Culverhouse had been thinking about calling Helen for a number of days. Ever since she’d left his house a few nights back, in fact. It seemed incongruous to him that her having disappeared from his life for so long should just be explained away with a couple of hours of vague excuses and bickering. He was used to getting explanations out of people and gaining a full oversight of situations, and his marriage was going to be no different.
He didn’t want to be the one to go running to her — that would look too desperate — but at the same time he was well aware that if he didn’t call her then she wouldn’t be in any great rush to be the one to initiate contact. Her actions over the past few years had proved that.
Cautiously, he pulled his mobile phone out of his pocket, unlocked it and tapped in the number Helen had written down and handed to him. There was a few seconds of silence before the phone finally started ringing. Helen picked up after only two rings.
‘It’s me,’ Culverhouse said, not sure what else to say. He’d been thinking about this for days but still hadn’t come any closer to knowing which words to use.
‘Hi,’ Helen replied, characteristically vague and non-committal.
‘I just wanted to try and smooth things over a bit. After the other night.’
‘Jack Culverhouse the peacemaker. Well I never.’
Helen’s barbed reply didn’t surprise him, but it still hurt.
‘Like you said, people change. And in case you hadn’t noticed, we’ve got a child together. I think it’s probably best we at least try to be civil, don’t you?’ Culverhouse could feel the anger rising inside him as he tried to suppress it. Getting worked up wouldn’t do him any favours. It rarely did, but this time he knew he had too much to lose. All Helen would have to do is ditch the mobile phone and she’d be uncontactable again — possibly forever.
Although he was desperate to see his daughter and was never one to worry about breaking the rules, Culverhouse had always stopped short of using police resources to find his wife. Technically speaking, what Helen had done was parental child abduction, but it was far more complicated than that. At the time, he didn’t even know for sure that she’d left the country.
Jack knew he was not without his foibles, to say the least. Deep down, he’d always known that Emily was probably far better off in another country with Helen than she was forced to live with both parents, her father barely ever at home and coming under growing stress at work.
As much as he wanted Emily back and could’ve pulled rank to have her found, something deep and primal was telling him that it wouldn’t have been the best thing for his daughter. Jack Culverhouse wasn’t usually the first person to be self-deprecating, but he knew he wasn’t going to be winning any Father of the Year awards.
Over the years, this had manifested itself into immense guilt. The more time that passed without him having gone out and searched for Emily, or at least having made a couple of phone calls to verify that she was safe, the more he berated himself over it and the less legitimate a claim he felt he had. The passing of time was not something he could do anything about.
‘I’m willing to be civil, Jack, but I’m not willing to be emotionally abused,’ Helen’s voice said as Culverhouse held the phone to his ear. ‘I deserve better than that. Emily deserves better than that.’
He couldn’t disagree with that. ‘I know. Look, this hasn’t exactly been an easy situation for any of us, has it? You turning up out of the blue took me by surprise. Things haven’t been easy lately, but I honestly was pleased to see you.’ Not for the first time, he wished he’d thought before he spoke.
‘Really?’ came the only word from Helen.
‘Yeah. I mean, I didn’t know what had happened to you. We’re still married, Helen. That means something.’
‘Why did you never try to find me, Jack?’ Helen said after a few moments’ silence.
He tried not to get too defensive. ‘The burden wasn’t really on me. It wasn’t a game of hide and seek. I see this sort of thing happening all the time in my job and the battles can go on for years. The only people who lose out are the kids. I didn’t want that for Emily. I guess I thought that things would work themselves out eventually. And they have. Sort of.’
‘You’re such a man. You know, you could’ve had Interpol find us and arrest us if you’d really wanted to.’
‘I know that,’ he replied. ‘And like I said, I can’t imagine that would’ve been the best thing for Emily. I was left to choose between two shitty choices, neither of which I wanted. I had to choose what was best for everyone else rather than thinking selfishly and doing what was best for me.’
‘Well there’s a first for everything,’ Helen replied.
Culverhouse closed his eyes. ‘That’s unfair, Helen.’
‘You’re right. I’m sorry,’ came the reply. ‘Listen, we should meet up and talk. Properly. Discuss it like adults.’
Although he’d have to tread on eggshells, Culverhouse finally felt as though he might be getting somewhere. He’d have to swallow his pride — he knew that. If it meant that he’d get to see Emily, it would be worth every second.