There is silence around the table. Pasts are supposed to be buried, but not forgotten. Who you were before you got to Baxter did not necessarily mean that is who you’d be when you left. All of us changed and grew. We were given hope. The promise of a great future was within our grasp if we worked for it. That meant getting good grades, excelling in our art, meeting with therapists, taking medication if prescribed. We worked on ourselves, sometimes for four years, wiping the ugliness of what was to be our future from our souls.

It’s our choice to tell everyone, or no one. These guys only know some of mine, and I’m willing to bet I don’t know all of theirs. It’s not important to our friendship.

“Maybe it should be a group viewing,” Dylan says.

“I’m not so sure.” First, I wasn’t sure if I was going to watch. If I did, it was going to be in privacy with Kelsey.

“It’s better to watch it with us,” Mia says. “Guaranteed support with none of the judgment.”

She has a point.

“If there’s a storm that needs to be weathered, who better to have your back than us?” Christian adds.

I look at Kelsey. It’s her call. If it were just me, yeah, I may let them have their viewing party. I’ve had the support of these guys since Baxter, Kelsey only reconnected with them at Thanksgiving.

Her eyes meet mine. “Yeah. It’s nice to not feel so alone anymore.” Tears sparkle in her eyes, but she quickly blinks them away.

This is not something that either one of us is going to look forward to, but since it’s going to happen whether we like it or not, I’m glad Kelsey will be by my side and that we’ll be surrounded by the best friends a guy could have.

“So, about those scarves, Mia,” Zach says. “Were they 100% silk?”

And with that one question, I’m confident Kelsey went from worry to shock by the way her eyes widened as she looked at Zach as if she couldn’t believe he asked such a thing.

I love that she’s shocked, and that she’s so easily embarrassed. In time, she’ll get used to everyone, I hope, but I also hope she holds onto some of her innocence. She may have had a kid once upon a time, but her reaction at Mia and Alyssa’s conversation was downright almost virginal.

“Of course.” Mia holds out her arms. “See, no chafing.”

“Just wrists or ankles too?” Zach asks as Kelsey’s face gets redder.

Mia gives him a sly grin. “I’ll let you use your imagination.” Then she winks at him.

“You’re killing me. You just don’t drop a few details and not give us the whole story,” Zach complains.

He probably has more sex stories to tell than anyone at the table. Not that I ask him, but he’s seen and heard everything. Some of the clubs and events he’s gone to as a drag queen has left him with endless stories to tell. And, the one thing Zach has never shied away from was anything that could be considered erotic in any manner or form.

“You know, it’s a slippery slope from silk and feathers straight to leather,” Zach says. “And darling, I know the perfect place to shop for all of those naughty needs.”

“Advise from your friends at the club?” Dylan asks dryly. I’m not sure what his take on sex is, and I never asked. But, I’ve yet to know him to date anyone and have suspected he’s a prude deep down.

“We don’t just share makeup tips or which undergarments are more flattering to the figure.” He winks at Kelsey.

Her face is going to be on fire if it gets any redder.

“Oh, do tell,” Mia encourages.

“Please don’t,” Dylan counters. “And let’s talk about something more important.” He levels his eyes on Mia. “Christmas with your mother, or here?”

She rolls her eyes. “That woman means well, and she tries, but Thanksgiving was bad enough.”

Alyssa is nodding her head. Mia had promised her mom that she’d do Thanksgiving with her, but only if she could bring some friends, and Alyssa is one of them that went with her.

“She spent my entire formative years shipping me from one school to another while she spent the holidays with her latest sugar daddy and can’t get why I’m not suddenly embracing this need and desire to spend each and every holiday as a family.” She rolls her eyes again. “She’s in love, which of course, makes it all better.”

“I’m not going back,” Alyssa says. “It’s going to be Orphan Christmas for me.”

“Me too,” echoes Mia.

Kelsey frowns. “Orphan Christmas.”

“Yep. That’s what we’ve called it since freshman year in college when practically everyone headed home for the holidays,” I explain. “Except us.”

“It’s not like we had homes to go to,” Sean snorts.

“Or ones we wanted to return to,” adds Zach.

“That’s when we had our first Orphan Christmas, and it continues.” Mia grins.

“With one new addition, of course.” I nod to Kelsey.

“Oh no.” She holds up her hands. “I don’t want intrude on your thing.”

“You wrapped the presents and ate the pizza,” Dylan says. “It’s too late, you’re stuck.”

“Even numbers again.” Mia holds out her glass of wine as if toasting.

“Even numbers?” Kelsey asks.

“Scarlett Hannigan is one of us, but she headed out west over the summer when she couldn’t find a job after graduation.”

“Has anyone heard from her?” I ask. It was weird when Scarlett just decided to up and leave one day, without even a hint to anyone that was her plan.

“No,” Mia says. “My calls used to go to voicemail. Then the mailbox was full. Now it’s disconnected.”

My gut tightens. We’ve all been worried about Scarlett, but I assumed one of the girls was in touch with her. It’s like I’ve just realized that my little sister has gone missing.

“Have you tried to find her?” Sean asks.

“Mom has hired private investigators from here to California.”

I just hope they find her and all is well.

“They have permission to kick her ass for making us worry and then stand there while she calls me.”

Mia is being hopeful, but I know she is worried, just like every one of us is.