the iron pills have done their job. Your skin is blooming, but you’re a little thin. Make sure you eat properly.”
Gwenna didn’t tell Bethan she found the heat of summer a strain and could scarcely eat a thing, but nothing could take away her delight at spending time with her family. Charlie had been thrilled to see her and keen to do her bidding, whatever she asked of him. Bethan had clung to her for an overly long time, studying her face intently.
Talking with Mam about what she’d done recently, how she felt about Johnno being away so much, and what to expect when her time came took her back to the old days when her pa was alive and gladness filled the house, but it was the joy of seeing Tom and Tillie together making Gwenna feel weepy.
To anyone watching, it was obvious they enjoyed each other’s company and shared secret smiles and glances. Tom was solicitous, making sure Tillie had everything she needed and rested well, while Tillie cooked his favourite meals and ensured all was as Tom liked it. A relationship like theirs was what Gwenna wanted for her and Johnno. She yearned for a connectedness but something was missing. Johnno was too distracted. Until they had a place of their own, away from his father, and until she could persuade him to find a job in the city so he wouldn’t have to travel, it wouldn’t happen.
Gwenna gently ran her finger over the baby’s brow. “Your Olwen is such a delight. You should be proud of her – and what a lovely idea to give her such a meaningful name. A new ‘footprint’ in a new land.”
Gwenna had been relieved to find Tillie had had an easy time with the birth. The midwife even commented how unusual it was for a first time, but then the baby was a girl and quite small. Gwenna prayed it would be as easy when she came to her time – and that someone would be with her.
Over the last three months, Johnno and Black Jack had come and gone as often as the winds and the weather had changed. Sometimes Johnno returned alone, and they spent a few idyllic days together before he had to leave again. Life was quite different when Black Jack was there.
Gwenna had expected him to have something to say about the changes she’d made to the house, but he remained his surly and silent self in her presence. As time passed, it reached the point where she couldn’t bear to be in the same room as him. Everything about him, from his glaring eyes and scowling face to the colour of his skin, even the smell of him, made her flesh crawl.
Seeing the growing antipathy between Gwenna and Jack, Johnno was cautious about repeating anything his father said. Somehow, Johnno had persuaded his father to let him extend the water pipe to fit inside the back door. It wasn’t perfect but better than nothing. And she had a new outhouse too.
Saying her farewells to Tillie, Gwenna made her way home feeling lighter than usual, and her heart full of expectation and hope.
* * *
She couldn’t believe her ears when Johnno told her he was on his away again the next morning. “I have to get back,” he said. “I have to pick up a return shipment of goods from the wharf first thing. I’ll be lucky if I can do the trip in two days. I hear the weather’s supposed to turn bad.”
“No, Johnno. No. You can’t leave me again. Please stay home. I need you, Johnno, bach.” She reached out for him. Hands on his arms, she peered into his face. He’d bent his head down to hers, but while she saw desire, she also saw defeat. “Don’t go, Johnno. Don’t go.”
He shook her hands from his arms and backed away. “I must. Jack needs me to ...”
“Jack needs you?” she shouted. “What about me? I need you. Don’t I count for anything?” Fear of being alone when the baby came, although that day was still several months away, drove her to scream at him, her voice shrill. “I need you. Here. With me.”
She was unable to explain what was going on in her mind and, at a loss for the right words, couldn’t begin to describe the loneliness, or how she felt like a different person in this house, and how she fretted and fussed while he was gone. How the story of his mother had upset her far more than he would ever realise. She just kept repeating, “I need you. I need you.” But he was deaf to her pleas.
“We need the money, Gwenna.” He took her by the shoulders and squeezed hard to bring her tirade to an end. “I can’t stay against his wishes. He pays me to do what he tells me. I have to go.”
Gwenna never considered herself one of the ancients who saw or heard strange things, but, studying Johnno’s face, an unexpected and inexplicable feeling of dread drained the energy from her body. She slumped against him.
“Ah, Gwenna, my love. I’m doing my best.” He wrapped his arms around her and held her close. “But we do need the money.” He tried to catch her eyes, but they were downcast. Her head moved against his chest. “As soon as we’ve saved enough, I promise, we’ll find a place of our own. And I’ll find a new job – just to please you – but not yet awhile. Be patient. It’ll work out all right in the end.”
The next morning she rose early to say farewell and make sure he had enough food for the journey. She couldn’t take her eyes off him. Following his every move, forcing her brain to remember every detail: every crease around his eyes, his mouth, his hands, his hair. She was filled with such love she thought her heart would burst.
Standing on the front verandah still in her nightdress with a shawl wrapped around her shoulders, she waved him goodbye. She remained standing there long after the wagon, with J Jones Esq. Carter painted along the sideboards, faded into the distance. He’d vowed to be home soon.
“In six or seven days, I promise. Saturday week at the latest.”
She wished she could feel as certain.
