Meg
I’d had a fitful night of sleep, being in a strange place, and the scary looking Forge under the same roof hadn’t helped my nerves any. Even though I knew Dingo was close and would watch over me, it had still been hard not to be afraid. Once I’d been shown to my room last night, I’d stayed here. It was silly -- probably. I didn’t know Forge, or the Reckless Kings, but they seemed to want to help me, to keep me safe. I’d thought Cinder would do that, but I’d been wrong. Well, sort of wrong. He’d kept me safe from everyone else, but he hadn’t protected me from a broken heart.
My eyes misted with tears and I placed a hand over the ache in my chest as I thought about his words. He’d never lied to me, never made promises of any kind other than he would protect me, but he hadn’t protected me from himself. The fact he’d slept with me and then pushed me aside hurt more than anything I’d suffered before. I could admit it was because I was falling in love with the man.
There was a knock on the door and I held the covers up over my chest as I sat up in bed. “Come in,” I called out tentatively, unsure who was on the other side.
Dingo popped his head around the door as he pushed it open and gave me a smile. He didn’t cross the threshold, but the smile slipped from his face as he saw the first tear slide down my cheek.
“Meg, what’s wrong? Did I scare you when I knocked?”
I shook my head and pressed my lips together, not wanting to admit how foolish I’d been to fall in love with a man who would never want me. Not for more than a quick fuck here and there, although the one night and morning seemed to have been more than enough for him.
“I know you’ve had a rough time of it recently, and the stress can’t be good for you. The Reckless Kings would like their doctor to check you over, make sure everything is all right. He has a small room in the clubhouse where he treats people.”
I snorted, having been around the Devil’s Boneyard long enough to know what types of treatment the bikers would need. Stitches and removal of bullets were on the top of the list.
“He’s a good guy, Meg,” Dingo said. “Graduated from Johns Hopkins, which I’ve been assured is a top-ranking medical school.”
“Then why is he working with bikers?” I asked. “No offense.”
“None taken. As brilliant as they say Dr. Kestral is, I’m sure he had his pick of any hospital in the country. And to answer your question, his baby brother is a Reckless King.”
I didn’t know what to make of that. I’d never given their families much thought, to be honest. It made me wonder if Cinder had family out there. Were there siblings, parents, or nieces and nephews he’d never mentioned? Of course, we hadn’t exactly discussed much. I hadn’t even been completely honest with him about where I came from, but that had only been because it was too painful. I’d known my parents were gone and that I didn’t have anyone left to care if I was alive or not.
“I’ll see Dr. Kestral,” I said.
“Get showered and dressed. I think Forge is cooking breakfast,” he said. “Or someone is. I smell bacon and eggs.”
I nodded, and after he shut the door I gathered my clothes and went into the hall bathroom. As much as I’d have liked to linger in the shower, I washed quickly and pulled on a pair of jeans and a plain long-sleeved tee. My hair was still wet and I didn’t see a hairdryer, so I braided it to keep it out of my way. I carried my pajamas back to the guest room and set them on the foot of the bed, then straightened the covers. There was a chill to the wood floors of the house so I quickly grabbed some socks and my shoes. After smoothing on some lip balm and a little moisturizer, I headed downstairs.
Forge was sitting at the table with a cup of coffee and Dingo was across from him. A tall woman with blonde hair stood at the stove, but she didn’t acknowledge me when I entered the room. Her rumpled barely-there clothes made me wonder if she’d stayed over, not that it was any of my business. Forge hadn’t seemed to have a wife or old lady, but it didn’t mean there wasn’t a steady woman in his life. Unless… I swallowed hard. He wouldn’t ask a club whore to cook for us, would he? I hadn’t seen much of those women at the Devil’s Boneyard. I knew they were there, but they didn’t live at the compound. Whenever the sun set and the music started pumping at the clubhouse, they’d come in droves to try and snag the attention of one of the guys. I’d seen them from a distance but had never spoken to one.
Considering my past, I had a hard time imagining anyone wanting that kind of life. I didn’t look down on her for her choices, I just didn’t know why she’d pick that type of life. Even though I had learned to trust the Devil’s Boneyard members, it didn’t mean I wanted to hop into bed with them. Well, except Cinder. I’d gladly get into his bed again, but not as one of the women he’d toss out the next day. I wanted to be there every night and wake up to him every morning. Wouldn’t happen, but it didn’t stop me from yearning for it. Now that I’d had a taste, I wanted more.
The woman scooped something out of the skillet and set it on the plates, then turned off the burner. She turned with two plates in her hands, and I could tell that she’d had a hard night. Possibly several. She served Forge and Dingo, then cast a glare at me before stomping out of the room. I went to stand and retrieve the other plate, but Forge reached out and placed a hand on my arm, making me jolt.
“Sorry,” he said, as he released me. “You’re a guest so you’re damn sure not getting your own plate.”
I didn’t know what to say, so I just sat quietly. He turned his gaze toward the door where the other woman had vanished and his jaw tightened.
“Bunny!” he yelled. “Get your ass in here.”
She appeared in the kitchen doorway, arms folded as she stared at him.
“What the fuck was that shit?” he demanded. “I have more than one guest. I’d suggest you serve her food as well.”
She sneered at me and didn’t move. “I’m not serving the whore. She can get her own damn food. Bad enough I had to cook it.”
Forge stood, his chair scraping against the floor. As he moved toward her, I saw her pale a bit and her lower lip started to tremble. Dingo ate his food, ignoring the drama, but I couldn’t stop looking their way. Forge was a bit taller than her, but the way he stared down his nose at her, and the contempt rolling off him, would have made me flinch if it’d been directed at me. He was menacing even if he wasn’t as big as Havoc. I could see why he was the Sergeant at Arms.
“The only whore in this house right now is you,” he said. “Get the fuck out. As of this moment, you’re no longer permitted in my house. You don’t touch me, don’t even fucking look at me.”
“Forge, I…” She clamped her lips tight when he growled at her. After a slight squeak, she scurried out of the room and I heard a door slam.
Forge ran a hand through his hair and sighed, then got the third plate from beside the stove and set it down in front of me. His touch was light as he patted my shoulder, then reclaimed his seat, eating as if nothing had just happened. Is that how Cinder saw me? Disposable? I looked down at my plate, but I suddenly wasn’t very hungry.
“Sometimes the club whores forget their place,” Forge said. “Shouldn’t have asked her to come into my house. Won’t happen again. I’m sorry she disrespected you, Meg.”
“It’s fine,” I said softly.
“No, it sure as fuck isn’t,” he said. “I don’t know what’s going on with you and the Devil’s Boneyard President, but I have no doubt he’s going to come looking for you sooner or later. If he’d seen Bunny slight you like that, or call you a whore, I can only imagine how he would have reacted.”
Dingo snorted. “Never seen him violent with a woman, but he definitely wouldn’t have let her get away with that shit. The man is in denial that he cares about Meg, but it’s clear for everyone else to see.”
“He doesn’t want me,” I said, picking at my food. “He wanted me gone, so I left. He won’t come looking for me.”
“We’ll see,” Dingo said.
After we finished eating, what little I could manage to swallow, Dingo took me to the clubhouse. I hadn’t known what to expect, but my jaw dropped at how beautiful it was on the inside. The floors, ceilings, and walls were all a gorgeous pine, and polished to a high shine. Natural light came in from windows that were high up across the front, and I saw a balcony overlooking the main floor, the railing across made from what seemed to be tree limbs, also sanded and polished to match the rest of the clubhouse. I was in awe.
“I’ve never seen anything like this place,” I whispered to Dingo.
He chuckled. “Yeah, it’s something. I was told the doctor’s room was back this way.”
I followed him to the back of the clubhouse, down a hall with several doors. I heard a buzzing and we passed an open door where a man was getting a tattoo. It looked like a professional set-up inside. There was another room that said Massage on the door, and then we approached one that said Dr. Kestral. The other doors didn’t have any writing and were all shut, so I had no clue what was behind them.
Dingo knocked on the doctor’s door. The young-looking dark-haired man who opened it wasn’t what I had expected. But then, nothing around this place was what I would have imagined. The doctor didn’t seem old enough to have completed medical school, but he wore a lab coat and had a stethoscope around his neck. There was kindness shining in his eyes and he gave me an easy smile.
“You must be Meg,” he said.
I nodded and stepped into the room when he motioned me inside. I glanced at Dingo, a mild panic seizing me when I realized he was still in the hall.
“You might want privacy,” Dingo said. “I’ll hear you if you call out.”
I swallowed hard and got onto the padded table as Dr. Kestral closed the door. I noticed he didn’t lock it, which eased my fear a bit. The doctor wasn’t as heavily muscled as most of the bikers I’d been around since being saved, but he seemed trim and fit.
“I’m Martin Kestral,” he said, holding out his hand.
I shook it, not bothering to say my name since he already knew it. I spent the next twenty minutes answering questions. Anything pertaining to sex or my period made my cheeks warm, but I gave him truthful answers.
“Meg, I requested your files from the doctor you saw after coming back to the United States. You mentioned that you thought you were barren because you’d never conceived.”
I nodded.
“Were you not aware you’d been on birth control?” he asked.
“Birth control?” I blinked. “But I never took pills or anything.”
“The files I received show that you had received shots in Colombia. Is that correct?”
“Yes. They said it was vitamins or something.”
“How often did you get them?” he asked.
“Every three months.”
He tapped his lips with his fingers and shook his head. “Meg, I don’t know how to tell you this, but I think they were giving you doses of birth control in your injections. You aren’t barren. In fact, all the scans and blood work done by your doctor in Alabama show that you’re perfectly healthy and capable of having children.”
I felt the blood drain from my face and I placed a hand over my belly. If that was true, then I’d inadvertently lied to Cinder and could very well be carrying his baby. My hands shook and the room spun a little. What had I done? He would be furious if he ever found out. A whimper escaped my lips and I swayed.
Dr. Kestral reached out and gripped my arms, keeping me upright. “Meg, I need you take some deep breaths and calm down.”
“I told him I couldn’t get pregnant,” I said softly.
“It was an honest mistake. I’m sure Cinder wouldn’t hold it against you. You said that your last period was three weeks ago. If you’re still here in a week and you miss your cycle, let me know and we can do a pregnancy test. We can do both blood and urine just to be safe.”
I felt a tear slide down my cheek and I hastily wiped it away. Tears hadn’t gotten me anywhere in life, and they certainly wouldn’t change the fact I was pregnant. Or not. Maybe I wasn’t pregnant. Plenty of women had trouble conceiving, so it was possible I was one of them. There was no point panicking until I knew something for certain. Like Dingo had pointed out, I’d been under a lot of stress and it wasn’t good for me.
Dr. Kestral checked my eyes, ears, and nose, then gave me the all clear. He helped me off the table and opened the door, letting Dingo into the room. Jordan’s brother clasped my arm and led me back through the clubhouse and out into the fresh air. We didn’t immediately go back to Forge’s place, but Dingo let me just stand there and decompress for a moment.
“Better?” he asked.
“Yeah. Thanks.”
“Bad news?” he asked.
“Maybe. I won’t know for a bit.”
His gaze dropped to my stomach and I knew he understood what I meant. Part of me wanted to ask if anyone from the Devil’s Boneyard had contacted him, but if Cinder was relieved that I was gone, I wasn’t sure I wanted to know. Some small part of me hoped that he hadn’t really wanted me to leave, that he was looking for me, wanted me. I knew it was stupid to dream such things. Women like me didn’t get a happily ever after with the man of their dreams. As far as I knew, none of the other women from Colombia had found their Mr. Right, even though a few had been brave enough to start dating. Some of them kept in touch with the Devil’s Boneyard, but not all of them did.
Dingo and I walked back to Forge’s house in silence, and the Sergeant at Arms didn’t say a word as I entered the house. He did give a nod of his head toward the living room and I went to sit down. He sat in a chair a few feet away from me and Dingo claimed the other end of the couch. Forge reached for a remote and started a movie. His selection made me laugh a little.
“Heard you were partial to this one,” he said as one of my favorite movies from the eighties started.
“You heard right. But you don’t have to watch this with me. I know most men don’t care about romantic movies,” I said.
“Do I look like I’m worried about losing my man card?” he asked.
“Um, no?” I looked him over and had to admit that no one would ever accuse him of being anything other than manly.
“Enjoy the movie, Meg. Don’t ever hesitate to ask for what you want. I might be a hard-ass, but I want you to be comfortable while you’re here,” Forge said.
“Is that why you’re letting Dingo stay at your house?” I asked.
He nodded.
“Thank you,” I said after a few minutes. “For helping me, for giving me a place to stay, and trying to set me at ease. Being around strange men is still something I struggle with, but I’m getting better. I think.”
Forge cleared his throat. “Listen, my Pres chewed my ass out after you left earlier. I’m sorry I had that club girl in here. Won’t happen again. I’d already decided not to have them over, but he pointed out that those women might make you uncomfortable, and that’s the last thing any of us want.”
“I’m sorry you got into trouble over me,” I said.
“Not over you. Over my stupidity. He made a valid point and I feel like an asshole for not thinking with my head instead of my dick when I asked her over last night.”
“I don’t want you to change how you live your life just because I’m here,” I said. “That wouldn’t be fair of me.”
Forge smiled faintly. “I’ll be fine. Probably wouldn’t be a bad idea to lay off the women for a few days or so anyway. Those girls come around because they want to. None of us would ever force any of them, but there are rules they’re supposed to follow and sometimes they forget that. They tend to create more drama than any man wants to deal with, so taking a step back isn’t a hardship.”
I didn’t like that Forge felt like he needed to change his habits just because he was letting me stay in his home. It didn’t seem right, but I wasn’t going to argue with him. It sometimes still stunned me just how sweet the bikers could be. They looked all gruff and fierce, and some were the very same in personality, but I’d found that most had a soft spot when it came to women and kids.
As I’d watched the couples at the Devil’s Boneyard, I’d also discovered that those men loved hard when they found the right woman. I’d hoped to be that woman for Cinder, but maybe he had been right when he said he’d never settle down with anyone. I wanted to argue with myself that if I’d believed him I would have stayed out of his bed, but I knew better. Those moments, even if they would never happen again, were precious to me. I’d remember him forever, whether there was a baby or not. Deep down, I knew if I was pregnant that I would need to tell him. No matter how angry he got, he had a right to know he had a kid out there in the world. I didn’t expect him to take care of us, but I wouldn’t take away his choice to know his child either.
“You’re thinking too hard,” Dingo said.
“If I’m pregnant, I have to tell him,” I said.
He grumbled under his breath. “No offense, but you don’t owe him shit. He made you feel like you had to leave the only home you’ve had since being rescued. It was a shit thing for him to do. The man is one hell of a president, but he doesn’t seem to know a damn thing about how to treat a woman.”
“Probably been with club whores too long,” Forge muttered. “Doubt I’d know how to treat a good woman either. Too used to women just spreading their legs when they see me.”
“I’m no better than those women,” I said.
Forge paused the movie and leaned forward, staring at me hard. “I want to be real clear on something, Meg. What happened to you is far different from the women who come here. They’re here because they want to be, they like getting fucked by multiple men, showing off their bodies. You weren’t given a choice. Not to discount any of the club girls. There’s nothing wrong with what they’re doing, but they’re free spirits who don’t want to be tied down. There are some who are here giving it up to anyone and everyone just because they’re hoping one of us will decide to keep them. I have no doubt if you’d been left alone, allowed to grow up in your loving home, that you’d have gone to college or married some nice guy and settled down. You’re the forever kind of woman, and Cinder knows that. Anyone who meets you can tell that right off.”
“He doesn’t want the forever kind of woman,” I said. “Or kids. He likes his life the way it is and doesn’t want any complications.”
“Then maybe you need to work on forgetting him and move forward. Cinder isn’t the only man in the world, baby girl, and I can promise that some guy would feel like the luckiest bastard if you gave him a chance,” Forge said.
There was a knock at the front door and Forge stood. I couldn’t see who was on the front steps, but I could hear another man’s voice. Forge returned with Dr. Kestral on his heels. The young doctor gave me a tentative smile, as if he weren’t certain I was all right with him stopping by. I didn’t have any say in the matter. It wasn’t my house, and I wasn’t a part of the Reckless Kings. Forge gave a subtle nod of his head and Dingo got up and followed him out of the room. I watched them, curious what was going on.
“You seemed upset earlier,” Dr. Kestral said. “I wanted to make sure you were all right.”
“I’ll be fine,” I said. “Just processing everything.”
Dr. Kestral waved a hand to the chair Forge had vacated. “Mind if I sit?”
I shook my head and he walked over to the chair and eased down, almost as if he were worried any quick movements would scare me. He wasn’t completely wrong about that. I did still flinch sometimes. The doctor had been kind, though, and I didn’t think he’d do anything to hurt me. Not unless it was a painful medical procedure that couldn’t be avoided.
“I hope you don’t mind, but I called the Devil’s Boneyard to ask a few questions about your past,” he said.
I tensed and he reached for me, but stopped a few inches shy of touching me.
“Not the President,” he said. “I spoke with their Sergeant at Arms, who helped get you set up here. He told me about your time in Colombia, the things you were forced to endure, and how very brave and strong you are. I would have to agree with him.”
“I’m not either of those things.”
“You are,” Dr. Kestral insisted. “Meg, you’re an incredible woman to have faced that and still be standing. From what I heard, you were even happy until this latest development. It’s not your fault you trusted your heart to the wrong man.”
I chewed on my lip a moment. “Dr. Kestral --”
“Martin,” he said, making my head jerk a little. “Call me Martin. Please.”
I was getting a feeling that he wasn’t here for medical reasons at all, and I recalled what Forge had said right before that knock at the door. Had he somehow known the doctor was stopping by? Had he been trying to tell me that I should give Dr. Kestral a chance? I wasn’t ready, might never be ready, to be intimate with another man. It had taken me a year to get to that point of trust with Cinder.
“Martin, it was really sweet of you to come and check on me, but if you’re hoping there can be something between us --”
“Meg, no. I … I mean, I’d love for you to consider dating me, if you decide to stick around, but I mostly wanted you to know that I can be your friend. If you need anything, want to talk, or just need a shoulder to cry on, then I’m happy to be there for you. In any capacity you’ll allow. You seem like a sweet woman who’s had a hard road to travel.”
“All right. Martin.”
He smiled, and I had to admit he was a very good-looking man. Maybe if I hadn’t shared that experience with Cinder the cute doctor would have given me a spark, or at least a faint tingle. But I didn’t feel anything. I worried that Cinder had ruined me for all other men. Too bad it didn’t go both ways. I seriously doubted I had ruined him for other women. I didn’t doubt that he wouldn’t hesitate to sleep with someone else. I wasn’t special to him. It still hurt, and I didn’t know how long before I was able to move past the pain of rejection, but I knew I couldn’t wallow in self-pity.
“I can always use a friend,” I finally said, giving him a slight smile. “But I know I’m not ready for anything beyond that, and I may never be ready.”
“No pressure,” he said. “Just know that I’m here if you need anything.”
He stood and left the room. I heard him speaking to someone softly before the front door opened and shut. Dingo came back into the room and reclaimed his spot. He didn’t say anything, but his expression was shuttered, which was unusual for him. Normally, I could see exactly how he felt.
“Dingo, everything okay?” I asked.
“Cinder knows you’re gone. He demanded to know where you were, said he couldn’t protect you if you weren’t there with him. Havoc and Jordan aren’t saying anything. No one is.”
“How long did it take before he realized I wasn’t there?” I asked.
“After Church. He went back to his house to talk to you. Guess he figured you were hiding somewhere inside before he’d left. When Jordan told him you weren’t there anymore, weren’t even in the same state, I heard he got a little angry.”
“He’ll get over it,” I said. “Probably went about business as usual last night and this morning.”
“And if he didn’t? What if he really does miss you, Meg? What if he just needed time to realize how important you are to him?” Dingo asked.
“Then he’ll come for me. And if he doesn’t, then I have my answer.”
He nodded and sighed. For the first time since leaving the Devil’s Boneyard compound, I had to wonder if I’d done the right thing. What if Dingo was on to something? What if Cinder really did want me there and I’d overreacted? No. I remembered his words, the way he’d tried to push me away. Regardless of what he said now, he hadn’t wanted me there. I’d given him exactly what he wanted. I’d just have to wait and see if he changed his mind.
And if he never came for me, then I’d have to figure out the next step in my life. There could very well be another person growing inside of me right now. It might not just be me that I had to worry about from now on. Whatever happened, I knew that I had to push through the pain. I’d survived worse than a broken heart.