An optimist is a person who anticipates the best possible outcome for a situation, even if the odds are stacked against them. Optimists believe that people and events are generally good, and most situations work out for the best in the end. In Chapter Three I used the maxim that an optimist sees the glass half full (rather than half empty). Optimism and positive thought go hand in hand, so that as you train your mind to think positively you will be training your outlook to be one of optimism.
The opposite of an optimist is a pessimist, a person who anticipates the worst outcome for any given situation, even when the odds of a good outcome are overwhelmingly in their favour. However, sometimes we need a little pessimism to give us a reality check or keep us safe and not taken advantage of. This type of pessimism is better described as scepticism, which in moderation is healthy and necessary and part of everyone’s life. The following statements are examples of healthy scepticism:
We’ve only been dating two weeks. I think it’s too soon for her to be telling me she loves me; she doesn’t know me yet.
I’m going to do my best at the interview but I realize I may not be offered the job; the other candidates have far more experience than me.
Why is this man emailing and asking me to invest in his business if it is making him so much money?
All the above statements have an element of pessimism but in the acceptable form of healthy scepticism. Each person is raising a sensible doubt which helps them to protect themselves. In the first example the man is right to be hesitant about his new girlfriend’s protestations of love after dating for only two weeks: she should take time to get to know him. In example two the person going for a job interview rightly cautions himself about the competition he will be up against while retaining his positive outlook that he will do his best, so that he won’t be disproportionately disappointed. Example three is something all those who use email will be familiar with – the scam, the investment opportunity that is too good to miss, sent from a person or company we have never heard of. People are taken in by these ruses and persuaded to part with their money when a little pessimism in the form of scepticism would have protected them.
But while it is healthy, wise and indeed sometimes essential to show some degree of pessimism and be cautious, if you are always pessimistic happiness and contentment will be very difficult to achieve. You will miss opportunities, be mistrustful of others and in effect become a ‘Doubting Thomas’ who believes the world and the people in it are against you and that situations always turn out for the worst:
It always happens to me!
I never win anything.
Trust no one but yourself.
You can hear the distrust and cynicism in these statements and know the person will very likely get exactly the negative outcome they envisage, so reinforcing their pessimism.
Evidence suggests those who view life optimistically are luckier, win more competitions, achieve more, are healthier and wealthier and even live longer (by 19 per cent!) than those who are cynical and pessimistic. Research is ongoing to find out why, but there appears to be a causal link between anticipating good and positive (optimism) and achieving it. Conversely, those with a pessimistic outlook achieve less, have more accidents, and are 16 per cent more likely to die during a given period compared to the average person. On all levels, therefore, we owe it to ourselves to be optimistic, guaranteeing we get the best from life, but how?
Read through the following and read it again. Then practise what you are not already doing. Changing your attitude to one of optimism will be a conscious act to begin with, but very soon you will be doing it automatically and optimism will become part of who you are.
1. Understand the world is not against you. There is no unseen plot that puts obstacles in your way. You have the same opportunity as everyone else to achieve and be happy.
2. Embrace the new. Don’t shy away from opportunity because it involves a measured risk.
3. Bad past experience does not equal bad future experience. History will not repeat itself; just the opposite, in fact, because you will have learnt from your past mistakes and are therefore less likely to repeat them in the future.
4. You are in control of your life; life is not in control of you. Life is a fantastic journey that can take us wherever we choose.
5. Accept that you will be unhappy sometimes. You need to feel sadness to appreciate happiness.
6. Reflect on all you have to be grateful for – loved ones, a home, enough food to eat – and be grateful for all you have.
7. Always have something to look forward to, and look forward to it as a child looks forward to Christmas. This may be a family birthday, a holiday, buying a new outfit, or curling up with a good book at the end of a tiring day. It doesn’t have to be a big event, but take pleasure from the anticipated joy.
8. Live your life in the here and now. Although it is good to look forward to treats, if you don’t live life in the here and now, you’ll miss the good and beauty which surrounds you. Take a moment to appreciate it (see Chapter Fourteen).
9. Limit bad news – from television, radio, newspapers, etc. The media is a wonderful instrument to keep us informed but it can mean we are subjected to too much news of suffering and violence over which we have no control.
10. Accept disappointment and let it fuel your drive and ambition – I didn’t get that job but I will get the next one.
11. Always visualize the best outcome for a future event. By focusing on the positive your optimism will shine through and increase your chances of a positive outcome.
12. Encourage others to be optimistic. As well as reinforcing your own optimism it will make others happier and warm to you. No one really wants to be reminded of the worst-case scenario. We thrive on hope and encouragement and appreciate those who point it out, as long as the sentiment is sincere.
A woman, now aged twenty-three, who as a teenager had lived on the streets of London for three years wrote: I’ll never forget Martha. She was a volunteer at the drop-in centre where I used to go. She was a big woman, larger than life, who always had a good word to say about everything and everyone. No matter how bad my life got on the streets, I knew I could go into that centre and just being around her and hearing her talk was a great lift. Everyone who used to visit the centre said the same. Her favourite expression was ‘I can only give you a cup of tea and my good humour, but it’s free and never runs dry.’
What a lovely sentiment! I’m sure I would have liked Martha very much. You just know she was a truly positive person, bubbling with optimism and good will.