My friend needs help.
My friend has turmoil at home.
My friend is on drugs.
My friend is rebelling.
Almost all of us can think of someone who faces at least one of those concerns. If we know of such a problem, if we know that Jesus is the answer, and if we love our friend, how can we respond? Maybe we shouldn’t talk first (I tend to speak too soon and try to give all the answers). Maybe a different approach is best.
Let’s start with prayer. And then follow up with our friend after we pray.
Do you have a friend who needs Jesus? In your quiet time, take a moment to mention your friend and his problem to God. For me, prayer is like a long text conversation in which I never say good-bye. I always pray with very long pauses.
Anyone who has ever texted me understands this concept. They’ll ask me a question and I’ll answer, “I think so.”
Then they answer back. “Well, what are we going to do?”
Hours later, I finally respond. “OK, how about this?”
That’s how I pray too. I never hang up.
“OK, God, here I go. Help me to not blow this conversation.”
“All right, God. It seems like something is going on with her today. Please help her and give her wisdom.”
I do the same thing for all my friends in need because I believe God can help. It’s not like I’m performing some giant missionary work. I just pray for my friend. But guess what I do the next time I hang out with him? I follow up.
“Hey, dude. How’s it going with your parents? I’ve been praying for y’all.” That’s it. I’m not cracking open Habakkuk on him.
“Hey, bud, I’ve been praying for you at college.”
“Yeah, man, it’s been crazy.”
“I know, I know. I’ve got your back.”
Do you know what I did in that moment? I brought Jesus into my friendship. There isn’t a person reading this book who can’t pray for his friend and tell his friend that he’s praying for him. Do you know how many of his other friends are praying for him? You’re probably the only one, and you’ve just built a bridge.
Now you have a connection. It takes the relationship to a different depth from the connection you have when you talk about football or homework. This is a little more intimate and a lot more meaningful. You don’t have all the answers and you don’t know all the Greek words of the New Testament, but you have something that lasts an eternity: “I’m praying for you, man.”
That builds a bridge to Jesus. Remember, Jesus built a bridge to God for us. We build a bridge to Jesus by loving people and meeting them where they are, praying for them, and sharing truth.
Know Jesus.
Love your friend.
Be a listener.
Pray for your friend.
Follow up.
Build a bridge to Jesus with your words and your life.
You haven’t extended an invitation to church yet. You haven’t had to explain creation and evolution.
Here is the last encouragement: pray for a chance to share the gospel if the other person is not a follower of Jesus.
Most of us won’t do this. Why? Because we know God will give us a chance, and deep down we’re not so sure we really want that. Or even deserve the chance.
We know how wretched we are, and we think we’re not worthy to share Jesus. We’d be hypocrites if we tried, we think. But perfect people and perfect answers aren’t necessary for the task. True, nobody but Jesus is perfect, but sharing Jesus as flawed believers doesn’t mean we’re hypocrites. We have to help erase that perception. Nobody knows your scars better than your friends. So own up to them. It takes the pressure off to know that all we have to do is love on people with the truth of who we are and who Jesus is.
A much more challenging obstacle is how to start the conversation when the opportunity comes to share the gospel. Two questions will help broach the subject. Usually, when you get the chance to share your faith, it’s because your friend asks you something with a spiritual connotation. But maybe you sense the time is right. Maybe you’re sitting in the locker room or in the cafeteria and you feel God nudging you to pop the question. Here it is: “In your opinion, what does it take for someone to go to heaven?”
This is a great first question that I learned from the FAITH outline while serving as a youth pastor in Daytona Beach. It’s an evangelism tool developed by Bobby Welch, my former pastor in Daytona. One of its strengths is that you start by asking the other person’s opinion. People like that. Now you have a conversation. We usually don’t ask this question because we’re afraid our friend is going to answer in a way we didn’t anticipate. But there is no plan needed for this question, and you will hear some crazy answers. But most of the time you’ll hear common responses: “Well, I don’t know. Do good. Don’t kill anybody. Do your best.” Or “Oh, I think there are all kinds of different roads that lead there, and everybody has to find their own way.”
Are we stumped yet? No. We’re just asking a question. But our friend’s answer will tell us where she is spiritually.
Second question: “Can I show you how the Bible answers that question?”
Now that may feel uncomfortable. That may feel like you’re reading another language. What if the other person answers no? Uh-oh, what do you do? Refer to the first steps.
Know Jesus.
Love your friend.
Keep listening.
Keep praying.
Keep building a bridge with your words and your life.
So you’re still good. This is a win.
What if the other person says, “I don’t believe the Bible”?
Then try this: “OK, I understand. Let me show you what the Bible says so you can at least know what’s in there. Then you can totally rule it out if you don’t believe it.”
Most people say the Bible is not real only because someone told them that or they saw it on a YouTube video. Sometimes they say it’s not real because they want to live like they want. It feels better to say there are no rules if you believe there is no ruler. It’s easy to say you don’t believe in anything.
If at all possible, keep a Bible with you (a Bible app on your cell phone is helpful) and say, “Let me show you a few verses.” Have your friend read the verses along with you. It helps to be able to show that what you’re saying is in God’s Word. So point to it and say, “Here it is right here.”
1. God is holy, and our sin has separated us from him. That’s Romans 3:23.
2. We’re all toast without God, but eternal life through Jesus is God’s gift. That’s Romans 6:23.
3. God loves us and sent Jesus to make us right with him. Read Romans 5:8.
This is a big verse because most people think, I need to get better with God. This verse says that God demonstrated his love for us in that while we were still sinners, Christ died for us. So Jesus built the bridge to God because he knew we weren’t good enough. It’s too late to get better. We’ve already sinned. We’re not perfect anymore.
4. Jesus paid the price for our sin. Flip over to 2 Corinthians 5:20 – 21.
Our sin cost God. Why can’t he just forgive, without repentance or any sort of change on our part? God is holy and just and cannot allow sin into his heaven. It has to be dealt with. In this passage, the word reconciled means to be brought back together with God, to be made right with him.
The last verse says God made him who knew no sin to become sin for us so that we could become the righteousness of God in Christ. You may think that’s too confusing. Let’s put the pressure on the Word of God. It’s strong enough to handle it. Just read the Scripture and tell your friend that God put her sin on Jesus and took Jesus’ perfect, sinless righteousness and applied it to her account.
5. Confess Jesus as Lord and turn away from sin. Romans 10:9 is gold. It’s the verse about confessing with our mouths and believing in our hearts that Jesus is Lord.
The word repent usually is associated with large poster boards and crazy people on a street corner. We don’t say “repent” a lot these days, but “confess” and “repent” are commands we need to understand. When we truly confess Jesus as Lord, we’re repenting at that moment.
Becoming a believer requires confessing with your mouth. It means turning your life over to Jesus and saying, “I don’t mind anybody knowing this about me.” This isn’t a quiet prayer in the back of the room. To confess with your mouth that he is Lord — if he is indeed your Lord — means you’re willing to do what he says and he’s your king. So to repent means to turn away from your sin and to follow Jesus. Just the idea of confessing that he’s the Lord of your life is saying, “I’m not in control anymore. I’m going to change.”
That is the gospel.
So, what do you say to your friend next? This is what you say: “Is there any reason why you wouldn’t want to ask God for forgiveness and give him your life right now?”
Your friend may say yes. She may say no. You may even find yourself in the middle of an awkward moment.
But your friend is worth an awkward moment, isn’t she? We’re talking about sin, death, and hell. We’re talking about forever. You stick out your neck because you love your friend.
What if she says, “I hear what you’re saying, but I’m just not ready”? You just have to remember that your friend is not rejecting you personally.
It’s OK. No problem. See previous steps.
Know Jesus.
Love your friend.
Keep listening.
Keep praying.
Keep following up.
Keep building a bridge.
What if your friend says she’s ready? What if she says, “I can’t think of any reason not to do this right here, right now”? Then don’t panic. You don’t need your youth or college pastor on speed dial.
The church tried so hard over the years to train people for this moment that it promoted repeat-after-me prayers. There’s not necessarily anything wrong with that, except I’m not sure it allows someone to speak her own heart. I like to hear it come from her. There are no magic words. But it’s her heart, and it should be her words.
When I reach this moment with someone, I say, “You can pray and ask God to forgive you and save you right now. I tell you what, I’ll start, and then you say whatever is on your heart.”
And then I begin. “God, I’m here with my friend, and she wants to be saved right now. I pray that you will give her tons of peace while she prays.”
Then I turn to my friend. “Your turn. Just say what’s on your heart.”
Some of my friends have blown my mind with the sincerity and realness of their prayers. Others didn’t know what to pray. Sometimes I help them through. I just stop and give them a few reminders.
“Hey, just be honest and tell God that you know you’re a sinner and that Jesus is his Son, and ask him to forgive you and be your Lord.”
She may not be eloquent or get her words in perfect order, but if that is the expression of your friend’s heart, she is as saved as the apostle Paul. The key is repentance. Does she have godly sorrow and wish to change? The words of her prayer for salvation are just the outward expression of an inner transformation that only the Holy Spirit can produce.
So only Jesus can save your friend. God did not call you to save your friend. God called you to share the gospel with her. To say you love your friend but then you never share the truth with her means you either don’t love your friend or you don’t believe the truth.
Your friend may be your brother or cousin. Your friend may be one of your parents or a grandparent. Sometimes it’s even harder to share with a loved one. But love earns the right to speak truth, and you’ve earned the right to share what changed your life.
You may share with your friend, only to have her say, “This is awkward. I’m gonna go.” If she walks away, you’re just going to have to take it. It may be the closest you’ll ever come to the book of Acts and having a rock thrown at you.
What your friend says to you at this moment is not the point. The truth in love is the point. She can laugh in your face. She can gossip about you. She can not choose you as her lab partner next semester. But truth is eternal, and she will never forget the truth you shared. Or the love you showed.
Love Jesus.
Show your scars.
Tell your story.
Love ’em with the truth.
That’s how you reach out and thrive.
Point to Remember
We build a bridge to Jesus by loving people, praying for them, and sharing truth.