Marian Potter, office manager at Westenbury village surgery, peered over her spectacles and glanced meaningfully at the clock behind her as Juno knocked on the glass door of reception.
‘ID?’ Marian mouthed, one eyebrow raised. ‘Do I know you?’
‘Forgot it,’ Juno mouthed back, smiling with what she hoped was an air of contrite apology.
‘Again?’
‘Again. Come on, Marian, let me in.’ A small patch of mist appeared on the cold glass as Juno peered through the door which led directly into reception and absentmindedly wrote I Love Boyzone before obliterating the sentiment into a wet puddle with her gloved hand. God, it was freezing out here. ‘Do we have to go through this pantomime every morning?’ she asked irritably once Marian acquiesced and pressed the button behind the counter, opening the doors and letting her through into the warmth.
‘I can’t be sure who you are if you constantly forget your identity card,’ Marian sniffed. ‘For all I know you could be a terrorist or… or a stalker.’ Kyra, one of the junior receptionists had had trouble with an ex-boyfriend who wouldn’t accept he was an ex, constantly sending flowers he couldn’t afford to the surgery and waiting in the carpark for her shift to finish. Hardly a stalker, but Marian, enjoying the whole drama of it all, had revved it up as such and threatened to call the police. In the end Juno had gone out to his battered old Corsa, opened the door and sat with him while he sobbed. Ten minutes later he was gone, his stalking career finished before it had even started.
‘Haven’t got the time or energy to stalk anyone, Marian. I wish I had – Morning, Declan – it might liven up my somewhat mundane existence.’
‘Dr Armstrong, I hardly think trivialising stalking—’
‘Juno, staff meeting at one. Don’t forget.’ Declan patted her absentmindedly on her shoulder as he walked towards his room. ‘And I think Izzy wants a word.’
Juno glanced at the clock. Ten minutes before her first patient. On this miserable Monday morning in the second week of January, the punters were already forming a queue outside the surgery, coughing their weekend-acquired bugs into man-sized tissues and alternating between wiping viscous green snot from offspring’s noses and admonishing owners of said noses as to the dire consequence of continuing to run out into the rapidly filling-up carpark. Ten minutes to grab a coffee, fire up the computer and warm up her hands before placing them on a pregnant abdomen, a swollen neck or – please God, no, it was a Monday morning and she’d not had time for breakfast – a problematic penis.
Juno had been working three days a week as a GP at Westenbury surgery for the past two years, ever since Fraser, her husband, had landed his dream job at PLK Chemicals just outside Leeds, moving them down from Aberdeen to head up the research team there. While Fraser was a Scot, born and bred in Glasgow, Juno was back on home territory in Westenbury, her parents having moved to this rather beautiful part of Yorkshire from Oxford when she was just six. She’d not particularly wanted to come back to Midhope, the large town bang in the middle of Leeds and Manchester – she’d been away since she was eighteen, first at Aberdeen University studying medicine and then, once they’d married, settling with Fraser and the kids on the outskirts of Aberdeen itself – but they’d not wanted to live in Leeds and, with Juno’s mother and two of her sisters still here in Westenbury, they’d just sort of drifted back this way.
Izzy, Declan’s wife and partner at the surgery, popped her head round the door as Juno started to divest herself of coat, scarf, gloves and fleece. ‘God, Juno, how many layers have you got on? I’d have thought coming down from Scotland you’d find Yorkshire positively tropical.’
‘I need something hot now I no longer have a man to keep me warm at night.’ Juno pulled a pitiful, poor little me face.
‘How’s it going?’ Izzy smiled sympathetically. ‘You know, first weekend on your own and all that?’
‘Bloody marvellous.’ Juno grinned. ‘Nobody snoring in bed, the TV control to myself, no having to make a big Sunday lunch, no being reminded I shouldn’t be eating all the chocolates left from Christmas, no having to put the loo seat down in the bathroom; the list is endless. Do you know, I went to bed on Saturday night in my old winceyette pyjamas and bed socks and watched Pretty Woman while I worked my way down a whole pack of M&S Millionaire Shortbread and a big mug of hot chocolate.’
‘I’m so jealous. That sounds like utter heaven.’ Izzy pulled a face. ‘Mind you, I hope you cleaned your teeth after that lot?’
‘Nope. I just snuggled down and had randy thoughts about Richard Gere.’
‘Are the kids not missing Fraser?’
‘No, not at all. It’s only been five days, and Tilda is so in love with both Mr Donnington and Harry Trotter, neither Fraser nor I ever really got much of a look in anyway.’
‘Mr Donnington and Harry Trotter?’ Izzy frowned.
‘Mr Donnington’s her year six teacher – he’s the new deputy at Little Acorns – and Harry Trotter is that damned pony of hers. It’s a vicious little sod. I keep well away from it, but Tilda has the upper hand – she’d have been totally at home in the Gestapo, jack booting about in her riding boots and wielding her crop at anyone daring to cross her.’
Izzy laughed. ‘She is a bit formidable, that daughter of yours. What about Gabriel?’
‘No idea. I don’t think he’s spoken more than twenty words since his twelfth birthday. He grunted a bit when we told him Fraser would be spending the year in Boston but he just re-plugged himself into whatever device was to hand at the time and said, “Cool man, I can go with that” and that was it. As long as I keep the fridge stocked and take him down to football practice twice a week, he’s happy.’
Izzy laughed again. ‘Tell me about it. Robbie’s no different. These adolescent boys just seem to change overnight, don’t they? One minute they’re your gorgeous little boy wanting good night kisses and making you laugh with terrible jokes and the next they’re all arms and legs, big noses that don’t fit their face anymore and stinking of sweat and hormones. Right, Juno, important meeting at lunchtime.’
‘Oh?’
‘We need to ask you something. Bring your sandwich.’
‘On a diet after the sugar orgy in bed.’
‘Well, bring your carrots and whatever. Right, eyes down, look in. Marian’s letting in the hordes.’
*
‘Morning, love, it’s me foot.’
Juno looked up from trying to get the computer to actually log on and made two new year’s resolutions to: a) get herself to work at least half an hour before kick-off and b) be ready with a big smile on her face rather than the usual panicked, hell-I-can’t-even-log-on face.
‘Ah, Mr Kendal.’ She looked up at the octogenarian sitting in front of her and slipped into caring, enquiring GP speak. ‘How are we? You’ve a problem with your foot?’
‘Been hurting to buggery since yesterday.’ He winced as he spoke and proffered one shod foot in Juno’s direction.
‘In your left foot? And where did the pain start?’ She’d finally managed to log on and brought up Mr Kendal’s notes which she scrutinised. Hmm, diabetic. Not good to have a pain in your foot if you were diabetic.
‘In Aldi.’
‘Sorry?’
‘It started when I was in the tinned-food aisle in Aldi. I just fancied some beans. I know they make you fart – excuse me French, love – but you know, when you get the taste for beans on toast, you just have to go with it.’
Juno stared. ‘Right, OK, Mr Kendal. But the pain actually started in your foot. Nowhere else?’
He stared back. ‘Why would it start anywhere else, Doctor? The bloody tack’s stuck in me left shoe. Gone right through it. I’ve come in because me back’s so bad I can’t bend down to get it out meself.’
‘Right. Fine.’ Juno took a deep breath. ‘So, are you sure that’s what’s causing the pain?’
‘Am I sure? Aye, course I’m sure. I might be eighty-nine but I can still tell when a tack’s stuck in me shoe.’ He gave her an offended look.
‘But, Mr Kendal, didn’t it occur to you to pull it out once the shoe was off your foot? You know, before you put it back on this morning? Then you wouldn’t have had to bother that bad back of yours?’ (And you wouldn’t have to be fart arsing around bothering me – excuse my French.)
He looked even more offended. ‘And not turn up for my appointment? Oh no, I wouldn’t do that to you. I know what these people are like who just don’t turn up. Now, if you could just bend down, pull off me shoe and use one of your metal scalpel things to get it out, I’d be right grateful, love.’
*
By lunchtime Juno was starving. She’d processed numerous January sore throats, coughs and colds which could have been sorted with a trip to the village chemist and an early night, and turned away with a flea in his ear the forty-year-old rep demanding a medical sick note to cover his three-day jamboree with his mistress. She’d hidden a snort of laughter at a note from the hospital which said the ninety-year-old former vicar in front of her was suffering from an abnormal lover function, listened to one of the local farmers worried he was developing ‘titinuss’ and sympathetically patted the arm of the totally embarrassed village scout cub Akela who, when asked if she was OK while undergoing a rectal examination, had murmured ‘that’s nice’ instead of the expected ‘that’s fine.’
It was well after 1 p.m. by the time Juno had finished her morning list. The sky through her surgery window was grey with unfallen snow but she longed for fresh air and a quick walk to stretch her legs before the afternoon post-natal clinic. Crying new babies, together with their crying new mothers sporting every real and imagined postpartum problems weren’t her favourite thing even when she’d been – especially when she’d been – a new mother herself.
Declan, Izzy and Marian were already underway with their working lunch and Juno looked enviously at the pile of sandwiches they were tucking into.
‘… So we need to be empowering ourselves organically…’ Declan was saying through a mouthful of cheese and Branston. He was just back from some course or other and was insistent on cascading good practice to the rest of them. Give it a couple of weeks and he’d have forgotten all his good intentions in educating and sharpening up his staff and once more be out the back having a crafty fag with Juno come lunchtime. Izzy pulled a face in Juno’s direction, crossing her eyes in despair, but Marian was making copious notes and nodding her head towards Declan. Izzy and Juno reckoned she was half in love with Declan – actually probably more like seven-eighths the way she sucked up to him, made him constant cups of coffee and re-applied her Marshmallow Skies lippy whenever he was in her vicinity.
‘KYC?’ she was saying as Juno pulled out her carrots and cottage cheese.
‘Oh God, yes please,’ Juno said, looking round hopefully for her favourite takeaway. ‘Have you brought some in?’
Marian tutted and Izzy laughed at both Juno’s and their office manager’s expressions. ‘Know Your Client, Juno. That’s what your aim should be.’
‘I do.’ Juno smiled sweetly. ‘Intimately. You can’t have a gloved finger up someone’s backside or investigate their fanny without knowing them intimately.’
‘Is there any need for vulgarity?’ Marian winced theatrically, glancing at Declan for backup. ‘This is a surgery, you know, not a bawdy house.’
‘A bawdy house? What the hell’s a bawdy house?’ Juno started to laugh and Izzy joined in. It was often Izzy and herself pitted against Marian and Declan unless Declan was on for a promise from Izzy when he got home, and then poor old Marian was on her own.
‘Right, come on you two, we’ve things to discuss.’ Declan obviously wasn’t being persuaded over to the dark side this lunchtime and Marian preened, giving Juno one of her looks.
Juno crunched a carrot or two, devoured the cottage cheese which, because it was the one from the local Longley Farm and contained cream, was really not half as bad as cottage cheese can be and sat back. ‘I’m all ears, Declan.’
‘OK. Now, as you know, Juno, our patient footfall is increasing massively, particularly since the new housing development at the edge of the village has got underway. We’re being stretched—’
‘Tell me about it.’
‘—stretched beyond what is good practice for a village surgery.’ Declan and Izzy had moved from the surgery where they’d worked together in the less salubrious area of Midhope, buying into the Westenbury practice on the outskirts of the village just a few years previously. Declan now glanced towards Izzy; it was obvious they’d discussed the matter beforehand. ‘The thing is, Juno, we need you to work full-time – to up your three days to five.’
‘I don’t think so.’ Juno was adamant. Five days of general practice was enough to try the patience of a saint and knacker said saint to an early grave. ‘I’m sorry, no, Declan. It’s not what I signed up for when I came to work here.’
‘We thought you’d say that.’ Izzy was placating.
‘You really should put the needs of your patients and this surgery first, you know, Juno.’ Marian spoke as if she were a naughty child hauled in front of the headteacher. ‘We all have to pull our weight.’
‘There is another solution,’ Declan said hastily as he sensed Marian and Juno coming to blows as they often did. ‘We can take on another doctor. A locum maybe until we see how our numbers pan out.’
‘We’ve only three rooms.’ Juno frowned. ‘Where are you going to fit a fourth doctor?’
‘Well…’ Declan hesitated looking across at Izzy for confirmation. ‘We can very easily turn the storeroom into another practice room.’
Juno frowned again. ‘I can’t see any potential new doctor wanting to spend his days in there. There’s no window for a start and it’s absolutely tiny.’
‘Sorry, Juno,’ Izzy cut to the quick, ‘It’ll become your room.’
‘Oh, great stuff. I’ve got to spend my days in a… in a cardboard box?’
‘You do exaggerate, Juno.’ Marian sniffed, glancing at the clock. ‘It will make a perfectly serviceable practice room… for you.’
‘So where do you think you’re going to suddenly find this temporary doctor?’
‘Well,’ Izzy said excitedly, ‘you know Declan was two years above me at med school?’
Juno nodded vaguely.
‘So, I can’t say I remember him…’
‘Remember who?’
‘Scott Butler.’
‘Sounds like he should be in some epic American Civil War film,’ Juno said crossly. She was cross. ‘And you know I’m claustrophobic,’ she lied. ‘Put me in that coffin of a storeroom and I’ll end up hyperventilating just as I’m ordering some innocent man out of his undercrackers. I’ll be breathing heavily like some dirty old man in a raincoat and then the whole surgery will be on the front page of the News of the World…’
‘Shut up, Juno.’ Izzy was laughing. ‘The News of the World folded years ago.’
‘As will I if you banish me to that room.’
‘Scott Butler was in my year,’ Declan said somewhat impatiently. ‘He’s a New Zealander – from Auckland – and went back there a couple of years after we’d qualified. He’s back in the UK, wants to stretch his legs a bit, see the world—’
‘Westenbury’s hardly the world by any stretch of the imagination.’
‘—and he rang me the other night asking if I knew of any surgeries needing a locum for six months or so.’
‘So why ask me if I wanted to up my hours if you’d already approached this… this Kiwi?’
‘Racist undertones there, Juno,’ Marian snapped. ‘Not part of our mission statement, you know.’
‘We knew you’d say no.’ Izzy grinned. ‘And once you had, we’d be well within our rights to move you to the storeroom.’
‘Well, I might just say I’ll go full-time now then in order to keep my room. I do have a certain affection for it, you know.’
‘No, you won’t,’ Izzy said cheerfully.
‘Whose side are you on?’
‘The surgery’s, Juno. At the end of the day I’m partner with Declan and it pays our bills. So, come on, stop sulking.’ Izzy patted her arm. ‘You can choose the colour scheme for the storeroom. Your new practice room,’ she amended quickly, once she saw her face.
As they walked back through reception to their respective practice rooms, Izzy picked up a copy of the Midhope Examiner left by one of the morning’s patients. ‘Ooh look.’ She stopped suddenly and, trailing sulkily behind her, Juno bumped into her.
‘What?’
‘Look at this.’ She began to read. ‘Golden couple, ace footballer Theo Ryan and his wife, Lexia Sutherland, former member of top girl band “Gals”, are moving to Midhope after Ryan signed yesterday with Midhope Town. Chelsenal’s record goal scorer, Theo Ryan, has joined Midhope for an undisclosed fee, raising hopes that Town’s second season in the Premier League will go from strength to strength…’
Juno grabbed the paper from Izzy who looked at her in some surprise. ‘I didn’t know you were a football fan.’ She frowned.
‘I’m not. I can’t stand the game.’ Juno continued to read:
‘Ryan, who has signed a two-year deal, said he was “ecstatic” and would be doing everything in his power to continue Town’s success in the top league…’
Izzy peered over Juno’s shoulder, reading along silently with her. ‘Ooh that’d be good if they decide to settle round here: some famous bits and pieces to check out at last.’
‘I can assure you,’ Juno snapped, ‘bits and pieces are the same the world over, regardless of how famous their owner is.’
‘Yes, but fancy having Theo Ryan in front of you with his shirt off. He’s pretty damned hot. Robbie’ll be impressed as well; I’m sure he used to have his poster on his bedroom wall.’
‘I can’t imagine Lexia Sutherland wanting to come back here.’
‘Come back?’ Izzy looked at Juno, ignoring the first patient of the afternoon who was making her way towards the practice room. ‘Is she from round here then?’
‘Yep.’ Juno folded the paper and instead of replacing it on the table put it into her bag.
‘Do you know her?’
‘I should do,’ she said shortly. ‘She’s my sister.’