Judd and I spend the rest of the evening walking along the beach, popping into shops along the boardwalk before we finally give in to the cold and head back to his car.
He rolls down the windows of his car and turns on the local radio station, which is playing nonstop Christmas music for the entire month of December. He pops the trunk of his beat-up Toyota and pulls out a large blue blanket.
I laugh. “So not only do you always come prepared with bandages for when you accidentally injure a girl, you also carry a king-size blanket in your trunk for romantic moments.”
His eyes widen. “I can put it back in the trunk if you’re going to make fun of it,” he says, looking so serious. “Big blue has been with me for a long time.”
“Big blue?” I ask, realizing my stomach muscles hurt from laughing so much. “Please tell me you didn’t actually name your blanket.”
“Oh yes I did,” he says. He slams the trunk closed and motions for me to sit down on the hood of the car. I climb up and he wraps the blanket around my shoulders. “I’ve had this blanket since I was a kid. We’ve had some good times.”
“I bet,” I say.
“When my brother and I were little, my mom bought us matching blankets. His was red, mine was blue.” He climbs up beside me and we snuggled close under the blanket. “We used to use them to build tents in the living room. Mom would let us leave them up for days and we’d sleep under there and hang out talking all night long. Those were the days.”
I smile. “I didn’t know you had a brother.”
He nods. “Jonathan. He was two years older than me.” There’s a sadness in his voice and when I turn to look at him, I see that his eyes are shining.
Then I realize he used the word ‘was’.
My heart tightens in my chest. “What happened?” I ask, my voice almost a whisper.
He takes a long breath in, then shakes his head. “I never talk about this,” he says. He looks at me and as our eyes meet, I can’t help but feel there’s something real here between us. “He died four years ago. Acute myeloid leukemia. By the time the doctors gave an official diagnosis, the disease was too far advanced. He needed a bone marrow transplant to survive and they couldn’t find a donor in time.”
I reach for his hand under the blanket. “I’m so sorry,” I say. I know the words aren’t enough for what he’s been through, but I don’t know what else to say.
“His disease is what made me want to be a doctor,” he says. “If there was some way I could help, even just a little bit, so that someone else doesn’t have to go through that with someone they love…”
His voice trails off and we sit together in silence, the only sound the beating of the waves on the nearby shore. I lay my head against his shoulder and he wraps his arm around my waist, pulling me closer.
Finally, he straightens and I sit up.
“I didn’t mean to totally ruin the mood of the date,” he says with a laugh.
“You didn’t.”
“A little,” he says. “I don’t even know why I told you about Jonathan. Especially on our first date. For some reason, I just feel like I can be myself around you. Like no matter what I say, you aren’t going to judge me or hurt me.”
A shiver goes through my body despite the heat we’ve created under the blanket. “I feel the same way,” I say.
And I do. I’ve spent so many years trying to be the person I thought Preston and our friends wanted me to be that I never really felt comfortable just being myself. It’s strange and different and wonderfully freeing.
Our eyes meet in the half-darkness and my heart begins to beat faster. His grasp around my waist tightens and he pulls me closer, his fingers digging into my hip. I turn my body slightly toward him, our legs pressed firmly against each other.
Judd leans down, his lips finding mine in one breathless moment. And this kiss is different. It isn’t just a kiss of discovery or new attraction. This kiss is deeper, less tentative. As if we’re sure of each other now, knowing this is more than something physical. Knowing we can trust each other in ways we weren’t expecting.
When we part, I hide my head against his chest. There’s something stirring deep within me I wasn’t expecting. Something I never could have hoped for after losing Preston. Something I never knew I could feel.
“When can I see you again?” Judd asks. His voice is husky and deep, full of desire.
Is tomorrow too soon? I’ve never really done this before. With Preston, the beginning was a game of hide and seek. Stolen moments. I’ve never dated someone like Judd before. I don’t want to scare him off, but I guess if nothing’s scared him off yet, telling him I want to see him as soon as possible shouldn’t be too bad either.
“Is it wrong to say I want to see you tomorrow?” I ask.
He smiles and it sends an electric jolt through my insides. “Not at all,” he says. “I was really hoping you’d say that.”
“The only problem is that I’ve gotten really behind on school lately,” I say. “If I don’t nail my finals, I’m going to be in some serious trouble in a few of my classes. I’ve got to spend all next week studying as much as possible before finals start.”
“We can study together,” he says.
I turn my head to the side and cut my eyes toward him. “You’re too distracting,” I say. “We won’t get anything done.”
He laughs. “I swear,” he says. “We’ll just study and I promise not to distract you too much. Unless we’re taking a break.”
I think about it for a second. It’s definitely tempting. I want to spend more time with him before Christmas break. I don’t even know if he’s going home for the break or sticking around, but I don’t want to miss out on seeing him just so I can study.
“Okay,” I say. “We’ll try it for one night and see how it goes.”
“Tomorrow night?”
“I get off work at four,” I say.
“Perfect,” he says. “I’ll come by the cafe and pick you up. We can head back to my place if you want.”
“I want,” I say.
Judd pulls me into another kiss, and for the first time since Preston and I broke up, I’m looking forward to tomorrow.