Several rounds of drinks later, my head is spinning. For the first time in weeks, I’m actually having fun. Judd is smart and sexy and he makes me laugh.
We talk about school and our favorite movies and music. It’s so amazing to just let loose and be myself around a guy. I can’t even remember the last time I talked about myself so freely or had someone who seemed genuinely interested in what I have to say.
With every drink, my lips become a little looser and my inhibitions fade.
“If someone walked up right now and offered you two tickets to any concert in the world, who would you go see?” I ask.
Beau sets another drink down in front of me and I transfer my straw from my empty to the new one. I’m not sure how many of these I’ve had, but I’m pretty sure at this point, it’s one too many.
I’m not about to push it away, though. I like this version of me.
“Do they have to be alive?” Judd asks, then tosses back the last of his beer.
I squint my eyes, thinking. “Yes,” I say. “Wait, no. Living or dead. Best, most amazing concert of your life. Who would it be?”
“The Beatles,” he says. “Hands down, no contest.”
My eyes widen. “The Beatles are my life,” I say. “What year? Early years Beatles or Abbey Road Beatles?”
“Abbey Road,” he says, lifting a single eyebrow. “Stupid question.”
Abbey Road is my favorite album on the planet and the fact that he just gave that answer makes me want to crawl across the bar and kiss him.
Without thinking, I grab his hand. “You are my soul mate,” I say.
An electricity passes between us when we touch. His eyes meet mine and time stands still for one long moment. My heart races inside my chest, and I’m so in love with this feeling I don’t ever want it to end.
I’ve spent so many years doing everything to try to keep Preston interested in me that I forgot what it was like to feel this way about someone. I forgot that there might be other guys on this planet who might be worth spending time with.
“Let’s dance,” I say. I slide off my chair and pull him toward me.
I expect him to act like Preston always does, refusing to dance and acting like I’m stupid for wanting him on the dance floor.
But he doesn’t. Judd smiles and stands, walking with me hand-in-hand to the dance-floor.
I stumble a little, my sense of balance totally screwed from all the vodkas. Judd reaches to steady me and as his strong arms circle my waist, my breath catches. I press my body close to his and start moving to the music.
The song is fast, but we move slowly at first, exploring those first tentative touches.
He presses his palms flat against my lower back, pulling me closer.
I lift my hands to his arms and run them slowly from his elbow up his bicep, electrified by the feel of his skin against mine. I look into his eyes as I touch him, letting my fingers explore every ripple of muscle.
Something deep inside me responds and my whole body grows warm and eager. Any inhibitions and sadness I felt on this dance-floor a few hours ago are gone, replaced by a desire that rocks me to my core.
Who the hell is this guy? And where has he been all my life?
Right now, I’m not even thinking about the future. I just want him right now. I want this. And in my drunken haze, I feel so incredibly attracted to him, I suddenly wish we were in a more private place so I could explore more of him than just his biceps.
My mouth is so dry, I can barely swallow. I let my lips part slightly so I can breathe and his gaze dips to them. Desire flashes in his eyes and it makes me feel beautiful. Brave.
I want to kiss him, but the raw, sudden need for it scares the crap out of me. What am I doing?
I lower my hands and pull away slightly, not knowing exactly what I want. Or what I should want.
I close my eyes and lose myself to the music instead. A new song begins and the bass is thumping hard. I let myself go, feeling free after so many weeks of feeling hopeless and broken.
I turn around, pressing my back to his. We move together, our bodies pressed close. Judd’s hand circles around my waist, resting at the spot where my shirt meets the band of my jeans. Sometimes when I move, his thumb brushes the bare skin on my stomach. Every touch of his skin is like fire against me, burning me up.
Sweat trickles down my back. I left my hair down tonight and it’s so long, it falls all the way down my back to my waist. After a few dances, it’s so hot, I have to reach up and pull it away from my neck. I gather it all into a bun high up on my head.
Behind me, Judd blows cool air on my neck and I shiver.
I turn around and he swallows as I lift my eyes to his.
I’m breathless, wanting him and completely helpless to deny it. I don’t know if it’s the alcohol or the look in his eyes, but I don’t care. I just want to lose myself in this feeling of being wanted.
I place one hand on his chest and his lips part. I grab his shirt into my fist and pull him down toward me. Our eyes are locked the entire time, as if we’re the only two people here.
His eyes close just before his lips reach mine. I lift up just slightly on my tiptoes, closing that last breath between us. And when his lips meet mine, a fire erupts between us.
I can’t breathe. I can’t think. My body is reduced to fire and need. My fist tightens and I lean into his kiss.
His mouth opens, asking for more, and I obey. I open to him and our kiss becomes a conversation. A question and response. A give and take.
His hand grips my hips, squeezing and tugging me closer.
Below my waist, I feel my body respond to his touch. I grind my hips against his, gasping as he hardens against me.
At the edge of my mind, I’m aware of the fact that we’re in a room of people, but I don’t care. I couldn’t force myself away from him if I wanted to.
Beneath my fist, his chest rises and falls with each heavy breath. I feel the rumble of a groan even though the music’s too loud for me to hear it. I loosen my grip on his shirt and let my hands find their away around his neck. I run my fingers through his hair and he sucks in a breath and pulls away.
When he looks down at me, his hazel eyes are intense and deep with need. We’re both breathing fast and hard, our bodies no longer moving to the music. We’re statues, pressed tight, wanting more but not wanting to move away from this moment.
He leans his forehead against mine and we work to catch our breath.
My heart vibrates in my chest and I know with absolute certainty that I want him. I’ve never had a one-night-stand before, but I’ve never wanted anyone as much as I want him right now.
I want this night to last forever.
I lift up, getting close enough that he can hear me over the thumping of the music. “Let’s get out of here,” I say. “I want to go home with you tonight.”
I’ve never spoken so boldly to anyone before and when his body tenses, fear zings through me.
He steps backward, untangling himself from my embrace. His forehead is wrinkled with tension, and I stare up at him, questioning.
He reaches for my hand and I give it to him, not sure exactly what he’s thinking. He leads me back toward the bar where the music’s not quite as loud, but he doesn’t sit back down. Instead, he throws a twenty-dollar bill on the counter and waves to Beau.
I think he’s going to take me back to his place, but as soon as we step out into the cool night air, he pauses. He’s not acting like a guy who knows he’s about to get laid.
I swallow, nervous. The last thing I need right now is to get rejected, especially after falling all over him.
But I already know it’s coming. I can feel it in the way the air between us has changed. More rejection. Oh god, what have I done? I never should have come out tonight.
“Bailey, I really like you,” he starts.
I pull my hand away from his and turn away. Tears spring to my eyes. I’m mortified. I just want to run away. I don’t want to face this.
“Hey wait,” he says. He rushes around to stand in front of me, putting his hands on my shoulders. “Listen, I mean it, Bailey. I like you so much.”
“But?”
He runs a hand through his shoulder-length hair. “But I don’t want to ruin this by sleeping with you the first night.”
I shake my head and start walking. “I get it,” I say.
“Where are you going?” he asks, jogging to catch up with me. “Hold on a second. Let me walk you home.”
I stop, feeling like such a fool. “Don’t bother, okay?”
“Why are you getting so angry?” he asks. “I thought we had a good time tonight.”
“I did too,” I say. “That’s why I wanted to go home with you. I didn’t want it to end. But apparently you did. I get it. You don’t want me.”
He laughs and it stings. I keep walking.
“Bailey, come on,” he says. He grabs my hand and pulls me back toward him. “It’s not that I don’t want you, believe me. You have to know that. Kissing you just now?” He sighs and searches the air above my head, then looks back into my eyes. “God, that was just about the most amazing kiss in the history of kisses. But we’ve been drinking. A lot. I’m not going to take advantage of you.”
My heart aches. If kissing me was so amazing, why doesn’t he want more?
“It isn’t taking advantage if I want it too,” I say.
He shakes his head. “It doesn’t matter,” he says. “I’m not that kind of guy, Bailey. Believe me, I do want you. You have to know that.”
“Forget it,” I say, yanking my hand from his. “I’m going home.”
Even though I’m drunk, I’m partly aware that I’m irrationally angry. I don’t even understand why I’m so mad. All I know is that I wanted him and I needed this tonight. I wanted to feel beautiful. I wanted to feel wanted. And rejecting me now just ruined everything.
He calls my name again, but I don’t turn around. I just keep walking.
I stumble slightly in my heels, but catch myself before I fall. I stop and yank the shoes off my feet. I throw them down onto the paved path and just leave them there.
When I glance behind me, I see him pick up my shoes and keep walking.
“Bailey,” he says.
I lift my hand, not turning around. “Leave me alone,” I say. “Just leave me the fuck alone.”
I walk all the way back to my apartment without turning around again. Still, I can feel him behind me. It takes me a couple of tries to get the key into the lock, but when I finally do, I push my door open and turn to close it, catching a glimpse of Judd standing in the parking lot below, holding two red shoes.