“My scars are a testament to the love and the relationship that I had for and with the person who died. And if the scar is deep, so was the love.”
Over time, if you actively work to meet your six needs of mourning and take good care of yourself in all five of the realms we discussed, your grief will naturally begin to soften. It will not end. It will not “go away.” You will not “get over it.” Instead, your grief will become integrated into your life. Like everything else that has ever happened to you, it will become part of who you are.
I call this phase of grief “reconciliation.” You’ll know that you’re moving toward reconciliation when the death is no longer the first thing you think about each day. Other signs of reconciliation include:
Reconciliation emerges the way grass grows. You may not notice your grass growing each day, but soon you come to realize it’s time to cut the grass again. Likewise, you can’t see from one day to the next that you are healing in grief, but eventually, over the course of months and years, you will grow aware that you have come a long way.
In grief, healing means to become whole again. Your loss has torn you apart, and in reconciliation you will find yourself put back together. No, you will not be the same as you were before the death. Instead, the injury will be a fully integrated part of you. Trust that you can and will reach reconciliation if you keep actively expressing your grief through the six needs of mourning.
In reconciliation, some people who have suffered the overdose death of a loved one eventually find ways to live their lives with deeper meaning and purpose. Many go on to help others struggling with addiction or loss. Others become advocates for change. And some simply begin to live each day with a new appreciation for the now.