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Hope reigns supreme
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September 1901
Not long after dawn, Gwenna bounded down the stairs, full of the joys of spring. In the three months since the royal visit, life had turned around, thanks in no small part to their adventure.
The Auckland Weekly News was quick to print the photographs of Gwenna curtsying, Charlie handing a package to the duchess, Bethan behind the handcart and Gwenna’s name clearly readable. The captions were in awe of a little boy who’d been brave enough to talk to the duchess. Brave wasn’t how Gwenna described him – more like reckless and foolhardy.
The affair with the duchess had become the talk of the town, and everyone wanted to see for themselves what all the fuss was about. Stories began circulating about who had seen what; the press interviewed her, and the event grew in people’s minds.
The publicity proved advantageous, and the uniformed equerry attracted a lot more attention as he rode along Karangahape Road to deliver a missive from the duchess herself. The handwritten note on royal paper was brief:
Please thank your young brother for presenting me with Gwenna’s sweets, which are some of the finest I’ve tasted.
I will remember the occasion with fondness.
HRH Princess Mary, Duchess of Cornwall and York
Gwenna framed the newspaper cuttings and the handwritten note, and displayed them prominently in the window. But the photograph she treasured the most and kept to herself was the one Hugh had taken. He had been there after all.
In the days following, Mam and Louisa performed miracles in the shop while Gwenna, Hugh and Tillie were at a stretch to keep up with the sweet and fudge making. Although they praised Gwenna, in her view, Bethan’s and Louisa’s engaging way with the customers was responsible for their burgeoning success. By the end of the month, custom had eased to more manageable levels but word had got around and they had orders to fill for weeks ahead. ‘Gwenna’s’ had become a fixture.
The new location was ideal, even with the disruptions caused by men digging up the road in preparation for the expected arrival of the electric trams the following year. Progress is what Johnno would have called it, and while Gwenna would miss the horse trams, she liked the idea of the car she’d seen being driven around town. Maybe, one day, she would own one.
To top off Gwenna’s joy, her health was back to normal. The doctor confirmed she was as fit as any young woman should be, which she put down to three things: love, happiness and success.
How could she not respond to the love everyone showered on her? Which, in turn, gave her the happiness she’d sought but had never opened herself up to. Gone was the anxiety attached to failure and with it returned the enjoyment of life. She was putting on weight and looked as happy as she felt.
Adding to her happiness was Georgie, toddling around and getting into endless mischief with his inquisitive nature, but all he had to say was ‘Mam’ and he was forgiven.
Bethan was delighted. “It does my heart good to see you recovered, Gwenna. I worried needlessly, it seems, and now your chance has come, my dear. Together, you and Hugh will make something of the business now.”
Misinterpreting Bethan’s words, Gwenna agreed it was indeed wonderful to have Hugh back. She still had to sort out the living arrangements but that was minor in the scheme of things, and she had been considering that she might need extra staff who could use the accommodation above the shop.
Sharing in her happiness was Alice. “Congratulations, Gwenna,” she said, hugging everyone in turn. “I’m so happy for you.” She had news too.
She and Elias had found a new workshop and showroom premises in Newmarket, with rooms for Woody above. “And the most delightful cottage for Eli and me, with a picket fence and a garden, a bit out of town. I’ve painted the nursery pale lemon, but I’m hoping for a little girl,” confessed a blushing Alice, glowing with health and pride, anticipating the baby’s arrival. “First week of November, I’m told.”
But above everything else making Gwenna almost light-headed with glee ... the books showed a substantial profit.
As the weeks passed, Louisa’s skill with people exceeded Gwenna’s expectations, and Bethan’s warm nature and ability to chat had won over many who might otherwise have considered Gwenna an upstart. Tillie’s fudge was a major drawcard, and Bethan had started to make teas and hot chocolate again, allowing the ladies to sit and enjoy their fudge in a convivial atmosphere. Gwenna would have liked more space for the refreshment area, but it would do for now.
And then there was Hugh.
He’d become so much a part of the fabric of her life she couldn’t imagine being without him. He was still as quiet as he’d always been, and when the whole family got together he made excuses, saying he had no place being there. Gwenna didn’t agree, of course, but had long since stopped arguing.
Many times she’d tried to analyse her feelings for him, which were entirely different to what she felt for Tom – dear Tom, whom she loved and respected as a brother – and in no way replicated how she had once felt, a long time ago, for Johnno. Over the years Bethan had tried to tell her that something more than loyalty kept Hugh by her side. While Gwenna ignored that possibility, she had come to rely on him more than she could say. She trusted him to protect what was important to her and cherish her dreams, and she valued his opinion on anything to do with the making of the sweets, even the packaging designs and his ideas about distribution. Theirs was a friendship beyond compare.
Intending to stoke the fire into life and put the large kettle on to boil before Bethan arose, she opened the kitchen door. She was startled to find Hugh standing across from her, framed in the outside doorway. For a few moments neither of them moved, separated by the kitchen where they spent most of their time together, each trying to guess what the other was thinking.
He held a suitcase.
“Where are you going?” she asked.
“Gwenna ... I’m sorry. I’d planned ...” Hugh struggled to find the right words. “I can’t ...” and turned his head away from her.
Gwenna’s heart plunged and a sharp, metallic taste burned the back of her throat. “Are you leaving me?” asked Gwenna, her voice rising in panic. “Leaving the business, I mean? Is that what you’re saying?”
A soft smile relaxed the lines on his face, that was as familiar to her as her own.
“You’ll always be with me, Gwenna, wherever I go.”
He was leaving.
The punch of reality struck Gwenna as hard as a physical blow. Bethan’s words rang in her ears: ‘You’ll lose him one day if you don’t wake up, girl.’
Gwenna turned the gold band on her finger round and round. She should have taken it off a long time ago. It didn’t mean what it once had, and it bound her to the past when she wanted a future. But she hadn’t.
Hugh watched her fingers fret over the ring.
The silence lengthened and Gwenna trembled as her agitation rose. “Why ...” she began, her voice so croaky she needed to clear it before she could speak again. She pointed to the suitcase.
Hugh looked down at the leather bag as if he’d forgotten he was still holding it, or as though it would provide the answer to the question. The intensity in his eyes held Gwenna’s, but with his back to the light, she couldn’t read the message.
“It’s not my place to speak, Gwenna. Not now. It wouldn’t be fair.”
“Let me be the judge of that,” she said, speaking far more sharply than she intended.
The muscles in his face tensed. He gritted his teeth and remained silent.
“Speak, Hugh,” she begged. “Please. Where are you going?”
He put the suitcase on the floor and crossed the distance between them. Taking her left hand in his, he placed his thumb over the ring on her finger.
“This is why I can’t speak, Gwenna. It gives you freedom, but you are also bound by it. To it. And because of it, I can’t live and work beside you, day in day out, any longer. I have to go.”
People believed a heart could burst, and, if the noise in her head and the thumping, pounding heaviness in her chest was any indication, then hers was about to explode.
“Why? What have I done?” Her eyes shone with the fervour of every emotion she couldn’t begin to put a name to.
“You’ve done nothing. It’s me who is in the wrong.” Hugh dropped her hand and wiped his hands down the sides of his trousers. “Let me go, Gwenna, before I say too much.”
She reached out and grabbed his arm, wanting to say the words of love that sprang unbidden to the tip of her tongue. “No, Hugh. You can’t go ... Please, I ...”
He removed her hand from his arm and held it lightly in his own. “Gwenna, you can do anything you want to in this world, with or without me. Or anyone else, for that matter.” His smile broke her heart a little further. “I’ve watched you develop from a damaged little girl into a determined woman; your class and style sets you as far above me as the stars. And out of my reach.”
Gwenna tried to calm the panic inside and make sense of it all. “You’re wrong, Hugh. Whatever it is you’re trying to say, you’re wrong. I would be nothing without you. I’m still that little girl inside, scared I’ll fail ...”
Hugh laughed. He actually laughed. When her world was collapsing, he laughed. The sound echoed around the room and in her head – a joyous sound, one that would normally lift her up but today tore her apart.
“My dearest girl. You are so wrong. You are the strength that holds everyone together. Don’t you see? You believed it could be done and you did it. You will pass your father’s legacy to your son, as you’ve always dreamed, but until you do that, there is no room in your heart for anything – or anyone – else.”
He raised her hand to his lips and kissed it while staring at her, staring in the same way she had once gazed at Johnno, trying to etch his every feature on her memory. “Stay, Hugh. Stay. Please. I can’t do it without you. Don’t leave me.”
Moments passed while their eyes remained locked. Hugh’s desolate, hers beseeching.
“I can’t, Gwenna, my love. I can’t stay. Not without hope. I’ve loved you from afar for too long. I can’t do it any longer.”
Her childlike sobs filled the silence.
He picked up his suitcase. “One day you’ll understand.”
A moment later he was gone.
“I love you,” she whispered – too late for him to hear.
She stood frozen, her mind swirling, while her heart splintered. She’d lost the one person who mattered to her the most. Without her realising it, Hugh had become as essential to her as breathing. She couldn’t imagine a life without him.
Twisting the ring from her finger, she stared at the empty place where he had stood and vowed to win him back.
