A positive environment is crucial if we are to be happy and contented and get the very best from life. Environment in this context means our home and workplace, and the people in our lives. You may think you have little choice or control in these matters – for example, the tiny flat you rent and can’t afford to move from. If so, you’ll be surprised at just how much choice you do have. If necessary, you can make many changes so that your environment is positive and complements the person you are.
We’ll start with the easy bit – your home environment, which is crucial to your well-being.
Home can be anything from a shared bedsit to a mansion. Whatever you think of as home is your home environment, regardless of its size or location. It is the place where you live: go to at the end of the day to escape from the outside world; relax in the evenings and weekends; invite family and friends to; and usually sleep in. It is your own personal space, your nest, and for you to be contented there it needs to be user friendly and at one with the person you are. It should generate warmth and happiness and be a place you can relax in and be yourself.
Whatever your home environment, make it yours; give it your stamp of approval so that it complements and expresses your personality and you feel at one with it. You can achieve this through the furnishings and the objects with which you surround yourself – for example, pictures, candles, ornaments, potted plants and general objets d’art – and through the colour scheme you choose. Just as the colour of our clothes reflects or even alters our mood, so the colours in our homes should be in tune with us – how we see ourselves and want others to see us.
* Red, orange and yellow suggest warmth, comfort, excitement and energy.
* Pale green (very popular at present) is relaxing and symbolizes nature.
* Pale blue is calming.
* Dark blue suggests strength and steadfastness.
* Lavender suggests refinement, grace and elegance.
* Light grey is a neutral colour, often favoured by men, and suggests someone cool and conservative, seldom evoking strong emotion (but dark grey can be seen as moody).
Check that the colours of your home reflect the person you are and if you are unhappy with them then change them – by redecorating, for instance. A pot of paint is relatively cheap and you will feel its benefit for years.
If you share a house or room you will obviously have to discuss the colour scheme, furnishings, etc. with those you live with and decide on something that suits you all. But even if you have to compromise on your choice in the communal areas to keep everyone happy, somewhere within the house, flat or room will be a small area that is truly yours to do with as you wish. This may be your half of the bedroom you share, your bed, the area where you relax and listen to music, read or watch television or even a favourite armchair nestled in a corner. Whatever you see as your place, decorate it to suit you with colours and objects that complement your personality. Cushions, a throw-over rug, a lamp, framed photographs, a personalized mug or towel, etc. can work wonders. Touches such as these will create your space, an environment where you can relax, be yourself and recharge your batteries at the end of the day.
Teenagers are especially good at marking out and personalizing their space, which is often their bedroom or part of a bedroom. If teenagers share a bedroom it is obvious as soon as you walk into the room where one person’s space ends and the next begins without any physical boundary lines.
When teenagers come into care they often arrive with all their personal possessions in one suitcase, but within hours he or she will have claimed their bedroom (or part of the bedroom if they share) with posters and pictures on the walls, photographs, books, DVDs, Nintendo games on the shelves and soft toys and clothes arranged or strewn around the room. It can look quite a mess to the untrained eye, but care workers know how important it is for the young person to mark out and personalize their territory so that they have a place to call home.
Home is not about the space we occupy but the ‘feel’ of the space. Henry Van Dyke (1852–1933), an American author, educator and clergyman, put it nicely:
Every house where love abides
And friendship is a guest,
Is surely home, and home sweet home
For there the heart can rest.
Which leads nicely to:
Although the number of single-person households is rising across the developed world (at present 30 per cent in UK and Western Europe, 22 per cent in Eastern Europe, 26.7 per cent in the USA, 25.7 per cent in Australasia) the majority of adults share their home with others. This may be a partner, husband or wife, parents, extended family or friends. It is often said that you don’t truly know someone until you live with them, meaning you will only discover their bad habits when you live together. Much patience, sensitivity, empathy, understanding and negotiation on everyone’s part are needed for adults to successfully live together. Living in a household with children is somewhat different, as the children will be expected to conform to certain norms and boundaries for their behaviour, put in place by the adults who are raising them (see my book Happy Kids, HarperCollins, 2010). But if you are an adult living with other adults, here are a few simple rules to help make your home environment happy for everyone:
1. Agree on each individual’s personal space – for example, their bedroom – and respect their privacy. Do not enter their space unless you are invited.
2. Don’t listen to other’s telephone conversations, read their mail, texts and emails or generally pry. The person will tell you what he or she wants you to know and the rest is private.
3. Communicate. Listen and talk to those you live with.
4. Don’t gossip about other household members. Distrust brings down a household quicker than anything.
5. Air grievances calmly and before they build up.
6. Agree on cost sharing: who is responsible for paying for what. Have a kitty for communal commodities – for example, toilet paper, soap and washing-up liquid. Agree an amount to pay in and make sure everyone pays.
7. Agree on a rota for household chores and stick to the agreement. Most arguments in respect of this arise as a result of one person feeling ‘put upon’, i.e. doing the majority of the housework.
8. Respect communal areas: for example, don’t hog the bathroom at 8.00 a.m. when everyone is trying to get ready and leave for work, or leave nail clippings in the sink, or pubic hair in the shower. In showing respect for the communal areas you are showing respect for the other members of your household.
9. Be considerate about the noise you make whether it is your music, television, mobile phone or coming home late at night. Your noise may be pleasant to you but others may feel very differently.
10. Show little acts of kindness, for example by offering to make a household member a cup of tea when they arrive home from work exhausted and you are in first. Kindness costs nothing but the rewards are priceless.
11. Forgive others. No one is perfect.
By following these simple rules your home environment will be peaceful and an asset to you.
Equally important as a happy home environment is a good work environment. You will probably be spending much of your week at work, so your workplace needs to feel comfortable, reflecting who you are, as well as being conducive to your work productivity. Those of us who are homemakers or work from home will find it easier to create a positive working environment, as there won’t be the same constraints from office regulations or the preferences of colleagues.
If you are a homemaker, possibly raising children or caring for elderly parents, with no work outside the home, then view the whole house as your work environment (as well as your home). If you work from home – i.e. your work is sourced from outside the home, but you largely do it at home – then you should either have a study or a dedicated space for work. Treat this space as your work environment so that when you enter it you feel positive about ‘going to work’. It might only be a corner of a room, but decorate your study or workspace so that you are happy to be at work. Choose your chair, desk (or table), lighting, etc. to suit you so you feel comfortable and can concentrate.
Those of us who go to a place of work can still create a convivial working environment that is user friendly and personalized, despite the constraints. A potted plant, a small vase of fresh flowers, a family photograph or an ornament on your desk or nearby shelf or windowsill are very effective. Likewise your choice of mouse mat, pen, coffee mug, etc. all help create a working environment that is tailormade to your individual self. If you’re an office worker, make sure your chair is comfortable. This is important both for your physical and mental well-being: research has shown that employees who are comfortable and happy at work are far more productive, unsurprisingly. Position filing cabinets and other office furniture to enhance your workspace, not make you feel caged in.
Even if you share your workspace with many others – if you work, for example, in an open-plan office, supermarket or school – there are many small things you can do to make your work environment pleasant and personal. Teachers usually have their own pen sets and a few personal items – for example, a fancy paperweight on their desk at the front of the classroom, and their own coffee mug in the staff room; long-distance lorry drivers adorn their cabs with all manner of memorabilia from places they have visited; the furnishings and decoration of rest rooms in large stores or offices are usually designed by a committee of employees. Even toilet attendants, working in one of the least inviting of environments, can create a positive working environment by keeping it sparkling clean, smelling sweetly and with a vase of fresh flowers.
Just as you are likely to spend more of your waking hours in your work environment than in your home, so you are likely to spend more time with your work colleagues than with your family and friends. Even if you enjoy a positive working relationship with all your colleagues, and your personalities are compatible, there will still be times when you disagree. It is vital you smooth over any disagreements quickly; otherwise going to work will be a negative experience for you, and your work will suffer. It has been said that working with a colleague you don’t get along with is like a bad marriage but without the option of divorce. There is also the issue of the workplace bully who, recent research suggests, is far more prevalent than previously thought: 80 per cent of workers in the UK are aware of bullying in their workplace.
Whatever your status or work situation, here are the golden rules for creating a positive and harmonious working environment so that you are happy and contented at work:
1. Take pride in your work and do it to the best of your ability. That is what you are paid for.
2. If you have a grievance, pursue it through the appropriate channel. Don’t moan to colleagues.
3. Don’t gossip about others. News travels fast at work and if you gossip no one will trust you.
4. Avoid discussing emotive topics with your colleagues, for example politics and religion.
5. When you start a new job, spend time getting to know the workplace and your colleagues rather than rushing in like ‘a new broom’. Even senior management should spend time getting the feel of their new position before making changes.
6. Don’t change what works.
7. Be polite to everyone, from the cleaner to the managing director. Good manners cost you nothing, but bad manners will cost you respect from others and even your job. Say please and thank you and hold doors open for colleagues.
8. Respect and praise your colleagues for their skills, knowledge and achievements, but don’t patronize or grovel.
9. Deal with others’ mistakes sensitively and quietly. Make any criticism constructive.
10. Admit to your own mistakes.
11. If you are criticized or disciplined for good reason, accept it as positive feedback. We all make mistakes and errors of judgement. Apologize for your error and reassure that it won’t happen again.
12. Dress appropriately for your role and work situation. If in doubt, err on the side of sobriety.
13. Deal with the workplace bully as follows. First try ignoring them: they may get fed up and leave you alone. If they don’t, try putting them in their place with a few sharp remarks. If the bullying persists, report the bully to the appropriate person. Bullying is unacceptable at work, just as it is at school.
14. If you are ill, don’t go into work; you are unlikely to be very productive and no one will thank you for spreading germs.
15. Respect other’s privacy and space. Don’t read their mail or emails or look over their shoulder at their computer screen unless they ask you to. And obviously don’t rummage through their desk, drawers, locker, etc.
16. Clean up after yourself in communal areas, for example the rest room.
17. Don’t cause offence by talking loudly, chewing gum, burping, farting or doing anything else that is likely to bother others. Work situations often require that we are physically close to a colleague, so remember good personal hygiene.
18. Be grateful you have a job; many don’t. If you really don’t like your work, then take steps to find another job. Life is too short to be unhappy.