2009
Mom called to tell me the news. The militsiya had come looking for her, but because having the authorities show up at the door usually meant trouble or unexpected expenses—usually both—they’d kept the gate locked. When the man returned the next morning, my aunt was so startled that she dropped the water bucket. Persistence like that meant hell to pay. The militsiya wouldn’t leave them in peace unless he was able to complete his business, so they thought it best to let the man into the yard. He gave them and the growling dog some time to get used to his presence before explaining the reason for his visit: during the construction of a certain apartment building, a body part had been recovered that most likely belonged to my father. My mother needed to visit the morgue.
I was sitting at my desk and tried to sound amazed as I pressed the tip of my pen into an empty page of my calendar. The office was still closed due to the flu pandemic. No one had noticed when I’d used my boss’s username to increase all of the employees’ database rights, on our blundering secretary’s computer, of course, where I also printed the information. After delivering the Kravets files to Ivan, I made a mental list of everyone I could blame for the leak if necessary. The secretary was at the top of the list. My mother cleared her throat on the other end of the phone.
“I never told you how much that bothered me,” she said.
“How do they know whose head it was?”
“Dental records.”
“Is it certain that it’s Dad?”
“I already said it was.”
My mother sounded younger, and her sentences were complete, not trailing off, and she talked about what she intended to do, instead of just asking me about what I was doing or gossiping about other people’s business. Tomorrow she would visit the priest about a new funeral service, and she would thank the saints and light candles.
“You should handle everything quietly,” I said. I didn’t want any extra attention on what had happened, let alone some enterprising investigative journalist showing up.
“Of course. No guests other than us. And there’s no need to tell anyone.”
I’d been afraid of this call and expected incessant weeping. But Mom’s reaction was the complete opposite. She wasn’t lost in her memories, she wasn’t cursing herself for not opposing Dad’s big plans more forcefully or insisting that we leave Snizhne earlier. In fact, she didn’t mention my father at all after revealing the news. I listened in disbelief to my mother’s vitality. She was even planning a vacation. If I could arrange the visas, she and my aunt would go to London to visit my cousin. I said yes, agreeing to everything. My mother never would have left the house before with only the dog and Boris watching it. I felt as if I was having a conversation with a stranger until I realized that she sounded exactly how she had in Tallinn when she was younger. I thought I’d lost that mother forever. My deal with Ivan had brought her back. After the call ended, I opened the window to smoke a cigarette and thought about whether the change in my mom would be permanent. A familiar old woman was sweeping the street wearing a floral scarf. A new air conditioner had appeared on the outside wall of the building she was passing, making the rest of the similar machines on the wall look just as ready to collapse as some of the balconies. The building was still standing, though, and old enough that its foundation had to be solid. I wasn’t as sure whether my precautions were enough to steady the tremors I had caused.
After the discovery that Veles Kravets was to blame for my father’s death, and after Daria’s disappearance, I realized I needed something concrete to keep me safe, something that no one could buy away, something that would weigh more than a command from Veles and force you onto my side if I got caught, and my betrayal was found out.