Chapter 7

Jack

 

Fuck, she just ate the ice cream off my face. When she put her finger into her mouth, I swear I could feel it in my cock. It was almost as if she was licking me. Goddamnit, why do I have all these fantasies? I can’t get my mind off her. I love to see her flaunt her ass as she walks away, makes me want to grab it, and when she bites her lip all I want to do is kiss her.

Damn you, Jack! What the fuck is wrong with you? You’ve got Madeline to take care of, there’s no time to screw. Besides, Rose would never …

I swallow as the car comes to a halt near my house. It’s just my cock playing with my head. It’s been so long since I was with a woman; all I can think about is wanting to touch her. But that’s not real. It’s not something to build on. It’s not what I need. Is it?

She shuts the door and gets Madeline out of the car, while I take a breather. Shit, my cock is still twitching from the mere thought of her. How does she do this to me?

It doesn’t matter. Fixing her car is the only thing that needs to be done. Soon she’ll be gone, and then I can get back to work as usual. Everything will be normal again. As normal as possible.

“If you fix my car, I’ll make dinner, ‘kay?” she says, and she waves before going inside. I just sit there, waving back, like an idiot. Goddamn, I am an idiot.

I get out of the car and slam the door behind me. I hate this. I hate not knowing what to do. I hate knowing what I want is impossible. That it will fail, no matter how hard I’d try. I feel like an animal and it’s making me pissed. All I can think about is having her, feeling her, holding her, pumping into her. It’s as if my cock is the boss of me.

But I don’t want to be like this. I can’t just have sex. That’s not how it works. Especially not with women. And especially not with one who just got her heart smashed into bits.

They want love. They want a relationship. And before you know it you’re stuck for life. I don’t think I can make that commitment. At least not now. It’s too soon …

I haul the engine off the truck and get to work. It’s the only thing I can do to get my mind straight.

 

***

 

I’m lying under the car, checking if there are any loose bits I need to fix and seeing if there’s any residue or liquids. Pondering about her has slowed down my progress, though. I’ve been at it for hours getting this thing running again, and all I can think about is Amy.

Her radiating eyes. Her full lips. Her curves. Her smile. Oh, the way she smiles.

Shit, there I go again. My mind’s completely wandering off from time to time. Fuck, I feel like a love struck fool. Wait. Who am I kidding? This ain’t love. I’m only just getting to know her. I need to know her better before there’s any love. And that’s not going to happen any time soon. Within a day she’ll be gone and then there’s no more temptation.

Temptation … hmm … my hands on her firm breasts while I suckle on her ear.

Stop it! Stop it, Jack! Goddammit, fuck you. Fuck my fucking cock.

Sighing, I plug in the wires I pulled out.

She doesn’t need this right now. She deserves better than your fucking sex drive, Jack. She needs a man who can take care of her. Who’ll treat her right and love her. Some would say that could be me, but I know for sure I can’t. Not after what I’ve been through. I’m too damaged to love someone. Can’t love a girl when you can’t even love yourself.

But I can’t stop thinking about wanting to make her happy. Make her feel appreciated, wanted. Make her want me. God, I want her.

Why? I’ve never fallen for a girl this easy. This has got to be my libido. It can’t be that I’m already ready for someone new. No, I can’t. It’s not right. What would Rose think of me? I’m such a bastard.

My hand curls up into a fist, and I stomp it on the floor beneath me. Fuck me.

Thank god I’m done with this piece of shit. I can’t bear another minute of useless daydreaming.

I roll up from under the car without looking. When I gaze up, all I see is panties. Short, thin, panties. Panties?

Then I notice the skirt that’s around it and the legs underneath. Shit. Fuck!

“Jack!” she screams. She steps back and crosses her legs, pressing them together.

My face heats up as if there’s a fire nearby, and I clamber up from the floor. She turns around, shaking her head, her eyes widened. I hold up my hand in an attempt to calm her down.

“I’m sorry, Amy,” I stammer, wiping my dirty hands on my jeans.

“You looked under my skirt!” she squeals.

“Yes, and I’m sorry. I didn’t know you were there. I was just getting done with your car.” That woman scares me some time. She really sneaked up on me, and now I have to deal with her anger. Damn it …

“You didn’t know I was there? Bullshit.”

“It’s the truth,” I say, frowning. Why is she making such a fuss about it? It’s only panties. Although … panties. Hmm … Pussy.

“I bet you thought you could make nice use of the situation.”

I shake my head when she speaks again, momentarily fazed by my own lusty thoughts.

“What?”

“Oh look, there’s Amy, let’s make her feel embarrassed by looking under her skirt.” She walks to the front door, but I go after her in my dirty boots.

“Wait,” I say.

“You’re just messing with me, Jack McCallister. I know your kind. Take a peek and then make fun of me, like they always do.”

That’s it. I’ve had enough of this crap. I grab her wrist and twist her around. “That is not true.”

“Oh, really?” she says, obviously not believing me.

I come closer and gaze into her eye. “Yes, really. Look at me.” She avoids my eyes, staring at the floor with a pissed look on her face.

“C’mon, Amy. Look at me.” She briefly glances at me, but somehow that brief glance sticks. “You see this?” I say, pointing at my eye. “Can you see I’m telling you the truth? These aren’t the eyes of a liar, and you know it. Tell me what you see.”

She snorts and turns her face away. I come even closer, placing my hand on the wall beside her. Damn this girl and her infuriating behavior. Why does she have to piss me off every time? Again and again, she taunts me. It’s as if she gets off on it or something. She keeps luring out the bad in me and I can’t hold it back.

“I’m sorry, all right? It just happened. It wasn’t intentional.”

She sighs, not saying anything, but at least she looks at me again. Her eyes are full of hurt. I didn’t do it to her, but she sure thinks I did. She really is insecure. I wish she wasn’t and that she knew how beautiful she was. I wish she’d believe me.

My finger goes up without me thinking about it. A strand of her hair caught my eye as I was admiring her face. I brush it aside, careful not to touch her skin too much. I don’t want to upset her, but I can’t help caress her cheek.

She looks so pretty. So vulnerable. Constantly pulling away, telling herself she’s not worth anything. I can see it in her eyes. She avoids the truth, because she doesn’t believe in it instead of facing it, no matter how scary it is.

She’s not alone. I’m scared, too. Afraid what I want, what I desire, will kill me.

But I need it.

I put my hand on her shoulder. I lean closer and closer to her. Her flowery perfume is tantalizing, drawing me in. I want her. I need her to love me. For at least someone to love me. Love me as only a lover can.

My mouth is almost on hers and I can imagine tasting her sweet lips. How I want those sweet lips to touch mine. To release me of my fears, if only for a little while. She closes her eyes and I can hear she hold her breath. She’s waiting for me to kiss her.

But I can’t. I can’t do this. Not like this. It’s so wrong. I can’t do this to Madeline and certainly not to Rose.

I draw back and look at her. She opens her eyes after a while, probably wondering where my lips are. My brows are furrowed from confusion, but it makes her face contort. Shit. Now she’s even angrier.

“Let go of me,” she hisses.

She jerks herself loose and pushes me aside with her body. “I was going to say that dinner’s ready, but whatever. I don’t care anymore,” she says.

I step back and watch her leave again. Shit. I’m such a fucking douche bag.

Clenching my teeth together, I bellow and kick a bag of hay standing against the wall. Fuck me and my issues. I can’t handle this shit. I don’t know what the fuck to do with myself nor her. I wish I knew. I wish I could give her what she wants, wish I could give myself what I want, but my worries won’t leave me alone. Forgetting is the hardest thing to do.

 

***

 

Madeline is playing with her toy airplanes, swooshing them through the sky and making them land on my nose. I laugh and snatch them away, playing the evil giant King Kong. After all the toys are caught, I put them on the shelf. “Time for bed,” I say to her, and I pull up her covers.

“Aw … but daddy, I want to play some more.”

“Tomorrow’s another day to play.”

“But tomorrow you’ll be busy with Amy again.”

Damn, why do these kids see through so much? “But she’ll be leaving tomorrow, too. So don’t you worry, I’ll have much more time for you after she’s gone. Then we’ll go back to just you and me.”

She frowns. “Is she really going away?”

I nod and tuck her in. “Yes, sweetie.”

“But I don’t want her to leave!”

“I know, sweetie, but sometimes people just have to go somewhere else. Someone is waiting for them there.”

“What about us? Aren’t you waiting for her, daddy?”

I chuckle. “Well, that’s a bit different, Maddy.”

“But you like her, right?”

I flush and smile. “Yeah, well …”

“Why can’t she stay then?”

I sigh, my eyes lowering to the floor. Kids have such basic thoughts. It’s both cute and admirable how easy they think about life. I wish I could still do that.

“That’s not really for little girls to know. It’s grown up business, Maddy. You don’t have to worry about that yet.”

She pouts, folding her arms together. “I’m not going to sleep if she won’t stay.”

I chortle. “We’ll see about that. You can’t stay awake forever.”

She lifts her head and ignores what I say, making me laugh. Stubborn little thing. Yep, that’s my kid all right.

I kiss her on the forehead and put out the light. “Goodnight, Maddy. Sweet dreams.”

“Night night, Daddy,” she says, as I close the door.

Damn, she’s clearly getting attached to that girl. I was hoping this wouldn’t happen, because it makes it all the more difficult when she leaves. Well, at least Madeline knows what she wants. Me, on the other hand … I’m a thundering mess.

Yep. Time to get a drink.