We all have a philosophy – a system of beliefs that guide our behaviour – although we might not realize it. As humans we are programmed to make sense of what we see, from the moment we look up from our cribs and focus on the world around us. From then on we begin to develop a philosophy to make sense of the world and our existence in it.
The word philosophy in its academic sense means the study of knowledge, reality and existence. Western philosophy dates back over 2,500 years. During our time at school most of us will have heard of the ancient Greek philosophers – Plato, Socrates, Aristotle – and the more recent philosophers – Francis Bacon, Marx and Ghandi. Philosophers develop a way of thinking and looking at the world they hope will answer age-old questions such as What is good? Do we have free will? Does God exist? What is truth? Where does infinity end? What is evil? As individuals we contemplate these questions too and develop our personal philosophy to answer them.
While our philosophy reflects what we think about the world and our place in it, in practice, in our everyday lives, it is not a written tangible formula but the attitude with which we live our lives. Our philosophy is our outlook on life, shown in the way we deal with situations (past and present, negative and positive), view the future and make decisions. And if we are to be happy and contented and live life to the full, our philosophy needs to be positive.
Often our philosophy can be seen in the sayings we use, known as maxims or idioms. These sayings can be divided into three groups:
Positive maxims, suggesting the person has developed an optimistic view of life:
Every cloud has a silver lining.
Lightning never strikes twice in the same place.
When one door closes another opens.
The longest journey begins with the smallest step.
Things happen for a reason.
Negative maxims, suggesting cynicism, scepticism, mistrust and doubt, with the person expecting the worst-case scenario:
It’s too good to be true.
It never rains but it pours.
You can’t teach an old dog new tricks.
Butter wouldn’t melt in his mouth.
Neutral maxims, where the phrase is a comment or observation:
You can’t make an omelette without breaking eggs.
Never leave till tomorrow what you can do today.
A watched pot/kettle never boils.
A bird in the hand is worth two in the bush.
Actions speak louder than words.
Unsurprisingly, happy and contented people find themselves using positive maxims. They believe a positive can be found in every situation and that positives far outweigh the negatives in life, and their philosophy – expressed in their maxims – reflects their belief system. A positive philosophy will see a person through the bad times, for they know the situation will improve because, on balance, they believe life is very good.
One woman wrote: I knew I’d had my share of grief and that life would just get better and better. Ten years on I’ve been proved right: I have a job I love and a beautiful family of my own. This was from a woman who had every reason to hate the world, having witnessed her father kill her mother.
And how I admire the boy, aged twelve, who wrote to me, having being bullied and taunted at school: I knew if I let them [the bullies] see they had hurt me then they had won. So I walked away and I knew when the bell went at 3.20 I would have a good evening because my conscience was clear. They have to live with what they have done. I wouldn’t want to be in their shoes. My heart went out to him. What an intelligent, positive and courageous lad! I was sure he would do very well in life with his philosophy, although I encouraged him to report the bullies.
My philosophy can be best summed up as follows: Life is short and we never know what’s around the corner, so I make the most of every day.
Because this is my outlook on life, I always look for the silver lining to any dark cloud and I know there is positive in any situation, no matter how dreadful. As a foster carer I hear the most awful accounts of children being abused, which could seriously undermine my faith in human nature and make me very depressed. To counteract this I see the incredible courage and resilience in the children themselves and the huge improvements they make when they come into foster care. In addition, since I’ve had my fostering memoirs published, I’ve received thousands of emails from readers all around the world, sending their love, sharing their own stories, and giving me words of kindness and support. This confirms for me that the vast majority of people are intrinsically kind and the world is a good place.
I always try to pass on my philosophy to the children I look after, showing them the beauty around us and what makes life worth living, and encouraging them to live for the present and look forward to a better future. Even the saddest child can eventually find a glimmer of hope and start to leave the past behind. That glimmer may come in the call of a bird in spring; the early morning dew on a spider’s web; the fiery orange sky as the sun sets in autumn; or the touch of a kind and caring hand.
Think about your own philosophy. Is it weighted in favour of the positive – optimism? Do you see the best in situations and people? Can you use your philosophy to deal with and dispel the negative and move on? If the answer is no, then you need to learn to think positively, as described in Chapter Three. To be happy and contented, your philosophy, your attitude to life, should not be It never rains but it pours or It’s too good to be true but Every cloud has a silver lining or When one door closes another opens.
One last word (or rather two) before we leave the subject of philosophy: be philosophical. By that I mean use your (positive) philosophy to stay calm and manage challenging situations. So, for instance, if you bump your car, look at the damage, sigh and console yourself that the damage could have been worse. Or if you don’t get an A grade in the exam you took, be philosophical and say, Well, at least I passed! If you didn’t pass, then take heart that it isn’t the end of the world and you can always take the exam again. There is positive in every situation, and being philosophical allows you to see and accept the positive, which leads to a brighter and happier way of life.