I receive many emails that include words such as these:
I only wish I’d appreciated what I had at the time.
I wished I’d realized that then.
If I had my time over again …
Where did my life go?
These are from readers who, in some way, regret the past and not making the most of life at the time. I fully appreciate their lament, for it is so easy to spend too much time planning for and worrying about the future, and not enough time appreciating the present.
It seems to be part of the developed world’s philosophy to plan ahead. We are constantly bombarded by advertising to persuade us to invest in the future: insurance which matures in thirty years; long-term bonds with a high-interest return; pension plans; a discount if we book our annual holiday a year in advance; committing to a Christmas savings plan in January and so on. Of course we need to plan ahead to some degree. As well as saving a little for the future to ensure we are comfortable, we need to plan life choices sensibly – what and where to study, our career, when to start a family, etc.
Unfortunately, however, modern-day society seems so fixated with planning for the future that the present falls into second place and can pass unnoticed. I feel very sad (and gloomy) when I receive emails from young people in their teens and early twenties who have their futures mapped out right down to the age at which they will retire. These young people will suddenly wake up in their forties and fifties and wonder where life went. I also fear they are setting themselves up for failure and will be very disappointed, for so often life doesn’t deliver as planned. We need to be highly adaptable to accommodate life’s changes; indeed, our long-term happiness and contentment rest on our willingness to adapt and change our plans (sometimes dramatically) when things don’t work out as we’d hoped.
In order to get the very best from life we need to stop fixating and worrying about the future or fretting over the past. Torturing ourselves with a past mistake: ‘If only I’d …’ – is negative and not compatible with a happy and contented lifestyle. Learn from past mistakes and then move on, and make the most of every minute by living in the here and now. Life isn’t a rehearsal. We get only one go at it, so we need to make every moment count. This doesn’t mean we should behave recklessly, or rush around every waking minute accomplishing, but whatever we are doing – whether it is compiling a report, reading, housework, taking the kids to school, DIY or simply relaxing in front of the television, we should enjoy it while we are doing it. This is the only way to fully appreciate and make the most of the precious gift of life.
There are five simple rules for living in the present which, once mastered, will enable you to make the most of life and live every moment to the full.
1. Be aware. Take notice of your surroundings and your place in them. Connect with where you are and what you are doing. Use all your senses: see, hear, taste, smell and feel. Being aware of your surroundings – the smell of the early morning dew; the sight of the sun slowly turning the sky crimson as it creeps over the horizon; the sound of the unseen song thrush trilling in the tree; the taste of your toast in the morning; the familiar smell of your pillow as your head touches it at night – sets you firmly in the here and now. It becomes easier the more you do it, until it becomes second nature to feel and appreciate the wonder of the here and now.
Many of the children I foster are so closed in upon themselves – either because they have been raised on television, PlayStation, etc., or because of abuse or neglect – that when I start helping them to connect by pointing out the simple pleasures that are all around them they are so excited that they go over the top. They tell me everything they see, hear, feel, touch and taste, all the time! It’s as though a veil has suddenly been lifted and they are truly alive for the first time.
If you are someone who is not usually aware of their surroundings, then use all your senses to come alive and glory in the present.
2. Concentrate. Whatever you are doing, give it your full attention. If you are fully concentrating, you will accomplish unwelcome tasks more quickly, and pleasurable activities such as hobbies, socializing, going to the cinema or making love will be more pleasurable. You know the maxim: if something is worth doing it is worth doing well. To achieve your best you need to give it your full attention. If you are giving the task in hand your complete attention it is impossible not be in the present. Concentrating on whatever you are doing plants you firmly in the here and now.
As I sit writing at 6.00 a.m. (my writing time before my family wakes) I am aware – of the pen in my hand gliding over the paper, the silence around me, the smell and taste of my coffee – and I am completely focused on the words as I concentrate wholly on my writing.
3. Don’t dwell on the future or the past. Acknowledge the past so that you can learn from your mistakes but then return to the present. Recognize your plans for the future and do what is necessary to set them in motion, but then come back to the here and now. Of course you can look forward to a holiday or some other pleasurable event, but try not to do so to the exclusion of the present. As soon as you catch yourself dwelling on the past or future, switch back to the present by becoming aware of what is around you. What can you see, hear, smell, touch or taste? This is the present, where life should be lived. The future is largely unpredictable, the past can’t be changed, but life in the here and now is yours for the taking.
4. Minimize daydreaming. You know the feeling: you are sitting reading a book, studying a report or watching television, and ten minutes later you ‘come to’ with no idea what you’ve read or seen. Your thoughts have been a million miles away and those minutes are lost for good. We all solve problems by visualizing outcomes but that is very different from daydreaming. Problem solving this way is controlled thought leading to a decision, while daydreaming achieves nothing and disconnects us from the present. Whenever you find yourself daydreaming, bring your thoughts back to the here and now. If you spend just five minutes an hour daydreaming (which many of us can easily do) it adds up to 1 hour 20 minutes in every waking day, which mounts up to 9 hours 20 minutes every week. That’s a whole day every week lost in daydreaming which could have been used for living.
5. Engage with others. We all need other people and they need us. Yet sadly, so often we don’t fully engage with others until disaster hits and we desperately need their help. Phone a friend instead of surfing the Internet; chat with a flatmate or make the effort to ask a work colleague if they’ve had a nice holiday. Reach out and touch others with a kindly word, a smile or simply a friendly glance, whenever you can. Research has shown that each time we engage with another person ‘feel-good’ chemicals are released into the bloodstream. And engaging with others sets us firmly in the here and now.
Living in the present becomes easier the more we practise it.
Be aware, concentrate, don’t dwell on the future or the past, minimize daydreaming, engage with others and you’ll make the most of every day.