Let’s not call them “intercourse positions.” I’d rather you think more positively. These are orgasm positions because you can have an orgasm in any one of them, even if your hot spots don’t connect. You can use your hand or a finger vibe or delay intercourse until you are seconds away from coming. Any position is an orgasm position.
And you will finally get the answer to that question: “How can I come during intercourse?”
TIP
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Is there a best position for female orgasm? Yes—any one of them. The female superior, or woman-on-top, position is usually touted as the “best” position for her orgasm. But a woman who isn’t comfortable on top won’t make it work to her advantage because she won’t touch herself. Any position can become your own “best” Everything depends on how your bodies fit together and how you adapt that position to get the maximum clitoral benefits.
Another trick to finding your personal best is asking yourself: In what position can I most effectively contract and release the PC muscle during thrusting? For some women, that is missionary position with your feet pressed against his chest. Try it and see how it works for you.
When a woman says, “I can’t come with him,” she usually means: “I can’t come with any man during intercourse alone.” That’s normal. You realize that now, right? Stop faking. Whether you reach orgasm or you don’t has little to do with him and much to do with you.
Here’s how to reach orgasm with your partner:
Either of you has to touch the clitoris and the surrounding tissue during intercourse, or you should bring a vibe to bed with you.
One or the other needs only to insert a finger or two down below, between your bodies, and stroke. If you’re too shy to touch yourself in front of him or to tell him how you like to be touched, just take his hand, put it there, and move against it.
Or one of you can use a finger vibe. Or you can wear a strap-on vibe. Or you must masturbate to the point where orgasm is imminent before intercourse. Or he must arouse you to fever pitch via manual and/or oral stimulation before intercourse begins. At that point, any movement in the genital area should put you over the edge, especially if you have a strong PC muscle and flex like mad.
Really, isn’t this easy? Why make it difficult?
Now that you’re getting over your shyness about needing clitoral stimulation, or your reluctance to accept the obvious—that most women don’t come via intercourse alone—here’s a simple move that can really take you where you want to go, in any intercourse position.
Many women find this simple move more effective for inducing orgasm than directly stroking or circling the clitoris, especially during intercourse, when the space available between bodies does limit the options a bit.
Insert two fingers of one hand between your bodies. Form a V shape with your fingers, straddling your clitoris. Push the V down in time with his thrusting.
Or take his fingers and place them in the V shape on the sides of your clitoris. Grind against his fingers as he thrusts.
TIP
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Your favorite orgasm position not working as well as it used to? Bodies change. Weight gain or loss, athletic injuries, a subtle decline in erectile function, and other factors can make a difference. Try some of the adaptations under The Basic Six Positions (at right). And experiment with new ones.
There are six basic intercourse positions and, of course, numerous variations to each of them.
They are:
• Woman on top (or female superior)
• Man on top (or missionary)
• Side-by-side
• Rear entry
• Sitting
• Standing
Considered by sex therapists and women who respond to reader surveys to be the intercourse position most conducive to female orgasm, the woman-on-top position is also a favorite of men. (They like to watch.) She can easily reach her clitoris and she controls the depth, angle, and speed of thrusting. In the most common variation of the position, she squats or sits astride (in a riding position) the man, who is lying on his back.
She may lean forward, putting her weight on her hands on either side of his shoulders, or she may lean on one hand, or maintain an upright position, keeping both hands free. She may also lean backward, if that gives her better G-spot stimulation. A common variation on the position is the “reverse cowgirl,” where she faces his feet, not his head.
Here’s how to make it an even better orgasm position:
• Alternate deep thrusting with using the head of his penis to stimulate your clitoris.
• Move from side to side rather than up and down.
• When orgasm is imminent, flatten yourself out on top of him, clench your thighs together, and grind your clitoris into him as you flex your PC muscle.
• In the reverse cowgirl, ask him to raise one leg and place his foot on the bed. Angle your body so that you are riding his penis at the same time you’re grinding against his raised thigh.
Use this sizzling move in the female superior position. It looks as good to him as it feels to you.
Simply move in an oval track rather than a straightforward up-and-down riding motion. Imagine you are circumscribing an oval with your body, with the down-stroke at one end of the oval and the upstroke at the other. Lean slightly forward as you push down on his penis, stimulating your clitoris. Pull up and move slightly backward on the upstroke, stimulating your G-spot.
And, of course, use your hand if you need it. And flex that PC muscle!
In surveys, women usually rate this position more favorably than men do, probably because it allows for hard thrusting. And, yes, women like that!
In the most common variation of the position, she lies on her back with her legs slightly parted and he lies on top of her, supporting himself at least partially with his hands.
Here’s how to make it a better orgasm position:
• Place a pillow(s) beneath the small of your back to change the angle of penetration to one of greater depth.
• Lie on your back with your legs up as straight and high as they will comfortably go. He kneels in front of you. This tightens your vagina, providing greater friction for both of you, and it leaves your hands free to play with your clitoris.
• Lie on your back and put your legs over his shoulders.
• Lift one leg up and put it over his shoulder or around his back.
• Put your feet on his chest or shoulders, again to change the angle of penetration and control the thrust.
• Wrap your legs around his waist or his neck for the same reasons.
• Pull her to the edge of the bed. He either holds her legs or she wraps them around him as he enters her from a standing position.
This position offers maximum sensation for her with minimal movement for him, and it can help sustain intercourse longer.
She lies on her stomach, legs straight out and spread only slightly. He lies over her, supporting his weight on his elbows. He positions his legs on either side of her. As he enters her, she closes her legs and crosses them at the ankles.
Crossing your ankles and holding your legs together enables you to feel the entire length of his penis inside you. As he is thrusting, he’s in a great position to kiss your neck and nibble your ears. And you can reach under and play with your clitoris.
It’s new, it’s fun, and it works.
“Missionary is the do-me position.
And I am a do-me girl in bed.”
–Female CEO, 39
Often a favorite position for the weary couple—or the semi-erect man—side-by-side is sometimes called “spooning” and even “stuffing and spooning.”
In the basic version of the position, he faces her back. Her buttocks are angled against him as he puts one leg between hers. Or she can lie half on her back, half on her side, drawing up the leg upon which she is lying. He faces her.
They can face one another, with legs loosely wrapped around each other. Or they can keep their legs touching and out straight—with the other legs loosely wrapped.
In another variation, they face one another and she wraps both legs around him—like a lying-down version of stand-up sex.
Here’s how to make it a better orgasm position:
• Either you or he stimulates your clitoris.
• Add a vibrator. This is a great position for vibe play because your hands are free.
• Make this your go-to position when he is tired, but you want sex. Masturbate first until you are highly aroused. He will feel good that he is able to “give” you an orgasm.
A favorite position of the ancient Chinese, rear entry is also a favorite of both sexes in the West today, in spite of its unfortunate nickname, “doggy style.” This position facilitates deep penetration, G-spot stimulation, and hard thrusting, and puts her clitoris in a good place for manual stimulation. A nice bonus: Her ass looks its best here, with the little wrinkles and pockets fairly well ironed out. (Who doesn’t love that?)
In the basic position, the woman is on all fours with the man kneeling behind her.
He stands behind her and pulls her to the edge of the bed. Standing gives him the ability to thrust even more forcefully—something both partners may want.
In another variation, she lowers her chest to the bed. That changes the angle of penetration. Some women report greater G-spot stimulation in this variation.
Here’s how to make it better for orgasm:
• Lower your upper body so that your chest touches the bed. This elongates your vaginal barrel, making a “tighter” fit for his penis.
• If he typically grabs your hips or ass and controls the thrusting, ask him to caress your vulva and finger your clitoris while otherwise remaining relatively still while you thrust back against him.
• Try rear entry lying down, with you on your stomach. Clench your thighs together after he enters you and lift one leg for deeper penetration.
There’s a lot you can do with this one because it works with different levels of passion. It’s good if he’s tired or you feel like talking and playing. But it’s also good when you just have to sit on him now.
In the basic position, he sits in a chair or on the bed with her astride him. Penetration is shallow.
Changing the chair also changes the angle and depth of penetration—and her ability to leverage thrusting. A hard-backed kitchen chair, for example, gives her thrusting power, while an overstuffed chair may not.
She sits on him, facing away from him. Again, that changes the angle and depth of penetration.
Here’s how to make it a better position for orgasm:
• He grasps your buttocks firmly, and you lean backward as he thrusts.
• Add a vibrator, especially a vibrating cock ring on him or a strap-on vibe for you.
• Sit on the kitchen counter, washer or dryer, or a high bar stool—whatever is the right height for him to enter you.
“It’s a myth that women don’t like rear entry. We do like vigorous thrusting. And we don’t always need to see your face.”
—Kate, sex researcher
Try combining the sitting and
standing positions by having the
man sit back on the edge of chair.
The woman can also use the chair
to maneuver herself onto him.
Having intercourse while standing satisfies a need we all have sometimes for dramatic, urgent lovemaking. It’s a great way to have a quickie or to begin a longer session. You can always slide to the floor and finish in another position.
In the basic version of the position, he squats slightly while she lowers herself onto him. She wraps one leg around his waist and he holds her buttocks.
This might be “cheating,” but he can lift her onto a kitchen counter, washer or dryer, or any convenient surface when standing becomes uncomfortable.
“Many women say they cannot have sex standing up. Many women say they cannot have an orgasm with a man on top. Many women say they have their best orgasms with him on top. Many women are not in your bed. Nevermind what they say. What works for you?”
Here’s how to make it better for orgasm:
• Change the depth and angle of penetration by doing it on the stairs, with you one step above him.
• You stand in front of him, facing in the opposite direction. Bend slightly forward. You’ll feel more G-spot stimulation this way.
TIP
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Sometimes you want to make love like a porn star. Try the standing position in front of a full length mirror. Use props—like a sturdy barstool than he can lean back against—if a wall isn’t handy. This can be especially effective as a visual treat if a mini skirt is pulled up to her waist, exposing her buttocks.
The standing position is great
if you’re looking for quick satisfaction
or a change from your
horizontal routine.
