Sunshine warmed my face, my eyelids awash in golden light. I was pleasantly hot, a heat that spread over my body like a blanket. A breeze teased across my skin, and strange sounds filled my ears. I spent several moments trying to identify them—flowing water, rustling leaves, chirping birds.
Was this heaven?
I didn’t want to open my eyes. I was dead. I remembered dying, the way it felt to have my body surrender, all my vital processes giving out. One moment I was here, alive, and the next I was just gone. It was as simple as a light going out. On then off. Light then dark. Here then not here.
Only … I hadn’t been completely gone, had I? I remembered Eli and me standing side by side, hand in hand, as we watched the black phoenix resurrect. No, as we watched the black phoenix reborn into something new—the golden phoenix. Then again, maybe that had been my imagination.
“Dusty, are you awake?” The voice didn’t startle me. Instead it was a caress to my ears. Eli. I would know him anywhere. Definitely heaven then. Or more than heaven. It was paradise, a dream come true.
I opened my eyes and saw him peering down at me, blue eyes aglow in the sunshine. He was sitting on the ground next to me. I sucked in a breath. “Are we dead?”
He laughed, but winced right away, clutching his chest. “Not dead. I’m pretty sure I wouldn’t hurt this bad if we were.”
I sat up, the pleasant warmth switching to cold so fast I shivered. I started to ask if he was okay, but it came out as a gasp. A fierce ache throbbed through my entire body. Both of my shoulders felt like they were on fire.
“Are you okay?” Eli said, touching my arm.
I shook my head. “I feel like I’ve been run over by a truck.”
“I know the feeling. But take it easy. You’ve been through a lot. We both have.”
I looked up at him, ignoring the pain. “So we’re really not dead?”
Eli didn’t laugh this time, and he kept a hand pressed to his chest. He was wearing a green tunic and loose-fitting brown pants. It looked like a cross between a medieval Halloween costume and a hospital robe. “Not anymore.”
Not anymore. So we had been. Dead. Memories crept into my mind—of the fight with Deverell and Marrow, of Paul and Eli dying, and of me using the Death’s Heart on Eli. No, that wasn’t right. I used it on myself. Bellanax had shown me how. The sword’s absence gnawed at me. It was like knowing you’ve forgotten something important but being unable to remember what it was other than that it was important.
The memories were too much to think about. I turned away from Eli, taking in our surroundings. We might not be dead, but this place did indeed look like heaven, or at least heaven as I wanted it to be. We were in a glade hemmed by woods on one side and a stream on the other. Grass as green as AstroTurf and dotted with cartoon-bright wildflowers filled the glade, wrapping around ancient trees the width of cars and stretching along the bank with its short, steep drop-off into the water.
I turned back to Eli. “This isn’t a dream, is it?”
“No.” Then to prove the point, he took my hand and squeezed. My skin tingled at his touch. “This is fairyland.”
“Excuse me?”
He grinned. “It’s an otherworld, a realm for naturekind only.”
I arched an eyebrow at him. I’d heard about otherworlds and fairy realms, like Mag Mell and Avalon, the legendary resting place of King Arthur. I knew enough about them to know that two people like us—human and Nightmare—weren’t permitted to be here. “How is that possible?”
“Well,” Eli said, cracking his knuckles, “when the naturekind senators found out we defeated Marrow, they insisted on sending us here to recover from our ordeal. There’s healing magic here, apparently.”
I dropped my gaze to his chest, the worst of the memories coming back to me—Eli with two feet of steel sheathed in his rib cage. “Do you … is it … is it bad?”
He shrugged, although the gesture wasn’t as casual as it might have been. I could tell he was being cautious with each movement. “It’s not pretty, but I survived, and that’s what matters.”
I nodded, swallowing back tears. “I’m sorry, Eli.”
“What?” He grabbed my shoulders. “Are you kidding? It’s not your fault. You didn’t know it was me, Dusty. And then after.” He hesitated, his eyes suddenly brighter than before, and glistening with unshed tears. “What you did with the Death’s Heart—you saved my life, and you almost died doing it. You did die, but the phoenix brought you back. At least, that’s what Lady Elaine thinks happened.”
“That was real?” My heart fluttered in my chest, remembering what it had been like to see it.
“Yes, it was real. It seems that when Marrow and the black phoenix died at the same time, the familiar bond broke. Marrow stayed dead this time, but the phoenix was reborn back into its natural state, before Marrow corrupted it. I think … I think we freed it.”
I didn’t reply, my chest was too tight with emotions for speaking. But in my heart, I knew Eli was right. We had freed it. How many hundreds of years had the phoenix been chained to Marrow? How long had it been polluted by his constant, unnatural resurrections, his obsession with power? In some ways it had suffered more than anyone else.
But the idea that Marrow was really truly dead, that the threat of him was over for good was almost more than I could wrap my mind around. My relief wasn’t as great as it should’ve been. Maybe in time.
“What about Paul?” I said, my voice quiet.
Eli looked away. “He didn’t make it.”
I nodded, already guessing as much. The truth cut deep, and I pushed it away. For now I wanted to focus on the good—Eli and I being here together, alive. And he didn’t hate me or even blame me for what happened.
I leaned toward him and kissed him. He wrapped his arms around my back, pulling me closer. I savored the taste of him, but only for a moment. My heart began to ache as I realized this couldn’t last. We couldn’t keep doing this. Marrow was dead, but there was still the dream-seer curse. The phoenix was free, but we weren’t.
“Are you two supposed to be doing that?”
Eli and I broke apart at the sound of the intruder. Lance and Selene had just emerged from the trees across from us, walking hand in hand. Selene’s wings were visible, the left one bound in white bandages. When her gaze met mine, she rushed forward.
“You’re awake!” she said with a very un-Selene-like shriek of glee. She dropped down beside me and threw her arms around my neck.
I laughed, hugging her back, despite how much my body hurt at the gesture. “How long have I been asleep?”
“A year.”
The laughter died on my lips. “What?”
“I’m kidding,” Selene said, her expression impish. “It’s just been two days, but it feels like a year. Time runs weird in this place.”
“Yeah, but the scenery is like wow,” Lance said, plopping down beside us.
I snorted. “You? Enjoying the scenery?”
He shrugged. “There’s not much else to do. Besides kissing, of course.”
Selene giggled.
“But what are you two doing here?” I said.
“Same thing as you,” Selene replied. “Recovering. Every morning the fairykind send us to a different area to hang out. They claim all the nature around here speeds up healing. They’ve been taking you out of the castle every day and have you lie in the grass and stuff. Good thing it never rains.”
It was so strange to think of my body going places without me being aware of it. But I had no memory of anything beyond using the Death’s Heart. Watching the phoenix being reborn had felt more like a dream than anything real.
“But your wing,” I said, shaking the weirdness off. “Are you going to be okay?”
“Yep, I should be flying again in no time.” She flexed the good one in emphasis, the black feathers glistening like oil.
I beamed at her, relieved by this news. “But what about my mom and Mr. Corvus?”
“All fine,” said Eli.
“Your mom is here with us,” Selene added. “She needed the healing, and she insisted on coming, besides. I think she was afraid you weren’t going to wake up.”
I couldn’t blame her for that. Not after Lyonshold. That time I’d been unconscious for weeks. Two days was a huge improvement, although the ache in my body disagreed.
“Actually,” Selene said, standing up. “I’d better go get her. She’s liable to hurt me for not telling her you’re awake right away.”
“We can save the hurt for later,” a newcomer said.
We all turned toward the voice, and I saw my mom emerging from the woods now, following the same path Selene and Lance had. She looked good, or at least better. The ashen paleness in her skin had been replaced by a light tan, and only a shadow of bruising remained beneath her eyes. Still, I barely recognized her. She wasn’t dressed in one of her usual snazzy outfits, the kind that belonged in a fashion magazine for young professionals, but in a silken gown with a scoop bodice and long, drooping sleeves. She looked more like Nimue than Moira Everhart. I sort of liked it.
“Stand up, Destiny,” my mom said, striding over to me. “Prove to me you’re really on the mend.”
I frowned up at her. I couldn’t see how standing up proved anything more than talking and sitting here. But then I tried to get up and saw her point. My muscles didn’t want to obey. Gritting my teeth, I pushed through it, finally managing a vertical position.
My mom wasn’t fooled. She folded her arms across her chest. “Well, alive but not better yet.”
I flinched at her anger, not understanding it.
She pointed a finger at me. “I’m only going to say this once, but if you ever do something like that again, I’ll … I’ll…”
“Kill me?” I offered.
She scowled. “That’s not funny, although it’s a relief to see your inappropriate humor remains intact. But if you ever try that again, I’ll ground you for the rest of your life. And trust me. I will ensure that it is a very long life. Full of absolutely zero danger.”
She still sounded angry, but I saw the brokenness beneath her expression.
“I’m sorry, Mom.”
Her anger vanished, and she swept forward, hugging me hard enough that I groaned. “I love you, Dusty,” she whispered against my ear. “And I’m proud of you.”
“I love you, too.”
* * *
We spent another three days in the fairy realm. I asked my fairykind chaperones several times if the place had a name, but none were willing to say. I had a feeling that they wanted to keep it secret from outsiders like us. We might be welcome at the moment, but it was a temporary hospitality.
I spent most of my time walking the grounds outside the castle and exploring the woods with Eli. I avoided the bedroom I’d been given for the duration of my stay as much as possible. There were too many mirrors in there, and I couldn’t quite stomach my appearance these days. I’d survived the ordeal with Marrow and the Death’s Heart, but it hadn’t been without a price.
I had aged, as if the Death’s Heart had quite literally sucked away years of my life. I didn’t look old exactly, but certainly not as young as before. Faint white hairs now streaked through the red. It wasn’t anything a visit to the salon wouldn’t fix—my mom had already volunteered to take me—but there was no disguising the changes in my face. I looked thinner, gaunt almost, but I hadn’t lost any weight. In fact, I was eating more than ever before. This fairy realm encouraged indulgence of every kind. Although I never ate the fairy food. Normal food was being imported for us daily.
But the damage went deeper than my looks. None of the magickind doctors who came to examine me could say how bad it was, but they suspected that my organs, joints, and vital systems might have suffered partial degradation.
“But don’t fret, my dear,” one of the doctors said. “It’s nothing too severe, I’m sure. Nothing worse than what happens to us all as we age.”
I hadn’t replied. The “effects of old age” wasn’t something that should’ve been in my vocabulary for at least another decade or two. There was nothing to say about it though, nothing to make it better. Not that I regretted the price. Eli was alive and that was worth a hundred years of my life. Besides, the only time I noticed the changes in my body was if I sat too long in one position or if I exerted myself too hard. If I did, a weakness came over me, and I had to sit down until it passed.
Eli wasn’t much better with his injury. The stab wound was healing quickly, thanks to the fairy realm magic, but he would never be the same physically again, according to the doctors. His hopes of being on the gladiator team were over, for this year definitely. Even once he recovered, he might not be capable of the demanding activity. Only time would tell.
But Eli never once complained. Instead, one day he sat down beside me after a long walk, both of us breathing too hard from the exertion. He wrapped his arm around my shoulder and pulled me close. “We might be a little broken these days,” he said, “but I wouldn’t trade it for anything.”
My heart throbbed inside my chest, the feeling of both joy and pain. I didn’t know I was capable of loving one person this much, as if my insides were bigger than my outsides, love an expansive force. It made the truth of our pending separation all the worse. But it had to happen. Once our stay here was over and we returned to the real world and our real lives, we would have to put an end to this. The risk of staying together was too great. I never wanted to be there again—watching Eli die, living one of Lady Elaine’s visions. I understood that now.
Eli did, too, although we never spoke of it.
There were other things to talk about. My mother came to us on the third day with news that the Magi Senate was planning an awards ceremony in our honor.
“No way,” Eli and I said together.
My mom sighed. “I told Lady Elaine you weren’t going to like it.”
I hated the idea. We’d been through one of those ceremonies last year when we saved Lyonshold from sinking. I understood why they wanted to do it, but it didn’t feel right this time. There’d been too much death, too much loss. I just wanted to put it all behind me.
“Can’t we just say no then?” Eli said, rubbing his jaw.
Mom put her hands on her hips. “I’m afraid not. We have to give them something. This is too momentous an event for there not to be some kind of official closure.”
I bit my lip. It wasn’t the response I would’ve expected from my mom, the queen of bucking the establishment. But that just drove home how serious the situation was. Closure. I supposed I needed it, too.
“What about Paul?” I said.
My mom turned to look at me, her mouth a thin line. “What about him?”
“Has he been buried yet?” The words felt alien in my mouth, an impossible language with impossible meaning. I’d seen him die, but I couldn’t accept it. He might come walking around the corner any moment.
“I don’t think so,” my mom replied, a suspicious eyebrow climbing her forehead.
I drew a deep breath. “Then let the Magi Senate hold their ceremony at his funeral.” I glanced at Eli, trying to gauge his reaction. He met my eyes, and I read understanding in his, if not agreement.
I turned to my mother, who needed the most convincing. “Paul deserves the honor as much as the rest of us, if not more. He died stopping Marrow. He sacrificed himself to save us.”
“Yes,” my mom said, her voice surprisingly gentle, “but he betrayed you first. If he hadn’t have been helping Deverell he might—”
I cut her off. “That doesn’t matter. All that does is what he did in the end.” I paused, waiting for my mom and Eli to make their arguments, but my heart was set on this. Paul had done a lot of bad things, but he chose good in the end.
When neither of them spoke, I pressed on. “With his uncle dead and his mother who knows where and his father who knows who, it’s up to us to see he has a proper send-off.”
My mom’s jaw worked back and forth, for a second. Then she relaxed. “I’ll talk to Lady Elaine and see what we can do.”
“Thank you,” I said. The decision eased the ache in my heart, just a little.
Do you believe in redemption? I remembered Paul asking me. I hadn’t had an answer then, but I did now.
Yes, I thought, hoping Paul would hear it wherever he was now. He had earned his redemption.