As I walk back toward my office after my mid-afternoon writing break, or, as Hamilton likes to call it, my pregnant potty break, Hamilton’s cell phone vibrates on the kitchen counter. He’s putting Liberty down for her nap, so I approach to find Athens General Hospital on the caller ID. My heart sinks, and all the air evaporates from the room. My hands shake as I answer and begin walking toward Liberty’s room.
“Hello,” I greet with a quaking voice.
“Madison?” the female voice says.
“Amy?” Why is she calling from the hospital and not her cell phone?
“Yes. I left my cell in the car,” Amy explains.
At the bedroom door, I whisper for Hamilton to come quickly while I place the call on speaker phone.
“Amy, you’re on speaker phone. Ham’s here now,” I state as fear continues to tighten in my throat.
“I just brought Mom to the ER. She’s having heart issues,” Amy says. We can hear the tears in her voice. “She’s alert, which they say is a good sign. They’re running tests now and claim we will know more within the hour. Mom’s fine; in fact, she forbids me to call you.” Her words are quick, short gulps of breath between them.
“They’re running tests now. Salem is working and says it’s probably a mild heart attack. We will know something in an hour.”
She’s repeating herself, and I feel sad that she’s there by herself.
“I’m pitching tomorrow,” Hamilton reminds her. “I need to call Coach…”
Amy interrupts her brother. “There’s no need for you to come here. I talked with Salem and two doctors before I called you. They know you play for the Cubs. They all stated it’s not that serious. Like I said, we will know more in an hour.”
Hamilton releases a groan while he fists his hands in his hair. He feels helpless, too far away, and scared for Memphis.
“So, they think we should wait for the test results before we make plans to come to Athens?” I seek clarification from Amy.
“Yes,” she confirms. “They’re wheeling Mom back now. I’ll call you as soon as we get the test results; I promise.”
“Amy, I want to be there.” Hamilton’s voice breaks.
“There’s nothing you can do. She’s okay at the moment, and the staff seems to think there’s no need for you to drive here. Please wait for my update before you call your coach or hit the road.” Amy ends the call without another word.
I know he feels as helpless as I do. Hamilton sits on the sectional, slumped forward, his head in his hands. I position myself on the cushion beside him, tucking a pillow to my chest. I wish I had the words he needs at this moment, but nothing comes to me. We sit in silence for several long minutes.
“I knew something was wrong. That’s why I talked to Amy before we left,” Hamilton mumbles. His palms are pressed to his eyes. “We should have stayed one more day. I should have asked her to go to her doctor.”
“Honey, we both know your mom would not have gone,” I remind him. She’s stubborn and strong. “Amy’s in the same boat we are. She’s second-guessing herself and hating every minute she has to wait for the test results. There’s nothing any of us can do.”
“But, she’s there. She’s with Mom,” he argues. “She’s there, and I’m six hours away. I can’t lose--” A sob escapes before he can finish his statement.
He can’t lose her. We can’t lose her. Please, Lord, I can’t lose anyone else. I still need Memphis’ knowledge, guidance, and support. I don’t want to think of our world without her. I fetch a bottle of water from the kitchen and a box of tissues. I place both on the coffee table in front of Hamilton. I don’t say a word. Instead, I hug him from the side and wait for Amy’s update.
It feels like a year passes by the time his cell phone rings again. The caller ID shows Amy’s name and number. Hamilton quickly answers and switches to speakerphone.
“Hello?” His deep voice cracks with fear. I place my hand on his forearm in support.
“Hi, honey,” Memphis greets.
“Mom?” He’s clearly excited to hear her voice.
“Honey, I’m okay. In fact, we’re in Amy’s car right now, headed home.” Memphis sounds good. She actually sounds just like she does any other time we’ve been on the phone.
“So, that’s it?” Hamilton looks towards me in shock. “I think we need to get a second opinion.”
“Hamilton, let mom finish before you wig out,” Amy orders.
“We are headed home to pack a bag,” Memphis explains. “Amy reserved us a hotel room near St. Luke’s Hospital, so we don’t need to get up early in the morning and drive down. I have an outpatient appointment tomorrow. They’ll place one stent in my heart, observe me for a couple of hours, and I’ll be home tomorrow night.”
“An outpatient heart surgery...” Hamilton repeats, not believing it.
Amy tries to calm her brother. “Mom suffered a minor heart attack. She has 85 percent blockage of one artery in her heart. They will place the stent in that artery tomorrow to increase blood flow. Evidently, they perform this surgery with even three or four stints as an outpatient procedure now. Mom’s cardiologist is the head of the cardio department at St. Luke’s, so she is seeing the very best doctor possible. She’ll be in good hands.”
“I know you would like to be here,” Memphis adds. “But, I’m okay. I was scared, but now that I know what caused the pain, I’m not. They said this procedure is as common as a tonsillectomy nowadays, so there’s no reason for you miss any games to be here. We can talk before and after the procedure. I promise.”
“Mom, I could talk to Coach…” Hamilton explains, but gets interrupted.
“Hamilton,” Memphis’ tone is stern. “I don’t need you here. I love you, and I know you want to be here for me. There’s nothing you can do, though. Amy will be bored sitting in the waiting room during the procedure. Then, she’ll be by my bed, waiting for them to observe me for hours before they discharge me. There is no reason for you to mess with the pitching rotation.”
The sadness in his eyes breaks my heart. Unlike me, he grew closer to his mom after his dad’s death. Although I never had that relationship with my mother, I understand why this upsets him. I’m close to Memphis—closer than I was to my own mother. Her heart attack and upcoming procedure worries me. I’m scared and really want to be there by her side. Even though both Amy and Memphis state it’s an outpatient procedure so there is minimal risk, the worst possible outcome scares me.
“Hamilton?” Amy calls. “Are you still there?”
“I’m just struggling to process all of this,” he confesses. “Mom, will you call me after dinner tonight?”
“Sure,” Memphis answers immediately.
When they end the call, I slide into Hamilton’s lap. With my hands on his, I wrap them around my back. “I love you,” I remind him, gazing into his eyes.
Hamilton fists his hands in my hair, pulling my mouth tight to his. His kiss is urgent. He wastes no time, his tongue seeking mine. Our tongues wrestle; our mouths dual. His fear causes his aggressiveness. As quickly as it began, he pulls his mouth away, resting his forehead to mine. His eyes close tight as he gasps for breath. His eyelids raise, and, in his eyes, I see his war. He’s struggling to gain control of his fear.
“I love you,” he whispers.
A smile slides upon my face.
When his mouth finds mine again, there is no urgency. He’s soft, slow, and gentle. As we kiss, he slips his hands in the waistband on my leggings, tugging down. Taking the hint, I lift myself from his lap, slide them down, and toss them to the hardwood below. Before I crawl back onto his lap, his hands on my hips halt me. His lust-filled eyes glide over my bare legs and up my exposed core while his thumbs caress my hips. Grabbing the hem of my shirt, he slowly tickles my skin as he glides it up, up, up and over my head. With one quick snap, my bra loosens, and he tugs then tosses it behind me.
I fidget under his gaze while my body heats. Unable to wait anymore, I climb on him, grinding myself against this lap. As needy as me, he releases his cock. Immediately, I impale myself upon him. This is the perfect way to release our fears.