Chapter Five
Trinity
Three days later and I still hadn’t moved. I wasn’t fit for shit, much less caring for a baby, so I had Pooch drop Princess off at my mom’s house for a few days while Terrence kept our children. Just as they did when Pooch bathed me on the day of my beating, silent tears slid down my face every time he touched me. This was the man I put my trust in? This was the man I ran to thinking he’d be a good man to me? I thought that Pooch loved me, but now, more than ever, I realized he only loved what I stood for in his life—being his bottom bitch. As long as I was his slave, servant, ho, and trophy girl, we were all to the good. To him, my position was underneath him, not even behind him, and damn sure not beside him.
Only moving to use the bathroom, I’d been in the bed in the fetal position since that fateful day. In my mind, I kept replaying the horrifying events in Pooch’s office.
“Do you know how many women would love to be in your shoes?”
“When I tell you something, I expect it to be followed.”
“You gon’ learn to respect me!”
All of Pooch’s comments just weighed on my soul. His actions weighed on my mental. I’d never been put in a situation where I was afraid to be me.
Pooch fussed a lot, and of course he meant business with other people, but I never figured he’d actually do this to me. I’d always prided myself as being his one soft spot. Even if he had caught me cheating with Terrence, I thought his anger would be directed toward Terrence, never me. Not even after he’d warned me that he’d hurt me did I truly believe that he would. My worst fear had always been about him doing something to Terrence or taking his money away from me and my kids, but never physically hurting me. Never. My self-confidence, my pride, my strength, and even my womanhood was taken from me that day, and my face and neck still bore the battle scars. My body still hurt from the violence he unleashed on me, and I was stuck in limbo between depression and submission. I just lay there, scared to move from the one spot that had brought me peace of mind even when Pooch curled his bastard ass up next to me.
“Trinity?” Pooch asked quietly as I stared blankly at the wall. “You have to eat,” he said, bending down with a bowl of soup in his hands. He stroked my hair, but I just looked past him, never blinking. “Trinity, can you hear me? Are you okay? Talk to me, babe.”
“I just want to lie here,” I said hoarsely.
“You have to eat, and you need something to drink,” Pooch said.
For the first time since the incident, I looked into his eyes. Hell, he actually looked scared for once. Not of me, just for me.
“I don’t want it,” I said softly.
“You don’t have a choice,” he said sternly. “Now, open up.”
Out of fear, I did what I was told. Opening my mouth, I sucked the ice-cold water through a straw. It did feel good going down my throat. Pooch sat me up, and I grudgingly ate the soup he fed me.
He wiped my mouth and asked, “See? Don’t you feel better?”
I only nodded.
Just then, the doorbell rang. Pooch went to answer it, so I lay back down. Terry ran into my room and pulled on my arm, so I sat up slowly and lazily.
“What is it, Terry?” I asked, not focusing on the fact that my son was home.
“Mama! Mama! Please hurry quickly! Pooch and Daddy are going to fight,” he yelled.
Just then, Brittany burst into the room, crying. “Mommy! Pooch pulled a gun on Daddy!” Brittany cried.
“What?” I screamed, snapping out of my trance.
Instantly, riddled with fear, I jumped up with lightning speed. My pulse thumped in my ears as sweat beads formed on my forehead. My hands felt cold and clammy. With wobbly legs and unsure steps, I scrambled in a hurry. My body felt as if it were floating. This was the last fucking straw! If Pooch had hurt Terrence, I would kill him myself! I was so scared of what I was about to see, yet I took the stairs damn near three at a time as I made a mad dash down the hallway to the front foyer.
“Pooch!”
Pooch stood there with his 9 mm Glock gripped in one hand with it pointed it directly at Terrence’s chest. Terrence’s chest heaved up and down as anger rose inside of him. He refused to back down from Pooch. The sense of fear nearly consumed me as I watched the scene in horror.
“Pooch, put it down,” I screamed in tears. My voice finally caught their attention as they looked at me.
“Trinity,” Terrence yelled when he saw me.
“Please put the gun down,” I pleaded, pulling on Pooch’s arm. Pooch’s nose flared as he continued to point the gun at Terrence.
“This muthafucka is real disrespectful. Telling me he ain’t leaving until he knows you’re all right. How he gon’ come over here and try to rule my house? Not my house,” Pooch yelled.
“You’re scaring my kids! Put it down!” I begged.
Terrence backed up a little. “I just wanted to make sure you were all right.” He turned and looked me over. “What the fuck? What happened to your mouth? And your neck has bruises!” Terrence gasped. Instantly, he became enraged and looked at Pooch. “You muthafucka!” Terrence screamed at Pooch. Suddenly, he charged toward him.
“Terrence, no,” I screamed as Pooch pulled the trigger. I closed my eyes, waiting to hear a bang, but there was nothing.
Terrence laughed, standing right up in Pooch’s grill. “Safety’s on, bitch.” He punched Pooch square in the jaw and knocked the gun out of his hand.
I picked the gun up as Terrence and Pooch began a slug fest on the floor. I ordered Terry and Brittany to go upstairs and not to come down until I told them. They did as I said as I struggled not to get hit. I turned around to find Terrence whopping Pooch’s ass! With Pooch pinned against the floor, he popped his ass from cheek to cheek with thunderous blows.
“You want to hit women, bitch?” Terrence yelled. “Wrong woman, nigga, and definitely the wrong man! I’ma fuck you up!”
“Terrence, stop, please,” I screamed.
He stood Pooch up, and as he yelled, he punctuated everything he said with punches. “The next time”—he punched Pooch—“you put your hands on Trinity”—he punched again—“I’ll kill you.” Pooch’s lips were bleeding, his jaws were swollen, and he had a huge cut underneath one of his eyes.
“Terrence, please,” I pleaded, walking toward them. “Please stop,” I said faintly, suddenly becoming light-headed. The room was spinning, and I was falling.
“Trinity!” I heard them yell hysterically.
“Oh God, babe!” I heard Pooch scream.
“Call 911, nigga! Trinity! Baby!” Terrence yelled as I felt him scoop me up. I couldn’t respond. Everything was so groggy, and then there was nothing.
* * *
My body felt sore and tired, and my throat felt a bit parched. As the thought came to me to get comfortable, I heard a constant beep in the air and felt a burst of cool air around my nose. When I reached up to touch my face, I felt a long wire or tubing or something, which caused my eyes to pop open and look around. I jumped up, confused and out of my mind. “Where the hell am I?” I asked warily, scrambling to get up.
Feeling a hand against my shoulder, I heard a strange man’s voice say, “Easy, easy, Ms. Atkins.”
I looked over in his direction and realized he was a doctor. “What? What happened? Where am I?”
“You’re in Grady Memorial Hospital, Ms. Atkins. I’m Dr. Wallace,” he said, pulling up a chair beside the bed.
Suddenly, I remembered the fight with Pooch and Terrence. “My kids. Terrence. I have to get up.”
“Ms. Atkins, it’s okay. There are several young men outside waiting for you. One is named… Pooch, I believe he told us, and his friends. There’s also a young man named Terrence and your children. They are all right. Their concern is for you.”
Looking around, I was hooked up to every gadget imaginable. My body felt tired. “Why am I here, and how long have I been here?”
“You’ve been here about five hours. You’re here because you passed out. Do you remember anything that happened prior to this?” Dr. Wallace asked.
“No,” I said, not willing to confess shit about the incident.
“All right. Your boyfriend, Pooch, said that someone tried to attack you a few days ago. He stated that’s why you have all of the bruising around your neck and face. Is that true?”
I nodded.
“Did you report it to the authorities?”
I shook my head. “I’m good. I didn’t need to.”
“You know, Ms. Atkins, a woman in your condition doesn’t need to be in an unhealthy situation.”
“Wait, what do you mean, my condition?”
“You don’t know, do you?” The doctor looked at me in shock.
“No,” I said plainly to him.
“You’re about six weeks pregnant.”
The moment the word “pregnant” escaped his lips, my mind inadvertently tuned him out. Unfuckingbelievable! Did this doctor just say I was pregnant? My heart nearly dropped to the floor. No the hell I wasn’t pregnant again by that damn Pooch. Wait a minute.
“Excuse me. How far along did you say I was?” I interrupted whatever he was rambling about.
“Six weeks. Give or take a week or so. I was going to have a gynecologist come down and examine you to be certain,” he said to me. “But I’m pretty sure it’s around six weeks.”
Instantly, my mind thought back over the past month. Damn, it had been a minute since Mother Nature had visited me, but had it been six weeks? Six weeks ago, six weeks ago. I was on the pill per Pooch’s orders, so how the hell did I get pregnant? I always took my pill at the same time every night at eleven. When did I skip? Suddenly, it came back to me. My ladies’ night out! Suwanee, Terrence, the hotel . . . It came back to me like a tidal wave, the moment at the hotel when my child was conceived. I thought about the moments before Terrence’s seed invaded my womb.
“Oh shit, li’l mama. Fuck, I’m ’bout to explode,” he’d said. I remembered the feeling as he pulsated inside of me.
The doctor must’ve noticed the dazed expression on my face. “Are you all right, Ms. Atkins?”
“Have you told Pooch or Terrence?”
“No, I haven’t. I had to speak to you. I did, however, tell them the reason you collapsed. Your body has suffered from exhaustion, dehydration, and malnourishment. Physically, your wounds will heal, but you cannot take any more trauma. Your iron is low, and your blood pressure is high. You have to take it easy for the baby’s and your sakes.”
For the first time since he spoke, the reality of life growing inside of me dawned on me. His cautionary warnings about my condition immediately tapped into the motherly instincts inside of my heart, and worry began to settle in the pit of my stomach. “So, what’s wrong with me?” I asked, rubbing my belly.
“For starters, you’re anemic. We also found that your blood pressure was extremely elevated and believe that you have chronic hypertension, which could lead to preeclampsia. I want you to get on a non-salt diet and take iron pills. We’re going to provide you with some prenatal vitamins, but you really need to set up an appointment with your gynecologist,” Dr. Wallace advised.
“Okay, well, can you not mention the pregnancy? I want to tell the guys myself,” I asked the doctor.
He placed a comforting hand on my shoulder. “You do not have to worry about that. I nor any of the staff is authorized to release any information outside of the bare minimum that was released. I am bound by doctor-patient confidentiality. Telling anyone else is up to you, and that’s your choice. However, I will advise you that if it is going to be a detrimental situation for you, you should consider telling them in a public place or notifying the authorities first.”
“I hear you.” No additional explanation was needed. I understood exactly what he meant.
“I’ll send the gynecologist down in an hour or so. Would you like to see anyone?” he asked.
“Please send in Pooch, Terrence, and my children.”
“All right. If you need anything, just push the call button.”
A few minutes later, I heard Terrence and Pooch arguing as they came through the door, and I rolled my eyes. Now was not the time for their bullshit.
“You shouldn’t even be here,” Pooch grumbled.
“But I am, and I ain’t going nowhere,” Terrence shot back as they pushed the door open.
My kids ran to me. “Mommy!” they yelled, hugging me.
I held them tightly. “I love you guys so much.”
“Are you okay?” Terry asked meekly.
“Yes, I am fine.”
“Why are you in the hospital?” Brittany asked.
I smiled at her. “Because I was sick, but I’m a whole lot better.”
“What was wrong?” Terry asked.
“Yeah, what the hell is wrong? That damn dumb-ass doctor wouldn’t tell us shit,” Pooch said. When I looked at him, I laughed to myself, because he had been treated for the ass whooping Terrence put on him. No wonder he had all of his crew here at the hospital.
Terrence walked up and hugged me. “What did the doctor say?”
“You know, I’ve had about enough of you that I am willing to stand in this bitch. Now get away from my woman!” Pooch yelled.
“Please stop!” I yelled. My heart monitor began beeping rapidly, so I slowly calmed my ass down. “Please.” Terrence and Pooch were both shocked into silence at my outburst and the machine.
Pooch sat beside me, lifting up the monitor. “Babe, what’s going on wit’ you?” he asked, genuinely concerned for the first time.
“Um, Terry, Brit, wait outside the door for just a minute,” I said.
Terrence directed them where to sit and closed the door. “I think you can leave too, bruh,” Pooch said snidely.
“Pooch, don’t, please,” I said, grabbing his arm. “Let it go.”
He shrugged it off. “A’ight. What’s up?”
I looked at Pooch through sad eyes. “I’m pregnant.”
He snatched his hand away from me and jumped up. “What? Hell no. Come on, man, I told you I didn’t want no more kids—”
“I know that, but can you please calm down!” I exclaimed, and the monitor went off again. “Damn!” I took a deep breath while I rubbed my belly to calm my nerves.
Pooch paced, looking from the monitor to me. “Fine.”
I pointed to the machines. “It keeps going off because it’s monitoring my heart rate. I have anemia and chronic hypertension, which could lead to preeclampsia. I have to watch my iron levels and what I eat, and I have to watch my blood pressure.”
“What the hell is anemia and pre-chlamydia?” Pooch asked, mispronouncing the illness. Only he would associate it with a damn STD. Dumb ass.
“It’s called ‘pre-e-clamp-see-ah,’” I said, stretching the syllables. “Not chlamydia. That’s a damn STD.”
“However the fuck you pronounce it! What the hell is it?” Pooch asked, looking all ignorant and shit.
Disgusted, Terrence explained. “When you suffer from anemia, it just means that your iron is low. Preeclampsia is an illness due to the pregnancy. She probably got it from all those salty five-star meals and stress,” he said snidely to Pooch. “Just do what the doctor says, because it can be harmful to you and the baby.”
Thankfully, Terrence explained it, because I didn’t have the energy to entertain Pooch’s antics. It was refreshing to have a man by my side who simply understood and took the time to learn something other than the streets. Simply put, Terrence was just knowledgeable like that. If he had gone to college, he’d have been hell to deal with.
“Well, thank you, Doogie damn muthafuckin’ Howser, M.D.,” Pooch snarled at Terrence.
Terrence sniffed and pointed at Pooch. “This fucking cat, I swear.”
Pooch shot a heated glance in Terrence’s direction, then sat down beside me. “Look, Trinity, we already talked about this. I really don’t want any more kids,” Pooch fussed. “You know that Princess was a mis—”
I put my hand up to shut his mouth. “You know what? I’m tired as fuck, Pooch, and I really don’t feel like dealing with this right now. Can we please discuss this at home when I feel better?”
Pooch rubbed his head. “A’ight. We can discuss this later.”
“How far along are you?” Terrence asked.
Looking at him with pleading eyes, I softly replied, “Six weeks.”
Instantly, Terrence’s whole demeanor changed. Instead of being laidback and pissed off, he looked worried and anxious. “Umm, really?” he asked.
He was really asking me if the baby was his. I confirmed it for him. “Yeah, really.”
Completely oblivious to the unspoken conversation between me and Terrence, Pooch bit his lip and looked back at Terrence with an attitude. “Look, bruh, I know you concerned, but Trinity needs her rest. Can you take the kids and keep them for a few days? I’m gonna stay with her,” Pooch said as a temporary truce between them.
Agreeing with Pooch, I mouthed, “Please,” to him.
“Okay.” Terrence nodded. “Trinity, I’m gonna holla at you later, fo’ sho.”
“Yeah, tell the kids I love them,” I said as he walked to the door.
“Will do,” he said and walked out.
Pooch looked at me. “Only because you in here is the reason that nigga still breathing,” Pooch said, seething with a look of pure hatred.
I palmed his face, although I really didn’t want to touch this woman-beating bastard. But I’d do anything to protect Terrence. Anything. “Pooch, if you love me, I mean truly love me, let it go,” I told him.
Pooch huffed, and then shook his head as if he was in deep contemplation. Finally, he exhaled, and I knew I’d just squashed this shit between Terrence and him at least one more time.
“Get that nigga to play his fuckin’ position then, and I ain’t fuckin’ playin’. ’Cause I ain’t gon’ take too much more of him acting like he yo’ man. For real. He the kids’ daddy and shit, but I will toe tag that nigga. And even though I owe that bitch an ass whooping about my face, I’ll let that shit ride this once because of you and what you going through. But I’m telling you he better fall the fuck back.”
“I will talk to him. I promise,” I said, rubbing my stomach, happy for Terrence’s reprieve.
Pooch smiled at me. “You look happy.”
I decided to be honest, at least halfway. I was more than excited to be carrying this baby. I was overjoyed. I loved children, and this was my seed. I told Pooch how I felt for real. “I am. I’m happy about my pregnancy. I know what you said about not wanting any more kids but—”
In a move that shocked me, Pooch rubbed my stomach too. His action stopped me from talking in midsentence. He rubbed his hand across my belly and looked at me with the kindest expression I’d ever seen on his face. It reminded me of the Pooch who asked me to check the yes or no box on his piece of scrap paper when we played on the playground. It was that kinda innocent and sweet expression.
He took a deep breath and exhaled. “Let me ask you something, Trinity,” he said as he continued to rub my belly. “Do you think this baby could, I dunno, you know, maybe make us closer? Make us like how we use to be?”
“Huh?” I asked, stunned.
Pooch turned my face so that I was looking directly into his eyes. For the first time, he looked so sorrowful. His eyes reflected a genuineness that I hadn’t seen since we were kids, and in that moment, he wasn’t Pooch the street king. He was Vernon, the timid guy I’d met and loved as a great friend all those years ago when we used to be nothing more than close friends in the hood tiptoeing around the schoolyard. He kissed my lips and caressed my cheek in his hand.
“I know you been unhappy wit’ me, Trinity. I do. I’m a rough-ass nigga wit’ some high-ass standards. But I love you so much, and I just get so fuckin’ crazy because I don’t want to lose you. I’m sorry I put my hands on you, but I can’t stand the thought of you being wit’ or catching feelings for another nigga. Not even if he came before me,” he said and paused to let me marinate on the fact that he was referring to Terrence. Then he continued. “If you want the baby, we can keep it. I’ll try to do better. I swear I will as long as you just love me like you used to,” Pooch confessed.
Daaamn. I never thought I’d see the fucking day. Maybe Terrence’s ass whooping knocked some sense into this fool for real. Honestly, I thought he sensed that deep down, I truly loved Terrence, and more importantly, he knew that Terrence truly loved me. And more than anything, he knew that Terrence was the kind of man I wanted in my life. He may have acted crazy and wasn’t all that book smart, but Pooch wasn’t dumb by any stretch of the imagination, especially not when it came to reading people.
Unfortunately, he was fighting for something that was long lost. The moment he put his hands on me was the moment Pooch destroyed anything we’d ever had, still had, and would ever have. He’d crossed a line with me, and never again, no more would I love Pooch. On top of that, I knew what he didn’t—this wasn’t his baby. But now was not the time to be stupid. So I lied.
“Yeah, that would be great.” I smiled at him.
Smiling, he kissed me passionately. “Good. I guess we having a baby, babe,” he said excitedly. “Shit, maybe I’ll have me a boy—Pooch Jr.”
He laughed, and I forced a smile.
“I’m hungry as hell. I guess I better send them niggas on their way and get some food. You want something?” he asked, handing me my purse.
“Nah.” I shook my head, reaching inside and grabbing my cell phone as he stood up, stretched, and walked to the door.
“A’ight. Get some rest then,” he said as he walked out the door. “Keep your cell phone close.”
Pooch couldn’t have been gone five minutes when my cell phone rang. You already know who it was. Terrence. To paraphrase Ricky Ricardo, Lucy had some ’splaining to do. I already knew how this conversation was about to start.
“Hello?” I answered.
“You ain’t getting rid of my seed,” Terrence said point blank while I simultaneously mouthed the words. As I said, I knew what he was about to say. I just knew Terrence like that.
With a deep sigh, I confirmed, “No, I’m not, so please take the bass out of your voice.”
His deep breath let me know how relieved he was to hear those words come from my mouth. “I’m sorry, baby, but this shit is so fucking frustrating. We gotta make some hard decisions and moves, you know that, right?”
“I know.”
He paused, realizing that I wasn’t in the mood to deal with this. “I’m sorry. You’re tired and shit. I’ma let you rest. Me and the kids will check on you.”
“A’ight, and thank you.”
“You don’t have to thank me about the kids. These are my children—” he was saying.
“Not for that, but for understanding and keeping the peace. You always do what’s right, even when it kills you, and for that, I thank you.”
“I’m a real man. Real men do that.”
“So I’ve noticed,” I said and yawned.
“You and my baby need y’all’s rest. Be easy, li’l mama.”
“I love you,” I said to him.
He chuckled lightly. “That’s good to know. I was kinda wondering, but I love you too, li’l mama. Now get some rest.”
I blushed. “Dreads, you ain’t never got to wonder about that again,” I said sweetly to him. “A’ight, I’m going to rest now. Good night.”
As I was ending my conversation, my line beeped. “Hello?” I answered.
“I’m at Sonic. You sure you don’t want no ice cream or pickles and shit? I know y’all pregnant women be craving shit like that.”
“No, Pooch. I’m good. I’m resting,” I said with a slight attitude.
“Okay, a’ight, damn,” he huffed, blowing away his irritation. “I’ll be there in about twenty minutes, babe. Get your rest,” he told me and hung up.
I deleted Terrence’s phone call, pushed my cell phone under my pillow, and lay down. Life was weird. Just three days ago, Pooch had virtually beaten my ass into submission and sent me into depression, and now with the news of my pregnancy, I suddenly held all the cards. Terrence was ready to marry me and be a family, and Pooch was even taking shit off of me and accepting my pregnancy in the hopes that we could get our relationship back on track. I rubbed my belly and closed my eyes.
“Mama’s gonna get it right for all of us this time, little one,” I said softly.
Now the only problem was how.